Can my parents take away a scholarship opportunity?

[twopekinguys]

The way I read the OP’s post was he was asking if his parents can act in ways that prevent him from accepting a scholarship. Yes, they can. The bigger issue is should they? IMO, no they should not.

If the OP truly thinks his parents are willing to actively undermining his choice of college, he should at least think about how to mediate that. And again, that’s only if he has good reason to believe he’s being unfairly manipulated.

Of course none of us has the entire story. That’s why I suggested he talk with someone in real life, someone who knows him and his situation. The OP is, of course, completely free to reject everything I say outright. Such is the beauty of online forums.

In the end, though, I was willing to offer some advice, however paltry or misguided, based on my worldview and experiences, to the OP. I at least tried to bring something more to the thread than a beratement of another poster.

Unfortuantely, when we offer advice without all of the facts as in this case, it does nothing but cloud the situation.

To automatically take the side of a new poster, under 18, with only one side of the story, we are undermining parental authority.

If you notice, I asked the OP, if the parents gave a reason for wanting a Catholic University. Something he left out of is OP.

I also asked if the University he was dealing with was Anti-Catholic, Anti-Christian, or Anti-Religious.

I think trying to get more details on the situation is more important than automatically jumping to a conclusion, don’t you?

It is amazing how to a teenager, everything in the world is a crisis. Everyone in the world, including their parents is against them. As parents, we realize that isn’t the case.

 

[tjones80]

I am 17 and will be going to college next year. I have very strict parents who have already decided what Catholic univeristy I will attend. No ifs, ands, or buts.

I just received early admission at a well-known, but non-Catholic univeristy. My parents are proud that I received it, but have made it clear that I will not attend this university.

I have applied for a scholarship to this Univeristy and have passed through the initial stages. They now want to conduct a phone interview. My understanding is that this means I am pretty far through the selection process. FYI my GPA is nearly perfect, and my SAT scores are all in the 740-770 range.

My parents have no problem with my going through the selection process, but have made it clear that if I receive a scholarship award that I will not accept it.

The scholarship is entirely merit-based. Family income is not a factor.

Here is my question. If I receive a scholarship, I do not need my parents financial assistance for a college education. But my parents intend to prevent me from using any possible scholarship awards so that I will no choice but to attend the college of their choice. Can they actually do this?

Please no lectures on why I should attend a Catholic Univeristy. I hear it every day and am tired of it. There is a world out there, and I want out of the cage.

As long as you are legally an adult in your state you can decide to accept the scholarship or attend any college you wish. However, your parents have the right to not financially support you while at college and that can be a very tough road to go down. Good Luck.

 

[nurseryworker]

I just checked the materials from the school, and you are right. Without my parents signature, I cannot accept the scholarship if awarded. I cannot believe I didn’t notice this before now.

Well that ends the matter. If everyone will excuse me, I am going to go cry for awhile and then resolve myself to face the reality that my future is what my parents choose for me.

Call the school and see if there is any way around needing your parents’ signature - my guess is there is. I was desperate to escape an abusive home and had to submit a letter to my school about why I was unable to get my parents’ signature for school loans. I got my loans and my escape. I believe you when you write your relationship will be destroyed. Mine was. But it doesn’t have to be forever. I ended up reconciling with mine some years later.

 

[BillP]

Personally, I think most of your advice is offensive.

Then you’re REALLY not gonna like mine.

To the OP, IF you get the scholarship, and if you’re actually willing to (probably temporarily) damage your relationship with your parents, you can almost certainly keep the scholarship and pursue your education. In the worst case, if you aren’t 18 when you actually receive the scholarship, you’ll need to get an attorney and file for emancipation, but in this case it sounds like it would be pretty “open and shut”.

Good luck.

It happened to me. It took about three years before I talked to either of them again, but in the end, it was the only way they would ever respect me and now I’m pretty much their favorite child and the only one they actually have any respect for.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

I just checked the materials from the school, and you are right. Without my parents signature, I cannot accept the scholarship if awarded. I cannot believe I didn’t notice this before now.

Well that ends the matter. If everyone will excuse me, I am going to go cry for awhile and then resolve myself to face the reality that my future is what my parents choose for me.

