Can you be friends with someone who is gay?

[Contra_Mundum_1]

However, I do not have children and the way I see it as long as my friend isn’t dicussing his sex life or his boyfriends with my kids, I am ok with it. That’s true for straight people too, I don’t want my children being exposed to that kind of stuff.

It’s amazing what kind of stuff people find appropriate to discuss in front of children. There is nothing like being a parent to help you realise that some people are just not good to have around. I say this as a general point, not aimed at your gay friend.

I find it best to pray about these things and to let God handle it. Be the best friend you can be to this guy. If something happens that makes that friendship difficult, even impossible, let it go. Some friendships simply run their course and it is best to accept that.

Glad you found the thread helpful, although the topic of “eating with sinners” tends to cause a bit of fireworks

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I find it best to pray about these things and to let God handle it. Be the best friend you can be to this guy. If something happens that makes that friendship difficult, even impossible, let it go. Some friendships simply run their course and it is best to accept that.

I find it disturbing when online strangers easily recommend cutting ties between people they’ve never and may never meet face-to-face.

On the basis of what? The sugarcoated ignorance of children that adult religious are unusually protective of.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I find it disturbing when online strangers easily recommend cutting ties between people they’ve never and may never meet face-to-face.

On the basis of what? The sugarcoated ignorance of children that adult religious are unusually protective of.

And who the heck recommends cutting ties? I said that some relationships run their course. People drift apart. Sometime it is a mutual thing, without drama. Happens all the time. And you are obviously not a parent, thinking that children must be exposed to all sorts of behaviour that other people find acceptable.

Your comments are so off base in a number of threads

 

[phillylawyer]

Would we spend time with chronic adulterers? Or robbers?

Assuming there wasn’t any immediate physical danger to me, yes.

If you aren’t going to spend any time or be friends with anyone who engages in sin of a grave matter (pornography, heterosexual fornication, missing mass on sunday, remarriage after divorce, inappropriate expressions of anger, etc.), you aren’t going to be left with a lot of friends. Not to mention, if all Catholics ignored people involved in gravely sinful activity, there won’t be a lot of evangelizing going on, you won’t be blessed by the wisdom they bring, and I bet there wouldn’t be that many people at your parish you could spend time with either.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

And who the heck recommends cutting ties? I said that some relationships run their course. People drift apart. Sometime it is a mutual thing, without drama. Happens all the time.

Oho believe me, I know one or two relationships that I’d like to see end that way. The big difference between you and me is that I know these relationships personally. I don’t wish them on random strangers on the internet.

And again, for what? Watered down homophobia, at best.

You don’t know the poster. You don’t know their friends. You have no right to wish something like that on a stranger’s relationship. Better for you to have logged out and met the OP face-to-face if you’re that intent on not minding your own business.

And you are obviously not a parent, thinking that children must be exposed to all sorts of behaviour that other people find acceptable.

Of course I’m not a parent. I’m what happens when parents make ideological mistakes and radical shifts in spirituality. I’m the kid who’s grown up seeing them try to reconcile their own inconsistent beliefs and mature because of it.

I’m the guy who exists for the purpose of making sure religious parents don’t have their card to play anymore.

Your comments are so off base in a number of threads

Your negative interpretations of my responses only prove they’re on the mark. Your replies say a lot more about your position on those outside the Church and the uncharitable attitude of those trying to ‘preserve’ what’s inside it.

 

[on_the_hill]

Beats me. I’ve never had any gay friends that I knew were gay at the time we were friends. By the time I found out, we had all gone our separate ways.

 

[thewanderer]

Oho believe me, I know one or two relationships that I’d like to see end that way. The big difference between you and me is that I know these relationships personally. I don’t wish them on random strangers on the internet.

And again, for what? Watered down homophobia, at best.

You don’t know the poster. You don’t know their friends. You have no right to wish something like that on a stranger’s relationship. Better for you to have logged out and met the OP face-to-face if you’re that intent on not minding your own business.

