Can someone talk me through confession please?

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Amac1

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I’m ashamed to say that I haven’t been to confession in 20+ years. In fact I have only been once or twice when receiving the sacrament many many years ago.
I am thankfully getting stronger in my faith and am going to go to confession soon (all is opening soon following the virus).

I am extremely nervous. I know it’s uncomfortable for many of us but what I’m feeling is on a different level. I am going to go to a neighbouring church as I will be more comfortable with a priest who doesn’t recognise me. I am ashamed to say I know nothing about how to do this though. I won’t be able to speak to the priest face to face (I struggle with talking in general). Will there always be an option for a screen? Would it be better to enquire about which church has a screen option before going?

I have been doing examination of conscience etc and have a list of sins I want to confess. I am aware of what to say (I think), but will have to read off a sheet. Do we always say an act of contrition at the end? Will the priest prompt me when to say this? Can I read it off the sheet as I won’t know it from memory.

I am more concerned about the simple logistics. Does it always take place in a confessional box? I have been looking at the confessionals… which door do I go into… the left or right? Do I sit or stand or kneel? If there is no one else there do I sit in the pew and wait to be called?
I know this all sounds so silly and trivial but it is very alien to me and I haven’t even observed anyone going to confession before. I’m nervous about being really awkward. I assume all churches do things differently, but if anyone could help I’d be very grateful.
I am in the UK, if that makes a difference to how things are done.

Thanks for reading.
 
The best person to talk you through it is the same priest who you will talk too. They have heard it all before and are anxious to help you make a good confession. You sound ready. Priests want to help. Don’t worry about not knowing the details. You will learn them as you go to confession more often. I say again, don’t worry about it. Priests are willing and ready to guide anyone through the process.
 
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Thanks for your reply. I don’t know the priests in neighbouring churches too well/at all, so I don’t know if I should contact them beforehand?
Can we choose which priest hears our confession? Or is it just a matter of going to who is there on the day.
Thanks.
 
You will do fine if you are looking into it.

Even if you knew NOTHING, the priest would be more than happy to walk through every step for you. Just get all that junk off your chest! It’ll be great once its over wont it?
 
Thank you for your advice. Just when you mention penance… if I am to say certain prayers etc can I do this at home, or is it normal to stay in the church and say them?
 
Yes I really can’t wait. It’s going to be amazing. Feeling so sick thinking of having to do this though
 
That’s the evil one. Don’t listen to him, hes scared he might lose you! WHICH HE WILL haha

Praise God!
 
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I agree with this. You may even want to come right out and say “Fr., I have not been to confession in 20 years, and I don’t even remember what I am supposed to say.”

Believe me, he will walk you through it. Find an “Examination of Conscience” online and read it and make some notes if needed to remember the sins you need to confess.

You will feel much better once you go. 🙂
 
Call the Church and speak to the secretary. They will help you with logistics.
 
You will be fine. I was away from the Church for 30 years and had only been to confession twice as a child when I returned. I brought a list and also wrote down the act of contrition in advance.

The priest I met with for confession was very helpful and understanding. He told me that all the saints and angels in heaven were rejoicing at my return to the Church, just as they will do for you.
 
Bear in mind that many places are still in some phase of pandemic mode, so the normal routine may not be what they’re following. You’ll likely want to find out in advance how they’re doing things. For instance, we’re not using the confessional; we’re using the rectory patio with a divider set up because it provides more distancing and better air flow.
 
