I think it makes it a little easier if the sick person is willing to admit that she is dying, so we can all talk about it and not have to beat around the bush. My mother doesn’t seem to understand or remember that she is terminal. It makes for awkward conversation. I don’t know what to say to her.
My mother had had several years of increasing short-term memory loss. It can make for frustration, but that was my problem - not hers. I finally let it be; there was no getting around it, and no sense in trying, as there was no getting around it.
My suggestion is simply to be blunt - not rude, but blunt - about it. It is not a time for mincing words or beating about the bush; you will not get much in the way of second chances. Not harsh; but simply open, truthful, clear and to the point. Sugar coating or beating about the bush is for us, not for them - they are dying, and that is not going to change. We don’t get the privilege of coming back a week or so, or a month later and trying again. If she does not respond well, then let it be.
We thought my mother had had a heart attack, and were in and out of the hospital several days for about a week or two before she died. Once it was diagnosed as a fractured spine, and she had medication to control the pain, the end was inevitable and fairly short. There simply was not a lot of conversation, because she was medicated and the short-term memory loss didn’t improve.
The morning she died, one of my brothers came to see her, and told her that it was okay to let go, and within less than an hour, she died.
Each situation is different, and each person dies their own way. Some are aware and embracing it some are aware and not doing so well; others may appear to not be aware, and that may be their way of dealing with it. And with some, like my mother, one doesn’t really know if they are aware of impending death or not.
If you have hospice care, speak with them, as my experience is that they seem to have a pretty good take on most situations, and can be helpful to you. You may or may not be able to have any cogent conversation. Keep praying; be present as much time as possible, and it will form its own pattern.
I was with my step father as he died; again, medicated, and it was hard to determine if he even knew we were present. Being there is hard, period. No questions about that. Be there if you can. And if you can’t, understand that this is their journey, and they have to make it whether we are there or not; I suspect that in most circumstances, our presence does make a difference to them. But I certainly cannot prove it.
I hope that helps.
Perhaps I’m being a little scrupulous. I know she made a full confession a few months ago and she has been house-bound ever since without much chance of committing any new sins. If she is still going to purgatory, I pray Our Lord will consider her intense suffering these last few months as reparation enough.