Hey, I think you’re getting too hung up about this thing. You ask if anyone can help? My advice is to just drop it. Go away from looking into illuminati, masonic and other non Christian esoteric mumbo jumbo. Go to Mary. Pray to her. Ask her to guide you fully to her son Our Lord Jesus. If you were a Catholic once upon a time, look into your heart, search very, very deep into your conscience and you will know that coming back into the church Christ founded, handing the keys to His kingdom to Peter, is the only true answer to your problem. Without Christ you will either keep banging your head against a brick wall, go around in circles or go completely off the rails. Thank God you have had the sense to at least acknowledge that you need help and have had the courage to ask here. I’d say that you’d have to thank the Holy Spirit for doing that.
Anyway, don’t get too worried about people being abusive to Our Lady, there’s plenty of it about. Think of the horrific abuse and torture Our Lord went through for us. OUT OF LOVE. (key word).
Pray for their conversion. Look at St Paul’s early life. One could go on and on. Come back to the Church and you will find peace. Oh and probably many crosses to bear if you’re anything like me.
This is the only true and helpful advice I can give.
I was away from the church years ago for a long time, I got seriously into studying Freemasonry, the Illuminati, etc, etc. and I can tell you it leads to paranoia and despair, the Devil’s tools, so you could do what I’ve said in the above. Good luck and I’ll remember you in my prayers.
Simon
