Can I go to the civil wedding of a Catholic?

[Vernmom]

My best friend of more than twenty years became a Catholic three years ago. Last year, she met a man whom she intends to marry and they moved in together. He is divorced and beginning the annulment process, but she is 37 and suffers from endometreosis; she is very concerned she will not be able to have children if she waits until the annulment process is complete. She is planning to have a civil ceremony next week. I do not feel right about attending and I do not feel right about refusing to attend. What can I do?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

One of the rules of thumb I personally use when trying to decide whether or not to attend a presumptively-invalid wedding (which this wedding will be) is to ask myself if I believe the couple is doing the best they can to act honorably given the knowledge they have of what is right. Let’s look at what your friend is doing, based on what you’ve shared here.

• She joined the Catholic Church three years ago, so she should know the basics of Catholic morality.
• She has moved in with a man. On top of that, the man in question is divorced and doesn’t have an annulment, something they both know he needs since he is seeking one.
• She doesn’t want to wait for the annulment because she is afraid she won’t get the children she wants if she waits. In other words, she is acting out of self-interest.
• She is marrying in a civil ceremony, even though as a Catholic she is obligated to marry in accord with Catholic marital law.
  From everything you’ve shared here, I cannot see any reason to believe this couple is acting honorably. Your friend is, quite frankly, acting from what is to all appearances purely selfish motives. If, after examining the situation from all that you know about this couple, you agree, then I cannot recommend attending their wedding.

Recommended reading:

[What are the rules for attending weddings? (http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=167154)