Okay, after you’ve dried your tears, it’s time for you to figure out if there are other scholarships you qualify for. And like another poster suggested, contact the school’s financial aid office or the body that gave you the scholarship, explain your situation, and find out what your options are. They may tell you that a parental signature is required, no exceptions, but it never hurts to ask. You also may consider making an appointment with your school counselor to find out what financial aid options are open to you given your family situation.

Remember, please, that you do not have to let your parents chose your future. My husband joined the Navy two days after he graduated from high school in part to get away from parental machinations about his future. He was in for four years and went to a four-year university after that. He has a very good relationship with his folks now and has for some time, but it took a few years post-military for that to happen. I likewise had to grow up a little bit faster than some of my peers because my family wasn’t entirely understanding of my post-high school college plans.

I’m not saying you have to enter the military or become completely independent of your parents at 18 like I had to. At the same time, you don’t have to resign yourself to a future you haven’t chosen or bought into.

I’m sorry you’re facing this.

 

[Brad17]

Unfortuantely, when we offer advice without all of the facts as in this case, it does nothing but cloud the situation.

To automatically take the side of a new poster, under 18, with only one side of the story, we are undermining parental authority.

If you notice, I asked the OP, if the parents gave a reason for wanting a Catholic University. Something he left out of is OP.

I also asked if the University he was dealing with was Anti-Catholic, Anti-Christian, or Anti-Religious.

I think trying to get more details on the situation is more important than automatically jumping to a conclusion, don’t you?

It is amazing how to a teenager, everything in the world is a crisis. Everyone in the world, including their parents is against them. As parents, we realize that isn’t the case.

Well I just spent 15 minutes in my room trying to cry and feel sorry for myself, and I can’t do it. I am just numb. And for some reason I am back here responding to more questions. Don’t ask me why because I just don’t know.

Did my parents give me a reason for wanting me to attend a Catholic University? Yes - they believe I will leave the faith if I attend a non-Catholic University.

Is this University Anti-Catholic, Anti-Christian, or Anti-Religious? I understand why you are asking this question, but I admit I don’t understand it. Do secular Universities actually issue position statements on social issues? I admit to feeling really naive if this is true. The University I want to attend is large and is ranked as one of the best in the country - you would recognize the name. It has tens of thousands of students. In a population that large, of course you have Anti-Religious students attending. There are also many Catholics who attend. As far as I know the school itself is not Anti-Religious. However I have not researched the matter - the necessity never occured to me.

 

[capablanca911]

If your grades are that good, can’t you just go to Fordham? That way you get an Ivy League education and you would be going to a Catholic college.

If I had a choice, I would go to Christendom. But that’s just me.

 

[silicasandra]

Well I just spent 15 minutes in my room trying to cry and feel sorry for myself, and I can’t do it. I am just numb. And for some reason I am back here responding to more questions. Don’t ask me why because I just don’t know.

Did my parents give me a reason for wanting me to attend a Catholic University? Yes - they believe I will leave the faith if I attend a non-Catholic University.

Is this University Anti-Catholic, Anti-Christian, or Anti-Religious? I understand why you are asking this question, but I admit I don’t understand it. **Do secular Universities actually issue position statements on social issues? ** I admit to feeling really naive if this is true. The University I want to attend is large and is ranked as one of the best in the country - you would recognize the name. It has tens of thousands of students. In a population that large, of course you have Anti-Religious students attending. There are also many Catholics who attend. As far as I know the school itself is not Anti-Religious. However I have not researched the matter - the necessity never occured to me.

Maybe not position statements per se, but the faculty or administration might have leanings that are strongly anti-Catholic or anti-religion at all. This might show up more in some areas of study. Sometimes schools sponsor events that are inappropriate, or student groups do with encouragement from the school (one of the ones that created quite a stir around here was a student group at a local university doing a “pornography film festival.” )

Even at solidly Catholic institutions, you’re going to get students (and probably a few faculty or administrators who know how to “keep quiet”) who are at the least lukewarm about the faith (this happens in parishes, too.) But (hopefully) anti-Catholic sentiments won’t be hailed as some kind of marker of academic freedom or “progressivism.”

