Dear Rachel,
First of all, God bless you for even bringing up the question.
I understand that the first question in OBGYN to a woman in a relationship is “so what kind of birth control can we get you on?”
No, that is not the first question we ask our patients. We’d be out of work if we treated women so disrespectfully. If women want to use birth control, they usually ask about it. We would never push a woman into using any medication or device that she did not want to use. If anything, we ask, “Are you interested in talking about contraception or natural family planning?” If the answer is no, it’s no!
We need more Catholic women who will reframe the question. “Congratulations on your relationship. Here are some resources on relationship statistics and chastity. Here are some resources on relationship statistics and marriage. Here are some pamphlets on what the pill really does.”
We’d also be out of work if we approached our patients with that. Most are not Catholic and do not want their annual well-woman exams to be a “surprise” evangelization/morality seminar. Even though I support chaste relationships and NFP, I would be pretty horrified if I were greeted like that at my OB’s office.
As a Catholic, and a health care provider, I am horrified at the “oh you’re in a relationship - what kind of birth control can we get you on?” mentality. Birth control is not health care.
That is not the mentality we have, at all. Birth control is an option for women who feel comfortable using it. That is all. We 100% respect the rights of women to not use birth control. Having said that, yes, if we know a patient is engaging in risky sexual behaviors, we’d rather that women use condoms to protect herself, others and not bring an unwanted baby into the world than to continue to engage in risky AND unprotected sexual behavior. The truth is, we can not change the fact that most women do have premarital sex, and that some women are downright promiscuous and foolish. That is for God, their pastors and their families and friends to deal with. What we can change is if these women become sick or impregnated from their behavior.
Fortunately I A) own my business and B) am in alternative health care so that I can present these crazy ideas to women without fear of my job (directly – there is always the “word of mouth/ if they don’t like me” pressure).
That being said – though it is hard to switch now, it is easier to switch now than it is 10 years from now when suddenly you realize you’ve slowly been led down a road where you wake up and see blood on your hands, under your nails, in your walls . . . I didn’t realize when I first started what IVF was. 7 years into practice after putting the pieces together I had to try to educate potential mothers on why I could no longer be part of a machine I didn’t even realize was creating babies just to destroy them. Get out now!
It is hard to switch fields now. It is harder to switch the longer you don’t.
The one saving Grace: If you are in a position to council women away from abortion and abortive procedures into truly contra-ceptive methods, then you may discern if that is where you are supposed to be. There is great good in counseling people away from abortifacients into true contraceptives (for example - from abortions / oral contraceptives / IUDs into condoms / spermacides / other barrier methods) and thus it is not a sin. It IS a sin to council people toward those methods and away from the greater good and ultimate goal of learning the power and rhythm of our bodies as women, and going with the flow that God gave us. This does not mean BC is ok – it means we can counsel from a greater evil to a lesser evil - always with the goal of lesser and lesser evil and greater and greater good.
This is where I am at right now. I know I cannot maintain a no-contraceptive practice in my area, but I think I can maintain a pro-life practice. I will not be doing obstetrical work, usually, but if I can support the OBGYN in his mission to help women accept the babies they have been given or consider adoption - I think there is good to be done there. I was at a seminar not too long ago, and I asked another OBGYN in our town, “Ten women come into the office on a Monday, and all ten are told that their 16-week-old fetus has Down Syndrome. How many of those mothers schedule an abortion?” Do you know what she said?? “9 or 10.” That makes me sick. Can I help women consider that it might be worthwhile to continue an “imperfect” pregnancy, or even an unplanned one? I think that by supporting the OBGYN in our office, and maintaining a “baby positive” attitude at work, that I can.
Please talk to your priest, as I had to do. It’s tough, but we are where we are for a reason. And if you want to join a Catholic-friendly inter-disciplinary practice - contact me.
<3