Cancer vs charity

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I have a former co worker who was diagnosed with acute leukemia. She was accepted into Johns Hopkins hospital. Her prognosis is very good now but she May have to have a bone marrow transplant.

Her husband is extremely successful and she has insurance. Well, my co workers have started a Fundly drive and even tried to get a high profile golf tournament advertised on tv… In her honor.

ALL of the $$$ goes to her.

I’m very sorry she is Ill. But is this kind of charity … Deserved? My husband keeps bad mouthing it to people and I feel very divided.

Thoughts?
 
Assuming her husband isn’t something like a mafioso, I think that legal and moral means have been proposed for your friend to collect funds to fight her illness, and she shouldn’t be penalized for having access to such means.

Just to offer an analogy: if her doctors could somehow only treat her if they first nuked some small country, there would certainly be a moral reason not to pursue such treatment. Her successful treatment wouldn’t be worth the many people who would have to die to make it possible.

But raising a lot of money isn’t the same as the above: it’s not as if this money would have absolutely been used for other patients, who now must suffer perhaps even death.
 
This ‘charity’ is most certainly wrong if she doesn’t NEED the money to get better.

You mention that her husband is ‘successful’ and has insurance. This makes me think that she doesn’t need the money that’s being raised.
 
mega1 said : "I have a former co worker who was diagnosed with acute Leukemia… She May have to have a bone marrow transplant … my co-workers have started a Funding drive and even tried to get a high profile golf tournament advertised on tv… In her honor."

So, why did you and your co-workers decide to raise money for her?
(And I won’t get into, why do you want to have her advertised as the NAME-of-Honor at a Golf Tournament?)
This will have a bearing on whether your husband is wrongly belittling you for doing Fund Raising for her.

And, certainly if a Bone-Marrow Transplant is ONLY a maybe, it would seem premature to act as if she will need a Transplant.
In fact, it may make her feel OBLIGATED to have the Surgery, if just to NOT appear to be “Crooked.”
After all, if someone gives you $100,000 to pay for your Medical Bills, and then you don’t use those $$$ … you have received the money under False Pretenses.

If you are doing this chiefly to show her that you support her battle with Cancer … there are other ways to show your support.
Or, because other co-workers have had Cancer in the past, only to stressed-out about Money issue … she has MORE resources than those other people had (as JRTJ pointed out).
Or … …

So, if you would be so kind, please fill-in a few more details of your purpose for this Endeavor.
 
4love2God said:
mega1 said : "I have a former co worker who was diagnosed with acute Leukemia… She May have to have a bone marrow transplant … my co-workers have started a Funding drive and even tried to get a high profile golf tournament advertised on tv… In her honor."

So, why did you and your co-workers decide to raise money for her?
(And I won’t get into, why do you want to have her advertised as the NAME-of-Honor at a Golf Tournament?)
This will have a bearing on whether your husband is wrongly belittling you for doing Fund Raising for her.

And, certainly if a Bone-Marrow Transplant is ONLY a maybe, it would seem premature to act as if she will need a Transplant.
In fact, it may make her feel OBLIGATED to have the Surgery, if just to NOT appear to be “Crooked.”
After all, if someone gives you $100,000 to pay for your Medical Bills, and then you don’t use those $$$ … you have received the money under False Pretenses.

If you are doing this chiefly to show her that you support her battle with Cancer … there are other ways to show your support.
Or, because other co-workers have had Cancer in the past, only to stressed-out about Money issue … she has MORE resources than those other people had (as JRTJ pointed out).
Or … …

So, if you would be so kind, please fill-in a few more details of your purpose for this Endeavor.
Click to expand...
You may wish to re-read the OP. She is not involved in this. Her co-workers alone have set this ball rolling.
 
She and her family may or may not need the financial help. Best thing is for tye co-workers organizing this stuff to ask her, the lady who is ill.

If the people want to help her but she doesn’t need financial help, they can donate in her name the funds they collect to a place like St Jude’s, where they treat children for cancer regardess of ability to pay.
 
John Lazarus said to me : "You may wish to re-read the OP. She is not involved in this. Her co-workers alone have set this ball rolling."

Yes, this MIGHT be True.
But, why would her husband **“keep bad-mouthing” **about it, if she has NO involvement in the Endeavor at all?
That would be like “Killing the Messenger.”
So, I assumed that she at least asked her husband if she could donate to the cause.