Seriously? LostWanderer, of all the posts on this thread you picked on this one??

I find it best to pray about these things and to let God handle it. Be the best friend you can be to this guy. If something happens that makes that friendship difficult, even impossible, let it go. Some friendships simply run their course and it is best to accept that.

Glad you found the thread helpful, although the topic of “eating with sinners” tends to cause a bit of fireworks

ContraMundum did not wish or desire for the end of the friendship. What CM did was recommend that the OP be the best friend that she can be. In other words, CM made an effort to encourage the OP to be friends with her homosexual friend. It was only after this encouragement that CM added that if, despite the OP’s best efforts to be friends the friendship didn’t work out that the OP should then just let the relationship naturally fade away.

I’m sorry LostWanderer, but you’re interpretation of this post as being an encouragement to break off the friendship and a hope for the friendship to fail is, quite frankly, ridiculous seeing as CM’s post actually said the exact opposite of what you claim it did.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I’m sorry LostWanderer, but you’re interpretation of this post as being an encouragement to break off the friendship and a hope for the friendship to fail is, quite frankly, ridiculous seeing as CM’s post actually said the exact opposite of what you claim it did.

Encouragement? Sorry, all I saw was a poster who finds ‘eating among sinners’ a dodgy topic and all-around ten-foot-pole approach to people because their very existence is ‘inappropriate’ for children.

 

[Sy_Noe]

My best friend for the past 11 years is gay. He was right there when I was accepted into the church, I was there when he became a deacon in his church. We’ve comforted each other through every hardship and celebrated every milestone and accomplishment. My life has been absolutely enriched by him being in it.

I get the feeling his has been enriched by you being in his life too. God bless you.

 

[Sy_Noe]

This is the sort of attitude that drives people away from Catholicism. It makes me ashamed to be a Catholic.

I agree.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Yes you can, unless you’re a judgmental homophobe, in which case you don’t deserve to be their friend.

:ehh:

And what exactly would make someone a “judgmental homophobe”?

 

[SuperLuigi]

Beats me. I’ve never had any gay friends that I knew were gay at the time we were friends. By the time I found out, we had all gone our separate ways.

Well, I certainly think you can be friends with gay people. In fact, some GLBTQ folks try to follow Catholic teaching regarding their orientation and should be commended and encouraged.

I think in general being friends with someone (certainly this is true with dating) is a problem when more negative and anti-Catholic influences emerge.

It’s really a judgement call for the person, ultimately, which people they have in their lives and to what extent.

Some Catholics are great at being beacons and examples of Christ. Others are more easily influenced to look and cannot peer pressure as well.

 

[SquallLeonheart]

:ehh:

And what exactly would make someone a “judgmental homophobe”?

Perhaps anyone who would even seriously ask “Can you be friends with someone who is gay?” fits that description.

as others have mentioned…

*Originally Posted by Emily2014 View Post
This is the sort of attitude that drives people away from Catholicism. It makes me ashamed to be a Catholic.

I agree. *

I also agree.

 

[thewanderer]

Encouragement? Sorry, all I saw was a poster who finds ‘eating among sinners’ a dodgy topic and all-around ten-foot-pole approach to people because their very existence is ‘inappropriate’ for children.

Again,

. Be the best friend you can be to this guy.

You seriously don’t see how telling the OP to be the best friend she possibly can is encouragement of the relationship? Pray tell me, if this is not encouragement of the relationship what is it?

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

You seriously don’t see how telling the OP to be the best friend she possibly can is encouragement of the relationship? Pray tell me, if this is not encouragement of the relationship what is it?

I’d rather you read (or at least quote) the entire response before persisting.

 

[ellam25]

Perhaps anyone who would even seriously ask “Can you be friends with someone who is gay?” fits that description.

as others have mentioned…

*Originally Posted by Emily2014 View Post
This is the sort of attitude that drives people away from Catholicism. It makes me ashamed to be a Catholic.

