Can I receive Communion without a valid marriage?

[cccw2009]

My husband (who is a Catholic) and I (going to become Catholic this Easter) was married two years ago through the court. At that time I knew nothing about the Catholic faith and had no idea that Catholics should marry in the Church.

Well now my husband and I are having a lot of problems and he keeps threating me that he’s not going to be at my baptism. See, Father had planned to bless our marriage on Easter Vigil, don’t know why but that’s how he said. My husband is also my sponsor. I’m just so fed up with my husband that I’m thinking of just using someone else as my sponsor, but the thing is with our marriage being blessed. I want to be able to receive the Eucharist each and every time I attend Mass, but will I be able to without my marriage being blessed? If it’s not blessed, will I be living in sin? As I stated before, I had no idea that Catholics were to be married through the Church. I’m thinking of talking to Father about this also but just asked you wise guys first.

Thanks!

 

[puzzleannie]

I want to be able to receive the Eucharist each and every time I attend Mass, but will I be able to without my marriage being blessed? If it’s not blessed, will I be living in sin? As I stated before, I had no idea that Catholics were to be married through the Church. I’m thinking of talking to Father about this also but just asked you wise guys first.

Thanks!

your instinct is right
the only one who can give you an answer suited to your personal situation is the priest who is preparing you, or directing your preparation, for sacraments.
The critical piece of information he may not be aware of is your husband’s change of attitude toward you, toward your conversion, and toward your marriage. The Church does not want to convalidate a rocky marriage that has little chance of survival and your pastor wants to address first problems within the marriage in a pastoral manner before moving on to sacraments. Please call him today.

Welcome home, no matter how long it takes to get through the front door. If your reception is delayed submit humbly and offer it up for those who are prevente from receiving Our Lord due to persecution.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

You really need to talk with your pastor, and the sooner the better.

So far I’ve only dealt with convalidations of candidates, not catechumens, but the convalidations have been done before the Mass where the candidates were received into the Church.

Call your pastor.

 

[Debra_C]

Absolutely. It sounds like you may be having issues within the marriage that need to be dealt with aside from having it blessed, and the person best able to help you through all of these issues is the priest who is preparing you.

 

[odile53]

Make sure your priest knows about your husband’s changed attitude toward you before you do anything else.

My husband is Lutheran, and we married in his church without my seeking a dispensation from the bishop to do so (didn’t realize I had to do that.) About six months into the marriage we started to have serious problems. Essentially, we’ve been living (if you want to call it that) as brother and sister for several years, and on not very peaceful terms. The day after Christmas, he effectively moved out of the house. No prodding from me to do so, but I wasn’t all that unhappy to see him leave.

I spoke with my pastor about this, to discover that a) my marriage is invalid in form (don’t know how I managed to ignore that situation) and b) since my husband no longer resides with me, I’m not considered to be in an invalid union and can therefore receive the sacraments without giving scandal. I tentatively asked him about convalidation, and he said that it would be a terribly wrong thing to do at this point unless my husband’s behavior and demeanor changed radically and over a sustained period of time. Father told me that in the event that we do divorce, I might want to get a statement from the Marriage Tribunal about the invalidity of form in the event that I want to get married again (saints preserve us!) but at this point the Church considers me a single person and therefore able to receive the Sacraments validly.

Lemme see----Jesus or my yutzy, narcissistic, sometimes abusive (usually emotionally, on a few occasions physically) alcoholic husband? Boy, that question sounds like a no-brainer to me in my situation!

But every marital situation differs as to how it is viewed by Canon Law. That’s why tribunal cases take time to examine and arrive at a decision. That’s why you should talk with the priest who is directing your instruction about this situation. And while you’re at it, I’d even ask him about changing RCIA sponsors as well.

