Can I participate in this?

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cdmathias14

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I was just wondering if I am asked…My cousin was raised Catholic and is planning to marry a non catholic in a non catholic setting. I got a postcard telling me to save the date, and most likely will receive an invite to the wedding. If I am asked, do I decline to participate but attend? Thanks, Christopher
 
Are you aware that a Catholic can validly “marry a non catholic in a non catholic setting?”
 
PaulfromIowa said:
Are you aware that a Catholic can validly “marry a non catholic in a non catholic setting?”
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I hate to tell you this but the Church considers someone who was raised a Catholic to be a Catholic. A Catholic is still Bound by canon law to get married in the Catholic Church although there are times when they can get dispensation married in other places.
 
cdmathias14 said:
I was just wondering if I am asked…My cousin was raised Catholic and is planning to marry a non catholic in a non catholic setting. I got a postcard telling me to save the date, and most likely will receive an invite to the wedding. If I am asked, do I decline to participate but attend? Thanks, Christopher
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Remind your cousin that marriage is a Sacrament
 
adamhovey1988 said:
I hate to tell you this but the Church considers someone who was raised a Catholic to be a Catholic. A Catholic is still Bound by canon law to get married in the Catholic Church although there are times when they can get dispensation married in other places.
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And that is exactly what Paul.said. it is possible, and quite honestly none of the cousins business. Go to the wedding and enjoy or do the go and risk ruining relationships with your family. Is it worth it? 🤷
 
What does “decline to participate but attend” mean? Like, you’re going to go to the ceremony but keep your back turned the whole time?

Anyway, I would go. Unless there is something grievously blasphemous being done where your presence might cause scandal (like your cousin is getting married in a Satanic ceremony or something) then I think you’re fine.

Besides, as Paul mentioned, maybe your cousin got dispensation from form anyway and there is no issue.
 
You can attend the wedding, and may remind them that if the non-Catholic chooses to go through RCIA they may “renew their vows” making their marriage official. The good news is that if the marriage fails, it wasn’t viewed in the eyes of the Church as marriage. I was lucky in that regard when marrying a non-Catholic who left. Sadly, it puzzles me about my daughter’s status, as she chose her mother’s unusual non-Church-going sort of non-denominational faith or whatever she calls it.
 
cdmathias14 said:
I was just wondering if I am asked…My cousin was raised Catholic and is planning to marry a non catholic in a non catholic setting. I got a postcard telling me to save the date, and most likely will receive an invite to the wedding. If I am asked, do I decline to participate but attend? Thanks, Christopher
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I would go and not mention the issue.
I would not serve as a best man or be part of the wedding party;
just attending is ok:thumbsup:
 
CatholicSpirit said:
You can attend the wedding, and may remind them that if the non-Catholic chooses to go through RCIA they may “renew their vows” making their marriage official.
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There are a couple of things wrong here:
  1. There is no indication that the wedding described by the OP is invalid. A Catholic can receive a dispensation from form to be married to a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic setting.
  2. If a Catholic enters a marriage without a dispensation from form, the Catholic can convalidate it at any time with their pastor through simple convalidation or radical sanation. This can be done whether the non-Catholic party becomes a Catholic/attends RCIA or not.
CatholicSpirit said:
The good news is that if the marriage fails, it wasn’t viewed in the eyes of the Church as marriage.
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I think it unwise to give such a summation when you have no idea what the Catholic party has or has not done regarding a dispensation from form. You cannot state that the marriage isn’t valid in the eyes of the Church-- you do not know this.
 
cdmathias14 said:
I was just wondering if I am asked…My cousin was raised Catholic and is planning to marry a non catholic in a non catholic setting. I got a postcard telling me to save the date, and most likely will receive an invite to the wedding. If I am asked, do I decline to participate but attend? Thanks, Christopher
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A Catholic can receive a dispensation from form to marry a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic ceremony.

We should always put things we have no personal knowledge of in the most charitable light.

If you know with certainty this cousin is not being married with the proper permissions and dispensations, then what you do or say depends on how close you are and what you think the right thing to do in that circumstance is. The Church doesn’t *prohibit *your attendance, but it is something to talk over with your pastor because there could be cases when it would be imprudent to attend. I’ve been invited to a couple of weddings that I knew with certainty were invalid, and I’ve made different decisions about attending in different circumstances.

If you do not know the circumstances, and I suspect you would not based on simply receiving a “save the date” card, then you should put it in a charitable light. You need not ask prying questions. Again the relationship and family dynamic will guide your way forward regarding this information.

If the cousin has made it public that they are purposely rejecting the Church’s laws on marriage-- I think in such a case it would preclude attendance.
 
I suppose an interesting question is as a Catholic receiving a wedding invitation to what extent do you need to ‘investigate’ the ‘validity’ of the wedding. I’ve been to several non-Catholic weddings and you often don’t know the couple well enough to know what their faith is or if they have had a previous marriage or other impediment.
 
A close family member whom I love dearly was married for the third time. She decided that they wanted no one but themselves at the wedding. Hopping into a balloon gondola with a minister and two witnesses they floated over Scottsdale while repeating their vows.

Since they did not invite me, I did not go, but I would have loved the balloon ride. I guess I’m just an airhead and would love the “non-wedding” because it was different.

(PS: they had dinner for the two of them at a nice restaurant. I did not have to give them a gift since they had been married before and had a lot of things already. I wasn’t asked to help pay for the reception or give them a living room set for their wedding as I was the first time around.)

I keep thinking that it would be nice if they both went back to the Catholic Church, but they won’t. Even if she could get her first marriage declared null, I wonder if it would be a good idea to have her present marriage regularized because her husband has a mental problem. At least if she left him now, she wouldn’t be married to him in the eyes of the Church. She could get out of it if she wished. She did leave him once before.

Young love…isn’t it grand?
.
 
I have a good friend who LOVES the outdoors. He wanted his wedding outdoors.
They figured out a solution.

They got married in a private ceremony in the church the day before their “public wedding”
Their outdoor “wedding” was technically a renewal of their vows.
 
cdmathias14 said:
I was just wondering if I am asked…My cousin was raised Catholic and is planning to marry a non catholic in a non catholic setting. I got a postcard telling me to save the date, and most likely will receive an invite to the wedding. If I am asked, do I decline to participate but attend? Thanks, Christopher
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You can go and enjoy yourself. You should not participate in “communion” if it is a non-catholic ceremony offering the protestant form of “communion”.
 
cdmathias14 said:
I was just wondering if I am asked…My cousin was raised Catholic and is planning to marry a non catholic in a non catholic setting. I got a postcard telling me to save the date, and most likely will receive an invite to the wedding. If I am asked, do I decline to participate but attend? Thanks, Christopher
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Attend the wedding. My brother who was raised Catholic got married in the Methodist Church and converted to being Methodist. I attended his wedding without having any reservation about attending.
😛
 
1ke said:
To NO extent do you need to “investigate” a couple prior to attending their wedding. Charity dictates otherwise.
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It has never occurred to me to investigate a couple before accepting a wedding invitation and I certainly have no plans to in future however I’ve definitely read threads on here which suggest such a responsibility does exist for Catholics in order to avoid scandal. It’s something I have been pondering.
 
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