Can somebody help me here?

  • Thread starter Thread starter JDGaney
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

JDGaney

Guest
I’ll make it known here: I suffer from OCD.

A year ago, I was having a debate with an evangelical friend of mine, ad we got to saintly miracles and he told me: if it’s not God it’s probably the devil.

I then stumbled into the Fundamentalist circles, such as Jesus-is-savior.com. I then read an article by Dave Hunt on his book about our Church being the harlot in Revelation 17. I went to pray at my church and I began to doubt who created existence as we know it, since the theory of Stephen Hawking about God not creating the universe… And I wondered: did satan do it? Is satan most high? And I thought about my friend’s comment: is Jesus a trick from…? Can’t even write it.

I panicked. Because I remember CARM saying That is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, the unforgivable sin. It wore me out, and as I tries to research Catholicism to prove it true, it seemed that I found nothing to support it. Every time I went to communion I thought I was doing something pagan and satanic. All I could find was Anti-Catholicism, such as Angelica Zambrano’s story about her revelation.

I was watching the Exorcist and I was praying with the priests, kinda like I was taking part in the exorcism, but then I thought of the claims of fundamentalists: Catholics pray to satan. I thought: okay! I’m gonna pray to Satan! What!!!

Later I watched an exorcist prequel and there was a scene with Merrin being tempted by te devil into going to the past to fix something, and I thought I caved in like I was saying yes. I dreamed days later that I sold my soul and felt defeated.

As I prayed, I wondered who I was praying to. Lord who? Which God? Is it satan?

I was in such great despair. I felt compulsions to go to the devil, like saying that the devil is lord, drawing me in like a magnet. Out of despair, I thought: screw it, I’m damned anyways, as I was being tempted.

Now in this time, I was confused over my sexuality, this came after manipulating myself that because I was artistic ad nervous around women, I was gay, but as time went by I started to feel gay. However, women could still turn me on. I decided to sell my soul for that. And days later, I felt like a heterosexual again.

But after enjoying my regained sex life, I felt fear and wanted to repent to God. It became difficult for me to pray to God, since I was so used to praying as a catholic, ad I ears fundamentalists saying I was committing idolatry, and the Mary’s in Catholicisn were demons. Even at one point I was angry at the fundamentalists and I said I’d rather love demon Mary than their God.

Now I keep being drawn to the devil, like there’s something inside me pulling me there. Before I go to mass I think of the prayers and I insert Satan in there. Blessed are you, Lird Satan of all creation… I keep thinking the mass is an abomination…

I spoke to my priest about this and all he said was that te devil didn’t want me and I should live a more active Christian lifestyle, ie soup kitchens, homeless shelters, etc.

This drives me crazy. I’ve researched Catholicism and find it to be most true after listening to Steve Ray, Jimmy Akin, Tim Staples and Scott Hahn, but these doubts and compulsions still come.

What do I do? Am I damned? Should I get an exorcism? Idiot want to pray to Satan or say he is lord in my heart anymore.
 
And I have been taken awy from college on a medical leave of absence.
 
Perhaps you should seek both a Catholic psychologist and a spiritual director to help you work through all these miscellaneous thoughts that are clearly causing you so much suffering. I hope and pray you can find them if you need them.
 
Aelred_Minor said:
Perhaps you should seek both a Catholic psychologist and a spiritual director to help you work through all these miscellaneous thoughts that are clearly causing you so much suffering. I hope and pray you can find them if you need them.
Click to expand...
^This. The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll feel better.
 
Aelred_Minor said:
Perhaps you should seek both a Catholic psychologist and a spiritual director to help you work through all these miscellaneous thoughts that are clearly causing you so much suffering. I hope and pray you can find them if you need them.
Click to expand...
I third this advice.

And stay away from jesus-is-savior.com. Lots of misinformation there.
 
You are being attacked by the forces of evil. Fear not. Many have been attacked, and the Lord will triumph. Seek solace in His loving arms. The saints will never hurt you, they are your advocates. The Evil One attacks them indirectly, by causing you doubt. Fear not, for the Lord is with you. Heed not the fools who claim His friends are devils, and fear not that Satan is too great for God. He is nothing to Him.

Pray and have hope. Pray FOR hope. Pray for Christ’s peace. And, as others have said, seek counsel from a spiritual adviser and from a therapist. Always, always, always, know that He is greater than all these trials, and that they will pass. He will not.

Concentrate not on His judgement, for this is being used against you. Instead, dwell in His love and mercy, and know that you are safe there. Seek to be united with Him. Turn to confession and the Eucharist. Pray to Him. Seek guidance. You will be delivered.

