Can you pray for God to make you fall in love with someone?

[Marybeloved]

I have never found anyone through the online thing…but would like to know what the deal is with making age such a factor. I know four couples who are 15, 20, and 30 yrs apart (2 are 20 yrs apart) and they have great marriages. After a certain point, age should not matter, it’s maturity. I am, by geneology, in the generation of those 20 yrs older, if I limited my friends to my age group, I’d have NONE. I have acquaintences my age, but we do not like to do the same things at all when it comes to activities and outlook on life. I try hard, but the fact of the matter is I think like the 50 yr olds, not the 30 yr olds–my likes, dislikes, experiences, music…going all the way back to when I was a kid and we’d go on a field trip—I would be talking to the parents, not my classmates because the parents would discuss the event. If the only reason “he” has to not want me is age—that is shallow, two people can be the exact same age and have totally different life experiences because one is rich, the other poor, one from the city and the other from the country. I just don’t think it’s right to make age a deciding factor if you’re both over 25. I also don’t think you should say “oh, I’m 45, it’s too late” because I know people who have married for the first time in their 50’s. God is not limited by age, in fact, going by Abraham and Sarah, Moses, Zachariah and Elizabeth----I think God doesn’t really care about age so much as what is inside us and what His plan is for us.

Sorry, that’s my opinion. I don’t particularly like the idea of judging someone on age…seriously, doesn’t that sound a bit shallow: “You’re a great person, faithful to the church, I love spending time with you, we talk about so many things and you are so much fun to be with…but you’re not the right age.” Ok, or hair colour or weight or height???

And to the topic—I have mixed feelings. I have always prayed for God to guide my feelings and let me know when Mr. Right showed up so that I would not be confused, I am sure He can direct me in this, if I ask for guidence in a job or other things, why not love and marriage? However, praying for someone to fall in love with you? No, I don’t think that is really right. Maybe just try to be friends, to build the relationship from there. As others have said, make sure you know the real him!

Good points,Elisabeth.I have also a problem with the age thing, to be honest- though for me, I’d rather not be with a younger man.

Yeah, the internet/on-line thing sounds exciting but scary too. It seems that your profile is available to the whole world whether or not they are members.Would have been nice if they just kept it open to those who are members but not everyone else like at avemaria where everyone’s profiles are just available at the click of a mouse.

Personally, I wouldn’t force feelings or insist on them if they were not there- But I’ve been wrong many times in life . Some people’s choices different than we think, end up much better in the end than we thought- Who can really say?

 

[sydney28]

I have never found anyone through the online thing…but would like to know what the deal is with making age such a factor. I know four couples who are 15, 20, and 30 yrs apart (2 are 20 yrs apart) and they have great marriages. After a certain point, age should not matter, it’s maturity. I am, by geneology, in the generation of those 20 yrs older, if I limited my friends to my age group, I’d have NONE. I have acquaintences my age, but we do not like to do the same things at all when it comes to activities and outlook on life. I try hard, but the fact of the matter is I think like the 50 yr olds, not the 30 yr olds–my likes, dislikes, experiences, music…going all the way back to when I was a kid and we’d go on a field trip—I would be talking to the parents, not my classmates because the parents would discuss the event. If the only reason “he” has to not want me is age—that is shallow, two people can be the exact same age and have totally different life experiences because one is rich, the other poor, one from the city and the other from the country. I just don’t think it’s right to make age a deciding factor if you’re both over 25. I also don’t think you should say “oh, I’m 45, it’s too late” because I know people who have married for the first time in their 50’s. God is not limited by age, in fact, going by Abraham and Sarah, Moses, Zachariah and Elizabeth----I think God doesn’t really care about age so much as what is inside us and what His plan is for us.

Sorry, that’s my opinion. I don’t particularly like the idea of judging someone on age…seriously, doesn’t that sound a bit shallow: “You’re a great person, faithful to the church, I love spending time with you, we talk about so many things and you are so much fun to be with…but you’re not the right age.” Ok, or hair colour or weight or height???

