Can the soul die?/prayer request

[Shino918]

This is my story, and I am sincerely grateful for any (name removed by moderator)ut and prayers.
I am a young Catholic guy. Some weeks ago I commited a most grievous sin, that torments me even though I went to confession about it some days ago. It’s hard to explain, but what I did was testing God. Prior to this, 2 weeks before, I had commited the sin of masturbation. One day went by, and I noticed that my heart became hardened, I could actually feel a kind of hardness in it. The next day I stopped what I was doing when I saw the picture of Jesus in my room, and I went on my knees, wept, and said that I was sorry for what I had done. The object of my lust was a friend of mine, sadly, and I said to God that I loved her and all my other friends so much and that I believed in the Catholic Church and in Jesus and in Heaven and Hell, and that I wanted to live and die in the love of Christ. Then I went to confession, some days afterwards. Afterwards I made a serious attempt to live godly, and I made an attempt to become more Christian. In retrospect, I think I was overdoing it.
…
Now comes the really bad part. Christ Our Lord and Saviour help me.
Over the next two weeks, pride and selfishness emerged inside of me. I was a Christian and I went to Church, but something was not right still. I didn’t see the big picture, which I could never do, that is, my life, and who I am and my life relative to Christ, which I now can in retrospect. So, this one evening I had one thought that, in Heaven everything would come to a point zero, all evil, and existence would disappear. I thought to myself in my foolishness," what is the point of such a heaven? I would rather have duality in existence, then there is always something to strive for e.g. Christ." or something like that. And I had this desire to “make it stop”, or to “make this whole life stop, with it’s ups and downs and confessions and so on”. Two days after recieving the Eucharist, I sinned. WILLFULLY. With pornography and gluttony. I heard my conscience telling me to stop, and I felt I could do this with the Grace I was bestowen, but I did not. When I took up my phone to browse this pornography, I saw a picture of my family and my relatives. It was like God was telling me, “Don’t do this”. Obstinate and in cold blood, I went through with the pornography.
After this, my soul went dark. This has been the worst month in my entire life. Nothing I say will ever come close to the despair and darkness I have felt. I felt that with this sin, all my relations to everyone, Christ, my family, my friends, has been “cut off”. I have felt true hell and the worst part is, I have embraced it… I think I have been under Satanic influence. I have not been able to control my actions and have sinned even more, or I have been “unable” to repent. I have thought extremely blasphemous and unholy thoughts.
I wonder if I can ever recover from this. I have went to confession, but the question is, even if Christ forgives me, can I ever forgive myself? I feel like I have nothing to go back to, since I “cut off” my relations like that. The unforgivable sin, is this it? To know of the truth, yet reject it, and to kill the soul like this? Another thought I have had is that this has its root in a sin I didn’t repent of some years ago, where I displayed the same characteristics as I did here. When my grandmother died, I didn’t even care, I just browsed pornography. When my grandfather died, it was the same. And I see that now, in retrospect. I see my whole life before me, full of wrongs and wrongs again, and Lord, if I could just re-live this life that was given to me, I would do it so much differently. I guess what I’m trying to say is, please say a prayer for my heart to heal and for me to come home someday…

 

[ccrichton]

Prayers for you ascending now. God bless and God speed.

 

[7_Sorrows]

Pornography is harmful to your soul. It leads to more sin. It will darken your soul. I will pray that you will abandon pornography and live a pure life which is what Jesus desires.

 

[MaryHelp777]

Shin,

There is a way out of this forever.

Your thoughts are wrong:
Satan is telling you heaven has no reward. Big lie. Heaven is infinite in reward, it’s stunning. Google the saints visions of heaven, and Catholic near death experiences. In Heaven you will have a mansion, live like a billionaire, have powerful joy, be 18yrs of age forever, and get to spend eternity fulfilling all your dreams and talents!
Sin: is not worth it and is brief, with frightful punishments, you are bringing terrible wrath upon yourself on earth for each of these sins, if you do not confess and pray each day, you could be earning 10 years of punishment and misfortune on earth. If you confess and pray each day, God can avert that and bless you. God told Moses, with the commandments He was giving us a blessing (if we kept them) and a curse if we broke them. Look at it this way always; do I want 10 years of punishment for 1 sin, or 20 years of God blessing me on earth?

