Can the single life be a vocation?

[Andruschak]

Hi I’m new here. And I just want to ask is the single life a vocation? Does God call people to be single for there whole life but not in religious life? The reason I am asking is because I am wondering if God is calling me to be single. I am in my early 20’s and I can’t to get a date or have a long standing relationship with a girl (I am a guy lol). And I also have a bad temper at times (not physical). And I wonder if those are signs from God that I am to be single. Could that be possible? If it is thats fine I will embrace it and live it (I am not whining about being single). I wonder if I should just live like I am called to be single but stay open to getting married if God wants me to.

YES! YES! YES!:extrahappy:

And I have, by a strange “coincidence” , just finished reading the book that will tell you how to go about it.

THE MYSTERY OF LIVE FOR THE SINGLE

Sub-titled “A guide for those who follow the single vocation in the world.”

Written by Fr. Dominic J. Unger, O.F.M. Cap.

First published in 1958. Reprinted by TAN BOOKS in 2005.

Buy this book, read it carefully, talk it over with a Spiritual Directer or a Priest you can trust.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

YES! YES! YES!:extrahappy:

And I have, by a strange “coincidence” , just finished reading the book that will tell you how to go about it.

THE MYSTERY OF LIVE FOR THE SINGLE

Sub-titled “A guide for those who follow the single vocation in the world.”

Written by Fr. Dominic J. Unger, O.F.M. Cap.

First published in 1958. Reprinted by TAN BOOKS in 2005.

Buy this book, read it carefully, talk it over with a Spiritual Directer or a Priest you can trust.

Thanks heaps for this! It is the first book I anyway have ever heard of which is a guide for those who follow a single vocation in the world. It really helps too if another recommends a book having read it! I am off now to order it from Pauline Books…Blessings and regards…and a big “thank you” again!..Barb
PS I am really surprised it was first published in 1958…back in those days the only vocations considered vocations and hence one’s potential future was priesthood, religious life or marriage. Trust a Dominican (I was educated by them) to be visionary!

 

[Andruschak]

YES! YES! YES!:extrahappy:

And I have, by a strange “coincidence” , just finished reading the book that will tell you how to go about it.

THE MYSTERY OF LIVE FOR THE SINGLE

Sub-titled “A guide for those who follow the single vocation in the world.”

Written by Fr. Dominic J. Unger, O.F.M. Cap.

First published in 1958. Reprinted by TAN BOOKS in 2005.

Buy this book, read it carefully, talk it over with a Spiritual Directer or a Priest you can trust.

AAAAAAAARRRRGH! That should be THE MYSTERY OF LOVE (not “live”) FOR THE SINGLE

 

[Kristopher]

I looked-up the book titled: “The Mystery of Love for the Single” at the Tan Books website, and found its basis is the following encylcical. Its contents have already been touched upon here; nonetheless, I thought, that it would be of benefit to provide some excerpts, that either are pertinent to who began this thread, or to myself, and others like myself. Italics added for clarity:

SACRA VIRGINITAS

ENCYCLICAL OF POPE PIUS XII
ON CONSECRATED VIRGINITY
TO OUR VENERABLE BROTHERS, THE PATRIARCHS, PRIMATES,
ARCHBISHOPS, BISHOPS, AND OTHER LOCAL ORDINARIES
IN PEACE AND COMMUNION WITH THE APOSTOLIC SEE

1. Innumerable is the multitude of those who from the beginning of the Church until our time have offered their chastity to God. Some have preserved their virginity unspoiled, others after the death of their spouse, … , and still others, after repenting their sins, have chosen to lead a life of perfect chastity; … it … flourishes among many who are lay people in the full sense: men and women who are not constituted in a public state of perfection and yet by *private promise *]or vow completely abstain from marriage and sexual pleasures, in order to … be united with God more easily and more closely.
2. To all of these beloved sons and daughters … , We address Ourselves, and exhort them earnestly to strengthen their holy resolution and be faithful to it.

… there are some who, straying from the right path in this matter, so exalt marriage as to rank it ahead of virginity and thus depreciate chastity consecrated to God and clerical celibacy, … We … declare and uphold the Church’s teaching on the sublime state of virginity, and so defend Catholic truth against these errors.

… , We think it should be noted that the Church has taken what is capital in her teaching on virginity from the very lips of her Divine Spouse.

1. For when the disciples thought that the obligations and burdens of marriage, … , seemed extremely heavy, they said to Him: “If the case stands so between man and wife, it is better not to marry at all.”[12] Jesus Christ replied that His ideal is not understood by everybody … some are hindered from marriage because of some defect of nature, others because of the violence and malice of men, while still others freely abstain of their own will, and this “for the kingdom of heaven.” And He concludes with these words, “He that can take it, let him take it.”[13]
   vatican.va/holy_father/pius_xii/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xii_enc_25031954_sacra-virginitas_en.html

 

[barb_finnegan]

I’m single at 54, and I’m pretty much resigned to being that way for the rest of my days. I’ve heard it said both ways-being single is a vocation, and on the other hand, it isn’t.

