Can you forgive yourself?

[dividus]

I was away from the faith for a number of years and have been going to Mass and Confession for just over a month.I have been to Confession twice this week and have received absolution from the priest. My problem is that sometimes, although my rational mind tells me that my sins have been forgiven, sins from my past will enter my mind and I become consumed with guilt. When this happens I can become totally drained – exhausted – in trying to deal with these feelings. I mentioned these feelings to the priest earlier this week and he said that it is one of the ways the devil assails us.
Am I alone in occasionally feeling this way or has anyone else experienced similar?

 

[Della]

You’re not alone. The enemy wants you to give into despair–that’s why he dredges up old sins to throw them in your face. But remember, to Jesus they no longer exist. You’ve been cleansed by his own blood and are now free of those sins. If you want to do penance for them, to help heal the damage done by the sin, that’s fine–that’s doing something positive, which is something God wants us to do. Whatever penance the priest gave you is sufficient, of course, but if doing something good for someone else would help ease your feelings, then I’d say do it. You’d be helping someone else and making yourself feel better–a win/win situation.

 

[Golf_Zulu]

When I commented to my Confessor that getting God’s forgiveness was the easy part; getting your own forgiveness was the hard part. My Confessor’s response was “God forgives and forgets. Man says he forgives, but he remembers. You have to learn to forget your forgiven sins.”

 

[ForHisNamesSake]

You’re not alone. The enemy wants you to give into despair–that’s why he dredges up old sins to throw them in your face. But remember, to Jesus they no longer exist. You’ve been cleansed by his own blood and are now free of those sins. If you want to do penance for them, to help heal the damage done by the sin, that’s fine–that’s doing something positive, which is something God wants us to do. Whatever penance the priest gave you is sufficient, of course, but if doing something good for someone else would help ease your feelings, then I’d say do it. You’d be helping someone else and making yourself feel better–a win/win situation.

:clapping: Amen! Well said.

Even if you have to keep going to confession to repent, you’ll keep hearing the words… “I forgive you” …then you’ll slowly stop hearing the adversaries words in your head that say… “how could you”. …Chin up!

 

[BiffRuffle]

I was in a similar boat as you. Finally, after some length of time, and many confessions, I was meditating on the ‘Our Father’ and I stopped at ‘forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.’ I thought about it, and I realized I had not forgiven myself yet, though God had done it some time before. So, simply, I forgave myself my past, and it felt like a wave of freedom came over me. It was very cool! That said, I still get reminded of my past now and then, but I always keep in mind this saying: “The devil reminds us of our past. Remind him of his future.”

 

[TimothyH]

I was away from the faith for a number of years and have been going to Mass and Confession for just over a month.I have been to Confession twice this week and have received absolution from the priest. My problem is that sometimes, although my rational mind tells me that my sins have been forgiven, sins from my past will enter my mind and I become consumed with guilt. When this happens I can become totally drained – exhausted – in trying to deal with these feelings. I mentioned these feelings to the priest earlier this week and he said that it is one of the ways the devil assails us.
Am I alone in occasionally feeling this way or has anyone else experienced similar?

You will go through this phase. It is completely normal to feel contrition and sorry for your sins early on. Continue to pray. You may find later that you go through a period of great joy during which God gives you much consolation. I did.

Blessed are they who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
(Matthew 5:4)

The mature Christian eventually reaches a point of equalibrium in their spiritual life where the sorrow for past sins is somehow balanced by peace, and a sense of joy at what God has done for us, forgiven us and healed us from the desire to sin. These two - sorrow and joy - seem to sit in tension with each other. I am told that many who are well advanced on the spiritual journey reach a state of great joy with little sorrow.

Whatever phase you are in, when your habitual response is not anger but prayer for the one who injures you, then you know you are on the right track.

Going to confession offen is like a healing balm to the soul. Continue to persevere in prayer. Prayer is where the battle is fought.

-Tim-

 

[dividus]

Thank you all for your responses.For the last few days I have been saying five decades of the Rosary each night before retiring to bed.I also try to keep in mind the Promises Of The Sacred Heart, particularly “Sinners shall find in My Heart the source and the infinite ocean of mercy.”
It is difficult to keep from feeling guilt but hopefully,by the power of prayer and God’s grace I will get there.

