Can I use contraception to save my marriage?

[ChristBearer1]

My wife (28, non-Catholic) of three years is threatening to move out of the house and leave me because I (also 28) won’t wear a condom. She does not want to use contraceptives because she fears the side effects. She does not want to do NFP because she’s afraid of getting pregnant. I’ve told her about the efficacy of NFP, but it doesn’t matter to her.

We currently do not feel comfortable having children because she is on a nerve pain medication that can be harmful to a fetus and she has a bicorneute uterus. She just doesn’t trust NFP and thinks it’s too much work. I’ve told her I can’t wear a condom because it’s against my beliefs. I told her I’d rather abstain than wear a condom. She said that’s not going work. She said she’s looking for other places to live. I don’t know what to do.

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Assuming you are reporting her stance accurately, it sounds to me like your wife is acting in an incredibly one-sided manner. According to my reading of your post, you apparently will not stand in her way if she insists on using birth control herself, you have tried to give her information on the success of NFP, and you have even offered to abstain from marital relations, but she has apparently insisted that you either use condoms in violation of your own conscience or she will leave you. And you are indeed correct that using condoms yourself is one thing you cannot do, even to preserve your marriage.

If this is the case – and I hope you are not being unfair to your wife’s point of view – then you may need to ask yourself whether this is a situation in which common life can or should be preserved. Marriage requires two people working together; it cannot work if one person is setting down decrees the other must follow on pain of divorce. I can only recommend that you seek counseling from a Catholic marriage counselor. If your wife will not go to counseling with you, then go on your own. The Pastoral Solutions Institute can offer either telephone counseling or a referral to a counselor in your area.