Can you help us with this tough relationship problem?

[glvelaz1]

Okay here’s a tough one for you all. My girlfriend and I are both Catholics and have been dating for the past 5 and 1/2 years. Just about two weeks ago she broke up with me, however since then we have talked more in depth than in recent years. We got down to the root of certain problems and I had been awakened to how much my life had fallen down a slippery slope. We both realized we still have much love for each other but we are both scared about jumping back into something since neither of us wants to get hurt again.

1. She says that she wants us to be close to our families but I’ve always had trouble getting close to my own family. How can we go about bringing us and our families closer together?
2. We’ve had many times where we’ve slipped in chastity only to fail over and over again. It’s almost like we’ve become addicted to each other. How can we make sure we won’t slip back into it again?
3. We definitely consider being married one day all the time, but I want to move to New York for a couple years to start off my career and we know we can’t cohabitate according to the Church. So how can we solve this problem? I mean it’s either long-distance or she moves to New York in another apartment right?
4. Finally there’s the matter between the two of us and God. For so long we’ve set ourselves up as each others’ main vision and focus of love, however we want to try and include God and make Him our first love so we can eventually get ready for marriage. What are some ways couples can grow in this way?

I’m sorry if this is too much or if I sound stupid which I fear I’m doing. I guess I should also mention that we are juniors in college so most of you will pull out the too young card but please if you can see the problems and have advice I would appreciate it so much. Thanks.

 

[Fr.Vincent_Serpa]

Hi,

The question is not too long and it does not sound stupid. There are many people who will read this and some may benefit by your having asked it. First of all, you need to put first things first. It’s not a matter of having a relationship and then trying to squeeze God into it. I give you credit for recognizing that you both have somewhat excluded Him. BEGIN WITH HIM. Start spending time before His presence in the tabernacle—on a regular basis. While you’re both living in the same locality, spend time together before the tabernacle.

You both have to come to the point where you prefer Him to the relationship. Then, there will be no strings attached. Don’t be discouraged if you can’t get your feelings to represent this right away. It’s something that you’re shooting for. Trust Him. He loves each of you more than you love each other. He preferred your welfare over His very life. He is God and He didn’t have suffer for you as He did. By all means, reflect on His Passion together. I will include a reflection below to help you in this. Also, pray the rosary together.

And that’s it. I know, it sounds too simple. What about all the other concerns that you mentioned? Everything, I assure you, will fall into place when you begin to put Him first. As time passes, you will see this to be true. If you need some reminders, write me privately here. Just click on my name. Meanwhile, I ask all who read this to join me in keeping the both of your in our prayers.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

Reflection on the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ +

The agony in the garden was really the agony in His mind. He suffered the passion in His mind before He suffered it in His body—to the point of actually affecting the latter by sweating blood. But from then on, it was His bodily suffering that affected His mental suffering.

At the base of all His suffering was the one thing that human beings dread the most: rejection. He was betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter and abandoned by all the rest of His Apostles; those He had hand picked as His closest intimates. He was most rejected by those who put Him to death. They not only wanted Him dead, they wanted Him to suffer. They not only considered Him to be worth nothing, they considered Him to be worth minus nothing! This significance was not lost on Him. He felt fully the rejection as each physical agony reminded Him.

So we thank Him for joining us on our human journey and actually choosing to experience what we fear the most.

We thank Him for enduring the arrest and the cruelty of the guards and the Sanhedrin. We thank Him for enduring the cruelty of Pilate who allowed Him to be executed rather than risk his own political ruin—and for the cruelty of Herod who wanted to be entertained by having Him work a miracle. We thank Him for all the time He spent satisfying their preoccupation with themselves, just delaying His ultimate death. We thank Him for the anxiety of that night in a cell.

The next morning He was brutally scourged with such intensity and violence that He became as an aged man in a matter of minutes. His multiple wounds bloodied His entire body. The loss of so much blood not only severely weakened Him; it also caused a severe, throbbing headache that remained with Him for the duration.

We thank Him for this and for the mockery He received when they put a purple cloth on His shoulders and pushed a crown of thorns down into His head which intensified His headache. They blindfolded Him and slapped Him, insisting that He ‘prophesy’ who had hit Him. They spat on Him and beat Him.