Can this marriage be annulled?

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catholicmommy14

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This may be too technical a question for this forum, but I was wondering if anyone could answer my question regarding my divorce and anullment possibilities. My husband cheated on me and despite my efforts to keep our marriage together for 2 and a half years, putting us into marriage counseling and having our vows renewed in the church, he still chose to leave me and is now living with the other woman and we are in the process of a divorce. He is not catholic but I am and we were married in the church. We also have 2 children.

I thought I had read before that in order to declare a marriage null, there had to be an existing problem before the marriage ever took place. That is not the case here, he did not meet her until after we were married.

My question is if anyone knows any way in which a marriage can be annulled in this case. I just feel like in this situation I should not be the one punished by the church for the actions of my husband when I tried my best to keep us together and do the right thing. At what point, if any, does the Catholic church realize that I had no choice in the matter and allow me to move on with my life and find another partner without being in mortal sin?
 
You can get an annullment because of his unfaithfulness, with adultery, and, because of his disrespect for the sacrament of marriage and your faith. I’m not answering this in order to give you canon law, but, Catholics are known for their common sense. PS: I know someone who was the one who committed adultery, yet, received an anullment of her marriage to a Protestant who was nondenominational, or perhaps non-attending. Please don’t upset your family too much. I was the maid of honor to her silly wedding, and, got the brunt of her anger and misery. So, she was able to get an annullment. Family generally felt sorry for her because she had tried and failed to be a nun and then she married poorly. It has been more then a decade, and, she barely has her sanity: she is rather unhappy. Be careful to be honest, I would say, in your writing to the tribunal and you will be able to be happy again, I hope. 🤷
 
Did your husband marry you with the intent that marriage is permanent?
 
**A declaration of nullity has to do with the point in time at which you said your vows. If the marriage was valid at that time, it is valid forever. So nothing a spouse does or doesn’t do during a marriage can break the Sacrament of matrimony. We take vows not only to our spouse, but to God.

Now, with that being said, you need to speak with whoever is in charge of processing the paperwork and get the ball rolling. Often times in cases of adultery, it can be proven that the cheating spouse was not serious about their vows. It is not something we can hep you with here though…you need to go deep.

But, if your marriage is valid, the Church is not punishing you. We all have free will and all experience the consequences of our choices as well as the choices of others. If you get shot by a random bullet during a drive by shooting, that is not God punishing you for being in the wrong place at the wrong time… it is just what happens when people make bad choices.

I will pray for you to accept God’s will for your life (and that of your innocent children) and serve Him no matter what the outcome of this situation. **
 
To add on to what Malia said above, the Church does not annul marriages. The Church can investigate a marriage to see if it was valid at the beginning, that the wedding ceremony resulted in a valid marriage.

I would suggest you read the book by Canon Law expert Ed Peters “Annulments and the Catholic Church” go gain a fuller understanding.
 
ohioszo said:
You can get an annullment because of his unfaithfulness, with adultery, and, because of his disrespect for the sacrament of marriage and your faith…
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Adultery does not, in itself, invalidate the marriage.
 
catholicmommy14 said:
This may be too technical a question for this forum, but I was wondering if anyone could answer my question regarding my divorce and anullment possibilities. My husband cheated on me and despite my efforts to keep our marriage together for 2 and a half years, putting us into marriage counseling and having our vows renewed in the church, he still chose to leave me and is now living with the other woman and we are in the process of a divorce. He is not catholic but I am and we were married in the church. We also have 2 children.

I thought I had read before that in order to declare a marriage null, there had to be an existing problem before the marriage ever took place. That is not the case here, he did not meet her until after we were married.

My question is if anyone knows any way in which a marriage can be annulled in this case. I just feel like in this situation I should not be the one punished by the church for the actions of my husband when I tried my best to keep us together and do the right thing. At what point, if any, does the Catholic church realize that I had no choice in the matter and allow me to move on with my life and find another partner without being in mortal sin?
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Questions of annulment are usually too technical to address in a forum like this. You need to consult a good canon lawyer. Adultery, by itself, is not a basis for annulment. You said your husband is not Catholic. Is he a baptized Christian? (The Church recognizes baptisms of other Christian denominations.) If he is not, this would be one avenue to pursue. The Sacrament of Matrimony is valid between two baptized persons. If he is not a baptized person, your marriage is not a sacramental marriage.
 
kage_ar said:
Natural marriages (non-sacramental marriages) can be valid.
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Valid, in this context, means sacramental. For the Sacrament of Matrimony to be valid (i.e., recognized by the Catholic Church as sacramental), it must be between 2 baptized persons. Natural marriages are not valid, sacramental marriages. They are legal, certainly, under the jurisdiction of whatever state or country.
 
miguel said:
Valid, in this context, means sacramental. For the Sacrament of Matrimony to be valid (i.e., recognized by the Catholic Church as sacramental), it must be between 2 baptized persons. Natural marriages are not valid, sacramental marriages. They are legal, certainly, under the jurisdiction of whatever state or country.
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**Valid= married in the eyes of the Church

A Christian and a non-baptized person can be in a valid (recognized by the Church) marriage. Two non-baptized people are also assumed to be validly (in the eyes of the Church) married.

