Can someone marry and still choose to be celibate/abstinent?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mach5
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

Mach5

Guest
That’s about all I have, I really want to marry, but still want to be abstinent, I guess I could just be single but I want to be with someone???
 
Roguish beat me to it-- it’s called a Josephite marriage. 🙂

That would definitely be an expectation you’d hash out ahead of time that both people would agree to.

Otherwise— you might just have a roommate to split expenses with, and enjoy their company. Or you might take in boarders, just to have people around you and to have the extra income. Or run a BnB or something, if you live in a desirable area, where you have a constant flow of people from all sorts of places/backgrounds coming in, if you’re deliberately looking to share your space with other people, but not wanting a family, etc.

I’m friends with a married couple. The female half is a total introvert times a thousand, but the male half is an outgoing social butterfly. They live near a large university campus, and would rent rooms out to university students, just because he liked having all the people around. They recently moved further into the countryside, but are still close enough to the campus that they do AirBnB.

But the theological reason for marriage is to be fruitful and multiply. The practical reason of civil marriage is to be a team to go through life, with all the emotional/financial benefits thereof. So if you’re looking to live a celibate life, but not be totally alone, it would be a good idea to set up an environment that would replace the spouse’s emotional and financial contributions, if you have trouble finding someone who’s on the same page.
 
I was married for 25 years. After ten years, we took an oath of celibacy, witnessed by the church. So yes, entirely possible, and in our case, desirable.
 
Have you considered getting a dog? They are great company and there’s plenty of activities available that are fun and keep you both active. They will never hog the tv and they don’t mind at all if you snore. lol

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
Mach5 said:
That’s about all I have, I really want to marry, but still want to be abstinent, I guess I could just be single but I want to be with someone???
Click to expand...
No.
Notice that in the radical sanation questionnaire are the questions on proper consent:
At the time of the celebration of your current union, did you intend without condition or reservation:
  • To enter a marriage that is a life-long union of faithfulness to your intended spouse?
  • To give the normal rights of marriage necessary to have children?
  • To accept the obligations of fidelity?
  • To give consent to marriage freely and without force of any kind?
Click to expand...
It may so happen that although having the will to grant the proper conjugal rights, consummation never occurs, one cannot make that reservation. If the marriage is sacramental, yet unconsummated, it can be dissolved :
CIC Can. 1061 §1 A valid marriage between baptised persons is said to be merely ratified, if it is not consummated; ratified and consummated, if the spouses have in a human manner engaged together in a conjugal act in itself apt for the generation of offspring. To this act marriage is by its nature ordered and by it the spouses become one flesh.

CIC Can. 1101 §2 If, however, either or both of the parties should by a positive act of will exclude marriage itself or any essential element of marriage or any essential property, such party contracts invalidly.

CIC Can. 1102 §1 Marriage cannot be validly contracted subject to a condition concerning the future.

CIC Can. 1142 A non-consummated marriage between baptised persons or between a baptised party and an unbaptised party can be dissolved by the Roman Pontiff for a just reason, at the request of both parties or of either party, even if the other is unwilling.
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
Those married must be open to life. Be fruitful and multiply is. Once a couple has children they could agree to be celibate,
 
Yes; it shows that the desire to be abstinent cannot determine the will.
 
“Celibate” has a specific meaning in the Church. One cannot be married and celibate. One can be married and be abstinent.
 
Mach5 said:
That’s about all I have, I really want to marry, but still want to be abstinent, I guess I could just be single but I want to be with someone???
Click to expand...
I think under current law no. Not being open to life (and so by extension marital relations) renders a marriage invalid. Permanent impotence also renders a person unable to validly contract marriage and consummation is what makes a sacramental marriage indissoluble. All of which says sexual relations are an essential, not optional part of marriage.
 
Josephite marriages are not forbidden by Canon law. They are likely far more prevalent than most folks realize.
 
I am only repeating what the oath says. I am aware of the distinction, however. Thanks.
 
Last edited:
Mach5 said:
That’s about all I have, I really want to marry, but still want to be abstinent, I guess I could just be single but I want to be with someone???
Click to expand...
I would guess you would not have much chance of meeting a like-minded person.
 
If you intend to be abstinent at the time you marry, that would be an impediment to marriage. That would mean you would not be married, actually. You could not say you are “married.” I suggest that you talk with a priest about this, if you want to check this out.
It is possible to refrain from sex after you are married, if both of you agree.
 
Last edited:
As has been stated many times, there are valid Josephite marriages.
 
Vico said:
If the marriage is sacramental, yet unconsummated, it can be dissolved
Click to expand...
Yes.

But it is, as noted in your own premise, a marriage and it is sacramental, which, by definition, means it is a valid (if dissoluble) marriage.
 
Titivillus said:
40.png
Vico:
If the marriage is sacramental, yet unconsummated, it can be dissolved
Click to expand...
Yes.

But it is, as noted in your own premise, a marriage and it is sacramental, which, by definition, means it is a valid (if dissoluble) marriage.
Click to expand...
Yes, it is valid (although there may be some defect shown later), but the couple has not become one flesh.
 
If it is not too personal, I would like to know more detail of your situation. Why did you and your spouse choose to do this? Was the quidance from your pastor or spiritual directors?

I only ask because this comes up on this form from time to time, and it always seems to me a person is contemplating it to casually.
I am also curious about the oath you took. Actually surprised the Church would recognize a oath like this, as it was my understanding a Josephine marriage required the ongoing agreement of both spouses, is at any time one spouse could reasonably request sex and the marriage 9bligation still was present.
 
Last edited:
The oath, for the sake of simplicity, was to live under the same roof as brother and sister in the faith. It is a very long and rather convoluted story, but it began when I was accepted into a religious order as I explored my vocation. Yes, I was married at the time, but not in the church. The order did not demand the oath. I chose it, and my very ill spouse joined in it willingly. The marriage was unable to be blessed. I have never heard or met anyone else who took the oath in contemplation of a religious vocation.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top