 

[Remember_Me]

I feel the same way too. Reading my bible and staying productive helps me overcome my guilt.

 

[MaryRita85]

That is a huge struggle with me too. I just try to remember that I have the graces of God and His mercy and how happy I am to have an opportunity to change my life before it was too late!

 

[OneSheep]

I was away from the faith for a number of years and have been going to Mass and Confession for just over a month.I have been to Confession twice this week and have received absolution from the priest. My problem is that sometimes, although my rational mind tells me that my sins have been forgiven, sins from my past will enter my mind and I become consumed with guilt. When this happens I can become totally drained – exhausted – in trying to deal with these feelings. I mentioned these feelings to the priest earlier this week and he said that it is one of the ways the devil assails us.
Am I alone in occasionally feeling this way or has anyone else experienced similar?

I can definitely relate to the draining and exhaustion, and the guilt that causes it.

To me, all sin begins with some sort of good intent. Have you found the “good intent” behind your sin? For example, if my sin is adultery, the “good intent” is the attempt made to meet a God-given physical compulsion. Now, granted, such behavior is wrong, but the intent is to be fulfilled in some way. Perhaps I did not intend to hurt anyone. On the other hand, maybe I did intend to hurt someone. Can I find the “good intent” in that? Well, perhaps I meant to hurt my wife, to make her pay for what I saw as ill treatment toward me. Again, the “good intent” was to fulfill my desire to punish what I saw as bad treatment by my wife - a little warped (blinded by desire for justice), but I am sure it happens. Perhaps I did not intend to hurt my wife, but desire itself blinded my empathy toward my wife. This is not an excuse, it is not an attempt to avoid consequence, it is a matter of asking myself “why did I do that?” And finding a logical answer that does not involve self-condemnation. There is always some level of good intent, filtered through some level of ignorance in all sin. You have already paid for your sins through the experience of guilt, if nothing else.

When I found my own good intents, and also found the source of my own ignorance, I was able to forgive myself.

Granted, this exercise in self-understanding may have to be played through a few times. When we remember our sins, without remembering the self-forgiveness, we may feel guilty all over again. In time, however, after “playing it through” a few times, one can finally come to peace with their past sins and move on. I have also found that prayer and repentance are vital parts of self-forgiveness.

 

[Warandpeace]

 

[bsroufek]

I was away from the Church for about 12 years and, during that time, committed many grave sins.

Today, I often have to choose over and over again to believe in the Lord’s forgiveness and, especially, to believe that I can make it to Heaven.

It’s the Devil, for the Lord does not accuse forever.

But, it is part of our Cross to resist the Devil, who is allowed to do this to us.

 

[OneSheep]

I do love the popcorn eater! I did answer the question sincerely, and meant no provocation. Self-forgiveness does not come easily to many of us, it is not a small issue.

Pass the popcorn. I’m waiting…

 

[Warandpeace]

I do love the popcorn eater! I did answer the question sincerely, and meant no provocation. Self-forgiveness does not come easily to many of us, it is not a small issue.

Pass the popcorn. I’m waiting…

Sometimes I have an aversion to receiving the Eucharist, even though I’m not aware of committing any grave sins

 

[dividus]

Many thanks for all your thoughtful replies.

I was away from the Church for about 12 years and, during that time, committed many grave sins.

Today, I often have to choose over and over again to believe in the Lord’s forgiveness and, especially, to believe that I can make it to Heaven.

It’s the Devil, for the Lord does not accuse forever.

But, it is part of our Cross to resist the Devil, who is allowed to do this to us.

My thoughts exactly.

Sometimes I have an aversion to receiving the Eucharist, even though I’m not aware of committing any grave sins

Me too! I have had so many arguments with myself and have to work really hard to be convinced that I am worthy to receive the Sacrament. I have been to Communion twice in the last four days, once on the Feast Of The Assumption and again yesterday.
The way I am beginning to see it, if the priest gives me absolution after making an honest confession, who am I to doubt Gods’s forgiveness? Surely that amounts to sinful behaviour in itself. If Jesus promised us “the source and the infinite ocean of mercy” we must trust His promise implicitly. I can’t begin to imagine an infinite ocean, I can only relate to the Pacific or the Atlantic ocean.

