Can it be sinful to desire a baby?

[houston1]

Thanks for your responses. I still don’t think having “desires” are sins in and of themselves. They can be a true suffering. It is what we do with those “desires” that determines whether they are sins or not. For example, suppose an alcoholic “desires” to get drunk and starts to pour himself a drink. However, in the middle of the process, he stops and refrains from drinking. The “desire” to drink alcohol is still there but he chose not to act upon his “desire.”

For me, I struggled with my desire to have a baby when my husband and I were experiencing infertility. I prayed and prayed that the desire would go away. It did not after years of prayer. God lead me to adopt my son.

I believe that “desires” can be temptations although not always (i.e., the desire to pray is never a temptation).

 

[SMHW]

Thanks for your responses. I still don’t think having “desires” are sins in and of themselves. They can be a true suffering. It is what we do with those “desires” that determines whether they are sins or not.
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I believe that “desires” can be temptations although not always (i.e., the desire to pray is never a temptation).

I don’t think any desires are sins in and of themselves. Rather sins are perversions of what are basically normal, healthy desires. But desires cannot always be accomodated. Or they may need to be met in a way other than how the individual imagined they would be met. Just as a hungry woman more often needs to satisfy her hunger with vegetables than with a hot fudge sundae, a woman wanting a baby might sometimes need to satisfy that desire some other way, at least for the time being.

(Even the desire to pray could be perverted if the person desiring to pray choses to pray in an inappropriate manner or in a manner which prevents her from meeting the pressing need of another.)

 

[LittleDeb]

I don’t think any desires are sins in and of themselves. Rather sins are perversions of what are basically normal, healthy desires. But desires cannot always be accomodated. Or they may need to be met in a way other than how the individual imagined they would be met. Just as a hungry woman more often needs to satisfy her hunger with vegetables than with a hot fudge sundae, a woman wanting a baby might sometimes need to satisfy that desire some other way, at least for the time being.

(Even the desire to pray could be perverted if the person desiring to pray choses to pray in an inappropriate manner or in a manner which prevents her from meeting the pressing need of another.)

Well put.

 

[houston1]

SHMW,

Thanks for your post. Very well put!

 

[valient_Lucy]

**Lots can be wrong with it. Babies themselves can never be “wrong”, but our desires sure can. **

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What if a woman desires a baby to “keep” her man?

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\QUOTE]

Not only would I say that’s sinful, but it’s also a terrible idea, and a terribly cruel thing to do to an innocent child.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

I think desiring a baby cannot be sinful, how can desiring a blessing be sinful?

If a woman wants a baby to “keep” her man, for example, then her desire is to “keep” her man, and having the baby is just the means she came up with. If she thought dressing in red from head to toe would work better, she would probably opt for that instead. If a woman desires attention and wants to have a baby to get it, her desire is the attention, not the baby.

Lets say a couple desires a baby, but is infertile. Their desire is a perfectly good, healthy one. They can try to undergo moral treatments to see if they can have a baby. What they cannot do is try to have a baby through IVF or other immoral means. Their desire is good, the means they use may or may not be. They may end up having a child through adoption. Their desire was good and God used it to help them help a child who needed them. Lets say a girl is unwed. She can desire a baby, but having premarital sex would be disordered and wrong. She would have to not act on it, and wait to find the correct man to marry (if that is her vocation) and then they can start a family.

If a couple is avoiding, then the desire for a child is still not wrong. They should reevaluate why they are avoiding, maybe this is a desire God is putting in their hearts to urge them to be more trusting or generous. If they know that they cannot have more children (for example, the classic the woman will die if she gets pregnant again) their desire is still a good one, but they may still have to avoid having a child unless things change.

In all the cases I can’t think of one where desiring a child per se would be wrong.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

No it’s not, but does that mean it’s sinful not to want a baby? I am curious to know because I don’t have that desire. How do I make myself want children? My husband doesn’t want children because partly of me. Sorry, I didn’t mean to hijack your thread.

Lisa

Well, the problem would be in not being open to children, or avoiding them for reasons that are not serious/just/grave.

 

[Still_Trying]

I’m with Lisa. I have trouble ever wanting kids. I know that it’s normal and healthy to want them… I dunno…

My husband had a vasectomy before we converted to Catholicism so ABC or NFP isn’t a factor for us (yes, we both went to confession regarding the vasectomy…though I had no clue it was a sin when it was done…the several years before we converted).

I feel guilty for not wanting kids when it is so obviously taught in the Church that it is an important part of marriage. I know it’s not required to have him reversed. We would have no way of affording it anyway.

I get completely annoyed when people dig into our personal lives questioning when we are going to have kids and pressuring us (them not knowing about him being snipped). Ugh.

In some ways I miss being Protestant…there were places I could “fit in” being married, but not having kids. I don’t feel that in the Church. What with the teachings of the Church on this subject I feel out of place…though I know that this is where God wants me and I am very blessed to be a part of it.

 

[Syele]

What makes ANY desire sinful is if you desire it more than you’d desire to do/have what God wants for you.

It’s perfectly normal and ok to desire a baby, a spouse, family, love etc. As long as you don’t want a baby more than you want to live for God, you are doing fine.

 

[Karin]

No it’s not, but does that mean it’s sinful not to want a baby? I am curious to know because I don’t have that desire. How do I make myself want children? My husband doesn’t want children because partly of me. Sorry, I didn’t mean to hijack your thread.

Lisa

well Lisa-
It looks like congrats are in order for you and your husband … forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=1758747&postcount=64

LisaLisa:

and I just found out I am pregnant