Do you pray 20 to 30 minutes each day, meaning the words you say? If you do not pray that much each day, then you are an open target for satan, for temptation, and for sin. If you do pray that much each day, temptations lose their power because you become filled with God, even if you have not confessed yet, prayer fills you with God.

Do you wear a blessed brown scapular, miraculous medal and St be edict medal? If you do not carry or wear a blessed object you have no armour against satan.

Do you have a bottle of holy water in your room and sprinkle it a little bit in your room each night? If not, then Satan and evil spirits are allowed to tempt you in your room. But they cannot go near a place where holy water is sprinkled frequently.

Email me your worries, and questions. With God’s guidance I can help you, God will get you out of this.

What is the root, the real reason for this sin, eg some people masturbate because someone in their family was cruel to them consistently and they try to fill up a gap of pure love, with sinful lust. There is a reason you are doing this, and if you think about it you will know.

If you struggle with lust, decide to be chaste for your future wife, and begin dating good catholic girls and looking for your future spouse. St Paul said in the bible, if someone cannot stay chaste, that they do no wrong in marrying (because intimacy in marriage is not a sin).

Number one thing:
Pray 30 mins a day meaning each word you say.
Number two:
Be sociable, (that sin focuses on you) focus on others and it disappears. Visit your relatives, go places, (find holy things to do, eg drama, soccer, art club)
Number 3
Do not watch anything with unchastity in cinema or TV, or listen to anything with unchastity in music. This means you will be tempted less, because those things are just temptations and sinful.

Prayers to say: Google these
You need spiritual warfare prayers:
St Michael prayer daily
3 Hail Marys for purity daily
Psalm 91 (for protection)
Chaplet of Divine Mercy (even just one decade)
Rosary (even just one decade)
Ephesians Armour of God (Google this)

Compliment for you my friend:
God has given you the gift of discernment in some respects.
You felt your heart harden, and felt something of being cut off from the members of the Church and from God. You felt something you said of being in hell nearly.
God is letting you sense the evil of this sin. This is a gift of discernment, some people have good generosity or patience, you definitely have a good conscience and are well able to discern right from wrong. That is a tremendous gift that God wishes to make use of in you every day and at every moment once you confess and pray each day, while staying away from all things unchaste so as not to be tempted.

How many sinners out there continue in their sins and ignore the call to repent?
Confess and be at peace. Make an act of contrition now, resolve never to do it again, and be at peace even as you wait to go to confession.
St Mary of Alocoque wrote: “we are meant to have God’s peace always. If we slip, repent, decide to go to confession, and in the meantime reclaim that peace.”
St Faustina’s was told by Jesus: “When you decide to confess, I start working in your soul at that moment, (even though you still need to confess)”

Be at peace.

 

[MaryHelp777]

Did you say you over did the religious side of things, and then just delved into sin?

St ignitions of Loyola wrote that the Holy Spirit always is balanced. A little bit of prayer, family, friends, hobbies, pastimes, work, rest, recreation, leisure, food, drink, (all good things in moderation each day).
He wrote that satan tempts people to overdo fasting, prayer etc to make them tired and overcome and to get disheartened. Then he can attack them.
Matthew Kelly a famous Catholic speaker wrote that during his conversion, if he tried to pray all day, and neglect his family and work and rest and hobbies, -that he would feel almost depressed. That was God showing him, “You are trying too much in one area, you can find Me in all the other good areas of your life too, be balanced.”

Be balanced: 20 -30 mins of prayer, and find God in all the other fun areas of your life.

Another thing is your thoughts:
Like Alcoholics Anonymous, what is the emptiness in your life, that you are trying to fill up with lust?
Is it unhappiness, loneliness, being bullied in the past, lack of hope for the future, -you need to change your thoughts to get out of this, positive thoughts come from God, but God won’t force you to think His thoughts, you must think them deliberately yourself, and believe them 100%.
Eg “My life is brilliant. I have a bright future. I have great talents given to me by God and I’m not going to throw that away on sin.”

Another thing is: you must never lust after those sins of gluttony, masturbation, or pornography, if you do, you basically let those evil spirits take residence inside of you,

a priest I heard of once said; "When you are tempted say No. If you give any deliberate drooling over the temptations, they take home in your soul, and are more difficult to cast out. You can only ever see these sins as bad, never look at false advantages of those sins. The choice is Heaven or Hell. blessing or curse on earth.

