Cannot get rid of God

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Meemai

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Hello everyone,

I’ve decided to post here. In 2013 - 2016 around that time I tried to find the faith. But I guess I fell off quite quickly after that. I worked up to going to church periodically but it was not long lived.

For reasons don’t ask me why, I started studying theology. What I really wanted to study was philosophy but well money runs the world it seems and so I ended up having to pick up theology.

Now I am studying all kinds of stuff, reading the bible and all those things. Now mind you… I was never able to truly believe I went to church and did all kinds of things, but nothing worked. I did however leave a small Jesus statue with some saints and such.

Now I notice I cannot get rid of God… And I am really caught by this. I mean on the one hand I want to do away with God and kill him in my heart. On the other hand I cannot get rid of Him and it annoys me to no end.

It feels as if I cannot make Him dissapear nor can I start believing and take Him in. Now I knew studying theology wouldn’t be such a great idea because of this, but I did not expect this. At one point I was studying on the early martyrs, I felt some sadness for these people looked at my Jesus statue and fell the need to go there kneel and pray… This is something I normally would not do, I wouldn’t even want to…

I know it might be paradoxical to post here on a forum of believers on how to kill God in my heart. But this just annoys me… I’m in the twilight and I want to get rid of it… It feels as if God is mocking me, as he even brought me to my knees. Though I wouldn’t like to shift all the blame to him, probably something in me still wanted to believe still wants to believe.

I’m in conflict and I’m not sure what it is that I should do.

I would like to know your thoughts or what reading this does with you as a person. I feel ridiculous for even writing this topic. Here I am a human, my hands touching buttons and creating these letters that form some words which are suposed to reveal the things I’m feeling.

I’m sorry I cannot join you guys. It’s as if God has possesed me and I cannot get rid of this posession.
 
You can’t kill God because God is immortal and omnipotent. He wil always be with you even when you think He isn’t. So you are right you can’t get rid of Him.

What you can do is change your thinking and thought process and attitude towards Him. God loves you like a father loves his child. He is just trying to get you to know Him better. That is what that nagging feeling on your heart is. It’s your ego being in contact with the Holy Spirit.

Let me ask, are you baptised?
 
Yes I had baptism did the communion and while my parents decided not to let me do the confirmation at a young age, I took it later in 2015 or something like that.
 
Meemai said:
Now I notice I cannot get rid of God
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Good day, my friend, and how wonderful to have someone so honest state their feelings. I’m not Catholic but am, rather, a Catholic enthusiast. Your feelings about God do not surprise me in the slightest. God is a mystery we cannot quite define or put our finger on. St. Thomas Aquinas said that as soon as we think we’ve figured it out and say, yeah, that’s God; it isn’t. We can’t get rid of him because he is an indelible part of who we are.

Maybe this will help; it may be that what you are wishing to reject is not God at all, but merely the ideas and notions about God that most of us have been told all our lives. If this is the case, then I say well done. Most of the talk I heard about God has been a lot of hogwash. No one can know the definitive answers about God and the Catholic Church makes no claims to the contrary. I would say if I were in your situation, and I have been, then relax with it. Talk to this ethereal presence and say what you’ve said here. You may find a surprisingly sympathetic response. 🙂
 
Meemai said:
Now I notice I cannot get rid of God… And I am really caught by this. I mean on the one hand I want to do away with God and kill him in my heart. On the other hand I cannot get rid of Him and it annoys me to no end.
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If God is real you hopefully realize this is a blessing and not a curse.

Pray for yourself. Humble yourself.

Would you sell one of your eyes for a million dollars? No?
How much more should we be concerned for our souls?

I can share a catholic app with you if you’d like. You can ask catholics to pray for you with it.
 
A nice, honest post. Never heard this dilemma before so i can’t offer too specific advice.

He’s not mocking you, or toying with you or using you as a plaything. I can’t reason as to why He hasn’t revealed Himself to you but what does come to my mind is the wedding feast of Cana.
You’ve filled your mind with knowledge of Him but He needs to act to turn that water into the best of wine. Go to Him, tell him how you’re frustrated with His inaction and ask Him to do something. I’m not saying to threaten Him but be forceful.
 
Seeing as you are Baptized and have received Jesus - the second Person of the Holy Trinity, therefore God - why would you wish to be rid of Him???

Why wouldn’t you want to love Him, learn all about Him, and grow close to Him?

What would you replace Him with?

What is worth more to you than the salvation of your soul?

Have you stopped to think that it is satan who is inspiring these thoughts, desires to 'get rid of God’? That satan realizes that because of your Baptizm etc and now studying theology, that you may indeed give up your sinful ways, embrace God and therefore he has lost what he (satan) thought he had - your soul.

Have you thought that perhaps this inner struggle is God trying to lead you safely home to Him to spend eternity in heaven, and on the other hand is satan desperately trying to keep you away from God and thus lead you to hell for all of eternity instead?

I suggest you ignore these thoughts, promptings, desires to abandon God, and instead embrace Him with all your will. Resume your spiritual life - go to confession, begin saying daily prayers, go to Mass on Sundays & HOB, go to Adoration and sit with Jesus and talk to Him while there. It will be hard at first and satan will put all obstacles in your way to get you to stop and turn away from God. Persevere. Ask God for the grace to persevere and to never let you leave Him - then do your part by not doing so.
 
God never mocks anyone! Jesus will keep knocking on the door to your heart until you let Him in. I learned that the hard way. God loves you very much, He wants a relationship with you. The Bible says, the devil throws flaming arrows at you. Satan wants you to reject God. Start going to Mass, pray every day and receive the sacraments. Pray to God for grace.
 
God works in mysterious ways. Instead of fighting your feelings, surrender your will to Him. Your life will change for the better.
 
It is always good that you remain interested in God.

Pray to God so that He will help you understand and seek a Catholic priest to help you and guide you in regard to your God inquiries and doubts.

Either way, remain open to God, in time all will be clear to you.
 
Possession- or obsession? Maybe both but probably a matter of grace either way. At some point it will most likely grow into faith, meaning you’ll increasingly own it. But it’s a battle, because the grace to believe can be resisted-which we naturally do-and my bet is you’re feeling the effects of that conflict now.
 
Meemai said:
Yes I had baptism
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Yup, that explains it. The seal of the Holy Spirit is on you and it will never go away. Many avowed atheists can atest to never being able to fully shake God out of their minds because of their baptism.

What I would suggest is to just pray on it. Pray the rosary everyday and just meditate on God’s love for you. Excersize some mental prayer and get to know God more.
 
You haven’t given one good reason for why you would want to do such a thing.
 
I have talked to people who have been married a while. I ask them about when and where they met their spouse, and sometimes they say, ‘My goodness he was annoying!’ or something along those lines. Some time went by and they discovered something very kind, very loving about the person. They discovered that life would be better with them.

As a person who grew up without God, I have to say life is way better with God. With his love, his forgiveness, his consolation. What is striking to me is that he cares for me as his own daughter. I am precious to him. Who can comprehend such madness like God’s love? I hope today you say to God that you want more of him. There’s no regrets there. There’s hope there, and brightness. Beauty. All those things we are drawn to. Don’t waste another day!

God bless and keep you close to his heart.
 
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