2 baptized persons= sacramental marriage.**
 
How long after you married did he start cheating on you? If it was only a couple of months, than he probably had no intention of keeping the vows he made to you.

The church is not punishing you, if they do not find anything wrong with your marriage. They are simply telling you to stand by the commitment you made.

This is a great opportunity to grow in love for God. Learn as much as you can about Him and seek to do his will.
 
miguel said:
You need to consult a good canon lawyer.
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No, dear, you do not need to consult a good canon lawyer. An annulment is not like a civil case, it is not adversarial. You need to talk to your parish priest. Talk to him now, even before the divorce, to help you find strength to make it through this difficult time.

After the divorce is final, if you decide to pursue an annulment, you will complete the paperwork requested by the Tribunal in your diocese, in your ex-spouse’s diocese or in the diocese in which you were married. You fill out your papers, your ex-husband has the opportunity to fill out his (but does not have to participate if he decides not to, and it will not affect the determination of the Tribunal), you both are requested to have witnesses fill out theirs (and, as before, you may be the only one with witnesses if you seek the annulment, he does not have to participate in the process at all). Again, it is NOT adversarial – the Tribunal is not going to say it was “your fault” or “his fault”. It is just going to determine if the marriage was valid from its beginning.

In my case, following a marriage of over 30 years, I was also interviewed by the Tribunal and by a Catholic counselor. At all times, I was treated with respect and kindness.

After the Tribunal has all the information it can get, it will make its determination. From beginning to end, the process may take six months, it may take three years. All situations are different.

Do not be frightened by the process. Consider it a gift the Church gives you to know your marital status in her eyes. In most cases, I will be honest, the Tribunal will ultimately declare a marriage that ends so tragically to be null since its inception. There are a few cases where that is not the case, but, in the main it is so, even in very conservative diocese.

So do not be concerned. Focus on taking care of yourself and your children at this point, continue to live a life of integrity, and take care of this when you are prepared to do so – if that is your wish.

(Oh, and having said all that about the Church, I hope you do have a good DIVORCE lawyer to protect your interests and those of your children in the eyes of the law. Don’t trust a man who would abandon his family any further than you could throw him. Get all support and settlement issues in writing.)
 
Feanaro_s_Wife said:
Valid= married in the eyes of the Church

A Christian and a non-baptized person can be in a valid (recognized by the Church) marriage. Two non-baptized people are also assumed to be validly (in the eyes of the Church) married.

2 baptized persons= sacramental marriage.
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The word licit (meaning legal) is sometimes confused with valid (meaning sacramental or real). The Church does give special permission for a Catholic to marry a Jew (or a Muslim or any other non-baptized person). But is that a valid, sacramental marriage? I don’t think so. That requires 2 baptized persons. But I’m no canon lawyer either.
 
miguel said:
The word licit (meaning legal) is sometimes confused with valid (meaning sacramental or real). The Church does give special permission for a Catholic to marry a Jew (or a Muslim or any other non-baptized person). But is that a valid, sacramental marriage? I don’t think so. That requires 2 baptized persons. But I’m no canon lawyer either.
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It will not be sacramental. For a marriage to be sacramental it must be between two baptized persons.

If may perfectly well be valid. Only a Tribunal could determine if it is not.
 
miguel said:
The word licit (meaning legal) is sometimes confused with valid (meaning sacramental or real). The Church does give special permission for a Catholic to marry a Jew (or a Muslim or any other non-baptized person). But is that a valid, sacramental marriage? I don’t think so. That requires 2 baptized persons. But I’m no canon lawyer either.
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You are confusing the terms: VALID does not equal SACRAMENTAL. All sacramental marriages are valid (or they wouldn’t be sacramental) but not all valid marriages are sacramental.

The Church and recognizes as VALID both sacramental & natural marriages.

A Catholic married to a Jew with all the necessary dispensations is presumed to be in a VALID natural (non-sacramental) marriage.

A Catholic married to another validly baptized Christian is presumed to be in a VALID sacramental marriage.
 
IrishAm said:
No, dear, you do not need to consult a good canon lawyer. An annulment is not like a civil case, it is not adversarial…
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If one of the spouses opposes the annulment, the process can be adversarial. But from what she said, it doesn’t sound like her case will be.
IrishAm said:
You need to talk to your parish priest. Talk to him now, even before the divorce, to help you find strength to make it through this difficult time…
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Also a good suggestion. But since not all priests are experts in canon law, not all priests will be able to provide the advice she needs.
IrishAm said:
After the divorce is final, if you decide to pursue an annulment, you will complete the paperwork requested by the Tribunal in your diocese, in your ex-spouse’s diocese or in the diocese in which you were married…
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Why wait until her civil divorce is final to start this process? She needs advice on this now. As you say, an annulment takes time. The sooner she has the Church’s decision on this, the sooner she can get on with her life. BTW, tribunals are typically composed of canon lawyers, so I think we’re in violent agreement on this point.😃
 