 

[808Catholic]

This is my story, and I am sincerely grateful for any (name removed by moderator)ut and prayers.
I am a young Catholic guy. Some weeks ago I commited a most grievous sin, that torments me even though I went to confession about it some days ago. It’s hard to explain, but what I did was testing God. Prior to this, 2 weeks before, I had commited the sin of masturbation. One day went by, and I noticed that my heart became hardened, I could actually feel a kind of hardness in it. The next day I stopped what I was doing when I saw the picture of Jesus in my room, and I went on my knees, wept, and said that I was sorry for what I had done. The object of my lust was a friend of mine, sadly, and I said to God that I loved her and all my other friends so much and that I believed in the Catholic Church and in Jesus and in Heaven and Hell, and that I wanted to live and die in the love of Christ. Then I went to confession, some days afterwards. Afterwards I made a serious attempt to live godly, and I made an attempt to become more Christian. In retrospect, I think I was overdoing it.
…
Now comes the really bad part. Christ Our Lord and Saviour help me.
Over the next two weeks, pride and selfishness emerged inside of me. I was a Christian and I went to Church, but something was not right still. I didn’t see the big picture, which I could never do, that is, my life, and who I am and my life relative to Christ, which I now can in retrospect. So, this one evening I had one thought that, in Heaven everything would come to a point zero, all evil, and existence would disappear. I thought to myself in my foolishness," what is the point of such a heaven? I would rather have duality in existence, then there is always something to strive for e.g. Christ." or something like that. And I had this desire to “make it stop”, or to “make this whole life stop, with it’s ups and downs and confessions and so on”. Two days after recieving the Eucharist, I sinned. WILLFULLY. With pornography and gluttony. I heard my conscience telling me to stop, and I felt I could do this with the Grace I was bestowen, but I did not. When I took up my phone to browse this pornography, I saw a picture of my family and my relatives. It was like God was telling me, “Don’t do this”. Obstinate and in cold blood, I went through with the pornography.
After this, my soul went dark. This has been the worst month in my entire life. Nothing I say will ever come close to the despair and darkness I have felt. I felt that with this sin, all my relations to everyone, Christ, my family, my friends, has been “cut off”. I have felt true hell and the worst part is, I have embraced it… I think I have been under Satanic influence. I have not been able to control my actions and have sinned even more, or I have been “unable” to repent. I have thought extremely blasphemous and unholy thoughts.
I wonder if I can ever recover from this. I have went to confession, but the question is, even if Christ forgives me, can I ever forgive myself? I feel like I have nothing to go back to, since I “cut off” my relations like that. The unforgivable sin, is this it? To know of the truth, yet reject it, and to kill the soul like this? Another thought I have had is that this has its root in a sin I didn’t repent of some years ago, where I displayed the same characteristics as I did here. When my grandmother died, I didn’t even care, I just browsed pornography. When my grandfather died, it was the same. And I see that now, in retrospect. I see my whole life before me, full of wrongs and wrongs again, and Lord, if I could just re-live this life that was given to me, I would do it so much differently. I guess what I’m trying to say is, please say a prayer for my heart to heal and for me to come home someday…

@Shino918
Do not despair. Despair and hopelessness are tools of the evil one to get you to give up trying to love God.

God forgives your sincere repentance and rejection of all your sins. He knows we’re all fallible and are prone to sin. If you have to go to weekly confession, please do not feel it is useless. Receiving God’s grace in the form of Absolution is a tremendous boost to your spiritual fortitude even though you may think your situation is hopeless now. Trust me; I’ve been to the bottom and know that God is still there for us. He died on the cross and descended into hell just to bring salvation to those souls who were lost. He continues to save me and is there for you as well.

Trust in Him. Even as you fight your compulsion, develop and continue a daily prayer life. As hard as it might seem, even prayer by rote does some good. At the very least, it will keep you from sins for a short time and you can build on each victory as it comes.

I will pray for you. Please pray for yourself that you might feel the love that God showers on you constantly in your dark hours. God Bless you.

 

[MaryHelp777]

Hello Shino98

The only thing holding you back from that love is yourself, and satans lies to you.

You find it hard to forgive yourself and let go of guilt?
Jesus is waiting to forgive you in confession, and you regain all of what you mentioned back in confession. And those sins are erased forever.

It can take your body and brain a few days, weeks, or months to be free of that attraction or feeling, but each day of 20 mins prayer, positive thinking, and avoiding unchastity in the media, -builds up the Armour of Purity.