I agree. *

I also agree.

Ok so first of all “phobe” suggests you are afraid of something. As i said previously, I am not a homophobe as I wouldnt have gay friends in the first place. What I am wobdering was in Catholic teaching is it appropriate being friends with someone in this lifestyle especially with my past and all. I find it funny that the term homophpbe gets thrown around everytine someone doesnt agree with the gay lifestyle.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Ok so first of all “phobe” suggests you are afraid of something. As i said previously, I am not a homophobe as I wouldnt have gay friends in the first place. What I am wobdering was in Catholic teaching is it appropriate being friends with someone in this lifestyle especially with my past and all.

I’m sorry you were accused of such a nasty thing.

There’s nothing in Catholic teaching that says you cannot be friends with someone who is gay, in fact, there’s nothing that says you can’t be friends with a practicing homosexual person.

However, when questions about “with whom can I as a Catholic associate with” be it regarding friends with anti-Catholic views, gossipers or dating someone who isn’t Catholic, I say the person asking the question needs to know themselves.

There are Catholics who are stalwarts of the faith who can get their lapsed Catholic (or even non-Catholic) friends to go to Mass with them, there are Catholics who end up converting a non-Catholic spouse.

But there are also Catholics who are more influence by others, even to the point of being led away from the Faith.

I can’t ever recommend you being friends with someone who wants you to dump your Faith, especially at your age.

But if you read what I say carefully, it’s probably better to be friends with a good gay person than a mean, anti-Catholic straight person who’s goal is pull you away from the Church because he/she has nothing better to do.

I find it funny that the term homophpbe gets thrown around everytine someone doesnt agree with the gay lifestyle.

That’s just because gay “marriage” activists are frustrated, have no counterargument and cannot stand it when someone even dares to ask about their perceived “greatness” about homosexuality which is now very much according to society. As you continue to ask questions (keep doing this ) and learning more about the Faith, you do need to expect such persecution, even from fellow Catholics. :sad_yes:

 

[Havard]

Perhaps anyone who would even seriously ask “Can you be friends with someone who is gay?” fits that description.

That is a false and unfair assessment.

I’m a native San Franciscan and am no stranger to many different sides to the gay community. While there are gay folks with very different reactions to Catholicism, when confronted with what we believe about homosexuality (CCC §2357), a large percentage do come away thinking that a person who believes this is not a person with whom they want to closely associate. This isn’t speculation, it happens. So I believe the OP’s question is completely valid, and in no way homophobic.

 

[EasterJoy]

That is a false and unfair assessment.

I’m a native San Franciscan and am no stranger to many different sides to the gay community. While there are gay folks with very different reactions to Catholicism, when confronted with what we believe about homosexuality (CCC §2357), a large percentage do come away thinking that a person who believes this is not a person with whom they want to closely associate. This isn’t speculation, it happens. So I believe the OP’s question is completely valid, and in no way homophobic.

IOW, the question is not “Can a Catholic be friends with a homosexual?” Of course a Catholic can. The question is how many homosexuals, knowing that you believe all that the Catholic Church teaches, is going to want to be friends with you. This is what Pope Francis meant by saying, “If someone is gay, who searches for the Lord and has goodwill, who am I to judge?” If a homosexual is OK with what his or her Catholic friends means by "searching for the Lord and having good will, "then the relationship is entirely OK. They do not even have to agree.

 

[Havard]

IOW, the question is not “Can a Catholic be friends with a homosexual?” Of course a Catholic can. The question is how many homosexuals, knowing that you believe all that the Catholic Church teaches, is going to want to be friends with you. This is what Pope Francis meant by saying, “If someone is gay, who searches for the Lord and has goodwill, who am I to judge?” If a homosexual is OK with what his or her Catholic friends means by "searching for the Lord and having good will, "then the relationship is entirely OK. They do not even have to agree.

Thank you for that clarification. I think I just automatically knew what the OP meant and hadn’t thought that anyone else wouldn’t do the same.