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A88buckshot
Guest
Dear Fr. Vincent Serpa,
I am 20 years old and I live with my Father and my 17 year old younger brother. My true God given family consists of the former along with my mother who left and my sister who lives with her. My mother and father never had the kind of marriage I thought people were meant to have. There was fighting, arguing, a little physical contact from both sides (slapping). When I was sixteen my mother left because I finally confronted her with something I knew for quite some time, it felt like a nail in my brain. I found out a while before this day came that my mother was having an affair. During a family fight I relieved my brain of its horrendous suffering and let it all out. By the end of the night she and my sister were gone.
It’s been about 4 years now (I was 16 when it all happened) and my mom lives with her new husband who was the same guy she had the affair with. My sister still lives with them. My father doesn’t talk to my sister, his daughter. He doesn’t talk to her because she left with my mom that night and continues to live with her still. My dad and I have never really gotten along before or after this whole ordeal, and my brother is just my dad’s shadow, doing and saying everything my dad does and says. I believe that my Dad should see my sister, he doesn’t want to because when she comes over they get in an argument about the Church, because my dad is a devout Catholic and because all of this happened my sister is now a Protestant (my sister was 10 when my mom left so is now 14) who is very uneducated about Catholicism. The last time my Dad and sister spoke my Dad tolled her that as long as she doesn’t accept Catholicism then he doesn’t want her over. I am sure that there are other reasons why my dad doesn’t want her over, like the fact that she chooses to live with my mom and not him, when my mom is the one that did the horrible thing. I miss and love my sister and I think that it’s wrong that my dad doesn’t want to see her. He says that he is doing the right thing, doing what God wants. I am pretty sure that my dad is doing the wrong thing. Of course my sister needs someone to guide her in the right way and living over there with no one living a morally good life makes it close to impossible, but my dad drives her away with anger every time she comes over.
I also miss my mom. My mom did a horrible thing, she was the last bomb under the bridge that completely collapsed our family, and she did it willingly. She will NOT admit what she did was wrong. My father says that he, I, and my brother, need to forget my mom and move on. My mom had admitted that she doesn’t want us living with her. That hurts but at the same time my mom constantly tries to talk to me and my brother, calling, texting, show up to events uninvited like my graduation and my brothers football games, just to see us, to talk to us, to let us know that she still has a place in her heart for us. My father still wants us to forget her and move on. I find this completely wrong, and I can NOT bring my self to believe that Jesus would do what my dad says we should do. I will never in my life or after accept what my mother has done, but I want to keep a relationship with her even if it is distant, I want to talk to her about life and not just what is right and wrong, of course I will never let her think for a second that I am accepting what she has done, I will always no matter how seemingly impossible, try to lead towards the good, the right.
My question is who is right? Who is wrong between my father and me?
My father says since my mom has never asked for forgiveness and doesn’t admit what she did was wrong then I shouldn’t forgive her and I should move on without my God given mother and my God given sister because they don’t believe what I believe, I find this completely contrary to what Jesus has said about the family and about nonbelievers. I love them and hate the sins. I didn’t hear the Jews asking for forgiveness when Jesus looked up in the overcast sky as His body bled and as he suffered, and said “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they do”, my Family is Jesus and my mother and sister are the Jews, we suffer, but we need to ask forgiveness for them, because one cannot see the Good with Evil blinding them. My dad doesn’t see this.
Should I still have a relationship with them, even though I am not going to start an argument every single time I see them?
Like I said I am not going to accept what my mom has done. I believe someone can still have a relationship with someone who has done great evil without accepting the evil. IS THIS TRUE?
Please father if you can help my family, we need someone; I am the LAST one try to fix everything, if I gave up like my dad and brother that will be the true end of my family.
What I need is to tell my dad that the Church’s view of this is contrary to his, that’s what he needs, I understand my dad suffers greatly from this, but I believe that if he became a little more like Jesus then things would be a little easier on him.
