Cannot pray anymore

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wolal

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Hello All,

I used to pray daily back in 2009 when I was discerning a vocation. It helped me so much to keep stress low and my mind focused. However, after going to Rome for a very short period of time to discern, I got depressed, missed home, realized some things about myself, and decided a vocation was not for me. I returned here to San Jose, CA and got back together with my girlfriend who had also returned home after being away for 3 years.

Since then, I have sought to apply my degrees and have searched for a job in law enforcement/public safety. However, the ongoing recession is now forcing cities, counties, and other state and federal agencies to initiate long-term hiring freezes or lay-offs. I keep applying, interviewing, and driving across the state in vain. Luckily, for now, I do have a job that pays just enough to survive.

Anyhow the stress and futility of this job search and my hectic schedule that comes with it have left me with the inability to pray. I find reaching that peace and focus needed for prayer unattainable. I have tried praying the hours (can’t relate to prayers), rosary (can’t focus for long enough), and reflective/meditating prayer (find my mind wandering to other worries). Even at Mass, I have trouble enjoying the celebration and cannot pray. It is so frustrating because I remember when I was discerning prayer was easy. I felt the love of God everyday then-enough that it took me to Rome. Since after that though, I have felt less and less. It is like the connection that god and I has faded to the point where now I feel nothing. I have spoken to a Priest but he just gave me some general advice to try to make more of an effort to pray and that is common that people got through times when they don’t feel anything with God. These words really didn’t help me much.

WHAT DO I DO?

ANY and ALL advice or thoughts is very much appreciated.

Thank you,
wolal
 
Pray anyway. I don’t mean that as some sort banal retort. Honestly, as a person who struggled with prayer for a long time. I prayed anyway. No matter how odd, awkward or just plain like I was talking to the air.

Just pray.
 
Sounds like you are being tested.

The honeymoon is over, God has given you the consolations, prayer felt wonderful for a while, now nothing is happening - spiritual dryness, your mind is wandering and you are feeling total inertia when it comes to pray. Firstly, don’t stop praying. I’m not saying this from a preachy kind of perspective - I have been in the can’t pray-won’t pray scenario myself.

Anyway, re: distractions - they’re part of us being human. God gave us a mind that just won’t stop whirring. Even the saints were plagued with distractions. Don’t stress about them. Either include them in your prayer, or if they’re totally trivial, as in, what will I have for dinner tonight, then just calmly say to yourself ‘oh, my mind has wandered again’ and re-focus. Reading material (Bible / spiritual book) may help to regain focus.

Re: spiritual dryness - Prayer shouldn’t be about feelings. We should want to love God and converse with Him for His own sake, not because prayer feels good. Sometimes we will feel about as far as we can get from God. It’s our illusion. God is always there, you know that.

So you’re faced with a choice, either you give up prayer, distance yourself from God and deprive yourself of a personal relationship with God, or you do what the saints did.

Persevere, use your willpower to keep going, when prayers don’t get answered, when your mind is wandering, when your prayers feel empty. Endure this as a trial, but keep at your post of prayer. God has so few friends, He needs you.
Trust - trust that God is in your life, entrust your life to Him.
Surrender - surrender to His will - how? Choose the path that shows you love Him.

I notice also that you’re associating these problems in prayer with your decision to give up on your vocation, which suggests you are maybe feeling guilty, as though you failed perhaps or that you have abandoned God in some sense. Don’t. How wonderful that you even tried your vocation. Marriage is a vocation remember and a really difficult one too - every vocation can be sanctified if we allow God the space to act in our lives. Please, for His sake, keep going. Tell Jesus how you feel, put everything you said in your message above into a prayer and voila ! You’re praying again. Come on, you can do it!!
 
Finally, here’s someone going through what I’m going through right now!
Everyday, I’ve been making a special effort to say the Act of Faith, Act of Hope, Act of Charity, Act of Contrition, Guardian Angel prayer, St. Michael the Archangel prayer, the morn. offering to the Immaculate Heart and Sacred Heart w/ Scapular indulgence, the Holy Rosary and do a bit of Bible reading (basically I read it in spurts). I’ve also pledged to pray at least 15 novenas a year. On my first one (the Holy Family Novena which I started on Feb. 12th) I gave up on the 3rd day!!! I cannot meditate at all on the Rosary, and I do not feel connected to God or His Holy Servants at all. In fact, I’m upset that I never get any of my Rosary intentions (they are all moral and in communion with His Will) anwered and I’m doubting God’s existence altogether.😦
 
Thank you Trials. You said some things that I could really relate to.

Regarding continuing to pray, I will continue to keep trying because despite my frustrations with life right now, I love God too much to turn my back. That would be avoiding a truth I know too deeply. I have found that when I force myself to pray the Examen it helps me deal with the stress and uncertainty a bit so I will try to make time for that prayer.

