Can Someone Please Advise?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Xtina334
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
X

Xtina334

Guest
Hi there, I’m new to these forums and I have a few questions:

1.) So I started doing the 54 day novena about 23 days ago, asking for my exboyfriend to return to me after 6 months of being broken up. He was my most serious relationship so far in my life, and the one I thought I was going to marry. We dated for almost a year but broke up in October. This breakup was especially hard for me, but in the end, he wasn’t making me a priority and was probably too immature for a relationship. I was 23, and he was 25 when we first started dating. In the beginning of the novena, I begged Mary to bring my ex back to me…I went from being extremely depressed/crying myself to sleep/ wondering what he was doing…and now, almost at the end of the petition part of it, I find myself thinking about him much less, somewhat not caring much anymore/realizing he’s not in God’s plan for me. Do you think this strength/ability to overcome the breakup finally is just due to time passing or do you think saying the novena has something to do with it? I’m amazed at how my feelings for him are fading away.

2.) I recently moved back to Wisconsin from the east coast ( Washington DC) about 3 months ago…missing Washington DC and the awesome living situation I had there, I became indecisive about whether I should move back or not. So I asked God to give me a sign telling me if I should move back or stay in WI, and the very next day, at work (Starbucks), a man came in telling me how he had recently moved from Minnesota to Wash. DC with his family and how he loves the weather there and is never moving back to the Midwest and he was only in Wisconsin for work for a week. I told him how I just moved back from there and we talked for a little while. I just thought it was completely random that he just happened to be from Washington DC as we never have anyone from other states come in, much less talk about it. Am I reading too much into this? Should I take this as my sign or do you believe it was a coincidence? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Thank you
 
About your boyfriend. I think it’s both the prayers and the passage of time. I know I started getting over my ex when I started to pray for him. Not a return to me, just general prayers for his wellbeing. And, of course, plenty of prayers for healing from all the abuse he had heaped on me.

For your job situation. Why did you leave the DC area? This may be the crucial question. And are you just looking back because it’s something you never had? Rose colored glasses and all that. You may look at other jobs that can take you there. Starbucks isn’t exactly highly rated in pay and promotional opportunities. Also, the cost of living there is probably high. Heck, the cost of living anywhere is getting ridiculous. Pray about it some more, and if there are some more of these incidents that come up, then I’d really look at moving back. Did you leave behind any close friends? They may be able to help you out here as well.
 
God does not map out a plan for us individually, we do that for ourselves using our gift of free will. God does not decide on who He wants us to marry and who He doesn’t want us to marry. That too is in our own hands. There is a danger in reading too much into things like this.

It may be a comfort of sorts to think, “This was God’s plan for us” or “This wasn’t God’s plan” but the reality is that our lives are not mapped out according to any individual Divine plan, but rather the path of our life runs according to how we exercise our free will; and this includes who we end up marrying. God does not choose the person who we end up marrying.
 
  1. I’d say that the Rosary Novena helped you a lot–how gracious Mary is!
  2. As someone who lived in the DC area… it seems like now would be a bad time to move back–surely Wi is nicer in summer than hot and humid DC! But seriously, you have moved back to WI, don’t second-guess this decision. You decided this way for a reason. Learn from and be grateful for the experience, but don’t wonder if you made the right decision because you have already moved and thinking on those lines will just make you crazy and discontented. Now you have the chance to experience Wisconsin things, and that is great!!! Go for it!!!
 
St_Francis said:
  1. I’d say that the Rosary Novena helped you a lot–how gracious Mary is!
  2. As someone who lived in the DC area… it seems like now would be a bad time to move back–surely Wi is nicer in summer than hot and humid DC! But seriously, you have moved back to WI, don’t second-guess this decision. You decided this way for a reason. Learn from and be grateful for the experience, but don’t wonder if you made the right decision because you have already moved and thinking on those lines will just make you crazy and discontented. Now you have the chance to experience Wisconsin things, and that is great!!! Go for it!!!
Click to expand...
I moved back to wisconsin because I was upset by my ex boyfriend. And I would be moving back before it gets cold here. I’ve experienced wisconsin things and that involves it being super cold and freezing most of the time lol.
 
Brendan_64 said:
God does not map out a plan for us individually, we do that for ourselves using our gift of free will. God does not decide on who He wants us to marry and who He doesn’t want us to marry. That too is in our own hands. There is a danger in reading too much into things like this.