Look at the Prodigal Son, he was given an even higher position at home when he came back to the Father.
Satan cannot permanently steal anything, (unless he takes a soul at their death).

You Also need to forgive yourself.

Forgive and love anyone who hAs hurt you, as those thoughts lead to wounded love and masturbation.

Say an act of contrition, be at peace, be ready for next confession, resolve never to do it again or even to think about it deliberately. Be at peace. It’s a decision more than an emotion. An act of faith.

Go to a youth prayer meeting once a week to keep up community with young catholics

 

[AnnaDango]

Hey dude, take a deep breath and take a moment to just calm down. Everything’s going to be alright. Believe it or not, lots of people struggle with sins of impurity, and you’re not the only one to have those horrible thoughts.

Then I went to confession, some days afterwards.

You did good by going to Confession. It was probably very difficult for you to admit your sins.

Afterwards I made a serious attempt to live godly, and I made an attempt to become more Christian.

Part of being a Christian is recognizing that you are not perfect, and repenting of your sins. GOD gave HIS only Son so that we may be forgiven. HE knows we will all turn away from HIM at times in our lives, and yet HE still loves us. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect, because it’s just impossible for a human (besides Jesus and Mary) to live without sin.

Over the next two weeks, pride and selfishness emerged inside of me…

Parts of this paragraph sounded like just normal feelings of wanting to rebel, and other parts sounded like addiction.

After this, my soul went dark. This has been the worst month in my entire life. Nothing I say will ever come close to the despair and darkness I have felt. I felt that with this sin, all my relations to everyone, Christ, my family, my friends, has been “cut off”.

This part here concerns me. It doesn’t sound like a dead soul, so to speak, but more like depression.

I wonder if I can ever recover from this.

You can.

…can I ever forgive myself?

I think you can. Conquer this sin, and all the guilt will fall away.

The unforgivable sin, is this it? To know of the truth, yet reject it, and to kill the soul like this?

I don’t think so. I don’t believe you’ve rejected the Truth with your whole will. If you had, you wouldn’t have posted this. Your soul is not dead–you still feel guilt. Souls can’t die, anyhow.

And I see that now, in retrospect. I see my whole life before me, full of wrongs and wrongs again, and Lord, if I could just re-live this life that was given to me, I would do it so much differently.

Oh what I wouldn’t give for a second chance. But as much as we may want one, this isn’t the movies. We don’t get a second life. But each day brings new possibilities. Choose right, and if you screw up, GOD is there, waiting to forgive you over and over again until you get it right.

Overall, what I see when I read your post is an anxious, stressed, possibly-addicted, possibly-depressed sinner. Please look up the symptoms for depression, and if you think you might be depressed, please please please get help. You’ll be much more capable of fighting this fight against sin when you’re not fighting the fight against depression.
As for the addiction to unchaste things (at least I see it as an addiction, maybe you’re not addicted), don’t give up. It might take years to get over this (or it might take much less time, don’t freak out), but if you keep working to overcome this, you will be victorious. It’s not easy, but it’s doable. It’s possible. And prayer helps so much. I encourage you to pray to the saints, if you haven’t already. They’re very helpful. Here’s a prayer I say that has helped me a lot:

Thank you to all who have prayed for me and helped me resist temptation.
I ask for the continuation of your prayers and guidance.
Amen.

Looking up the saints’ stories can be encouraging as well. One of my favorites is the story of Saint Mary of Egypt. She was a very bad sinner–GOD actually prevented her from entering a church–but she repented, dedicated her life to GOD, and became a saint.
You can also talk to your priest about your addiction, if you need the help. Actually it’d be a good idea to talk to you priest about your concerns anyway, addiction or no. I’m sure he could provide a lot of help and comfort.
Shino, don’t give up on yourself. Relax. Trust in GOD and HIS infinite mercy. Get rid of the temptation in your life. Take advantage of parental controls and block stuff. Let the bad thoughts pass. Go for a run/walk or punch a pillow or go into a room with other people when you’re tempted–just don’t give in. Keep fighting. You really can get past this.
I’m praying for you dude. Message me if you want, and I’ll try to help as best I can.

 

[tawny]

Praying for your intentions.

 

[mek42]

It sounds like you regret your acts. That sounds like a repentant spirit to me, even though you willfully embraced the acts at the time. Have you mentioned in Confession that this is a struggle for you?