I am interested by your comment on distractions being part of us and incorporating them into our prayers. When I used to do a lot of reflective prayer, my Spiritual Director at the time told me to just allow all of the distractions to enter the mind. Then, just reflect on them until another thought enters and so on. Praying like this would take in excess of 1 hour on some nights, but I really felt recharged the next day. Lighting a candle and putting on some Chants or Taize helped too. Does this sound like a good method for incorporating distractions into prayer?

Please offer more info on “Prayer shouldn’t be about feelings”. What do you mean?

Lastly, regarding the vocation, I do feel guilty in that I am still unsure if I have one or not. For the most part, when my relationship w/my girlfriend is good, I am of course sure that marriage and being a father is my vocation, but when the relationship is struggling, I begin heavily considering a religious vocation. I know this is a terrible and immature way to think but nonetheless it is how my mind works.

Thanks so much for the support,
wolal
 
ThankUMaria,

Without knowing more about your life situation and why you are doubting and frustrated, I can say surely that we are NOT alone. I read that Mother Teresa herself went through decades of feeling little or nothing, but just kept at it because she felt it was the right thing to do. She believed in the message of God and his Son Jesus and made the ultimate commitment to unselfishness and love.

I can suggest beginning with simple prayers or diversifying your prayer routine. Walking and appreciating God’s creation in nature is prayer or listening to some religious music and relaxing while thinking about God is also a form of prayer. Different people react differently to various stimuli. Some prefer reading, some listening, some writing, etc. Find what works best for you and start there. Also remember in addition to praying we must also be receptive (open to the door) to God and that is TOUGH.

In the end, let’s keep being uncertain and struggling to pray together. That is what community is for.

-wolal
 
Hi, I am currently unemployed, financial strapped and head of a household that consist of a wife and 2 young sons.
If you really think you don’t have the time to pray do what I do when I am felling pressed for time…keep it simple and to the point. Ask only for others and you will be granted what you need.

“God, help me be the best I can be today, grant that I may be a loving husband, nurturing father and just provider. May I be of service to you and my fellow man, I ask this through your son our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen”.

If you don’t have the 30 seconds it took for me to close my eyes and say this you need to rethink your priorities.

Find time to meditate, turn off the TV, Radio, iPhone.

He’s not asking you to be nailed to a cross, just bow before one and ask for the help you desire.

You can do it. God Bless!
 
It’s good to hear of other people going through these things. i like to remember that st Therese of Lisieux went through a dark time right up until her death I believe. Imagine? being faithful and loving God with all her heart, right up until the end even though she felt nothing…amazing.
 
wolal said:
ThankUMaria,

Without knowing more about your life situation and why you are doubting and frustrated, I can say surely that we are NOT alone. I read that Mother Teresa herself went through decades of feeling little or nothing, but just kept at it because she felt it was the right thing to do. She believed in the message of God and his Son Jesus and made the ultimate commitment to unselfishness and love.

I can suggest beginning with simple prayers or diversifying your prayer routine. Walking and appreciating God’s creation in nature is prayer or listening to some religious music and relaxing while thinking about God is also a form of prayer. Different people react differently to various stimuli. Some prefer reading, some listening, some writing, etc. Find what works best for you and start there. Also remember in addition to praying we must also be receptive (open to the door) to God and that is TOUGH.

In the end, let’s keep being uncertain and struggling to pray together. That is what community is for.

-wolal
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thanks
 
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God is only in our lives as much as we allow Him to be, so you have to ask yourself, how much time do you devote to God in your life, and where do you put Him in your life?

the most common mistake made in regard to our relationship with God, is the idea that what we feel somehow signifies where we stand with God,
but the truth of the matter is, you can love God without feeling anything, and God can most certainly love you(and He does) without any consolations present.

but to speak more specifically about what you’re concerned with,
I find reaching that peace and focus needed for prayer unattainable
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while we must try to focus on our prayers, neither peace nor complete focus are required, the only thing you need to do is *try *and focus, and also be sincere,
and remember that prayer is not about receiving favors or getting things your way, but instead we pray to strengthen our relationship with God, and grow in perfection,
the most important thing you can pray for above any request, is to accept Gods will for you, no matter what it may be, because whatever God allows for you can only be what is good and what is best, you can go down no better path then the one God has prepared for you,
and so you must be open to any state of life, any job, or vocation, because it is that state in life that you will do best spiritually, provided you are striving to do Gods will and not your own.

of course there are many things that get in the way of doing Gods will, such as self love(this more than anything) or love of money, attachment to the pleasures of the world or the flesh, attachment to other sins, inordinate love of creatures…there are many things, but you have to ask yourself, what in your own life are you inordinately attached to, or what are you allowing to come between you and God, what is stopping you from doing Gods will?
when you discover the answer, then the next step is to remove that thing from yourself, or gradually, with prayer, detach your affections from it,
nothing standing between you and God is going to be good for you, even if that thing is good in and of itself, because if something is causing the decline of your soul, then for you it is bad.