It may be a comfort of sorts to think, “This was God’s plan for us” or “This wasn’t God’s plan” but the reality is that our lives are not mapped out according to any individual Divine plan, but rather the path of our life runs according to how we exercise our free will; and this includes who we end up marrying. God does not choose the person who we end up marrying.
Click to expand...
Really? That’s interesting. I really do believe God has a plan for each of us and that free will can only subtly change things. It’s interesting to hear other perspectives though 🙂
 
Brendan_64 said:
God does not map out a plan for us individually, we do that for ourselves using our gift of free will. God does not decide on who He wants us to marry and who He doesn’t want us to marry. That too is in our own hands. There is a danger in reading too much into things like this.

It may be a comfort of sorts to think, “This was God’s plan for us” or “This wasn’t God’s plan” but the reality is that our lives are not mapped out according to any individual Divine plan, but rather the path of our life runs according to how we exercise our free will; and this includes who we end up marrying. God does not choose the person who we end up marrying.
Click to expand...
May I intervene with a humble newbie opinion!? On a more philosophical question: God does plan and map our movement in every step. It is free will that may chose to step “out of bounds” with the divine providence. To separate God’s will and plan, that he has for each and everyone of us, from the free will of the individual is called sin. In our hands God gave the possibility that we may choose not to love him, and therefore not to accept his will in the most little things of our life.
In a more practical manner Jesus gives the answer: Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. (Lk 16:10) Indeed we choose the person with whom to marry, but it must be in accordance with God’s providence and will. So, in a way, we accept his plan to marry THIS particular person, as seen pleasing in the eyes of God, and therefore his will and plan.
Just a humble opinion, from a fellow catholic. May just be wrong.
 
Christy_Beth said:
About your boyfriend. I think it’s both the prayers and the passage of time. I know I started getting over my ex when I started to pray for him. Not a return to me, just general prayers for his wellbeing. And, of course, plenty of prayers for healing from all the abuse he had heaped on me.

For your job situation. Why did you leave the DC area? This may be the crucial question. And are you just looking back because it’s something you never had? Rose colored glasses and all that. You may look at other jobs that can take you there. Starbucks isn’t exactly highly rated in pay and promotional opportunities. Also, the cost of living there is probably high. Heck, the cost of living anywhere is getting ridiculous. Pray about it some more, and if there are some more of these incidents that come up, then I’d really look at moving back. Did you leave behind any close friends? They may be able to help you out here as well.
Click to expand...
I left because I was upset about my ex and needed a change. I lived for free with my sister and now I have to pay rent in WI. I was going to school there and dropped out. All because I was so upset and everything DC related was tainted for me by him. It was an impulsive move and now that I’m getting over him, I see what a mistake it was. But I will definitely pray more about it, thanks 🙂
 
anixx said:
May I intervene with a humble newbie opinion!? On a more philosophical question: God does plan and map our movement in every step. It is free will that may chose to step “out of bounds” with the divine providence. To separate God’s will and plan, that he has for each and everyone of us, from the free will of the individual is called sin. In our hands God gave the possibility that we may choose not to love him, and therefore not to accept his will in the most little things of our life.
In a more practical manner Jesus gives the answer: Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. (Lk 16:10) Indeed we choose the person with whom to marry, but it must be in accordance with God’s providence and will. So, in a way, we accept his plan to marry THIS particular person, as seen pleasing in the eyes of God, and therefore his will and plan.
Just a humble opinion, from a fellow catholic. May just be wrong.
Click to expand...
I completely agree.😃
 
As for the initial questions:
  1. It’s a very wise decision to place your trust in Mary, the Mother of God, that she may lead you to Him. In this life we try to separate the bonds that hold us to earthly things, even those emotional bonds that keep us too attached to other persons. When entering a relationship the good of both parties must be observed, hence one of the side falls to emotional dependency on the partner. As you were describing it, it does seem that you were a little bit dependent on him. Love God first and everything else falls in to place. Not without suffering, though. Love does require good, the good of the other.
  2. Think what actually draws you to that place. Will you be able to love God better there, then where you are now?
    Keep praying. All my love to you.
 
Xtina334 said:
Hi there, I’m new to these forums and I have a few questions:

1.) So I started doing the 54 day novena about 23 days ago, asking for my exboyfriend to return to me after 6 months of being broken up. He was my most serious relationship so far in my life, and the one I thought I was going to marry. We dated for almost a year but broke up in October. This breakup was especially hard for me, but in the end, he wasn’t making me a priority and was probably too immature for a relationship. I was 23, and he was 25 when we first started dating. In the beginning of the novena, I begged Mary to bring my ex back to me…I went from being extremely depressed/crying myself to sleep/ wondering what he was doing…and now, almost at the end of the petition part of it, I find myself thinking about him much less, somewhat not caring much anymore/realizing he’s not in God’s plan for me. Do you think this strength/ability to overcome the breakup finally is just due to time passing or do you think saying the novena has something to do with it? I’m amazed at how my feelings for him are fading away.

