Can somebody help me out here?

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JDGaney

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I’ve asked this a few times, but I still don’t feel relief over a year and a half later.

Well, it’s just the constant doubting over Catholic doctrines like the mass and the Eucharist, like I’ll be at work and all of a sudden I’ll start doubting. It’s better now but it used to be terrible. I used to always doubt how Jesus was the true messiah (had a relapse of that on Good Friday).

But what scared me the most was my fear that I blasphemed the Holy Spirit. One night in fall of 2011, I got back from a campus ministry meeting at school and I was in my dorm trying to prove the existence of God, and I thought about the Council of Jerusalem, and how my morality teacher in high school said the Holy Spirit decided everything at the council, and I had a compulsion to say: screw the Holy Spirit! First I freaked out and I kinda accepted damnation because I was willing to accept whatever God gave me. But then I read an article on CARM.com that said that the sin against the Spirit was to believe Jesus got His powers from the devil, and I relaxed, and went to bed. No harm done.

Then a month later I’m finally exposed to Biblical theology. And I finally care about what the Bible says for once because I want to be on God’s good side. So I was confronted with a bunch of anti-Catholic propaganda from sites like Jesus-is-Savior.com and Chick Tracts. I talk with my evangelical friend about saintly miracles proving the ability to pray to the saints, and he told me an honest truth: if it’s not God, it could be the devil.

So here I am in my church one day, stopping in for a prayer while running errands, and as I kneel before the altar, I’m reminded of how this is “satan’s” church and I tried to persevere through it all, and I start to question things. I thought about Stephen Hawking’s comment a few years ago, saying that God did not create the universe, nad I started to to think: what if God wasn’t the creator? What if satan did? And I thought of my friend’s comment about devilish deceptions, and I wondered if Jesus was a deception, and I just thought: oh, ****! I’ve just blasphemed the Spirit!

So there’s that, and I’m then watching a movie like Nosferatu or The Exorcist and I’m kind of praying while I watch, imaging that I’m fighting the evil spirits, but then I thought of an anti-Catholic saying to me: No! Catholics pray to satan! and I was like: Okay! I’m praying to satan! and I got sucked into this thing and such, further convincing myself I was damned.

Then there came a day in early February 2012, I was in such a great sense of despair that I was damned and continued to sell my soul, that the devil actually tempted me: I had been struggling with my sexuality for a year or so (brought on by another form of over thinking ocd and self bullying *) but out of despair I thought: screw it, take it, satan. Following that my homosexuality seemed to disappear and such. But after that, I really regretted what I had done and tried to return to God and ask His Forgiveness.

In that time, I was doubting if I was actually in God’s favor and if Catholicism was valid in His Eyes. I’d be in the middle of praying my rosary and I’d think I was praying to the devil, since I watched a movie by Fundamentalists claiming that all the Marian apparitions in the world were actually the devil. And I even thought I’d rather worship these demons than go with what is being presented as true Christianity.

So, I’ve discovered that Catholicism is true Christianity, but yet I still struggle with this. I pray to the devil to get things done quicker. My logic is that the devil will answer it, despite me damning myself. I try to stop praying to the devil, but I get sucked into everything, like a magnet. I pray to Jesus all the time, asking Him to stop me from doing this, but I’m not strong enough. I doubt that Jesus will answer me, and for the most part, He doesn’t do what I want Him to do: blocking me from these awful temptations.

What do I do? I pray the rosary and the chaplet of Divine Mercy, and I always say the Jesus Prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner… But I still face temptation and have a hard time overcoming it. When I pray, sometimes I forget what I’m praying, like the devil is trying to stop me?

Again: what do I do?
I want to stop. Pray for me and all who are in the clutches of the devil. I will pray for you.*
 
We all have our doubts at times. Every once in a while I get a thought like “what if I’m wrong and there is no God?” I have learned not to pay too much attention to these stray thoughts. It is best to replace it with an affirmation. I remember how bright and intelligent Bl. John Paul II is and that he held firmly to faith. I say a prayer like, “My God and my All.” Then I continue on with what I am doing. It takes practice, but it is worth it.