I just want to offer an observation here: Why would anyone choose a spouse as a RCIA sponsor? That’s kind of like teaching your spouse how to drive! It might sound like a sweet and romantic theory (husband the head of the domestic church and that sort of thing, you know,) but I wonder how well it generally pans out. When you get confirmed as a teenager, your confirmation sponsor is supposed to be a mature, confirmed practicing Catholic of the same gender, or at least that’s the way it used to be. I’d be interested in the thoughts of anyone on this matter, especially recent converts.

 

[cccw2009]

Thanks for the replies!

I used to bring up the issue of marriage counseling with our priest but he doesn’t want counseling.
Does someone know if I’m able to receive the Eucharist without having my marriage blessed or would this be against Church teachings? Haven’t gotten around to calling my priest just yet.

Thank you!

 

[cccw2009]

Make sure your priest knows about your husband’s changed attitude toward you before you do anything else.

My husband is Lutheran, and we married in his church without my seeking a dispensation from the bishop to do so (didn’t realize I had to do that.) About six months into the marriage we started to have serious problems. Essentially, we’ve been living (if you want to call it that) as brother and sister for several years, and on not very peaceful terms. The day after Christmas, he effectively moved out of the house. No prodding from me to do so, but I wasn’t all that unhappy to see him leave.

I spoke with my pastor about this, to discover that a) my marriage is invalid in form (don’t know how I managed to ignore that situation) and b) since my husband no longer resides with me, I’m not considered to be in an invalid union and can therefore receive the sacraments without giving scandal. I tentatively asked him about convalidation, and he said that it would be a terribly wrong thing to do at this point unless my husband’s behavior and demeanor changed radically and over a sustained period of time. Father told me that in the event that we do divorce, I might want to get a statement from the Marriage Tribunal about the invalidity of form in the event that I want to get married again (saints preserve us!) but at this point the Church considers me a single person and therefore able to receive the Sacraments validly.

Lemme see----Jesus or my yutzy, narcissistic, sometimes abusive (usually emotionally, on a few occasions physically) alcoholic husband? Boy, that question sounds like a no-brainer to me in my situation!

But every marital situation differs as to how it is viewed by Canon Law. That’s why tribunal cases take time to examine and arrive at a decision. That’s why you should talk with the priest who is directing your instruction about this situation. And while you’re at it, I’d even ask him about changing RCIA sponsors as well.

I just want to offer an observation here: Why would anyone choose a spouse as a RCIA sponsor? That’s kind of like teaching your spouse how to drive! It might sound like a sweet and romantic theory (husband the head of the domestic church and that sort of thing, you know,) but I wonder how well it generally pans out. When you get confirmed as a teenager, your confirmation sponsor is supposed to be a mature, confirmed practicing Catholic of the same gender, or at least that’s the way it used to be. I’d be interested in the thoughts of anyone on this matter, especially recent converts.

My husband knows how much this (becoming Catholic) means to me and that is why he is threating to refuse to be at my baptism. We have a lot of issues and he is just being mean-spirited. That is why I want to remove him as my sponsor. Our priest said it was fine for him to be my sponsor and I was really hoping that they would have chosen someone from our parish as a volunteer. Just lost as what to do. As of now, he still plans to attend but I just don’t want to keep walking on egg shells.

 

[cccw2009]

Welcome home, no matter how long it takes to get through the front door. If your reception is delayed submit humbly and offer it up for those who are prevente from receiving Our Lord due to persecution.

Thank you!

 

[Claire_from_DE]

Please don’t put off seeing your priest and informing him of the problems you and your husband are having. In my opinion, the problems in your marriage should be addressed before you are baptized, even if that means delaying your entry into the church beyond Easter.

Presently, from the point of view of the Church, your marriage is not valid because of lack of form. To received Communion you would need to validate the marriage, as your priest had intended to do. The other option would be to live together as brother and sister (no sex) until the marriage is validated. Is this what you and your husband want to do?

At this point, are you and your husband ready to freely commit to a permanent, exclusive, and fruitful marriage? If not, you should wait until you can honestly do so.

My suggestion would be to get a different RCIA sponsor, preferably a woman who is mature in the faith. This person would not have to become your baptismal sponsor.

