T
TheOldColonel
Guest
Yet, an Altar Server may be thurifer in the absence of an Instituted Acolyte. Hence boys and girls may be Thurifers since boys and girls may be Altar Servers.
- Status
O
OsculeturMeOsculo
Guest
I feel bad about how he is being talked about but I am also virtue signaling myself so don’t pay attention to anything I said.
X
Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
Someone who is bullying a young woman ought to be a bit ashamed
O
OsculeturMeOsculo
Guest
That’s no reason to critize someone.
P
PetraG
Guest
What’s to feel bad about on his behalf? He went out of his way to turn an altar server away from doing what the pastor told her to do. The OP asked on an anonymous forum where no one knows anyone involved if the sacristan is the one who is correct. The sacristan, who is not an instituted acolyte, is clearly not correct.
I don’t know what is gained by saying otherwise. No one here or anywhere else thinks less of anyone. This fellow could be someone one of us works with every day and none of us would be the wiser. The question has been answered, the OP has some options that the OP is free to consider or just ignore, no one’s reputation has been harmed, and as far as I know, no one is suggesting an uncharitable response to the issue.
O
OsculeturMeOsculo
Guest
I guess I should just scorn and talk bad about him instead.
Last edited:
M
Maxwell03
Guest
Not to be rude with sacristans because I respect a lot of them (those sweet old ladies are super nice! 
) but why? Why is there always a sacristan that dare tell the server what he/she is doing wrong and right? In our parish every server is specially trained to function around the altar inside or outside of mass.
This is my advice DO WHATEVER FATHER TELL YOU! does he even have the authority to tell your daughter that? Who does he think he is? He’s not a priest anyway.
) but why? Why is there always a sacristan that dare tell the server what he/she is doing wrong and right? In our parish every server is specially trained to function around the altar inside or outside of mass.This is my advice DO WHATEVER FATHER TELL YOU! does he even have the authority to tell your daughter that? Who does he think he is? He’s not a priest anyway.
L
Loud-living-dogma
Guest
The reality is that there is some kind of power struggle here. It all depends on whether Father feels like making waves against the sacristan (who may be difficult, or who might make Father’s life easier in a lot of ways).
P
PetraG
Guest
It is not scorn to say that someone is incorrect or is exhibiting a fault. If it were, it would not be a spiritual work of mercy to admonish the sinner or instruct the ignorant, right?
The OP has chosen to ask for advice from people who don’t know the person, so the person’s reputation isn’t suffering even if the OP has the whole situation all wrong.
Yes, it is better to take a charitable view of whomever an OP is asking about, because the OP will handle the situation best by looking at it from that view. Having said that, I’ve learned that there gets to be a point where the charitable view can cross over into discounting the truth of what the OP posted.
We are talking in a confidential venue, so confidential that we don’t even know who the OP is asking about, since forum rules require that we not include identifying details.
We’re also encouraging the OP to talk to the pastor and to do what the pastor says. It is worth saying that the pastor may see the persons involved in a very different light, since the pastor knows them all and may recognize things about the situation that the OP is not seeing.
Having said that, it is simply not correct for a sacristan to take over the duties of an altar server. Even an Extraordinary Minister of the Eucharist should not take over an altar server’s duties. Either a sacristan ought to become an altar server or a sacristan ought to stick to their own duties.
More to the point, the USCCB has specifically stated that if both males and females are allowed to be altar servers in a diocese that there should be no distinctions made between the duties of the males and the duties of the females. Doing that creates “second class” altar servers, and there ought to be no such thing.
Last edited:
P
PetraG
Guest
I think the sacristan simply feels strongly about which of the duties of a deacon that an altar server ought to be allowed to do. It is probably less jarring for him to see a male altar server fulfill the duties of an ordained ministry only open to males. Having said that, he is no more an ordained minister than the female altar server is, and as a sacristan he has not been chosen to do any of the duties of an altar server.
I think we’ve all heard enough hilarious episodes of A Prairie Home Companion to know that otherwise nice people who are so kind they would give you the shirts off of their backs usually get into stubborn power struggles for reasons they believe to be entirely noble, LOL.
Last edited:
X
Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
This is an anonymous forum where a parent is dealing with someone who is being rude to his adult child.
It’s ok to be critical about that person. He’s in the wrong and creating a whole dog and pony show on GOD’s alter in GOD’s church during Mass no less in order to have his way.
O
OsculeturMeOsculo
Guest
It is not a spiritual work of mercy to talk about about someone who is not currently present to receive instruction or admonishment.
O
OsculeturMeOsculo
Guest
How is it okay to criticize someone?
He is not being helped but instead is being bashed for a somewhat small fault.
He is not being helped but instead is being bashed for a somewhat small fault.
P
PetraG
Guest
How have any of us ever improved ourselves with no one willing to offer correction?
I think most of us realize the damage that the “small faults” of others do to us. Surely, it does not harm us to reflect on how our own “small faults” impact others.
This fellow is probably a kind person on most days and extremely generous with his time, reverent and pious. There is no reason to believe he is a “bad person.” (What an odd term that is!) This time, though, he is acting way out of line. Defying the directions of a pastor who is not defying his bishop because you think he is a deficient liturgist is a very serious act of disobedience. This is not just a “mistake” someone makes…there is no reason to believe he thinks he is doing what Father wants. He is doing what HE wants. That deserves correction.
X
Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
It’s quite a bit more than a small fault to do what this person is doing, which is defying a priest and being mean to an altar server.
It does not make him a bad person, but no one, even priests, are beyond reproach.
O
OsculeturMeOsculo
Guest
Your not correcting anybody just talking behind his back.
P
PetraG
Guest
How do you decide how to handle a difficult situation you’re having with someone in a position of authority, or someone who is usurping a position of authority? You don’t talk about it with your parents? Your parents never ask anyone else for advice?
Let us say, for instance, you witness one of your classmates bullying someone else? Do you think whenever someone complains and asks for help when they are being mistreated that the person complaining ought to be accused of “talking behind his back”? This, even though the person is trying to decide on the way to handle the situation that is the most profitable for everyone involved? Do you think there is no place to discuss what to do?
What is the alternative? To allow the bullying to go on? To confront the person directly when you haven’t had any help in thinking through how to handle things?
We have suggested talking to the pastor and doing whatever the pastor wants done, even if that is just going along with the sacristan who is taking on duties that objectively do not belong to a sacristan. I do not see how anyone here is “talking behind the back” of someone they do not know and would not think less of if it were their next door neighbor because they do not know the person they are discussing.
The OP is in a position where he or she will probably have to get the correction of a sacristan in motion. That is a delicate situation. It is better to think it through before acting. We have the opportunity to ask many people who have many years of experience in many parishes. I don’t know why it is backstabbing to ask for advice in an anonymous venue where the person being discussed is not known to anyone.
If, by the way, you yourself bear a striking resemblance to the sacristan in question, tell us what has been suggested that is incorrect or reflects neglect of a possible reason for what he did. We are all ears.
Last edited:
X
Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
How in the world do you figure out if someone needs correction if you don’t seek help with that?
This poor young woman is caught in the middle. The priest has told her to, and expects her to, do one thing. Someone has told her she cannot. She went to the priest and asked him if that person was correct. He told her no, she was fine.
That person is now defying a priest. It is very intimidating to figure out how to handle a person who’s willing to do a whole dog and pony show on the altar of God rather than obey Church teaching.
- Status