Can I receive Communion?

[looking4peace]

My husband, who is Episcopal, is divorced without annulment from is first wife, who is Catholic. They were married in the Catholic church.

We were married by a friend who is a Baptist minister.

A friend mentioned she thinks I am in an invalid marriage and therefore cannot receive communion and suggested I looked into it. I asked my parish priest and another priest, both of whom said I can receive. My research leaves me without a firm answer. Does anyone know the answer?

Thank you.

 

[Sina]

Hi! Welcome to CAF! Interesting that you have heard from your local priest that you can in fact receive communion. Did he say what it was based on?

Here are my thoughts based on what I know: You will see what others know too.

1.) If you were married in a Baptist church (or by a Baptist preacher), you should be having your marriage convalidated ( I think that is the term ) by the Catholic church, if you are Catholic.

2.) Was your husband free to marry when he married you? It sounds like no… but you should find a good, orthodox priest who can assist you in determining where you stand on that. He is the one who has to initiate the annulment process with you if that will be the case. Each city has a tribunal, as far as I know, that deals with annulments. You could also go there.

 

[looking4peace]

Thanks, Sina.

We were not married “in” the Baptist church. We were married on a boat with a Baptist minister doing the ceremony, if that matters.

Any idea if I can receive communion?

 

[looking4peace]

After explaining my concern to my local priest he simply said “of course your marriage is valid, of course you can receive communion”.

I was also told by another priest that as long as I believe it is the body and blood of Christ then I can receive.

A visiting priest gave a homily about how he believes communions should not be denied to anyone, Catholic or not.

It troubles me deeply to feel I am not getting “correct” answers from priests.

Thank you.

 

[Sina]

hehe I guess it doesn’t matter the location of the marriage, if the location isn’t in the Catholic Church, and you are a practicing Catholic, you should have one validated in the Catholic Church.

I personally don’t think you should be receiving communion until you find out whether or not your husband needs an annulment. (and based on what you have written, I think he will need one). Then you have to wait for it to go through.

Now, I am not sure about this next part, but maybe you can live as “brother and sister” and you can go to confession about this all, and then after that you can receive communion? What do others think?

 

[1ke]

I assume you are a Catholic?

A Catholic in an invalid marriage cannot receive Communion-- or any other Sacrament. You are in an invalid marriage based on the facts you have listed:

(1) Husband previously married to a Catholic in the Catholic Church

(2) Husband does not have a decree of nullity

(3) You married outside the Catholic form of marriage and did not receive persmission to do so

I can’t imagine WHY a priest would tell you that you can receive Communion.

You need to go to see your priest, lay out all the facts and get your husband started on a decree of nullity. HOPEFULLY (but no guarantee) your husband’s first marriage will be found null and you can have your marriage convalidated. If it is found to be valid, you have a much bigger issue on your hands.

 

[Sina]

After explaining my concern to my local priest he simply said “of course your marriage is valid, of course you can receive communion”.

I was also told by another priest that as long as I believe it is the body and blood of Christ then I can receive.

A visiting priest gave a homily about how he believes communions should not be denied to anyone, Catholic or not.

It troubles me deeply to feel I am not getting “correct” answers from priests.

Thank you.

How unfortunate. It sounds like the priests are taking their own opinions too far. How confusing for you and the other parishioners!

Just curious, what part of the country are you in?

 

[1ke]

After explaining my concern to my local priest he simply said “of course your marriage is valid, of course you can receive communion”.

He is flat wrong, based on what you’ve written.

I was also told by another priest that as long as I believe it is the body and blood of Christ then I can receive.

Are you a Catholic?

A visiting priest gave a homily about how he believes communions should not be denied to anyone, Catholic or not.

It troubles me deeply to feel I am not getting “correct” answers from priests.

You are absolutely right. This is troubling.

 

[mercygate]

My husband, who is Episcopal, is divorced without annulment from is first wife, who is Catholic. They were married in the Catholic church.

We were married by a friend who is a Baptist minister.

A friend mentioned she thinks I am in an invalid marriage and therefore cannot receive communion and suggested I looked into it. I asked my parish priest and another priest, both of whom said I can receive. My research leaves me without a firm answer. Does anyone know the answer?

Thank you.

When your Baptist minister friend performed your marriage, had you received the waiver of form required of Catholics who marry outside the Catholic Church? It sounds as though you did not because the Church would have required a decree of nullity of that first marriage before you could marry your husband.

