Can you help one who is unmarried, young and confused?

[mookie1234]

I have been dating a guy for a year now we are both catholic and have the same beliefs on issues, we want the same things for a family someday but whenever we talk about marriage we end up frustrated and irritated with each other and no solutions… We both love each other and intend to get married to one another but i feel like I’m ready anytime and he doesn’t feel the same he wants to figure out money and possibly a better job first but i don’t see him putting in any effort to do so. The other thing that we both worry about is that we are having pre-marital relations and it’s very hard to just stop. I don’t really know what to say or how to talk about this anymore because we just talk each other in circles and it comes down to him saying “well if i’m not giving you what you need maybe we need to break up” which isn’t what either of us wants but “he wants me to be happy”, he thinks we’ll probably date another year before we even get engaged but we both want 4 kids and i’d love nothing more than to be a fairly young parent i’m 25 and he’s 26…so i do feel the clock ticking. he also worries about moving too fast and making a mistake because neither of us wants to go through a divorce and i think he gets worried because he is very close with his sister who is having some marital trouble and he doesn’t want to end up unhappy and neither do i…am i rushing?? how do i talk about these things with him?

 

[Fr.Vincent_Serpa]

Hi,

I do really believe that you are being used. Sadly, this is such a typical scenario: You are giving him what he wants, thinking that he is as interested in loving you as you are in loving him. But in reality he wants his freedom and the sexual favors you are giving him. If he really loved you, you would have a ring and a date. But if you really loved him, you would not participate in his lie. You have betrayed your values and yourself—to say nothing of God. It’s time to wake up!

But there is still hope! Begin by putting God first because He deserves to be put first. Spend time before the tabernacle each day, submitting to Him and asking Him for the strength to be faithful to Him. Reflect on His passion and all that he was willing to endure to show you His love for you. I will send you a reflection that will help you to focus on this. He and He alone can bring you peace and put your life in order—IF you let Him. Let Him in. Give Him permission to take over your life. He is our ultimate hope because of Who He is! You are in our prayers.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.