Can You Choose the # Of Children?

[SpeakKindly]

I was just wondering, is it okay to say “I only want X number of kids”, or should you just leave it up to whatever happens, what is correct when talking about #'s ?

Thanks in advance.

 

[Veronica97]

Well, you’re kind of talking about two opposite ends of the spectrum. On the one hand, we should never say, “I want x number of kids and that’s it.” That would be leaving God out of the equation and closing yourself off to any further blessings He may want to give you. On the other hand, to say “I’ll just leave it up to whatever happens” is not the same as prayerful discernment of God’s Will. God doesn’t want you to have as many children as you possibly can without taking into consideration your physical health, mental health, finances, and the needs of the children you already have. It would probably be okay to say something like, “I’d like to have three children but God may have other plans.” And then by prayerful discernment and using NFP as necessary, you can leave yourself open to God’s Will.

 

[SpeakKindly]

Well, you’re kind of talking about two opposite ends of the spectrum. On the one hand, we should never say, “I want x number of kids and that’s it.” That would be leaving God out of the equation and closing yourself off to any further blessings He may want to give you. On the other hand, to say “I’ll just leave it up to whatever happens” is not the same as prayerful discernment of God’s Will. God doesn’t want you to have as many children as you possibly can without taking into consideration your physical health, mental health, finances, and the needs of the children you already have. It would probably be okay to say something like, “I’d like to have three children but God may have other plans.” And then by prayerful discernment and using NFP as necessary, you can leave yourself open to God’s Will.

So, it sounds like it’s a compromise between the two sides of the spectrum.

Thank you.

 

[adrift]

You can try BUT
One couple I know only wanted two children. The first pregnancy was a boy the second was twin girls.

My point is to quote a poem “The best laid plan often go astray”

 

[underacloud]

I think Veronica97 gave a good answer.

We need to work through these issues, through prayer and taking numerous factors into account. But it may be understandable that a given couple has observed that life looks hard for families beyond X children and that it would be a good number to have, keeping in balance their resources (money, family help, etc), their own dispositions, and other factors. This is different from being set on a certain number, but just observing that a certain number seems to have been a good balance for many families they know (including their own growing up).

We certainly don’t just have to leave it up to God. Whatever God wants of us, we intelligently and prayerfully cooperate in it. Spacing children out (including indefinitely) may be the appropriate thing for a family at a given time.

 

[aspirant]

I was just wondering, is it okay to say “I only want X number of kids”, or should you just leave it up to whatever happens, what is correct when talking about #'s ?

I think the Charter of the Rights of the Family is helpful here:

Spouses have the inalienable right to found a family and to decide on the spacing of births and the number of children to be born… in accordance with the objective moral order which excludes recourse to contraception, sterilization, and abortion.

Take note of both parts here:

Yes, spouses may choose the number of children to be born.

However, they may not use immoral means to limit the family to this number or to attain this number (also excluded would be in vitro fertilization, surrogacy, buying/stealing children, and other immoral methods of having more children!).

This balance, I think, implicitly affirms something similar to what Veronica97 was expressing: Spouses may choose the number of children, yes, but they must also remain open to the possibility that their reality may turn out a bit different, that more or fewer children may be conceived or adopted than they had planned.

 

[SpeakKindly]

I think the Charter of the Rights of the Family is helpful here:

Take note of both parts here:

Yes, spouses may choose the number of children to be born.

However, they may not use immoral means to limit the family to this number or to attain this number (also excluded would be in vitro fertilization, surrogacy, buying/stealing children, and other immoral methods of having more children!).

This balance, I think, implicitly affirms something similar to what Veronica97 was expressing: Spouses may choose the number of children, yes, but they must also remain open to the possibility that their reality may turn out a bit different, that more or fewer children may be conceived or adopted than they had planned.

Thank you.

 

[10gr8kids]

I was just wondering, is it okay to say “I only want X number of kids”, or should you just leave it up to whatever happens, what is correct when talking about #'s ?

Thanks in advance.

I said “I want at least 4 children.” But God taught me that I’m not in control. He blessed me with 10, but God took 8 of them before they were born. It was not at all what I had planned, so although you can say what number you’d like to have, remember who’s ultimately in control.

 

[maryjk]

I used to say I wanted at least a basketball team. (5)

I have been blessed with an only child.