And to the topic—I have mixed feelings. I have always prayed for God to guide my feelings and let me know when Mr. Right showed up so that I would not be confused, I am sure He can direct me in this, if I ask for guidence in a job or other things, why not love and marriage? However, praying for someone to fall in love with you? No, I don’t think that is really right. Maybe just try to be friends, to build the relationship from there. As others have said, make sure you know the real him!

Well if it’s shallow for me as a 30 year old to not want to date/marry someone my father’s age (50ish), then I guess I’m shallow. eye roll

 

[sydney28]

Stuff like this can easily lead to infatuation with someone you don’t truly know.

Reality check on this person that you don’t really know. Have you spoken to this person about how they may feel about you after having met in person? Perhaps he feels the exact same way, just because YOU may want it to be a certain way does not mean that it is or ever will be that way.

Funny that a topic like this pops up as I’ve been talking to many people lately about the phenomenon that is the “Manic Pixie Dream Girl/Guy.” Google search that term and I think you’ll find that what you think about your man is something you’ve conjure up in your own mind.

And apparently I didn’t express myself very well since I’m being accused of being shallow or infatuated by multiple people. I should have known better than to come here for advice…

And yes - as he and I are both two mature, intelligent, devout Catholics, we have both been totally honest with each other about where we stand. We are both praying about it daily and seriously discerning where this relationship or friendship could lead. We are very much seeking God’s will and want nothing BUT that, having both experienced failed serious relationships.

My original question should have been “has anyone ever fallen in love with their spouse after not being attracted to them or feeling ‘chemistry’ right away.” If anyone would like to answer that without being judgemental, feel free

 

[stjans]

I prayed to God that he would bring someone into my life that would be my life partner. I knew that my time as a single person had to be filled with sharing my abilities spending my time doing all the things I wanted to do before I entered into a new relationship. It was a long time (well long enough according to me) before God showed that man to me.

Lucky for me, it was someone who I had known online for 12 years. I finally took the leap of faith and went across the ocean to meet him. We married, and are now preparing for our blessing in the church this fall. Not everyone is as lucky as me to have a successful relationship online, and now after time differences, hours everyday on Skype, immigration we are now together.

I believe in praying to God to bring people into your life, and to keep your eyes and heart open and he will show you who he wants you to be with.

 

[Kenny_Kamel]

And apparently I didn’t express myself very well since I’m being accused of being shallow or infatuated by multiple people. I should have known better than to come here for advice…

I didn’t accuse you of anything nor do you need to take my advice, I based what I said on what I quoted that you had said. I’m not a mind reader, this is the internet and I am as anonymous to you as you are to me. That being said…

And yes - as he and I are both two mature, intelligent, devout Catholics, we have both been totally honest with each other about where we stand. We are both praying about it daily and seriously discerning where this relationship or friendship could lead. We are very much seeking God’s will and want nothing BUT that, having both experienced failed serious relationships.

My original question should have been “has anyone ever fallen in love with their spouse after not being attracted to them or feeling ‘chemistry’ right away.” If anyone would like to answer that without being judgemental, feel free

Much better explanation, but I’d rather not comment for the sake of being labeled as “judgemental” for posting on the internet. You said it yourself.

 

[glamourdollxoxo]

I had a similar situation a month or so ago I met a guy on Catholic singles who seemed great, but after getting to know him and finally meeting in person there was zero chemistry there. After our one “meetup” as I refer to it now there hasn’t been contact since and I’m glad. After that ended things clicked with my current boyfriend and we are happy together. It’s like this phrase I heard on facebook “dont put all your eggs in one basket because they could end up as scrambled eggs”. If this guy wasn’t the right one for you the right one will come along there are many more guys out there. A lot of people sometimes sound great on paper or online, but when you meet them it’s not what you expected so I would try not to feel too down.

 

[EasterJoy]

I think that as time goes by, I’d ask myself what I mean by “chemistry”. That can mean that you don’t covet the person or feel flattered by his attentions, but it can also mean that you don’t trust him in an emotional sense or feel entirely free to be yourself.