I went to a nominally Methodist, but mostly secular college. I received a fantastic education there, but the administration was definitely working hard to push “values” that were not in line with Catholic teaching (namely “gay rights”). They weren’t as obvious about it as other schools are, and I know many faithful Catholics who attended there (and I converted while there), but depending on what you studied or who you interacted with it could be a lot harder. But some kids used it as a great opportunity to become stronger in the faith and evangelize.

 

[jpjd]

Brad, please do not give up your dreams. Talk to the admissions office of the college you want to go to. Ask to speak to a counselor and tell them your situation. I’m sure you are not the first person to be in such a situation, and they will probably have some good advice to offer you.

 

[Brad17]

If your grades are that good, can’t you just go to Fordham? That way you get an Ivy League education and you would be going to a Catholic college.

If I had a choice, I would go to Christendom. But that’s just me.

I am applying to Fordham. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s an excellent school, and my understanding is that it ranked among the top 60 colleges in the country. It’s just that the University I am referring to in this thread is ranked in the top 10.

The college my parents are insisting on is not Fordham. It’s too bad as I am reasonably certain that Fordham would be their second choice.

If Fordham accepts me, I guess I would want someone there to discuss why I should attend there and not a top 10 University, beyond the obvious fact that Fordham is Catholic. I appreciate there may be good answers to that question, but I don’t know them.

 

[PaulinVA]

Well, academics skew liberal anyway. I don’t think that a Catholic university is the end all and be all. Not to start an argument, but it seems that if you think a “Catholic” college is not going to disappoint, at least once, you are mistaken.

So, it’s about keeping the faith by going to a Catholic college. Rookie parent mistake. NO guarantee AT ALL that a child who attends a Catholic college with stay in the Church, especially if they are forced to go.

My son went to a Catholic college for one year. I wasn’t impressed. Private colleges are expensive.

My older daughter is going to a rather liberal state school. She attends FOCUS meetings and is active in the Catholic Campus Ministry. She is not at risk AT ALL.

 

[silicasandra]

I am applying to Fordham. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s an excellent school, and my understanding is that it ranked among the top 60 colleges in the country. It’s just that the University I am referring to in this thread is ranked in the top 10.

The college my parents are insisting on is not Fordham. It’s too bad as I am reasonably certain that Fordham would be their second choice.

If Fordham accepts me, I guess I would want someone there to discuss why I should attend there and not a top 10 University, beyond the obvious fact that Fordham is Catholic. I appreciate there may be good answers to that question, but I don’t know them.

You may be putting too much stock in the rankings. Who is doing the rankings? What are the criteria? A school may be ranked very highly but still not be the right fit for you for a variety of reasons. You don’t have to answer these here, but you might consider learning the answers to these questions.

 

[peacoat]

Ask them who’s footing the bill. If you’re taking out loans it’s your perrogrative to go where you have a scholorship. You can also point out good neuman centers which are actually more vibrant than the spiritual life at some Catholic colleges.

 

[yellowantphil]

I just checked the materials from the school, and you are right. Without my parents signature, I cannot accept the scholarship if awarded.

Can you wait and accept the scholarship after you turn 18? Maybe the school would even let you start one semester later if you won’t be 18 in time. I’d talk to the school before you give up.

 

[Allegra]

My suggestion is that you tell your parent why you want to attend the other college. Provide them with information about why the college would be better for you. Demonstrate how you intend to continue living out your faith at that college. Call and see if they have a Newman Center or a local parish that serves Catholic students. Ask you parents to visit the campus with you and see the support they have for Catholic students.

At what point are you going to turn 18? Will it be before their regular admission schedule? You may not be able to accept this early admissions contract without your parents’ permission, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be admitted at the regular time and they may still offer you a good scholarship. I wouldn’t get depressed yet.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Well, academics skew liberal anyway. I don’t think that a Catholic university is the end all and be all. Not to start an argument, but it seems that if you think a “Catholic” college is not going to disappoint, at least once, you are mistaken.

So, it’s about keeping the faith by going to a Catholic college. Rookie parent mistake. NO guarantee AT ALL that a child who attends a Catholic college with stay in the Church, especially if they are forced to go.

My son went to a Catholic college for one year. I wasn’t impressed. Private colleges are expensive.

My older daughter is going to a rather liberal state school. She attends FOCUS meetings and is active in the Catholic Campus Ministry. She is not at risk AT ALL.

