Can I marry and chose not to have children at the same time?

[Christine_Lee]

I’ve come to the agreement that NFP is the best situation for spreading the age gap between births. But what if a person like me doesn’t want to have children at all? It’s not that I don’t like kids. It’s just that it doesn’t take much for me to have a nervous break down. I’ve struggled with depression on and off for many years and I’ve self-diagnosed myself with Bipolar depression as well. I currently have a hard time looking after my 6-year-old brother for only a few hours each day. My grandmother Suffers my same nervous problems and I’ve been told many stories by my mother how crazy she drove her kids with the problem. I don’t want any child to suffer because of my nervous problems.
Some days I’m OK with the idea of living the rest of my life in celibacy. But (due to my bipolar mind) other days I feel distraught to give up my chances of marriage in the future.

My ulitmate question is - Can I marry without mothering children?

 

[vera_dicere]

I think the most important thing is to not “self-diagnose”. Go to a doctor and get it properly sorted out. There’s nothing worse then a pt who’s been to see “Dr. Google”. Secondly - if you are diagnosed with one such mental issue, then chances are you can recieve correct treatment and such laspes will be rare.

As for you marrying and not having children. The purpose of marriage is both love and committement to the other and the welcoming of new life “two become one flesh” et cetera - aka. reproduction, so I don’t see how marriage and not having/wanting children can co-incide. But someone else here will probably have a better answer.

However, once medically assessed correctly, and with treatment, you may find your ideas change.

 

[mystagogia]

I agree with vera dicere, Christine. I’ve seen a psychologist turn somebody in my life around. I was very skeptical about it the whole time, too, because I had never seen any therapist do anything genuinely curative. But it did happen.

Be sure to find a good one, although I can’t advise on how to do that. Maybe somebody can chime in.

 

[Caesar517]

I think the most important thing is to not “self-diagnose”. Go to a doctor and get it properly sorted out. There’s nothing worse then a pt who’s been to see “Dr. Google”. Secondly - if you are diagnosed with one such mental issue, then chances are you can recieve correct treatment and such laspes will be rare.

As for you marrying and not having children. The purpose of marriage is both love and committement to the other and the welcoming of new life “two become one flesh” et cetera - aka. reproduction, so I don’t see how marriage and not having/wanting children can co-incide. But someone else here will probably have a better answer.

However, once medically assessed correctly, and with treatment, you may find your ideas change.

I agree.

 

[Sillara]

If one chooses to purposely, permanently avoid children, it is not possible to contract a valid marriage.

 

[Jimdandy]

I’ve struggled with depression on and off for many years and I’ve self-diagnosed myself with Bipolar depression as well.

Your self diagnosis may be part of the problem-better to allow a
Catholic psychiatrist do that (maybe you have already).
The correct diagnosis with the correct therapy can do wonders
with one’s ability to handle stress.

 

[goofyjim]

I would think you could only if your spouse agrees and you don’t have relations. Artificial means of contraception would not be allowed but if you refrain from physical relations to avoid the children naturally you can still be a wedded couple. In that respect couples aren’t required to have children. I’ve known several chidless couples. I could never assume they are practicing artificial contraception.

 

[Seatuck]

Christina Lee , marriage has to be open to the possibility of life. The main point of marriage is to create and raise children . Getting your spouse into heaven is the next point.

If you married with the intention of having children at a later time when you are mentally/emotionally able than you could get married and practice nfp to avoid pregnancy at the start of the marriage.

Please don’t give up hope. You don’t know what the future would bring.

 

[latinmasslover]

My ulitmate question is - Can I marry without mothering children?

If you intend to never consummate the marriage. The primary purpose of sex is children, and if you have no intention of having children than you’re not to get married. If, however, you believe that you are called to marriage, you’re to remain open to life. God knows what you can handle and what you can’t, and if you can’t handle children then He will not give you any, or if He does He won’t give them to you for long (that last part sounds harsher than it’s meant. Pray for discernment.

 

[praisethestorm9]

Well, although I cannot be an authority on this, as Im only young, I can speak with the knowledge that I have.

My understanding on the matter is that a Catholic marriage is one open to the possibility of having children, which Im going to put down to the fact that as Catholics we do not believe in contraception, simply using NFP could be hard as if its God’s Will for you to have a child i think he could manage to get around a cycle he created.

Like I said, I’m no expert but to my knowledge in a marriage you MUST ALWAYS BE OPEN to the possibility of concieving.

As far as the depression and bi-polar goes, everyone is right you really musn’t self diagnose. I would reccomend going to the doctor and seeking counselling. I went through similar issues and although it cant cure you completely it makes things seem a little brighter

 

[Just_Lurking]

If one chooses to purposely, permanently avoid children, it is not possible to contract a valid marriage.

So you are saying that a women who has a medical condition that will kill both her and her baby should she get pregnant cannot validly marry, if she is planning on permanently using NFP to avoid a horrible death?

I think you are quite wrong about your assertion.

 

[goofyjim]

My grandparents on my mother’s side after the los of a child and being told they could not safely have any more lived as brother and sister for the rest of their lives. If a couple agree that it is not safe but want to live as such, barring artificial contraception, what is to prevent them from doing the same? They could get legally married just to adopt an otherwise unwanted child.

 

[manualman]

I’m pretty sure it is true that if a couple enters a marriage and from the verybeginning either one of them intends to NEVER have children, then that is considered a defect of consent so that the marriage is not valid or sacramental.

IIRC, that is one of the clear avenues for an annullment, the demonstration that one partner intended to avoid children forever.

But I’m nobody and I’m going from memory, so check my recollection out.

One way or another, God has a joyful and fruitful use for you out there somewhere. Most of the interesting parts of life are in figuring out what He is inviting us to! God bless.

 

[Sillara]

So you are saying that a women who has a medical condition that will kill both her and her baby should she get pregnant cannot validly marry, if she is planning on permanently using NFP to avoid a horrible death?

I think you are quite wrong about your assertion.

Actually, that would, as manualman posted above, be grounds for rendering the marriage invalid.

So, yes, that would mean a woman in that condition could not validly marry. (However, it would be possible to have a “Josephite marriage”, one in which the partners live as brother and sister all their lives. Technically, however, this marriage could be dissolved on grounds of non-consummation. Anyway, that is not the subject of this thread; sorry for the thread drift! )

 

[mdgspencer]

I wouldn’t follow what unknown people post. If you want to know if you can get married, you should go and ask your parish priest.
I’m sure you could not get married in the Catholic Church, but you should go and see for yourself.
But if you are Catholic and get married outside the Church, it would only be an attempt to be married, and you would live together without being married.