First and foremost, welcome back! It takes real courage and strength of commitment to return to the sacrament after such a long time away and I appreciate that it’s anything but easy so good on you for what you’re going to do
Irishmom2 said:
I agree with this. You may even want to come right out and say “Fr., I have not been to confession in 20 years, and I don’t even remember what I am supposed to say.”
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Definitely this. You’re far from the first person in this situation but it definitely helps the priest to know from the start so that he can walk you through it. Believe me when I say this comes up more times that you might think so, while you may not have a clue what you’re doing the priest knows what he’s doing.
Amac1 said:
I am more concerned about the simple logistics. Does it always take place in a confessional box? I have been looking at the confessionals… which door do I go into… the left or right? Do I sit or stand or kneel? If there is no one else there do I sit in the pew and wait to be called?
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The churches I’ve seen in the UK tend to use the confessionals but it certainly doesn’t hurt to phone the office beforehand and ask if this is the case where you are. If they are using the confessionals, the door is usually left open when it’s free; if so, just go in, shut the door behind you and begin.
Amac1 said:
Can we choose which priest hears our confession? Or is it just a matter of going to who is there on the day.
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If you ask beforehand, yes. Otherwise, it’s whoever is rostered to hear confessions on the day.
 
I think i have some tips for you:
1:Make a list of sins on your phone or on a piece of paper BUT GET RID OF IT WHEN THE CONFESSION ENDS!!!
With a list you wont forget any sins and all you have to do is read what you wrote, like “i’ve stolen my wife’s credit card 3 times, i’ve eat too much, i’ve looked at pornography 7 times…”
2:Look at the list and not at the priest
When i am done with my list i either destroy the paper or delete the archive in my phone, while the priest makes his comments close my eyes and put my elbows on the table (becuse my last confessions have being face to face), you can also loot at your feet and nod with your head.
3:You can say an act of contrition or you can make your own.
 
Thanks so much for your response. Are you a priest? I think I’ve picked up on this before that you may be. If so, can I ask… would you recommend I talk to the priest about WHY I’m coming back after all these years, what has sparked this in me? As a priest do you often wonder why people come back after such a long time away? Or is it irrelevant at that time, and just important to tell the sins?
I know time is obviously an issue, and I don’t necessarily want to explain everything, but part of me thinks I should?
 
Cor_ad_Cor said:
For instance, we’re not using the confessional
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This. I live in Europe and things are a bit different from the usual right now because of the pandemic. Confessions are mostly heard in the nave of the church or even outside out of sanitary precautions. Last time I went, Father and I took a walk by the lake (the church is built right besides it). I’m not sure how it is done for people who wish to remain anonymous, but I’m sure parishes have thought about this and made plans.
 
OP it’s your call but it might be worth it to make an appointment with the priest for a set aside time. Perhaps do an examination of conscience beforehand so your ready. I had gone quite a while without confession myself.

Don’t worry though it’s a great thing to get back into the fold! We’re happy your back!
 
Yes I am a priest. I have people come to confession after so long they can’t remember how liong and, while part of me does wonder what the catalyst was for their return, tbh I really just admire their courage and commitment to take such a daunting and significant step. I don’t ask because I don’t need to know and it would probably take to long to get into all of the back story. Besides that, I’m not sure they could easily put it into words themselves. What I am sure of though is that the Lord has undoubtedly led them home to Him and that there’s great rejoicing in heaven at their return. What’s most important, isn’t so much their confessing of their sins as the much needed healing and peace which absolution will give them.

While you shouldn’t feel you need to, if you want to talk to a priest about your journey back by all means feel free to do so but make a time to do it outside of the confessional.
 
You have the right to confess to any Catholic priest with the faculties to hear Confessions. It is not required even that you confess to a priest in the same Rite as you. You can go to Confession at regularly scheduled Confession times, but I recommend making an appointment because confessing 20 years of sins could easily take half an hour to an hour, and it wouldn’t be fair to anyone in line behind you to make them wait like that. I did once make a General Confession when the priest was hearing Confessions after Mass for First Friday, staying as long as there were penitents, but when I did, I let everyone else go in front of me.

Yes, an Act of Contrition is required, but an Act of Contrition can be anything as long as it expresses supernatural motive for repentance (i.e. that you are sorry for your sins because you love God and/or fear the supernatural punishments due sin) and firm purpose of amendment.
 
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