the reason i bring up Gods will, is because there is one thing that will help you more than anything else, one thing that God loves above every other virtue, because it leads to every other virtue, and it is the answer to your problem,
and that one thing is obedience,
if you can’t pray for any other reason, even if you can’t concentrate or be at peace, even if you feel a repugnance for prayer, if you just pray out of obedience, then God will be pleased, and He will help you,

and then being obedient in other ways is very important as well, but there are certain people we are obedient to, and only in what is moral, we never obey in regard to what is or may be sinful,
those you are to be obedient to are, first of all, the church, your priest, your parents(well, not for you, but for children) your workplace superiors, other law officials, etc. keeping in mind, as i said, that we do not obey in sin.
but what will help you even more in that area is to read these two very short books on the matter of Gods will -
gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=18087275
gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=18175319

and for some very excellent advice on prayer and the interior life, check out these sermons, which will help you much more than i can - audiosancto.org/categories/interior-life.php
 
(Post 2 of 2)

when you pray, don’t put any importance on feelings, because that will only get in the way of your relationship with God, whether God gives us those feelings or not, many people tend to become more attached to the feelings than they do with God Himself…
the true test of our love for God is in whether or not we serve Him no matter how we feel, because anyone can pray and do good works and go to mass and everything else while they’re feeling on top of the world or full of joy, but it’s those who still serve and pray and do good works, etc. even when they feel nothing or when they feel terrible that truly prove their love to God.
and so ask yourself, who do you want to please more, God, or yourself?
there is no greater satisfaction than pleasing the one you love…or showing love to the one loved, because love by it’s very nature is something that must be given, or pored out, love cannot be forced or taken from someone, it must be free, and for that reason, you will only feel right when you put love in it’s proper place, we show our love most by denying ourselves, or enduring some suffering for the one loved, just as Jesus did for us,
but by doing or enduring those sufferings for the sake of someone you love, then those burdens become much more light and easy…
it would be very good for you to meditate on what love is and what it means to love or be loved…
and so what you must work on first and foremost, is your love for God,
in regards to your previous discerning period, could you have backed down due to a lack of love for God? i wouldn’t personally question your love for God, but i just want you to consider for yourself whether or not the problem merely consists in the degree to which you love God,
because when someone enters the priestly or religious life, they always miss their family, and for some the pain of separation is so bad they become sick from it, but they go through with it despite those pains for the love of God,
and i’m really not trying to imply that that is the case with you, but it’s something to consider, and perhaps down the line, if it’s not to late, you can pick up where you left off.

so to get to the point, the best advice i can give you is, do not rely on your feelings, they mean nothing for you, and they are actually working very much against you now, as you can see…
you know that God loves you, He has proven it especially in dieing for you, and you must likewise seek to love God in everything you think, say, and do,
don’t just pray vocally, but pray mentally, think about all these things in your heart, meditate on the purpose of life(which is to know, love, and serve God in this life, so that we may be happy with Him in the next), meditate on what really matters in life, and likewise what does not matter in the long run…
just put your trust in God and nothing else, learn your religion on a more interior level, focus on practicing the virtues and pleasing God, and check out those two sites i gave you, because they will really help you much more than i can.

other than that, if you have any other questions please ask.
alright, hope this helps, take care.
 
wolal said:
Thank you Trials. You said some things that I could really relate to.

I am interested by your comment on distractions being part of us and incorporating them into our prayers. When I used to do a lot of reflective prayer, my Spiritual Director at the time told me to just allow all of the distractions to enter the mind. Then, just reflect on them until another thought enters and so on. Praying like this would take in excess of 1 hour on some nights, but I really felt recharged the next day. Lighting a candle and putting on some Chants or Taize helped too. Does this sound like a good method for incorporating distractions into prayer?

Please offer more info on “Prayer shouldn’t be about feelings”. What do you mean?
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Glad to hear you won’t give up anyway, God will never abandon us remember. I’m giving this advice, but I’m not perfect, I often need to tell myself all the things I told you when I feel far from God.

Distractions - yes, your idea sounds like a great way of dealing with them. It’s not that they should be the focus of the prayer, but just a realisation on our part that they will inevtably come and go - we just don’t need to get stressed over them, that’s all, and can include them in our prayers as we go along.

Re: prayer shouldn’t be about feelings - what I meant was that we go through periods of prayer where we come away feeling wonderful, as though we have come close to God, as though our hearts are bursting with love for Him. Then we can go to prayer and feel the words are empty, meaningless, dry, and even doubts can creep in as to whether our faith is really true. Things like that. So the advice given from the great saints such as St. teresa of Avila is not to seek these wonderful feelings in prayer as though we come to expect them every time and then think we are failing when they don’t come. Praying through dry and seemingly fruitless spiritual times will be the real testament to our faith. That is when we come out of the crucible like gold because we persevered through the dark night of the soul.
 
When I meditate, I just use the name of Jesus, to help keep my focus of intention from being drawn away by distracting thoughts.

Just gently and mentally say the words, “Lord Jesus.”

Let Him do the rest.

Jim
 
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