Thank you for your time,
Anthony
I am 20 years old and I live with my Father and my 17 year old younger brother. My true God given family consists of the former along with my mother who left and my sister who lives with her. My mother and father never had the kind of marriage I thought people were meant to have. There was fighting, arguing, a little physical contact from both sides (slapping). When I was sixteen my mother left because I finally confronted her with something I knew for quite some time, it felt like a nail in my brain. I found out a while before this day came that my mother was having an affair. During a family fight I relieved my brain of its horrendous suffering and let it all out. By the end of the night she and my sister were gone.
It’s been about 4 years now (I was 16 when it all happened) and my mom lives with her new husband who was the same guy she had the affair with. My sister still lives with them. My father doesn’t talk to my sister, his daughter. He doesn’t talk to her because she left with my mom that night and continues to live with her still. My dad and I have never really gotten along before or after this whole ordeal, and my brother is just my dad’s shadow, doing and saying everything my dad does and says. I believe that my Dad should see my sister, he doesn’t want to because when she comes over they get in an argument about the Church, because my dad is a devout Catholic and because all of this happened my sister is now a Protestant (my sister was 10 when my mom left so is now 14) who is very uneducated about Catholicism. The last time my Dad and sister spoke my Dad tolled her that as long as she doesn’t accept Catholicism then he doesn’t want her over. I am sure that there are other reasons why my dad doesn’t want her over, like the fact that she chooses to live with my mom and not him, when my mom is the one that did the horrible thing. I miss and love my sister and I think that it’s wrong that my dad doesn’t want to see her. He says that he is doing the right thing, doing what God wants. I am pretty sure that my dad is doing the wrong thing. Of course my sister needs someone to guide her in the right way and living over there with no one living a morally good life makes it close to impossible, but my dad drives her away with anger every time she comes over.
I also miss my mom. My mom did a horrible thing, she was the last bomb under the bridge that completely collapsed our family, and she did it willingly. She will NOT admit what she did was wrong. My father says that he, I, and my brother, need to forget my mom and move on. My mom had admitted that she doesn’t want us living with her. That hurts but at the same time my mom constantly tries to talk to me and my brother, calling, texting, show up to events uninvited like my graduation and my brothers football games, just to see us, to talk to us, to let us know that she still has a place in her heart for us. My father still wants us to forget her and move on. I find this completely wrong, and I can NOT bring my self to believe that Jesus would do what my dad says we should do. I will never in my life or after accept what my mother has done, but I want to keep a relationship with her even if it is distant, I want to talk to her about life and not just what is right and wrong, of course I will never let her think for a second that I am accepting what she has done, I will always no matter how seemingly impossible, try to lead towards the good, the right.
My question is who is right? Who is wrong between my father and me?
My father says since my mom has never asked for forgiveness and doesn’t admit what she did was wrong then I shouldn’t forgive her and I should move on without my God given mother and my God given sister because they don’t believe what I believe, I find this completely contrary to what Jesus has said about the family and about nonbelievers. I love them and hate the sins. I didn’t hear the Jews asking for forgiveness when Jesus looked up in the overcast sky as His body bled and as he suffered, and said “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they do”, my Family is Jesus and my mother and sister are the Jews, we suffer, but we need to ask forgiveness for them, because one cannot see the Good with Evil blinding them. My dad doesn’t see this.
Should I still have a relationship with them, even though I am not going to start an argument every single time I see them?
Like I said I am not going to accept what my mom has done. I believe someone can still have a relationship with someone who has done great evil without accepting the evil. IS THIS TRUE?
Please father if you can help my family, we need someone; I am the LAST one try to fix everything, if I gave up like my dad and brother that will be the true end of my family.
What I need is to tell my dad that the Church’s view of this is contrary to his, that’s what he needs, I understand my dad suffers greatly from this, but I believe that if he became a little more like Jesus then things would be a little easier on him.
Thank you for your time,
Anthony