I also have learned the hard way that how I “feel” about something at any given time changes with my mood. Feeling are there to give us an indication that we need to look more closely at something. Reason was given to us so that we can figure out what that feeling is about.

Now, on the odd chance that this is an intense and recurring problem, you might want to check in with a medical practitioner to see if they have something that can help. Sometimes there are medications or therapies like cognitive-behavioral therapy or mindfulness therapy. In all this offer your sufferings to Christ and pray for relief.
 
Stay away from CARM. It is a fundamentalist site and is anti-Catholic. Also, blasphemy against the Holy Spirit means rejecting repentance even until your death.
 
JDGaney,

Please see a priest and discuss all of what you wrote with him.

Never, never pray to the devil.

Carm is an anti-Catholic site. Do not visit any sites that are not solidly Catholic, as they can only confuse you and cause you anxiety.
 
bcuster said:
We all have our doubts at times. Every once in a while I get a thought like “what if I’m wrong and there is no God?”
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False. I have always known Catholicism to be the true religion of God and for God to be real and I was shocked to find out when I was younger that people had doubts.
 
thebookofesther said:
False. I have always known Catholicism to be the true religion of God and for God to be real and I was shocked to find out when I was younger that people had doubts.
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Then you are blessed with a strong faith. Give thanks and praise to God!

I’m not quite there; I still have to pray for my faith to be strengthened.
 
J D,
You need to speak with a really good priest. If you have been talking with the devil and your parish priest cannot help you or recommend someone who can, you need to call your diocese and ask to speak with a priest who has learned about demonology, not to scare you, but this is often the exorcist, not because I think you are possessed bit because they are the ones who usually know about these things, so don’t freak out about that.

In the meantime, until you are able to talk with a priest, this is what I heard from a good priest: pray, to God!!!: first make a morning offering, then be sure to pray the Rosary and very much meditate on the mysteries. If you can do some spiritual reading, do that to.

Also, pray the St Michael the Archangel prayers. Here is a short article and the most well-known prayer. At the end of the article is a link to other prayers to St Michael, one of which is a personal prayer for protection, might be a good idea to carry that one around with you til you memorize it.

Don’t forget to call a priest about this !!! Very important !!!

PS: I also agree with those who suggest avoiding CARM; and maybe any theological discussion until you have this sorted out with a good priest.
 
Please, for the sake of your soul and your mental health, STOP visiting anti-Catholic websites. The people that run these sites as well as those who frequent them are as ignorant and hate-filled as one can get. They are the purveyors of false “facts” and servants of the evil ones.

STOP WORRYING. There is truly God, his Son and the Holy Spirit, and the Catholic Church is His church. Whenever I’ve strayed from the true Church, I have always been led by miraculous means right back into the One, Holy, Catholic, Apostolic Church.

The fullness of Christianity is embodied in the Catholic Church. The Protestant churches have content themselves with a small sliver of pie. We have the entire pie. The mystery of God and our salvation is like a giant jigsaw puzzle. You have to have all the pieces to form a complete picture. If you only have a handful of pieces, you’ll never see the whole picture. The protestants have only a handful of pieces. They can’t see the whole picture. This is why your should not rely on Protestants for information. They are the blind leading the blind. They look at Catholic beliefs as if we are the strange ones. In reality, our practices go back to the first century. Reading the early church fathers will set your mind at ease that you are following the true faith.

Finally, NEVER pray to the devil or address him in any way.
 
JDGaney said:
I’ve asked this a few times, but I still don’t feel relief over a year and a half later.

Well, it’s just the constant doubting over Catholic doctrines like the mass and the Eucharist, like I’ll be at work and all of a sudden I’ll start doubting. It’s better now but it used to be terrible. I used to always doubt how Jesus was the true messiah (had a relapse of that on Good Friday).