 

[5Loaves]

My husband (who is a Catholic) and I (going to become Catholic this Easter) was married two years ago through the court. At that time I knew nothing about the Catholic faith and had no idea that Catholics should marry in the Church.

Well now my husband and I are having a lot of problems and he keeps threating me that he’s not going to be at my baptism. See, Father had planned to bless our marriage on Easter Vigil, don’t know why but that’s how he said…

If you are being Baptized then you are a catechumen, soon, if not already, with the Rite of Election, to be in the elect and no longer a catechumen.

Once you entered the catechumenate, which likely was some months ago. you had the right to marriage in the Catholic Church and to a Christian burial, should you die before your baptism.

It may be that the priest is delaying because as a catechumen you would have the Rite of Marriage between a Catholic and an unbaptized person, which is not a sacramental marriage. Once you are baptized I believe your marriage can be convalidated and thereby be a sacramental marriage. I suggest you ask to meet with your priest if the RCIA team is unable to answer these questions clearly for you.

It’s generally not appropriate for a spouse or a family member to be one’s sponsor. Many issues can arise, such as you are now experiencing, which can be troubling for the journey of the catechumen or candidate.

It’s very disappointing that you are this far along in the catechumenate, in fact by now you may be one of the elect and no longer a catechumen, and such basic issues as you raise here have not be well responded to for your peace of mind.

You may wish to have some marriage counseling before you seek to convalidate your marriage if you see that your marriage may not be enduring. Right now in the eyes of the Church you are not married. These are serious concerns to deal with before making your marriage vows in the Church.

May God give you the help you need in this journey. Congratulations on coming into the Christian community!

 

[Claire_from_DE]

If you are being Baptized then you are a catechumen, soon, if not already, with the Rite of Election, to be in the elect and no longer a catechumen.

Once you entered the catechumenate, which likely was some months ago. you had the right to marriage in the Catholic Church and to a Christian burial, should you die before your baptism.

It may be that the priest is delaying because as a catechumen you would have the Rite of Marriage between a Catholic and an unbaptized person, which is not a sacramental marriage. Once you are baptized I believe your marriage can be convalidated and thereby be a sacramental marriage. I suggest you ask to meet with your priest if the RCIA team is unable to answer these questions clearly for you.

It’s generally not appropriate for a spouse or a family member to be one’s sponsor. Many issues can arise, such as you are now experiencing, which can be troubling for the journey of the catechumen or candidate.

It’s very disappointing that you are this far along in the catechumenate, in fact by now you may be one of the elect and no longer a catechumen, and such basic issues as you raise here have not be well responded to for your peace of mind.

You may wish to have some marriage counseling before you seek to convalidate your marriage if you see that your marriage may not be enduring. Right now in the eyes of the Church you are not married. These are serious concerns to deal with before making your marriage vows in the Church.

May God give you the help you need in this journey. Congratulations on coming into the Christian community!

If the couple were to reaffirm their vows before a priest now, the marriage would be valid but not sacramental. When the wife is baptized it would automatically become a sacramental marriage being that both of them would then be Christians.

 

[Sheila82]

I was not married in the church, (going to be next year!) so I don’t receive communion because I am living in sin. I have been married for four years, and what I do personally is I do receive at Christmas and Easter, I go to confession a week or two before and then live as brother and sister with my husband. Sometimes I feel as though this is not right, but I have discussed this with my priest.

I am very sorry with the trouble in your marriage you should discuss them with your priest and I will pray for you. I hope helped.

 

[puzzleannie]

I Sometimes I feel as though this is not right, but I have discussed this with my priest.

I .

this is the key. see your priest.
this also seems the place to remind everyone to assume, in Christian charity, the kindest possible interpretation of any act you see on the part of another person, who is receiving communion even though you “know” their marital situation. We do not and cannot know the spiritual condition of another, what steps they are taking about their situation, and what the priest has advised them pastorally. this goes double for family members.