Can quietness lead to sin?

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Average_Joe17

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So my psychologist had diagnosed me with anxiety along time ago. This had led to multiple arguments with my family. But today specifically really got me questioning. My dad asked me a favor to go with my mom to the lawyers about a refund. I didn’t give a response because I was too afraid of what my dad’s reaction would be. I was just pretending not to hear him and continue talking with my mom.

I had two options : -go with my mom and miss out the first few classes of school

Or

-go to school and come back to my dad arguing

I wanted to go to school because i had already missed tons of days already and i had a test today. I didn’t know if i would even come back to school.

Can quietness lead to the sin of disobedience?
 
I am not going to discuss quietness leading to sin…

However, you were disrespectful to ignore your father and pretend you didn’t hear him when you did, in fact, hear him.

You missed an option:

Answer your father honestly by saying I really can’t miss school today, I have a test.
But ultimately, you need to respect your parents.
 
If you intentionally pretended not to hear him, that is still technically disobedience even if you did not have to refuse his request. But I’m not 100% sure if this would fall under grave disobedience or grave matter. It would depend on a few factors including how old you are (are you a minor in high school or an adult university student) and if his request was morally sound (If you are not yet old enough to drop out of school according to law, it seems it might be wrong for him to ask you to neglect your important school test, assuming the thing you are missing the test for is trivial, which the meeting may or may not have been).

That said, was it imperative that you be there at the lawyers office? You describe it as a favor, and if you had a test, it would seem unreasonable for him to expect you to miss out on your education.

Also, would he have written a note so you could take the test another time?

Perhaps next time, you could suggest going to the lawyers office after school or when you don’t have a test.
 
I’m thinking it might be a good time to contact your psychologist - maybe even ask for a family session.

Being fearful of your dads response indicates that this type of adult responsibility might be contributing towards your anxiety. Pretending not to hear isn’t an unusual response in an anxiety provoking situation.

Of course you care about both of your parents - as well as your education - it’s a lot of pressure.
 
I , honestly , wanted to tell him that I couldn’t but I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
 
I am a 16 year old, 10th grader at my local high school. My teacher has told us that our test count 70 or 80% of our grades. I could have asked to do it another day, but i have to study for other classes. Because of that I wouldn’t be able to study the required test.
 
I’d speak to your school psychologist, and maybe a priest about the disobedience thing.

Seems like this issue goes deeper than this one day. You’re called to obey your father, but not completely blindly and without question if your education is at stake here. You should be able to inform him you have a test (which he may not know), without fear of yelling. Of course, as previously mentioned, you must still obey him if he tells you the lawyer meeting is a must, despite your test.

Maybe try “I’ll do that for you Dad. I would like you to know that I’d be missing a big test, but I’ll still go if it’s important”. This way, it comes out less like a “But Daaaaaad…” moment.

If he asks you to miss too much school. mention that to the school psychologist. This could be something where someone needs to step in for you. Chores are good for all high school students, but You shouldn’t be running HIS errands for him because he needs you to.
 
At 16 you owe you dad obedience. But he owes you the consideration if your needs also, which it sounds like he was doing since he asked you as a favor. No sin of disobedience involved in not providing a favor he requested, beyond the lack of consideration in answering him.
 
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The Guidance office in your high school is a resource that you could explore too. (But if you have an existing relationship with a psychologist, you should definitely reach out.)

Let them know that there are pressures at home - they can be a bridge between your teachers and maybe connect you with some support in the school, if you think that would help. (School psychologist, social work - you’d be surprised by how many resources are available to students, but they need for you to ask or indicate that you might need help…)

I’m sorry, but I think 15-16 is too young. You are not responsible for going to an attorney with your mother - your father should not be applying that type of pressure onto you. (but I am a stranger responding anonymously on an Internet forum… everything here needs to be weighed objectively…)

I can’t speak to Catholic disobedience for a young person, but from the few details that I’m reading here, you are too young for the issues that you are describing.

You should be worrying about school, girls/boys … high school stuff - not attorneys/attorney refunds … these are adult issues.

It is wonderful that you care about your parents, but they have a responsibility for your emotional well-being and it seems to me that perhaps you are being given more than you should be handling on your own.

———-

(edited to adjust age - I misread too - I thought you wrote 15. Either way, sophomore in high school is too young to be assisting with parental attorney issues.). Also, upon re-reading, your expressing concern about already having missed too many days indicates your anxiety about your school absences - another reason to reach out for help either in school or with your existing psychologist.)
 
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A parent has the obligation not to ask his child to do something harmful to the child’s self or to the child’s education. Asking a child to miss school (when it’s not for reasons of sickness or a greater educational opportunity) is an aggressive, unjust action. In many jurisdictions, missing school (unless you’re homeschooled or sick) is a crime – truancy.

A child does not have the obligation to obey a parent who is ordering something seriously unjust and harmful, or who is ordering the child to commit a crime.

As for pretending not to hear… St. Francis did it, when his father cursed him for not coming back to the family business and ceasing his mendicant life.

(And eventually, St. Francis hired one of his homeless beggar friends to stand as his father, and to bless him with a fatherly blessing whenever his biological father cursed him. There was some classic family feuding in the Bernadone family! But it all turned out all right in the end.)
 
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