But what scared me the most was my fear that I blasphemed the Holy Spirit. One night in fall of 2011, I got back from a campus ministry meeting at school and I was in my dorm trying to prove the existence of God, and I thought about the Council of Jerusalem, and how my morality teacher in high school said the Holy Spirit decided everything at the council, and I had a compulsion to say: screw the Holy Spirit! First I freaked out and I kinda accepted damnation because I was willing to accept whatever God gave me. But then I read an article on CARM.com that said that the sin against the Spirit was to believe Jesus got His powers from the devil, and I relaxed, and went to bed. No harm done.

Then a month later I’m finally exposed to Biblical theology. And I finally care about what the Bible says for once because I want to be on God’s good side. So I was confronted with a bunch of anti-Catholic propaganda from sites like Jesus-is-Savior.com and Chick Tracts. I talk with my evangelical friend about saintly miracles proving the ability to pray to the saints, and he told me an honest truth: if it’s not God, it could be the devil.

So here I am in my church one day, stopping in for a prayer while running errands, and as I kneel before the altar, I’m reminded of how this is “satan’s” church and I tried to persevere through it all, and I start to question things. I thought about Stephen Hawking’s comment a few years ago, saying that God did not create the universe, nad I started to to think: what if God wasn’t the creator? What if satan did? And I thought of my friend’s comment about devilish deceptions, and I wondered if Jesus was a deception, and I just thought: oh, ****! I’ve just blasphemed the Spirit!

So there’s that, and I’m then watching a movie like Nosferatu or The Exorcist and I’m kind of praying while I watch, imaging that I’m fighting the evil spirits, but then I thought of an anti-Catholic saying to me: No! Catholics pray to satan! and I was like: Okay! I’m praying to satan! and I got sucked into this thing and such, further convincing myself I was damned.

Then there came a day in early February 2012, I was in such a great sense of despair that I was damned and continued to sell my soul, that the devil actually tempted me: I had been struggling with my sexuality for a year or so (brought on by another form of over thinking ocd and self bullying *) but out of despair I thought: screw it, take it, satan. Following that my homosexuality seemed to disappear and such. But after that, I really regretted what I had done and tried to return to God and ask His Forgiveness.

In that time, I was doubting if I was actually in God’s favor and if Catholicism was valid in His Eyes. I’d be in the middle of praying my rosary and I’d think I was praying to the devil, since I watched a movie by Fundamentalists claiming that all the Marian apparitions in the world were actually the devil. And I even thought I’d rather worship these demons than go with what is being presented as true Christianity.

So, I’ve discovered that Catholicism is true Christianity, but yet I still struggle with this. I pray to the devil to get things done quicker. My logic is that the devil will answer it, despite me damning myself. I try to stop praying to the devil, but I get sucked into everything, like a magnet. I pray to Jesus all the time, asking Him to stop me from doing this, but I’m not strong enough. I doubt that Jesus will answer me, and for the most part, He doesn’t do what I want Him to do: blocking me from these awful temptations.

What do I do? I pray the rosary and the chaplet of Divine Mercy, and I always say the Jesus Prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner… But I still face temptation and have a hard time overcoming it. When I pray, sometimes I forget what I’m praying, like the devil is trying to stop me?

Again: what do I do?
I want to stop. Pray for me and all who are in the clutches of the devil. I will pray for you.*

My one piece of advice, stay with the Catholic catechism and don’t read anything else for a while. Be sure and avoid all non-catholic sites and literature.

To be honest, you need more solid ground under your feet. Right now you are slipping and sliding all over the place. Just stay with the Catholic catechism. If you need to know anything, then see the index in the back, it is very helpful.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
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Beryllos said:
Then you are blessed with a strong faith. Give thanks and praise to God!

I’m not quite there; I still have to pray for my faith to be strengthened.
Click to expand...
Thank you. I will pray a rosary for you.
 
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