There is hardly an attitude that is more dangerous than the inner suggestion that says, “this is turning out to be a real pain, so God must not want it to happen.” It is nearly as bad as the inner inclination that meets every difficulty with “Lord, why are you doing this to me?” Totally natural, but counter-productive, all the same. Don’t beat yourself up because things seem these ways, but when things seem like this, get ready to do battle.
There are powers that mean us only harm at work in the world; it is a vale of tears. We are made into ourselves and grow to fully reflect the likeness of God as we are meant to do by doing the work that this world confronts us with. God is endlessly creative! Both suffering and sublimity are the stuff from which God can finish fashioning us into saints, provided we each give our daily “fiat” to the creation of ourselves.
If you read Ephesians (as an example), it becomes abundantly clear that it takes an ongoing act of will for the baptized to live in Christ rather than to live according to the old way of life:
You were dead in your transgressions and sins in which you once lived following the age of this world, following the ruler of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the disobedient. All of us once lived among them in the desires of our flesh, following the wishes of the flesh and the impulses, and we were by nature children of wrath, like the rest.
Eph 2:1-3
BUT
I, then, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love, striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace: one body and one Spirit, as you were also called to the one hope of your call; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
Eph. 4:1-6
Both the powers of the air and the power that our own unmastered appetites have over us make following the way of Christ something we must strive to do in order to do it. We must make a continual effort to turn ourselves over to grace. It is grace that accomplishes good in us, but it does not automatically happen without any exertion on our parts to reject Satan.
Having said that, sometimes circumstances require us to be patient. Consult with your pastor when there are obstacles between you and your desire to avail yourself of the sacraments. Don’t rely on your own inclinations alone. Relying on ourselves for light leaves us in the dark, and usually leads to either more sloth or more self-flagellation or more of both than is appropriate.