Since your husband was married in the Catholic Church, that marriage is presumed valid unless demonstrated to be invalid because of a defect of form or intent at the time the first marriage was performed.

Since that marriage has not been declared null, then he is still married in the Catholic Church. Therefore, you are living with a man who is not free to marry. Namely, you are living in with a man who is not your husband.

In the Catholic Church, this means you are not free to receive the sacraments. I believe that, unless you are living as brother and sister, even the sacrament of Confession is not available to you except in the case of imminent death until this situation is rectified.

I know the very real pain of being ineligible to receive the Sacraments. My DH left the Catholic Church, became an Episcopalian, married me in the Episcopal Church (I was never Catholic) without the waiver of form – thus rendering our marriage invalid in the eyes of the Church (who knew?). When he came back to the Church, the fact that we had been living in what amounted to open fornication for 30 years was not a realization that sent us into choruses of joy. But we put things right, got married in the Church, and have lived happily ever after in peace and with gratitude for the great blessing of a sacramental marriage.

 

[looking4peace]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to answer. While it was not the answer I was hoping for, it is what I expected to be correct. I am very sad.

My husband will not take easily to the annulment or the process. As I mentioned, he is not even Catholic and it was his ex that decided to cheat to end the marriage.

Our parish priest is on a sabbatical until May and I will discuss this with him upon his return.

We live in upstate NY, near Saratoga.

Again, thank you.

 

[YADA]

Facts are sticky things … based upon what you have written, it would seem like you should not be receiving communion …

Perhaps you gave a more detailed version to your priest then you have provided here …

Specifically, marriage is a sacrament … it [the sacramental marriage] cannot be ended by a civil divorce … Civil divorce may be necessary to protect a spouse from harm like physical abuse or even if the couple prefer to live their lives seperately … but that civil divorce does not allow them to contract another marriage as you cannot have more than one spouse. If you understand that fact then you can put your own mariage in perspective …

You said your spose was previously married in a catholic ceremony to a catholic woman. One assumes that all of the dispensations were received for the mixed marriage [Episcopal/Catholic] and the marriage was valid. The civil divorce cannot change that … The only factor that could change would be a determination that the original marriage was not sacramental [from the beginning] even though it appeared so . … That there were in fact some defcts that prevented the sacramental action [one party was coerced into marriage, the mixed marriage dispensation was obtained, one party purposefully withheld important consent or hid their intentions …etc …] To determine that an application to have the marrige bond investigated is needed [one might call that the application for the annullment].

If a decree of nullity is obtained then and only then could you spouse be free to contract another marriage.

Assuming you ar a catholic, for you to enter into a sacramental marriage, theat marriage would need to be entered into in the manner appropriate for a catholic … with a priest as a witness to your vows…

It does not appear from your post that you are in fact living in a valid marriage … if that is the case then you shoud not receive the Eucharist until you have ‘normalized’ your marriage …

I have empathy … been there and done that!

It is sad to realize that you are held back from receiving Jesus but alas … hopefully that can re rectified and you can be brought back into the Church community … after all that is what the sacrament of reconcilliation is for … bringing us back when we stray from Jesus and Mother Church

Priests who lack the courage to be forthright in the end casue more harm and discontent … If necessary, tell the priest that you know you are in an invalid marriage and you desire to correct the situation and then do so ASAP.

Keep in mind that not every application [contrary to popular belief] receives an “annullment”. You [and your spouse] will need to consider what you will do if he is not granted an anullment [and I assume you were never married before as it was not mentioned]. I assume you are serious about your faith and will remain catholic … attending mass even if you do not receive the Eucharist but make a “spiritual communion” … It is hard, we did it for nearly two years … I have a friend who did it for over thrity years - attended mass daily and never received - until his wifes first husband died - and they could normalize thier marriage …

I am praying for you … God Bless, Please take heart and trust in Jesus …

 

[Seatuck]

My husband, who is Episcopal, is divorced without annulment from is first wife, who is Catholic. They were married in the Catholic church.

We were married by a friend who is a Baptist minister.

A friend mentioned she thinks I am in an invalid marriage and therefore cannot receive communion and suggested I looked into it. I asked my parish priest and another priest, both of whom said I can receive. My research leaves me without a firm answer. Does anyone know the answer?

Thank you.