miguel said:
If one of the spouses opposes the annulment, the process can be adversarial. But from what she said, it doesn’t sound like her case will be. And you’ve been through the decree of nullity process, hmmm? I have, and it does not get adversarial.
Also a good suggestion. But since not all priests are experts in canon law, not all priests will be able to provide the advice she needs. If you knew something about decrees of nullity, you would know the paperwork begins with the parish priest or deacon in charge of starting the paperwork.
Why wait until her civil divorce is final to start this process? Because most dioceses will not start a decree of nullity until the civil divorce is final, and there appears to be no civil retrieval of the marriage. She needs advice on this now. She needs to secure her rights through a good civil lawyer now. The decree of nullity can wait just a little bit.As you say, an annulment takes time. The sooner she has the Church’s decision on this, the sooner she can get on with her life. BTW, tribunals are typically composed of canon lawyers, so I think we’re in violent agreement on this point.:DI think you and the OP both need a copy of the book Annulment: The Wedding That Was.
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ohioszo said:
You can get an annullment because of his unfaithfulness, with adultery, and, because of his disrespect for the sacrament of marriage and your faith. I’m not answering this in order to give you canon law, but, Catholics are known for their common sense. This is just wrong.
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IrishAm said:
No, dear, you do not need to consult a good canon lawyer. An annulment is not like a civil case, it is not adversarial. You need to talk to your parish priest. Talk to him now, even before the divorce, to help you find strength to make it through this difficult time.

After the divorce is final, if you decide to pursue an annulment, you will complete the paperwork requested by the Tribunal in your diocese, in your ex-spouse’s diocese or in the diocese in which you were married. You fill out your papers, your ex-husband has the opportunity to fill out his (but does not have to participate if he decides not to, and it will not affect the determination of the Tribunal), you both are requested to have witnesses fill out theirs (and, as before, you may be the only one with witnesses if you seek the annulment, he does not have to participate in the process at all). Again, it is NOT adversarial – the Tribunal is not going to say it was “your fault” or “his fault”. It is just going to determine if the marriage was valid from its beginning.

In my case, following a marriage of over 30 years, I was also interviewed by the Tribunal and by a Catholic counselor. At all times, I was treated with respect and kindness.

After the Tribunal has all the information it can get, it will make its determination. From beginning to end, the process may take six months, it may take three years. All situations are different.

Do not be frightened by the process. Consider it a gift the Church gives you to know your marital status in her eyes. In most cases, I will be honest, the Tribunal will ultimately declare a marriage that ends so tragically to be null since its inception. There are a few cases where that is not the case, but, in the main it is so, even in very conservative diocese.

So do not be concerned. Focus on taking care of yourself and your children at this point, continue to live a life of integrity, and take care of this when you are prepared to do so – if that is your wish.

(Oh, and having said all that about the Church, I hope you do have a good DIVORCE lawyer to protect your interests and those of your children in the eyes of the law. Don’t trust a man who would abandon his family any further than you could throw him. Get all support and settlement issues in writing.)
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:bowdown2:This one bears repeating!
 
miguel said:
Why wait until her civil divorce is final to start this process? She needs advice on this now. As you say, an annulment takes time. The sooner she has the Church’s decision on this, the sooner she can get on with her life.
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First, you cannot begin the annulment process until a civil divorce is final. There’s not a diocese in the US that will even consider it – and I suspect it is true elsewhere but will not presume to make that claim. You can, of course, begin to educate yourself by, for example, downloading the paperwork from the diocesan website and speaking with people who may eventually serve as your witnesses.

My friend, miquel, you are stating as fact a number of things that simply are not true about the annulment process as it proceeds in the US.

The closest thing that the process reaches in “adversarial” is that there is at least one member of the Tribunal that is strictly defined as defender of the marriage. In that role, he is still not “against” a person seeking a declaration of nullity. He is just there to be sure if a marriage is indeed valid, it is not deemed otherwise.

There is no court room, no trial, no charges and counter charges. You tell, in your own words, your story. Your advocate – typically, but not always, your parish priest – helps you as does the Tribunal in providing them with the needed information. The entire questionnaire is designed to garner the needed information.

Again, it is meant to be a process of healing and a process of truth.
 
Phemie said:
You are confusing the terms: VALID does not equal SACRAMENTAL. All sacramental marriages are valid (or they wouldn’t be sacramental) but not all valid marriages are sacramental.

The Church and recognizes as VALID both sacramental & natural marriages.

A Catholic married to a Jew with all the necessary dispensations is presumed to be in a VALID natural (non-sacramental) marriage.

A Catholic married to another validly baptized Christian is presumed to be in a VALID sacramental marriage.
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I may need to modify my use of the term valid. Because you’re right. I have been equating it with sacramental. Would you mind providing an authoritative source with your definition of the term?
 
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