I’ve found in many Catholic publications that very little is said about the single life-it’s always about marriage and the priesthood/religious life. Most parish programs are geared to married couples/families. I’ve sat through several “World Marriage Days” feeling like ‘****’. There’s always days for married people, students in Catholic schools, even grandparents…but singles? Nothing! We are the ‘great invisible demographic’ !

I was once in a local “Catholic Singles Over 30” group a long time ago-all the members ever did was sit around, eat and watch videos! It ‘died a quiet death’ because the woman who organized it was involved in other things besides this group. (And I’m not much of a organizer myself anyway).

As I said, I’m pretty much resigned to being alone the rest of my miserable days on this earth…I wish for death [no, I’m not going to commit suicide!], just to leave this cold and ugly earth…

 

[Daybreak]

I’m single at 54, and I’m pretty much resigned to being that way for the rest of my days. I’ve heard it said both ways-being single is a vocation, and on the other hand, it isn’t.

Speaking as 49 and single, I think there are some who are called to this, and some who simply are single. It is not always a case of joining an Order or needing anyone else to know whether you have dedicated your marital state to God or not, IMO. I am single and have chosen to dedicate it to Him as long as it is the case for me, and I deal with it with joy (mostly) and explore the ways it gives me an advantage to serve or have the time for matters needed to be done. In the end, I am glad of it and happy for my state, for it has helped me to learn things I don’t think I’d have had the time to explore and enjoy.

We are the ‘great invisible demographic’ !

This is true in and out of the world, I think . But, I was reading about the Saints last night and one of the quotes said something to the effect on my understanding that being humble, being able to become invisible, is not a worthless gift, and can be admirable at times before God. So, though annoying at times for me, I am going to strive to understand this better and enjoy it, too as a gift .

As I said, I’m pretty much resigned to being alone the rest of my miserable days on this earth…I wish for death [no, I’m not going to commit suicide!], just to leave this cold and ugly earth…

This paragraph is why I joined this forum tonight, to reply to you, through tears, Barb. I have so felt this way at times, and may again, but I am striving to learn to hand the pain of what I expected and thought I wanted to God, and ask Him what joy is mine to have and know instead, for He loves us all so much. Ask Him, Barb, for in a convent or working the streets as a cop as I did, He loves us the same and He knows where we are and what we do, and exquisite joy and fulfillment is possible. It truly is.

My words lack what I feel, but if I could hug you, I would. I am glad you are here . It helps me and the many others like us to read and know we are invisible, perhaps, but not alone.

My very best wishes for you,

Deborah/Daybreak

 

[barb_finnegan]

Daybreak-Hey, thanks for your message, I really appreciate it.

It’s just that I get really depressed about what’s going on-or maybe NOT going on-in my life lately. I haven’t been able to find work since August, when a temp job I was at finished. I have some money from a couple of checks that I got in the mail last week, and so I was able to pay some bills and get groceries. I know, too, there are a lot of people out there who was worse off and have to support their families-so I shouldn’t complain.

But it’s hard being alone, and the Church really doesn’t give much in the way of support, the way it does with married people.
As I said in my post, I’m not much of an organizer of groups…and I’m not the ‘volunteer type’.

I used to have a dog to keep me company, but I had to put her to sleep two years ago when she got sick. I think dogs are better companions than people, IMO…

Again, thanks, Daybreak, for the ‘hug from afar’

 

[Daybreak]

It’s just that I get really depressed about what’s going on-or maybe NOT going on-in my life lately. I haven’t been able to find work since August, when a temp job I was at finished. I have some money from a couple of checks that I got in the mail last week, and so I was able to pay some bills and get groceries. I know, too, there are a lot of people out there who was worse off and have to support their families-so I shouldn’t complain.

Hi Barb . No, we should not complain, however, I still do, too, and try to catch myself and count what is getting back on track in my life after a disaster like you describe happened to me just this past Spring

Have you ever read much of St John of The Cross? His Dark Night of The Soul has always spoken to me in different levels as I have lived and reread it during hard times. This past nightmare has helped me to actually get a cluelight about what he is really trying to say and point to, as I have adjusted to minimum wage and letting go and learning to live in simply today and trust in God. I don’t know if I will have a job tomorrow or not, just that I will have God, and it has slowly started to dawn on me that this is a good time to be me, despite the fear and worries when they try to rise up and cloud my better view of Christ.

It drove me into RCIA, and I have been blessed to have extraordinary priests and wonderful new friends of faith and it is quite plain to me that this was meant for me to learn at this time in life, and that eased my sense of personal failure and refocussed me on trusting God.

I have been reminded that while this life seems so totally consuming, it is actually just a passage into birth after our death, and if it has it’s ugly moments, well, we can use the humility and need to learn good cheer anyway and to persevere in Faith.

I hope that does not annoy you to read . Two months ago it would have flamed me out to hear, too, but this really is where my understandings have come to shift to. And it is true.