Know that He walks with you always:

Psalm 46: 10 - “Be still, and know that I am God…”

Exodus 14: 14 - “The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be still.”

Psalm 23: “1 A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want; 2 he makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters; 3 he restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies; thou anointest my head with oil, my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.”

Matthew 28: 20 - “…and lo, I am with you always, to the close of the age.”
 
JDGaney said:
I’ll make it known here: I suffer from OCD.

Our prayers are with you.

he told me: if it’s not God it’s probably the devil.

That’s right. The devil can perform great signs to deceive even the elect, if possible. Check Mt 12:27

I then stumbled into the Fundamentalist circles I then read an article about our Church being the harlot in Revelation 17. I went to pray at my church and I began to doubt who created existence as we know it And I wondered: did satan do it? Is satan most high? And I thought about my friend’s comment: is Jesus a trick from…?

**Satan is a creature. Creature = almost nothing. Creature = speck of dust. Indeed, the angels and the demons, being pure spirits, are in their nothingness a little more than humans. But that is uncomparable with God, who is the Creator, the only one who IS.

A creature CANNOT create anything. Everything was created by the One God, specifically by the divine person of the Father through the divine person of the Son, by the power of the divine person of the Holy Spirit.**

I was watching the Exorcist and I was praying with the priests, kinda like I was taking part in the exorcism, but then I thought of the claims of fundamentalists: Catholics pray to satan.

You do realize that this makes no sense. Satan is one of many angels, a pure spirit, who rebelled against God. Nothing more. He is no more than Gabriel or Michael. An exorcist receives the authority of Christ, which is God’s authority, over the fallen spirits, so he commands Satan and the demons and they are forced to obey by God almighty.

I dreamed days later that I sold my soul and felt defeated.

Do not worry at all about that. What is called the “unforgivable sin” is final impenitence - to die without having repented. As for the rest, a Christian has been sealed with an indelible mark of the Holy Spirit, so He no longer owns his soul or his body: they belong to Christ. Of course, if we start sinning and driving ourselves away from God, we can end up rejecting God. But that is only once we are dead and we cannot go back.

As I prayed, I wondered who I was praying to. Lord who? Which God? Is it satan?

The ONLY being who hears your prayers is the Creator of all things, God. If a creature (me, an angel, a demon, Satan, Michael…) hears your prayer, he cannot do anything about it. Can I grant your prayer? Surely not. No creature can. So you are praying to God, to God alone.

I was in such great despair. I felt compulsions to go to the devil …] Out of despair, I thought: screw it, I’m damned anyways, as I was being tempted.

Many of us have had such a thought. Truth is, nobody is damned - we damn ourselves. Even in mortal sin, we are not “damned”, for God is granting us a shower of graces that we may repent and be saved.

Now in this time, I was confused over my sexuality, this came after manipulating myself that because I was artistic ad nervous around women, I was gay, but as time went by I started to feel gay. However, women could still turn me on. I decided to sell my soul for that. And days later, I felt like a heterosexual again.

**You need to confess this and ask for spiritual direction. **

But after enjoying my regained sex life, I felt fear and wanted to repent to God. It became difficult for me to pray to God, since I was so used to praying as a catholic, ad I ears fundamentalists saying I was committing idolatry, and the Mary’s in Catholicisn were demons.

I recommend that right away you read "True Devotion to Mary by St. Louis de Monfort. You will immediately see how wrong everyone who attacks the Blessed Virgin is, and you will be able to rebuke them.

Now I keep being drawn to the devil, like there’s something inside me pulling me there. Before I go to mass I think of the prayers and I insert Satan in there.

The moment we feel that there is something demonic influencing us, we know for sure that this is NOT the case. When Satan comes to disturb a person, he hides away so that only very skillful discerners of spirits can detect him. So don’t worry too much. And once and for all get straight the difference between God the Creator and all other worthless specks of dust which we call creatures (the smallest of them all being the fallen spirit called Satan).

I spoke to my priest about this and all he said was that te devil didn’t want me and I should live a more active Christian lifestyle, ie soup kitchens, homeless shelters, etc.

Great advice. Once you start seeing the good works done by Holy Church, you will realize that it is the Church of God.

This drives me crazy. I’ve researched Catholicism and find it to be most true

Read the writings of the saints. Read the Diary of St. Faustina Kowalska, the Story of a Soul of S. Therese of Lisieux, the works of S. Augustine, the poems of St. John of the Cross…books like these will show you the light and the truth.

What do I do? Am I damned? Should I get an exorcism? Idiot want to pray to Satan or say he is lord in my heart anymore.

**Pray, hope, and don’t worry.

Nobody is damned unless they die unrepentant.

