Can I receive Communion?

[Deanna7]

I am a Catholic covert. At the tuime of converting to Catholicism I was engaged to be married to a Catholic. Having been received into the Church, my Fiance was unfortunately killed in a road accident. For many years I was a devout Catholic and it helped me a lot but as time went by, I eventuallt met and married somebody else. He is a non Catholic who had been divorced some five years before I met him. He had already been sterilised and there was no intention of us having children. I drifted away from the Church but now I dearly want to fully return. I am 70 this year.

I have been attending Mass for a year now and have been to see a Priest. He tells me I am not allowed to take Communion and this upsets me a great deal. My husband and I live as brother and sister. He is 10 years older than me and is not well. Because we disturb each other at night we have separate bedrooms. This is not an issue with us. I was advised that he would have to seek an annulment of his previous marriage. We have been married 30 years and because he has a grown up son by his previous marriage, I don’t want to have to ask him to have this marriage anulled at this late stage of our lives. The Priest said I had presented him with every Priests nightmare dilemma. He said he would get back to me - he never did. What do you think I should do?

 

[LeafByNiggle]

See a different priest - one who will “get back to you”.

As for your situation, it may be simpler than you think. Is this man’s first wife still living? If not, he could marry again. And even if she still is living, if that marriage was not in the Church, then it might be recognized as a “defect of form” which is even simpler than an annulment. Remember that an annulment does not change reality. It is just the determination of a reality that already existed. And even if an annulment does turn out to be necessary, that should not in any way disturb the relationship between the man and his son. Finally, the fact that you are living as brother and sister means you could redefine your relationship as one that recognizes the charitable work you are doing, sort of like a live-in nurse. There is nothing wrong with having a live-in nurse or being a live-in nurse. In short, I think you have many options for returning to full communion with the Church while continuing to do your charitable care-giving.

 

[1ke]

The Priest said I had presented him with every Priests nightmare dilemma. He said he would get back to me - he never did. What do you think I should do?

I don’t know why the priest referred to this as a nightmare dilemma. It’s actualy pretty simple since you are not having relations. Contact another priest, go to Confession. If you are living as brother and sister you should have no impediment to receiving Communion.

But, I would still investigate a decree of nullity for him and convalidation of your marriage if possible. Is it possible his ex-wife is no longer living? Also, you mention not wanting him to pursue a decree of nullity because he has a son. A decree of nullity has **no **bearing at all on the son. I understand that at this stage it may not be possible to puruse a decree of nullity either because of lack of witnesses or his health, etc.

But, please do go see another priest. Don’t stay away from the sacraments because of this.

 

[1ke]

And even if she still is living, if that marriage was not in the Church, then it might be recognized as a “defect of form” which is even simpler than an annulment.

The OP’s husband is not a Catholic. Catholic form, and defect of form, do not apply to him unless his first marriage was to a Catholic and it was outside the Church.

 

[puzzleannie]

I am. The Priest said I had presented him with every Priests nightmare dilemma. He said he would get back to me - he never did. What do you think I should do?

the priest does not have all the facts
if he is cold or uncooperative or not giving of his time for pastoral counselling, find a priest at another parish. Can I say whether or not you personally can receive communion? No I am not qualified. I can say that a Catholic man or woman in a presumptively invalid marriage (which yours is since your husband was divorced and remarried) may not receive communion unless the situation is rectified, unless they are willing to live “as brother and sister” as we say, as you are, separate bedrooms, no longer enjoying the “marital embrace.” If that is the situation it should no longer be an issue, but for your own personal situation you do need the counsel of a priest. Frankly I would no waste time on one who does not return calls. Were you my sister or mother I would suggest simply telling the priest the next time you go to confession, "I am a convert, married to a man who was divorced many years ago. No one ever explained the implications of this when I converted. We are rather elderly and live as brother and sister so that is not an issue. May I be absolved and return to the sacraments and receive communion. "

as another poster said, it may no longer be an issue if his ex has since died.

most of these cases actually are simpler than they first appear, but the trick is getting a priest to listen who has the skill to elicit all the facts.

 

[Dave_B]

…I don’t want to have to ask him to have this marriage anulled at this late stage of our lives. The Priest said I had presented him with every Priests nightmare dilemma. He said he would get back to me - he never did. What do you think I should do?

Priests are only human and make mistakes. If you speak to another priest, he could have a gentle word with your priest, if this hasnt been handled properly. God bless.

 

[JRKH]

As others have said, contact another priest - and even more importantly - get set up to meet with someone who knows the ins and outs of these issues. When I sought my annulment it was a deacon, not a priest who handled it.
I say this simply because, as others have been pointing out, there are a number of issues that need addressed here and there are folks in the Church trained in the specifics of this area. It might even be a good idea to call the chancery in your diocese and ask for a reference to someone in your area who you can talk to.

Peace
James

 

[Bookcat]

As others have said, contact another priest - and even more importantly - get set up to meet with someone who knows the ins and outs of these issues. When I sought my annulment it was a deacon, not a priest who handled it.
I say this simply because, as others have been pointing out, there are a number of issues that need addressed here and there are folks in the Church trained in the specifics of this area. It might even be a good idea to call the chancery in your diocese and ask for a reference to someone in your area who you can talk to.

Peace
James

 

[Joe_Kelley]

…I say this simply because, as others have been pointing out, there are a number of issues that need addressed here and there are folks in the Church trained in the specifics of this area. It might even be a good idea to call the chancery in your diocese and ask for a reference to someone in your area who you can talk to.

Peace
James

Best advice. Unfortunately, many priests are not well trained in annulments, and more unfortunate that many of them do not realize that they lack this expertise. Call the diocese and talk to some one in the Tribunal Office [it may be referred to as the Marriage Tribunal, but it handles all canon law questions.] They should be able to refer you to a nearby priest or deacon who is skilled in this.

 

[ConstantineTG]

I am a Catholic covert. At the tuime of converting to Catholicism I was engaged to be married to a Catholic. Having been received into the Church, my Fiance was unfortunately killed in a road accident. For many years I was a devout Catholic and it helped me a lot but as time went by, I eventuallt met and married somebody else. He is a non Catholic who had been divorced some five years before I met him. He had already been sterilised and there was no intention of us having children. I drifted away from the Church but now I dearly want to fully return. I am 70 this year.

I have been attending Mass for a year now and have been to see a Priest. He tells me I am not allowed to take Communion and this upsets me a great deal. My husband and I live as brother and sister. He is 10 years older than me and is not well. Because we disturb each other at night we have separate bedrooms. This is not an issue with us. I was advised that he would have to seek an annulment of his previous marriage. We have been married 30 years and because he has a grown up son by his previous marriage, I don’t want to have to ask him to have this marriage anulled at this late stage of our lives. The Priest said I had presented him with every Priests nightmare dilemma. He said he would get back to me - he never did. What do you think I should do?

There should be an expert if not in your diocese, at the archdiocese. Contact their office, there should be one there you can talk to about this situation. Maybe the priest himself doesn’t know the answer, tried to get it but didn’t get it right away, then got burried in his priorities. Priest have many things to do, we should be patient with them if they forget.