Truly, I am not sure if she is directly involved.
mega1, will you give us an answer to that Point?

If she is NOT involved in any way, then I hope that her other co-workers will read my Post.
 
There are huge bills involved with this type of treatment that are not covered by medical insurance. Time lost from work, transportation, meals, etc.

When a friend’s DD had a bone marrow transplant, the donor had to travel for the procedure, was out of work for a period of time, and had living expenses before and after the transplant. The DD needed care for her children and her DM stayed in the city where she was being treated for several months, to provide care and support since the DH had to return to work.

ETA that we did have fund-raisers to help with some of the expenses.
 
Going from two incomes to one always causes financial stress. I am sure any help they receive is needed and appreciated.
 
No I’m not involved at all. I actually replaced the girl. She was fired. So I feel very weird about the whole thing. But my husband is getting irritated seeing all the mentions on local TV etc.
4love2God said:
John Lazarus said to me : "You may wish to re-read the OP. She is not involved in this. Her co-workers alone have set this ball rolling."

Yes, this MIGHT be True.
But, why would her husband **“keep bad-mouthing” **about it, if she has NO involvement in the Endeavor at all?
That would be like “Killing the Messenger.”
So, I assumed that she at least asked her husband if she could donate to the cause.

Truly, I am not sure if she is directly involved.
mega1, will you give us an answer to that Point?

If she is NOT involved in any way, then I hope that her other co-workers will read my Post.
Click to expand...
 
As BookWorm and KrazyKat said, there are many expenses not covered by insurance. Even good insurance has a cap. I don’t know anyone that I would presume was too wealthy to be undeserving of help in this situation.

“Bad mouthing” only makes the gossiper look bad, not the cancer victim or the people who want to help her.
 
KrazyKat said:
Going from two incomes to one always causes financial stress. I am sure any help they receive is needed and appreciated.
Click to expand...
THIS. 👍

OP: Even “successful” people could have financial problems, especially when you add anything medical related to it. If you don’t agree with it, then continue not to participate in it. I personally think it’s a beautiful thing what your coworkers are doing.
 
I didn’t know the girl … I replaced her. Just met her once. I have donated a few bucks to her but I’m not part of organizing it. But my husband was upset with it and the idea I contributed.

So I was wondering how others might see this. Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut.
 
mega1 said:
I have a former co worker who was diagnosed with acute leukemia. She was accepted into Johns Hopkins hospital. Her prognosis is very good now but she May have to have a bone marrow transplant.

Her husband is extremely successful and she has insurance. Well, my co workers have started a Fundly drive and even tried to get a high profile golf tournament advertised on tv… In her honor.

ALL of the $$$ goes to her.

I’m very sorry she is Ill. But is this kind of charity … Deserved? My husband keeps bad mouthing it to people and I feel very divided.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
I see nothing wrong with this situation. Remember that no one alive deserves even one breath we take…(that includes the one who wrote this post, that is to say, me)…but His Majesty our God and King gives it to us out of His gracious mercy. It matters not whether this woman’s husband has money. As far as I can tell, people have graciously reached out to this woman, with no coercion or begging on the part of either her or her husband (unless there is information being witheld here).

Let us not become envious of others. Someday we may need the help as well (and I say this as a person who took five years post college * to find a suitable job, so I am by no means rich myself).

(And yes, I wrote this before reading others’ replies, so I am not trying to pile on you.)*
 
Clearly your husband has no concept of how cancer & insurance works. Bottom line, often times loved ones in that scenario are left wondering why they had insurance to begin with. Many things are not covered, especially if course of treatment is not “standard” for that specific cancer. It’s awful, & has caused many a “successful person” to end up in bankruptcy. Cancer wrecks lives, & not just medically, in many circumstances.

Bottom line, he needs to let it go. It’s not his business, & he cannot see behind closed doors.

Praying for the woman with cancer & her family.
 
Your husband has a right to his opinion on this subject. You say he is bad mouthing it “to people”…what people are you referring to? If it’s you, you are his wife…my DH and I share and discuss a lot of opinions with each other. I don’t see a problem with that.

It’s nice that your co-workers want to help someone. If you don’t think it is necessary, don’t donate.

Seems you just keep looking for things to dump on your husband about. Strangers on a forum can’t solve your marriage issues…talk to your husband, your priest, your therapist.
 
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