What I thought I wanted to have going on in my life right now is not happening. But, what I needed to have going on IS.

Society does us singles no favors, in making it seem like failure or lack to be single out here, and the truth is, we do not NEED a man in our lives and probably should not have one until we learn to be ourselves and strong enough on our own, and our own value. I have thought much about this, and it no longer matters to me if I ever do meet Mr Make My Life Happier and Whose Life is Happier Having Me In It. If God brings him along, I’ll be here. If not, I still will be. It’s all good. Meanwhile, I hide in Christ and trust Him as the best “husband” anyway.

Challenging times have begun and will worsen, and it is a good thing if we learn now and early to cling tighter to Him.

That is just my thoughts about these uncertain days, and I focus on this moment and the words I heard in prayer when I was in crisis personally many times until I quit with the hysterics in my prayer life . “Are you alright this moment? This moment in time, are all your personal needs met? (well, this specific moment, yes…) Fine, then.”

Laughing so I am learning to live in this moment and so far it has always been enough and “Fine, then” .

In this moment, all of us are fine, praise God .

You are wonderful and a blessing to share your doubts and pain so candidly, and I hope I have eased you a bit, in this moment we are sharing. You have helped me a lot to clarify what I am learning and feeling these days, and I thank you.

God is good. so would be a new dog, no doubt, meanwhile. The pound is full of singles, too . I have four little beasties here who keep me laughing on the old farm that is home, now. They were all abandoned over the years hereabouts and I let them stay.

If there is no potential purpose for our lives, nothing more God needs to show us or teach us or ask of us, we wouldn’t be here, I think. So, as we can, let us rejoice and be glad… and hit the sales at the grocery store .

Daybreak/Deborah

edit for typos.

 

[Norseman82]

No, we should not complain,

If the Greek widows in Acts 6 hadn’t complained, they would have continued being neglected and the diaconate would not have been established.

As the saying goes, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease”.

 

[barb_finnegan]

Hi again, Daybreak/Deborah (hey, good name-a ‘judge in Israel’-cool).

Yes, I know St. John of the Cross’ Dark Night of the Soul. I used to be in the Third Order Discalced Carmelites-I ended up having to leave in 2000 when it was determined that I ‘didn’t have a vocation’…and that after six years of formation-go figure.
He’s a little on the ‘heavy side’ for me-I still have the ICS edition of his works, but I haven’t opened it since I left.

But I have read about how some of the Carmelite saints and blesseds have endured it-St. Therese and Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity come to mind. Of course, I could never achieve THEIR sanctity-I’m just ‘plodding along’

I don’t mind ‘not having a man’ in my life…they’re more a headache. I can count on the fingers of one hand anything that ‘passed for a date’

I’m glad you got some ‘beasties’ to give you joy. Are they cats/dogs/both? If I was able to get a dog, I’d get a ‘poundie’!

Good thing I found these forums…

 

[Daybreak]

Hi again, Daybreak/Deborah
Yes, I know St. John of the Cross’ Dark Night of the Soul. I used to be in the Third Order Discalced Carmelites-I ended up having to leave in 2000 when it was determined that I ‘didn’t have a vocation’…and that after six years of formation-go figure.
He’s a little on the ‘heavy side’ for me-I still have the ICS edition of his works, but I haven’t opened it since I left.

Really? I was always interested in them, intensely, despite being only in RCIA now. I have been around for many years but only now am sort of coming in from the cold. I have been reading about these third orders and similar groups as I was surprised to learn I am too “old” to do what I have done for a couple decades now, officially. It is a shame they determined you do not have a vocation for them, but certainly, you have helped me out here. I have been trying to run down how to obtain a copy of that compilation of his works, to have them. He wrote a lot more than I knew about, and I’d like to read more of him. In a way, he has been my priest (meditationally speaking)for the past couple decades before I came to the Church and now have two really awesome flesh and blood types in that role now.

But I have read about how some of the Carmelite saints and blesseds have endured it-St. Therese and Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity come to mind. Of course, I could never achieve THEIR sanctity-I’m just ‘plodding along’

Fact . I am just thankful to know a bit more than I did.

I don’t mind ‘not having a man’ in my life…they’re more a headache. I can count on the fingers of one hand anything that ‘passed for a date’

Me, too. I just do believe that some of us are called to singleness, and have our own little blessings along that road, as do married couples and people with acknowledged vocations.

I’m glad you got some ‘beasties’ to give you joy. Are they cats/dogs/both? If I was able to get a dog, I’d get a ‘poundie’!

Good thing I found these forums…

I seem to always become the local pound wherever I go. By all rights, St Francis should be my patron . I have the dogs, some feral cats, parrots and a pair of turtles at present. All unwanted elsewhere and this is my family and we do alright . But, when you can have a pet again, just let me know and I’ll get one of the brats to you

I’m glad I found this forum, too, and have met you, Barb. You are a great encouragement to me and could teach me a lot, I suspect.

Daybreak/Deborah