No I’m sorry you may not recieve communion or even reconcilliation until you take some steps .
From the document Happy Are Those Who Are Called To His Supper. There is an incomplete but infomative list of who is ineligible for communion. One which pertains to this situation is-

• Engaging in sexual activity outside the bonds of a valid marriage17

For different reasons, some Catholics find themselves in a marriage that is recognized according to civil law,
but is not valid according to Church law. Each individual’s subjective moral state may vary. Nonetheless,
persons in this situation should seek to have their marriage rectified according to the law of the Church so that
they may receive Holy Communion.

usccb.org/dpp/Eucharist.pdf

May I also offer a prayer for you? I’m sorry you were mislead.

 

[1ke]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to answer. While it was not the answer I was hoping for, it is what I expected to be correct. I am very sad.

My husband will not take easily to the annulment or the process. As I mentioned, he is not even Catholic and it was his ex that decided to cheat to end the marriage.

Our parish priest is on a sabbatical until May and I will discuss this with him upon his return.

We live in upstate NY, near Saratoga.

Again, thank you.

All of this should have been discovered in your premarital inverview. Did you not contact your parish when you first became engaged to go through the marriage preparation process? Were you not practicing at that time, or was there some other reason you never sought to be married in the Church?

 

[looking4peace]

We never sought to be married in the church because we knew my husband’s first marriage would have to be annulled. The annulment procedure does not appeal to my husband, especially when he is not Catholic.

I had no idea it would effect my ability to receive communion or confession.

We have been married for 11 years and have a 8 year old son. My son attends Catholic school, is an altar server and we rarely miss mass. I try hard to raise him as a good Catholic.

I feel heartbroken and sick to my stomach over this whole thing. My gut reaction is to run FROM the church because I feel turned away, shamed and know what my husband’s reaction to this whole thing will be.

It appears my choices are:

1. Maybe there was a paperwork error for my husbands first marriage where he did not have permission from his church to marry, therefore leaving his first marriage not valid.
2. Seek an annulment and hope is is granted. (I know they are not always granted, which is part of my husbands negative feelings on the whole thing). Under no circumstances would I destroy my family because of what some council says.
3. Wait for his first wife to pass away?

 

[rick43235]

I feel heartbroken and sick to my stomach over this whole thing. My gut reaction is to run FROM the church because I feel turned away, shamed and know what my husband’s reaction to this whole thing will be.

Unfortunately, you are not alone. Many people feel exactly the same way.

It appears my choices are:

1. Maybe there was a paperwork error for my husbands first marriage where he did not have permission from his church to marry, therefore leaving his first marriage not valid.

Not to discourage you, but I wouldn’t count on this. If they were married in the Church, chances are the paperwork was done correctly.

1. Seek an annulment and hope is is granted. (I know they are not always granted, which is part of my husbands negative feelings on the whole thing).

As one who is about to begin the annulment process, I asked my priest about the number of annulments that are not granted. According to him, in his 20 years as a priest, he has knowledge of exactly ONE that was not granted. So, I suppose it happens, but I suspect that denials are pretty rare.

Under no circumstances would I destroy my family because of what some council says.

Of course you wouldn’t. That would be nuts. But, expect for some on here to suggest that you do just that.

1. Wait for his first wife to pass away?

Hahahaha. As much as I find the whole annulment process to be distasteful, even I wouldn’t wish death on my first wife. However, I have to admit, it would be conveeeeeenient.

 

[Seatuck]

We never sought to be married in the church because we knew my husband’s first marriage would have to be annulled. The annulment procedure does not appeal to my husband, especially when he is not Catholic.

I had no idea it would effect my ability to receive communion or confession.

We have been married for 11 years and have a 8 year old son. My son attends Catholic school, is an altar server and we rarely miss mass. I try hard to raise him as a good Catholic.

I feel heartbroken and sick to my stomach over this whole thing. My gut reaction is to run FROM the church because I feel turned away, shamed and know what my husband’s reaction to this whole thing will be.

It appears my choices are:

1. Maybe there was a paperwork error for my husbands first marriage where he did not have permission from his church to marry, therefore leaving his first marriage not valid.
2. Seek an annulment and hope is is granted. (I know they are not always granted, which is part of my husbands negative feelings on the whole thing). Under no circumstances would I destroy my family because of what some council says.
3. Wait for his first wife to pass away?