2.) I recently moved back to Wisconsin from the east coast ( Washington DC) about 3 months ago…missing Washington DC and the awesome living situation I had there, I became indecisive about whether I should move back or not. So I asked God to give me a sign telling me if I should move back or stay in WI, and the very next day, at work (Starbucks), a man came in telling me how he had recently moved from Minnesota to Wash. DC with his family and how he loves the weather there and is never moving back to the Midwest and he was only in Wisconsin for work for a week. I told him how I just moved back from there and we talked for a little while. I just thought it was completely random that he just happened to be from Washington DC as we never have anyone from other states come in, much less talk about it. Am I reading too much into this? Should I take this as my sign or do you believe it was a coincidence? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Thank you
Click to expand...
This is the novena without a doubt, God always knows what is best for us.
 
That’s awesome that your prayers are being answered, albeit in perhaps a bit different way than you had intended.

With regards to the guy from DC being a “sign”, I think that’s certainly possible. However, I would caution against allowing something like that from being the sole determining factor for what you decide to do. But it sounds like you have been leaning in that direction anyway. So perhaps that is God’s way of opening up your eyes to recognize and admit to yourself that it is what you really want to do.
 
anixx said:
May I intervene with a humble newbie opinion!? On a more philosophical question: God does plan and map our movement in every step. It is free will that may chose to step “out of bounds” with the divine providence. To separate God’s will and plan, that he has for each and everyone of us, from the free will of the individual is called sin. In our hands God gave the possibility that we may choose not to love him, and therefore not to accept his will in the most little things of our life.
Click to expand...
I disagree. God does not map out our lives for us, we do that through the decisions we make. Free will is not something that we exercise to step ‘out of bounds’, free will is a gift that enables us to make choices for good and for bad. There is no predestined plan mapped out for us by God. We make choices along the way, and these choices determine the path of our lives, every choice (for good or for bad) changes our life’s journey, and often the choices are not as simple ‘good or bad’ choices. Choices of career, partner, where we choose to live, all affect the path of our lives and God does not map such things out for us nor does he have a ‘preferred option’. Our ultimate aim is to achieve Salvation, and this is what God wants for us all, but the notion that God has a particular path mapped out for each of our lives is not a Catholic notion.

We have the gift of free will, and with that free will we determine the path of our lives. God does not have a predetermined path for each of us. We are fully responsible, not God, for the path our lives take.
 
Brendan_64 said:
I disagree. God does not map out our lives for us, we do that through the decisions we make. Free will is not something that we exercise to step ‘out of bounds’, free will is a gift that enables us to make choices for good and for bad. There is no predestined plan mapped out for us by God. We make choices along the way, and these choices determine the path of our lives, every choice (for good or for bad) changes our life’s journey, and often the choices are not as simple ‘good or bad’ choices. Choices of career, partner, where we choose to live, all affect the path of our lives and God does not map such things out for us nor does he have a ‘preferred option’. Our ultimate aim is to achieve Salvation, and this is what God wants for us all, but the notion that God has a particular path mapped out for each of our lives is not a Catholic notion.

We have the gift of free will, and with that free will we determine the path of our lives. God does not have a predetermined path for each of us. We are fully responsible, not God, for the path our lives take.
Click to expand...
Ok. Well I guess we won’t know the true answer until we die
 
Xtina334 said:
Ok. Well I guess we won’t know the true answer until we die
Click to expand...
CCC 1731 - “Freedom is the power, rooted in reason and will, to act or not to act, to do this or that, and so to perform deliberate actions on one’s own responsibility. By free will one shapes one’s own life.”

The Catechism of our Church teaches that our lives are shaped by our own free will, not by a path that God has mapped out for us.

Christ has redeemed us, but it is up to us to navigate through life using our gift of free will to make choices. Our paths are not created for us, we create our own paths.
 
Brendan_64 said:
CCC 1731 - “Freedom is the power, rooted in reason and will, to act or not to act, to do this or that, and so to perform deliberate actions on one’s own responsibility. By free will one shapes one’s own life.”

The Catechism of our Church teaches that our lives are shaped by our own free will, not by a path that God has mapped out for us.