 

[OneSheep]

I was away from the Church for about 12 years and, during that time, committed many grave sins.

Today, I often have to choose over and over again to believe in the Lord’s forgiveness and, especially, to believe that I can make it to Heaven.

It’s the Devil, for the Lord does not accuse forever.

But, it is part of our Cross to resist the Devil, who is allowed to do this to us.

My thoughts exactly.

Me too! I have had so many arguments with myself and have to work really hard to be convinced that I am worthy to receive the Sacrament. I have been to Communion twice in the last four days, once on the Feast Of The Assumption and again yesterday.
The way I am beginning to see it, if the priest gives me absolution after making an honest confession, who am I to doubt Gods’s forgiveness? Surely that amounts to sinful behaviour in itself. If Jesus promised us “the source and the infinite ocean of mercy” we must trust His promise implicitly. I can’t begin to imagine an infinite ocean, I can only relate to the Pacific or the Atlantic ocean.

We can go a long way by discovering where it comes from, this self-accusation. In a sense, it is from God. God gave us our consciences, and those consciences act as a mechanism guiding our behaviors. We are going to remember and continue to shun bad behaviors because of such remembrance. To say such remembrance comes from the devil? And call it a sin? Perfect! Let us all feel guilty about feeling guilty!

Rather than put up a fight against our own consciences, it is our own calling to forgive what we resent. We are to forgive our past sins, one way to do that is to do as I described earlier. But to say that the mechanism of our own conscience comes from the devil is a never-ending psychosis if I ever did see one.

It is so tempting to say that every human compulsion we have trouble controlling comes from the devil. Self-forgiveness takes time, and often (usually) just hearing that we are forgiven is not enough. We can forgive ourselves just as we forgive others. But what does that forgiveness look like? Is it a simple “I’m going to let that go”? Well, that’s start, but isn’t enough! Forgiveness of another person means that I have come to an understanding and no longer feel compelled to punish. I can say “I could have done the same thing as he did, given his motive and blindness. I can see his good intent.” This is exactly what Jesus did from the cross. He saw that the crowd meant well, intending to carry out justice. He also saw their blindness.

 

[Holly3278]

I was away from the faith for a number of years and have been going to Mass and Confession for just over a month.I have been to Confession twice this week and have received absolution from the priest. My problem is that sometimes, although my rational mind tells me that my sins have been forgiven, sins from my past will enter my mind and I become consumed with guilt. When this happens I can become totally drained – exhausted – in trying to deal with these feelings. I mentioned these feelings to the priest earlier this week and he said that it is one of the ways the devil assails us.
Am I alone in occasionally feeling this way or has anyone else experienced similar?

Your priest is right. It is the devil attacking you. One of the ways that Satan attacks us is to remind us of the sins of our past.

When this happens, pray. I would recommend praying the Holy Rosary. It is a very powerful prayer and is strongly recommended by many saints, popes, and other notable Catholic people. It is also a spiritual warfare prayer. You can get many graces by praying the Holy Rosary. I strongly recommend that you pray the Holy Rosary every day. Here is a link to Our Lady’s 15 promises to those who pray the Rosary:

ourladyswarriors.org/prayer/15promise.htm

And this one is a list of quotes about the Rosary from saints, popes, and other notable Catholics:

stpeterslist.com/979/rejoice-ye-angels-19-more-rosary-quotes/

Also, the prayer to Saint Michael the Archangel is good to pray when you are being attacked by Satan. I’d also recommend blessing yourself with holy water frequently.

 

[ForHisNamesSake]

Sometimes I have an aversion to receiving the Eucharist, even though I’m not aware of committing any grave sins

…that’s the Devil trying to get you to omit Holy communion! A priest told me once that receiving communion was in itself a petition for forgiveness (venial), and you can follow up with confession to remedy the guilt you feel… …but contrition IS a really good thing! Think of how many there are ungrateful or indifferent that do not appreciate this great gift… just remember what Jesus said in regard to the crown of thorns on His sacred heart!

…this just means you’re taking Him seriously and desire not to offend Him… it’s a good thing, but don’t let it stop you from boldly approaching His throne of grace!