You do not “get” exorcism, just like you do not receive surgery or radiation therapy unless a doctor has visited you and established without any doubt that you need it.

And start praying the Rosary daily, please. It is the most powerful weapon humanity has ever had against the fallen angels. It could also help if every so often you repeat: “Jesus, I trust in you.”**
Click to expand...
 
Jesus Christ founded the Catholic Church for your salvation. Do not believe the lies! I know with OCD you will need to be reassured of this many times a day. I suggest you get a “Divine Mercy Poster” to hand in your room. It says Jesus I trust in you. It will help you. :love:
 
JDGaney said:
What do I do? Am I damned? Should I get an exorcism?.
Click to expand...
No, I think an engaging hobby and a bit of therapy with some appropriate meds will do the trick.

First, stop reading/talking whatever with these other people. Just come back to Church, go to confession, attend Mass, sing in the choir or something. You are way too far inside your own head and making yourself crazy over all of this.
 
JDGaney said:
I’ll make it known here: I suffer from OCD.

What do I do? Am I damned? Should I get an exorcism? Idiot want to pray to Satan or say he is lord in my heart anymore.
Click to expand...
The first sentence has the answer in it. You are unwell, and you know this. Your illness is causing these problems. Trust that God knows this.

Like Aelred Minor said, find a professional Catholic psychotherapist, and get the illness dealt to, because that will make your life much better.
 
JDGaney said:
I’ll make it known here: I suffer from OCD.

A year ago, I was having a debate with an evangelical friend of mine, ad we got to saintly miracles and he told me: if it’s not God it’s probably the devil.

I then stumbled into the Fundamentalist circles, such as Jesus-is-savior.com. I then read an article by Dave Hunt on his book about our Church being the harlot in Revelation 17. I went to pray at my church and I began to doubt who created existence as we know it, since the theory of Stephen Hawking about God not creating the universe… And I wondered: did satan do it? Is satan most high? And I thought about my friend’s comment: is Jesus a trick from…? Can’t even write it.

I panicked. Because I remember CARM saying That is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, the unforgivable sin. It wore me out, and as I tries to research Catholicism to prove it true, it seemed that I found nothing to support it. Every time I went to communion I thought I was doing something pagan and satanic. All I could find was Anti-Catholicism, such as Angelica Zambrano’s story about her revelation.

I was watching the Exorcist and I was praying with the priests, kinda like I was taking part in the exorcism, but then I thought of the claims of fundamentalists: Catholics pray to satan. I thought: okay! I’m gonna pray to Satan! What!!!

Later I watched an exorcist prequel and there was a scene with Merrin being tempted by te devil into going to the past to fix something, and I thought I caved in like I was saying yes. I dreamed days later that I sold my soul and felt defeated.

As I prayed, I wondered who I was praying to. Lord who? Which God? Is it satan?

I was in such great despair. I felt compulsions to go to the devil, like saying that the devil is lord, drawing me in like a magnet. Out of despair, I thought: screw it, I’m damned anyways, as I was being tempted.

Now in this time, I was confused over my sexuality, this came after manipulating myself that because I was artistic ad nervous around women, I was gay, but as time went by I started to feel gay. However, women could still turn me on. I decided to sell my soul for that. And days later, I felt like a heterosexual again.

But after enjoying my regained sex life, I felt fear and wanted to repent to God. It became difficult for me to pray to God, since I was so used to praying as a catholic, ad I ears fundamentalists saying I was committing idolatry, and the Mary’s in Catholicisn were demons. Even at one point I was angry at the fundamentalists and I said I’d rather love demon Mary than their God.

Now I keep being drawn to the devil, like there’s something inside me pulling me there. Before I go to mass I think of the prayers and I insert Satan in there. Blessed are you, Lird Satan of all creation… I keep thinking the mass is an abomination…

I spoke to my priest about this and all he said was that te devil didn’t want me and I should live a more active Christian lifestyle, ie soup kitchens, homeless shelters, etc.

This drives me crazy. I’ve researched Catholicism and find it to be most true after listening to Steve Ray, Jimmy Akin, Tim Staples and Scott Hahn, but these doubts and compulsions still come.

What do I do? Am I damned? Should I get an exorcism? Idiot want to pray to Satan or say he is lord in my heart anymore.
Click to expand...
you are just being tempted

don’t worry about anything Jesus is most present for you in these moments.

if you are depressed or worried find laughter
:pdoubt and questions are part of everyones life they are normal just talk to a priest or a person knowledgable about the Catholic faith about one of you’re questions or doubts only one question each time.😃

I had almost the same problem as you and laughter and talking about one question or problem helped me.

hope this helps:)

Shalom
God Bless you on you’re journey
you ar in my prayers
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top