If you don’t feel “chemistry” because there is no tang of the forbidden nor any competitve pride when you consider winning some fellow from all other women as a romantic partner, then your own inner world has you in a pickle, doesn’t it? If you’re looking for a little bit of “bad boy” in the saintly husband you desire, you may be sending God an impossible order. In that case, we can guess who will be filling it…yes, it will be the one willing to promise the impossible because he deals only in lies.

If, OTOH, there is something you cannot define that keeps you from believing you could make the self-gift that makes a single life between two people possible, then that is another thing. Listen to that. Even if it reflects a shortfall in yourself, it reflects an incapacity in you to truly give yourself in marriage. Don’t lie yourself about that, and don’t lie to some unsuspecting soul willing to marry you. He deserves better, no matter who he is.

So what can you pray for? Pray to be the woman who will fall in love with a man pleasing to God. Let God decide which man that will be, though. Remember the string of Jesse’s sons that Samuel had to go through before he anointed David.

Samuel’s attitude was “speak, Lord, for your servant is listening”. On that account, when it was the right one, Samuel knew it. He didn’t anoint the perfect man, but he did anoint the man that God intended for him to anoint. That is the main thing.

 

[shainski]

I’ll take a different tack than everyone else.

When i was a freshman in college, I wasn’t sure that i was capable of falling in love with everyone. I was one who had such a complete control of his emotions that i didn’t feel like i could give myself over to fall in love. Friends who could fall in love at first sight - was unimaginable to me.

And i did pray. There was a girl that was a friend, but i wasn’t particularly attracted to. But, i did ask God to let me fall in love. I prayed that even if the relationship didn’t ultimately work, i needed to know that i was capable of falling in love.

And i did fall in love. I became head-over-heals. And after that magical time together that lasted the rest of freshman year, she broke up with me.

And it took me the rest of college to get over her. I had a hard time dating anyone else in college without thinking about her. But, i got what i prayed for. I knew that i was capable of falling in love.

 

[chris138]

“has anyone ever fallen in love with their spouse after not being attracted to them or feeling ‘chemistry’ right away.”

I’d have to think most of us didn’t have the love at first sight thing. We know that what is on the inside is far more important than the outside(which will change drastically as we age). For me, personality can make an unattractive person very attractive. I know that in high school one of the most popular guys(with the girls) would not have turned a head if he didn’t have a great personality. Chemistry may be overrated. Of course I have been married for over 20yrs so the chemistry is not the same as young or new love. And I may not exactly have a fresh take on what that all means. If his appearance really was a turn off then maybe he is not the right one for you.

Just give it more time. Get out and do things together and spend time with family and friends to see what is he really like aside from the fact that he is a wonderful catholic man. Is he fun to be around, great sense of humor, as well as the other traits that you want in a future husband? Is he too far away to meet often??

 

[DL82]

You could also pray to God to reveal to you what your priorities ought to be in a relationship. You already note that this man is a good, faithful Catholic of a similar age. It seems, by wanting to fall in love with him, you already are in love with him.

Love isn’t ‘chemistry’, love is the willingness to give your whole life to someone, and that love finds no higher expression than the cross.

Consider that for most of history, most people married one of the 3 or 4 people in their village who were a similar age and they enjoyed the company of - did they all have ‘chemistry’? Probably not, but after a lifetime of learning to put one another first, raising children, dealing with the joys and trials of life together, could anyone say they didn’t love one another?

You could just keep praying to God to give you the strength to keep wanting to love this man. That is what married people do, and of course it is nice to have that 'spark’the at the start, it gives you a joy you can later look back on, but if God grants you the grace to keep wanting to love, day by day, eventually you reach a point where you realize He will keep granting you that grace for the rest of your life.

God bless.

 

[tafan]

Yes you can and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with it. You have met a a man who is “extremely devout Catholic, sweet, thoughtful, kind, funny, smart…”. Sounds like a winner to me. Why not pray for it? And at the same time, why not give it more of a chance.
So your feelings were not there right away? Love is a decision more than a feeling. If you work at it, the feelings are may very well follow. All that may be happening is you will be going through a phase of friendship before infatuation. Nothing wrong with that at all (nor is there anything wrong with the other order of events).