Christ has redeemed us, but it is up to us to navigate through life using our gift of free will to make choices. Our paths are not created for us, we create our own paths.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I guess well see what is revealed to us after we die 🙂
 
Brendan_64 said:
CCC 1731 - “Freedom is the power, rooted in reason and will, to act or not to act, to do this or that, and so to perform deliberate actions on one’s own responsibility. By free will one shapes one’s own life.”

The Catechism of our Church teaches that our lives are shaped by our own free will, not by a path that God has mapped out for us.

Christ has redeemed us, but it is up to us to navigate through life using our gift of free will to make choices. Our paths are not created for us, we create our own paths.
Click to expand...
CCC 600 To God, all moments of time are present in their immediacy. When therefore he establishes his eternal plan of “predestination”, he includes in it each person’s free response to his grace: “In this city, in fact, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, gathered together against your holy servant Jesus, whom you anointed, to do whatever your hand and your plan had predestined to take place.” For the sake of accomplishing his plan of salvation, God permitted the acts that flowed from their blindness.
“He died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures”

Indeed we have the power to shape our lives, because our free will. But our free will has been designed to work most well in union with the plan of God.
And I ask you: What about priests? Are they not priests because first God willed it, and then came the response of the person? What about families? They are a vocation, too. Contrary to popular belief not everybody receives this vocation, the vocation to fatherhood or motherhood. And then moving to careers. Does not one receive the calling to save lives, by becoming a medic, a police officer or firefighter? You can choose which one makes the most money, contrary to what talents you have received.
We do shape our life by our free will. And we shape it well when, and only when, we are in accordance with the will of God. And the will of God always wills something specific, not a vague, abstract notion, but precisely you and me, which we are concrete persons. His Love, just as his Justice, is clear and direct.
That doesn’t mean that we may lose our salvation if we chose differently. A person may ignore or reject his calling to priesthood and still make it to Heaven, but God still wills it.
God’s ways are truly different from ours. This is my humble opinion, and until proven otherwise, I persist. 😛
Peace to you, brother!
 
Brendan_64 said:
I disagree. God does not map out our lives for us, we do that through the decisions we make. Free will is not something that we exercise to step ‘out of bounds’, free will is a gift that enables us to make choices for good and for bad. There is no predestined plan mapped out for us by God. We make choices along the way, and these choices determine the path of our lives, every choice (for good or for bad) changes our life’s journey, and often the choices are not as simple ‘good or bad’ choices. Choices of career, partner, where we choose to live, all affect the path of our lives and God does not map such things out for us nor does he have a ‘preferred option’. Our ultimate aim is to achieve Salvation, and this is what God wants for us all, but the notion that God has a particular path mapped out for each of our lives is not a Catholic notion.

We have the gift of free will, and with that free will we determine the path of our lives. God does not have a predetermined path for each of us. We are fully responsible, not God, for the path our lives take.
Click to expand...
What you say is true, but the Holy Spirit can arrange for someone to come into our lives. Then it is up to us to decide.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
 
anixx said:
CCC 600 To God, all moments of time are present in their immediacy. When therefore he establishes his eternal plan of “predestination”, he includes in it each person’s free response to his grace: “In this city, in fact, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, gathered together against your holy servant Jesus, whom you anointed, to do whatever your hand and your plan had predestined to take place.” For the sake of accomplishing his plan of salvation, God permitted the acts that flowed from their blindness.
“He died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures”
Click to expand...
Yes, God has an eternal plan for mankind, but this does not mean he has the life of each and every one of us mapped out with individualised routes.
fred_conty said:
What you say is true, but the Holy Spirit can arrange for someone to come into our lives. Then it is up to us to decide.
Click to expand...
This is of course possible, but the notion that God has a ‘special person’ put aside for us to marry is something that is not in keeping with Church teaching. To me, that is a bit like saying that God arranges marriages. While it might be a comfort for people to think that the spouse who they are deeply in love with is someone who God has arranged for them to meet, fall in love with and marry, this is simply an earthly romantic notion and we are all guilty of thinking like this at times. Likewise while the idea that when a breakup occurs, saying things like, “It wasn’t in God’s plan for us” might also comfort us, this is really just a way of us trying to help ourselves feel better about a painful breakup.

We are responsible for the paths our lives take, God doesn’t map out an individualised route for our life to take. We should love God, love our neighbour, follow Church teaching and attempt to live in the example of Christ. Our ultimate aim is Salvation, but the route for us to get there is not planned out for us, we determine that through exercising free will through the choices that we make. We are responsible for getting there. God provides us with principles and guidance, but I do not believe He maps out individualised routes for our lives.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top