**I feel heartbroken and sick to my stomach over this whole thing. My gut reaction is to run FROM the church because I feel turned away, shamed and know what my husband’s reaction to this whole thing will be.
**

So how should we as members of the church feel that you chose to walk away from doing the right thing because you didn’t want to wait or deal with something difficult? Kind of works both ways my Sister. We as members of the Body of Christ also known as the church were also hurt by your actions. You aren’t turned away as much as you yourself turned away.

You may not care what a council says but what about our Lord who said we cannot divorce except in cases of invalid marriages?What about the other scriptures?Where do they allow marrying someone else?

catholic.com/library/Permanence_of_Matrimony.asp

catholic.com/thisrock/1997/9705clas.asp

I do sympathize with your feeling sick to your stomach and ashamed. I feel that way when I do an examination of conscience and realize I have sinned.

 

[mercygate]

We never sought to be married in the church because we knew my husband’s first marriage would have to be annulled. The annulment procedure does not appeal to my husband, especially when he is not Catholic.

I had no idea it would effect my ability to receive communion or confession.

We have been married for 11 years and have a 8 year old son. My son attends Catholic school, is an altar server and we rarely miss mass. I try hard to raise him as a good Catholic.

I feel heartbroken and sick to my stomach over this whole thing. My gut reaction is to run FROM the church because I feel turned away, shamed and know what my husband’s reaction to this whole thing will be.

This is a common attitude.

It appears my choices are:

1. Maybe there was a paperwork error for my husbands first marriage where he did not have permission from his church to marry, therefore leaving his first marriage not valid.

The paperwork was likely in order. Nullity would more probably lie in consent/intent. It’s worth a shot.

1. Seek an annulment and hope is is granted. (I know they are not always granted, which is part of my husbands negative feelings on the whole thing). Under no circumstances would I destroy my family because of what some council says.

Pursuing a decree of nullity is the only rational option. “Some council” is not just an arbitrary panel of nay-sayers; they are there to protect the sacrament of matrimony and, frankly, the fact that they work so hard to help people is a credit to their compassion.

1. Wait for his first wife to pass away?

It has been done.

I can relate to your shock over this and to your husband’s sense of being somehow an injured party but if he loves you and respects your faith, he will do this for you. The fact that you stumbled into this marriage without understanding the consequences of your action and now wish to grow past your mistake is to your credit.

 

[Jimdandy]

To receive Holy communion, you will have to live chastely-as brother and sister - go to confession then refrain from all sex until your husbands 1st marriage is annulled or found invalid,
then you may have your marriage Blessed or convalidated.

I am so sorry that so many catholic were poorly catechised-
It has caused so many errors in marriages.

more info:americancatholic.org/Messenger/Feb2004/Feature2.asp

 

[puzzleannie]

My husband, who is Episcopal, is divorced without annulment from is first wife, who is Catholic. They were married in the Catholic church.

We were married by a friend who is a Baptist minister.

A friend mentioned she thinks I am in an invalid marriage and therefore cannot receive communion and suggested I looked into it. I asked my parish priest and another priest, both of whom said I can receive. My research leaves me without a firm answer. Does anyone know the answer?

Thank you.

too many critical pieces of info left out, and the only way to get an answer is to take the case to a priest who hears the entire story, not just bits and pieces, and makes a judgement. your friend, or participants here cannot answer without an exhaustive rather intereview that is inappropriate in this context.

I would have to make possibly wrong assumptions to even attempt an answer, so anything is a general observation, not comment on your particular situation.

A Catholic must marry in a Catholic Church in front of a Catholic minister, priest or deacon, and may not marry a non-Catholic. Any exception to these laws would require a dispensation to be applied for and granted by a bishop.

A person who has been validly married before and civilly divorced is still married, and not free to attempt marriage with another person, regardless of his own denomination or lack of it. The Catholic Church does not recognize civil divorce as ending a valid marriage. A Catholic who wishes to marry a divorced person, or a divorced Catholic who wishes to marry again, is not free to do so until the said previous marriages have been investigated and judged by the canon law tribunal and declared null.

Objectively the Catholic who attempts marriage without following canon law on marriage is not married, and is separated from communion with the Church voluntarily so may not ask for the other sacraments until such time as the sinful situation is rectified, confessed and absolved.

Whether or not any of this pertains to you can only be determined by your priest in confession and after full disclosure and counselling on the facts of your own personal situation. Many prayers for your happiness and spiritual health.