Many of the other responses make very little sense to me. Give it some time, that is what it is all about. Perhaps while you are at it, you should also say some thanks to God for this initial lack of chemistry. It could very well be an IDEAL situation. You will be able to objectively discern your future with this man without the emotional tugs and pulls.

God bless.

 

[Blenderx]

I met a man (online) who is amazing - extremely devout Catholic, sweet, thoughtful, kind, funny, smart…

We talked for several months for HOURS every day - on the phone, via chat, text, even video chat.

Finally met in person and I felt no chemistry I’m so disappointed and am wondering if that is something I can pray for. Can I pray for God to give me attraction and chemistry toward someone? Can I pray for God to make me fall in love with him?

Does anyone have experience with someone where you felt no attraction or chemistry initially, but then eventually it came because you prayed for it?

This was pretty much me and my husband. We met online, long distance, and talked for hours each day. When we finally met in person, he felt love at first sight, I felt nothing much at all. I even broke up with him because I felt like continuing the relationship would be leading him on when I felt there wasn’t much future there. But something kept pulling me back to him. After a few years of dating long distance and seeing each other for a few weeks here and there, I started to really focus on praying to God and to the Blessed Virgin that God’s will may be revealed. Until then, he had always travelled to me to visit, but this time, I travelled to him and, being on his own turf, he was more confident, so I got to see more of who he really was- the man I was so attracted to in our phone conversations. I found my emotions finally starting to fall into place and I received a sign while we were praying the rosary together that convinced me that he really was the one God intended for me. He proposed to me at the end of the trip (though he hadn’t actually been planning to!) and 6 months later, we were married. My engagement ring has a rosebud setting to show my gratitude to the Virgin for helping us get together (we also met on Ave Maria Singles, and were engaged on the eve of a Marian feast). The graces of the Sacrament of Marriage were really tangible for me- it wasn’t until immediately after the wedding that I finally felt as if I had ‘fallen’ in love. I love him now more and more and I’m so grateful to God that He led us here.

Might not work out the same for you, but be open to it.

 

[chevalier]

I met a man (online) who is amazing - extremely devout Catholic, sweet, thoughtful, kind, funny, smart…

We talked for several months for HOURS every day - on the phone, via chat, text, even video chat.

Finally met in person and I felt no chemistry I’m so disappointed and am wondering if that is something I can pray for. Can I pray for God to give me attraction and chemistry toward someone? Can I pray for God to make me fall in love with him?

Does anyone have experience with someone where you felt no attraction or chemistry initially, but then eventually it came because you prayed for it?

No, I only have experience being the man you describe.

This said, people sometimes just don’t feel attracted to each other “that way”. Just make sure this isn’t because something was different from how you imagined (in which case it can become attractive to you once you’ve processed the divergence) or because you expected some Hollywood-style fireworks (can happen especially to younger, more inexperienced people who are the confused because there are no bells and whistles and there’s no cue.)

Don’t lead him on. Or yourself. He deserves someone who will love him (and men are sensitive on the point of being regarded by their woman, they need this specific form of admiration), you deserve someone you can love. Be respectful but concrete and specific. Tell him the good things but also that you don’t feel the chemistry for some reason, don’t know why it is so but you don’t believe it would ever change (as I suspect is being the case). Then don’t give him “trial periods” or any adjustment margins. If this is a fresh acquaintance, he will get over it if you leave him to straws to hang on.

Also, don’t irrationally fear never meeting a man with the same qualities but more attractive to you subjectively. That is, don’t fear it more than needed. An even so, fear is not a good motivator for a relationship.

 

[chevalier]

And it took me the rest of college to get over her. I had a hard time dating anyone else in college without thinking about her. But, i got what i prayed for. I knew that i was capable of falling in love.

Had a similar moment a while ago.

I totally understand where the OP is coming from.
Good Christian men don’t grow on the trees. So if you finally meet one you would like things to work out.

I prayed too once to fall in love with someone like the one you describe. Today I see very clearly why God did not grant me my wish… it would have been a disaster.

Trust God…

I do not mean to be prying but would you mind my asking if something ultimately turned out to be wrong with that gentleman or did you simply discover that you wouldn’t have been happy together due to the large incompatibility?

