Can someone give me some input on my sister's marriage?

[Holly3278]

Hey everyone. My sister is married to a man who has been previously married. They are both Christian, or at least they are both baptized. My sister and her husband have had three children together and there is one child from my sister’s husband’s previous marriage. Well, they have been having marital problems recently and are now choosing to try to work things out. I support this but I am wondering if I should. I don’t know what to think because I have no idea if this is a valid marriage or not and so I don’t know what to think and really need some good orthodox Catholic (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[vsedriver]

your sister has 3 kids with her husband. That’s reason alone to stay together as a married couple.

 

[thewanderer]

I agree with the above. Separation and divorce can be absolutely devastating for the children involved

 

[jeffryan]

The man was previously married…did he get an annulment? If he did not then the marriage to your sister is not valid as his previous marriage still exists.
I am assuming at least one of them is Catholic.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

Well, they have been having marital problems recently and are now choosing to try to work things out. I support this but I am wondering if I should. I don’t know what to think because I have no idea if this is a valid marriage or not and so I don’t know what to think and really need some good orthodox Catholic (name removed by moderator)ut.

I don’t understand how the sacramental validity of their marriage impacts whether or not you support them in their attempts to remain civilly marriage, which I assume is what they’re trying to do.

At the center of the issue isn’t the validity of their marriage in the Church’s eyes, but the nature of their marital problems. If there’s violence or abuse in the house, you should encourage and support your sister to get herself (if she’s the victim, and her children) to safety, even if this means legal separation. Raising children in homes where there is unchecked addiction, violence, or abuse does them absolutely no good. If they’re having more prosaic problems, you should support them if they’re trying to work things out and encourage your sister to always put the best interests of their children first no matter what they decide.

Once their marriage is on a more solid footing and if they’re Catholic, you can suggest they meet with a priest to determine if their marriage needs to be regularized.

Luna

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Hey everyone. My sister is married to a man who has been previously married. They are both Christian, or at least they are both baptized. My sister and her husband have had three children together and there is one child from my sister’s husband’s previous marriage. Well, they have been having marital problems recently and are now choosing to try to work things out. I support this but I am wondering if I should. I don’t know what to think because I have no idea if this is a valid marriage or not and so I don’t know what to think and really need some good orthodox Catholic (name removed by moderator)ut.

What is the alternative? Should you tell them to divorce because you don’t know the status of their marriage? There are 4 children involved. Do everything you can to keep this family together (assuming there is no abuse, drug addiction, etc.). Even if those factors exist, support the parents in trying to improve their marriage and not split up.

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

Hey everyone. My sister is married to a man who has been previously married. They are both Christian, or at least they are both baptized. My sister and her husband have had three children together and there is one child from my sister’s husband’s previous marriage. Well, they have been having marital problems recently and are now choosing to try to work things out. I support this but I am wondering if I should. I don’t know what to think because I have no idea if this is a valid marriage or not and so I don’t know what to think and really need some good orthodox Catholic (name removed by moderator)ut.

The only unbreakable marriage is the Catholic Marriage.

But, as said above, all marriages are made to the image of the Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Even some animals fight till death for their children. Unfortunately, today is fashion to say that it is not worthwhile to keep the marriage for the sake of children if there is no “love”.

Love, here, often means passion, sex, honeymoon. But honeymoon lasts 1 week and today people often want the honey of marriage, do not want the dark nights when the moon is the only companion.

As a product of a broken marriage, I fight for every marriage of my friends till the end. I know what I suffered, so I do not want to any kid what I passed through…

 

[LemonAndLime]

Hey everyone. My sister is married to a man who has been previously married. They are both Christian, or at least they are both baptized. My sister and her husband have had three children together and there is one child from my sister’s husband’s previous marriage. Well, they have been having marital problems recently and are now choosing to try to work things out. I support this but I am wondering if I should. I don’t know what to think because I have no idea if this is a valid marriage or not and so I don’t know what to think and really need some good orthodox Catholic (name removed by moderator)ut.

There really isn’t a dilemma. You need to support them and encourage them to work through their issues (rather than take the easy option, and I suspect what you believe to be the ‘right’ thing to do and leave each other).

Whether or not their marriage is ‘sacramental’ or ‘valid’ isn’t really as important as them staying together for their children. Being married but in an invalid way is worse than being divorced (a second time for him) and having children caught in the middle.

I think choosing to not support them just because you believe their marriage is invalid is concerning, you need to be careful of not appearing to be “holier than thou” towards your sister. Instead you need to stop focusing on any past sins and encourage them to look towards the future.

 

[1ke]

The only unbreakable marriage is the Catholic Marriage.

This is not accurate. The Church teaches that marriage between the baptized is a sacrament. It further teaches that the sacramental character of marriage includes indissoluability.

Therefore, it is not only marriages between Catholics that are indissoluable but also marriages between baptized non-Catholics or a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic (when entered into validly via proper form and permissions).

 

[Iron_Donkey]

If, indeed, their marriage is invalid because the husband has not had an annulment (ignoring current problems for the moment), then the Catholic response would be: stay together for the sake of the children, but live as brother and sister until such time as the marriage situation is, if it ever is, regularized. (And to see a priest to get regularization moving.)

I mention this primarily to point out that Catholic teaching does not want to break up families even when the parents are not validly married. I think a reasonable Catholic approach would be to be supportive of their staying together for their children’s sake, and to encourage the rest (insofar as your relationship allows) when the children are no longer in jeopardy.

 

[Holly3278]

The man was previously married…did he get an annulment? If he did not then the marriage to your sister is not valid as his previous marriage still exists.
I am assuming at least one of them is Catholic.

Neither of them are Catholic. I am the only Catholic in my family not counting distant relatives. That said, I do support them in their efforts to stay married if only for the kids. I realize that their marriage is not valid and while that does bother me, I don’t say anything about it because I don’t want to offend either of them.