I have this same expereince. My daughter is at a relatively conservative state school, but there are still plenty of looneys. However, the campus ministry is excellent and she is very involved.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

OP, I want you to consider the BEST school for the major you expect to declare. Is the school your parents want you to attend a good one for your major? Or are you looking at this other school merely as a way to get out from under your parents’ roof and expectations? Don’t jump to answer. It might take some soul-searching to determine this. The way you write, it sounds as though you are more REacting than ACTING in your own true interests. You haven’t stated why you feel you must go to another school, only that your parents are deciding for you.

I don’t agree with your parents’ approach. Some Catholic universities are much WORSE for a faithful young person than a secular university would be.

Taking this stand could be very expensive, and I don’t mean financially. It could cost you any relationship with your parents at all, and even though they may have been heavy-handed, they must love you very much and I’m sure they are proud of you.

If this is the hill you choose to die on, at least know what is at stake.

 

[thewanderer]

We will have to agree to disagree here on the advice.

We don’t know that the parents are being underhanded at all, and we cannot presume that.

We have a 17 yr old, on the internet giving one side of the story. Obviously with key factors missing. That is why I asked the questions I have.

But to jump the gun and start saying the poster should be prepared to distance themselves from their parents is irresponsible at best.

Did you miss the fact that I said that there is a big IF involved here? I am not assuming that the parents are being underhanded, I was simply agreeing that IF they are/end up being underhanded then that would be indicative of the necessity for distancing oneself from them. Warning someone that such a possibility has a chance of occuring is hardly irresponsible. You are right though that it is important to make sure we don’t jump to conclusions on one side or the other though. We only have one half of the story.

OP, have you considered delaying your application for a year until you are 18? If you are dead-set on going to this college then that might be a possibility. Also, if you do this you can still go to the Catholic college your parents want you to for a year knowing that you don’t plan to stay there. If you do do that, please do try to give the catholic college a real shot, don’t allow the fact that you are only there because your parents made you go discolour the whole experience. Even if there are many things about it that frustrate you be careful to look out for the good that is there and enjoy and appreciate it. Good luck with whatever happens, even though this might feel like the end of all your hopes you are still very young with your whole life ahead of you, if you can live with the next year at peace with your life you will truly be better off for it and afterwards you will gain that freedom you so desire. It comes to us all, even if we feel as though it never will. I will be sure to say some prayers for you in this difficult time. :hug1:

 

[Brad17]

OP, I want you to consider the BEST school for the major you expect to declare. Is the school your parents want you to attend a good one for your major? Or are you looking at this other school merely as a way to get out from under your parents’ roof and expectations? Don’t jump to answer. It might take some soul-searching to determine this. The way you write, it sounds as though you are more REacting than ACTING in your own true interests. You haven’t stated why you feel you must go to another school, only that your parents are deciding for you.

I don’t agree with your parents’ approach. Some Catholic universities are much WORSE for a faithful young person than a secular university would be.

Taking this stand could be very expensive, and I don’t mean financially. It could cost you any relationship with your parents at all, and even though they may have been heavy-handed, they must love you very much and I’m sure they are proud of you.

If this is the hill you choose to die on, at least know what is at stake.

Maybe it doesn’t seem like it in my postings, but I am reading the reposnses in this thread carefully, trying to assess my situation, and come up with the best possible resolution. This is a really tough situation for me, and I am not stretching the truth when I say that my parents are…well let’s just say stubborn. I have even heard a couple of their friends make this observation.

And yes, I am 17 years old. I realize that. I don’t claim to know everything. But I have parents who make decisions and then don’t want to hear about the matter from that point forward. My father has even told me that once he makes a decision, he will not listen to anything I have to say about the subject. This is a quote. I would like to have an intelligent discussion with my parents on this issue, but even brokering the subject with them will get me punished. So imagine my frustration. We’re not talking about whether I can play a computer game, or see a friend, or watch a TV show. We’re discussing my future. And I am entitled to be heard on this matter!

But my parents believe otherwise.

 

[capablanca911]

I would start talking to a Navy recruiter. They’ll start calling the house. It will be great. Your parents will rethink that scholarship in NO TIME.