 

[jesusmylover]

You can pray to feel something with that man or to fall in love if you want, but the question is : God wants that for you?
What God wants for you?

 

[Stellaeres]

How about… pray that God’s Will be done in this matter? That prayer covers everything.
I think it’s all right to pray to fall in love with himIF you pray once or twice. Maybe not a good idea to obsessively constantly pray for it. But God will not be offended at a little bit of asking for this. Trust me on that.

 

[sydney28]

“has anyone ever fallen in love with their spouse after not being attracted to them or feeling ‘chemistry’ right away.”

I’d have to think most of us didn’t have the love at first sight thing. We know that what is on the inside is far more important than the outside(which will change drastically as we age). For me, personality can make an unattractive person very attractive. I know that in high school one of the most popular guys(with the girls) would not have turned a head if he didn’t have a great personality. Chemistry may be overrated. Of course I have been married for over 20yrs so the chemistry is not the same as young or new love. And I may not exactly have a fresh take on what that all means. If his appearance really was a turn off then maybe he is not the right one for you.

Just give it more time. Get out and do things together and spend time with family and friends to see what is he really like aside from the fact that he is a wonderful catholic man. Is he fun to be around, great sense of humor, as well as the other traits that you want in a future husband? Is he too far away to meet often??

Thanks for the advice - and yes, we live in two different states, so we can’t meet often. He is visiting me next month, so I’m hopeful that our second in-person meeting will be very telling and bring both of us more clarity

 

[sydney28]

How about… pray that God’s Will be done in this matter? That prayer covers everything.
I think it’s all right to pray to fall in love with himIF you pray once or twice. Maybe not a good idea to obsessively constantly pray for it. But God will not be offended at a little bit of asking for this. Trust me on that.

Asking for God’s will to be done is definitely his and my number one prayer!

 

[sydney28]

Yes you can and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with it. You have met a a man who is “extremely devout Catholic, sweet, thoughtful, kind, funny, smart…”. Sounds like a winner to me. Why not pray for it? And at the same time, why not give it more of a chance.
So your feelings were not there right away? Love is a decision more than a feeling. If you work at it, the feelings are may very well follow. All that may be happening is you will be going through a phase of friendship before infatuation. Nothing wrong with that at all (nor is there anything wrong with the other order of events).

Many of the other responses make very little sense to me. Give it some time, that is what it is all about. ** Perhaps while you are at it, you should also say some thanks to God for this initial lack of chemistry.** It could very well be an IDEAL situation. You will be able to objectively discern your future with this man without the emotional tugs and pulls.

God bless.

Yes, I definitely agree with that! I have made bad decisions in past relationships by being clouded by “chemistry” or physical attraction. In this relationship, that aspect is not even on the table right now, and our focus is getting to know each other as best friends, being spiritual supports for each other, and praying for and with each other. I have to wonder if the “chemistry” will come later…I think that it could

 

[sydney28]

You could also pray to God to reveal to you what your priorities ought to be in a relationship. You already note that this man is a good, faithful Catholic of a similar age. It seems, by wanting to fall in love with him, you already are in love with him.

Love isn’t ‘chemistry’, love is the willingness to give your whole life to someone, and that love finds no higher expression than the cross.

Consider that for most of history, most people married one of the 3 or 4 people in their village who were a similar age and they enjoyed the company of - did they all have ‘chemistry’? Probably not, but after a lifetime of learning to put one another first, raising children, dealing with the joys and trials of life together, could anyone say they didn’t love one another?

You could just keep praying to God to give you the strength to keep wanting to love this man. That is what married people do, and of course it is nice to have that 'spark’the at the start, it gives you a joy you can later look back on, but if God grants you the grace to keep wanting to love, day by day, eventually you reach a point where you realize He will keep granting you that grace for the rest of your life.

God bless.

Yes, absolutely - I do pray for that - for God to place the desire in my heart to cherish and appreciate the amazing qualities this man has without placing SO much focus on needing “sparks” or “fireworks”. I definitely know that those are not things that sustain a relationship or marriage for a lifetime…that they fade. My head knows this, my heart is lagging behind a bit