Cannot...will not (?) forgive

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MrsNoahMoerbeek

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I’m going to run the risk of sounding like a whiner, but I have to convey why I’m having difficulty forgiving this woman. First, husband and I planned on having a natural birth. Obstetrician had other ideas, you know, wouldn’t want to inconvenience her schedule.
  1. she implies that I may have pre-eclampsia and that we MUST induce for the life of the baby and me - no argument, it MUST be done to save us. Cervix is not ripe, have not dilated at all.
  2. pitocin. 5 hours later, epidural and catheter
  3. breaking waters
  4. oxygen
  5. threat of cesarean
  6. episiotomy
  7. 32 hours straight on back, no food
  8. would not hand baby to husband (this was really impt. to the both of us, that I receive the baby from him and not the doctor)
  9. because of what occured as a result of induction, I’m having certain problems now that affect daily living and…we’ll say…marital activities
  10. the humiliation that I didn’t birth my daughter, the doctor did; all I did was push. 2 hours non-stop…not true, it wasn’t non-stop. I did get vomiting breaks.
I had blood work done to confirm pre-eclampsia and was then immediately induced. No pre-eclampsia. In fact, really no reason to suspect pre-eclampsia. I’ve since talked with other medical persons. The “symptoms” that I had, that the doctor gave me as reasons for being panicked, were normal for the majority of women. Also found out that there was a simple test she could’ve given me to find out if I had it without even going to the hospital. As my pregnancy had been going fine up until that point, I hadn’t researched every possible complication.

I cannot begin to describe how ANGRY this has made me. If I’d had pre-eclampsia, or if there was in fact reason to suspect it, I would be disappointed with the experience, but that’s about it. To find out that it was all not necessary…it’s been 3 months, and I can’t think about it without breaking into tears and staying in tears…sometimes only a few minutes, sometimes a few hours. I can talk about it, but if I ***think ***about it…I can’t.

My husband says the difference between being angry at someone and hating them is this: when you hate someone, you wish evil on them. Being angry is just that. I don’t wish evil on her, but saying “I hate her” seem to be the only accurate phrase…with a few expletives that I will not mention.

The bottom line is this. I don’t want to go to Hell. I will if I don’t forgive her. Please pray for me. I don’t ***want ***to forgive her (except that I don’t want to go to Hell, but that’s it).
 
Lord, MrsNoahMoorebeek desires to forgive (an excellent thing) but needs to be able to get past her doctor’s wrongdoing and actually forgive her. Her doctor made a big mistake and her mistake is a little too big for MrsNoahMoerbeek to swallow right now. Heal MrsMorrebeek’s injured heart and give her peace so she can put what the doctor did behind her. A saint once said that when we forgive we resemble You most … and forgiving our neighbor’s wrongdoing is a spiritual work of mercy, something that pleases You very much. Help MrsNoahMoorebeek to take this opportunity to grow in virtue and forgive, like You forgive each and every one of us everytime we sin. Thank you for granting MrsNoahMoorebeek a healthy baby and a good husband. Help her to focus on You and on all the good You have given her so she doesn’t have to waste her time being angry at her doctor. You permitted this mistake to happen for a reason known only to You, and I know that everything you permit to happen to us is for our good. Help MrsNoahMoorebeek to be abandoned to Your merciful love full of confidence in Your merciful love. Help her to accept what happened as being permitted by You for her spiritual good or for some good reason unknown to her, so she can more easily put this all behind her and forgive her doctor. Thank you, Lord, for hearing my prayer.
 
You can’t forgive BUT you can ask the Lord for help. I have had real anger at situations and not only the anger but the grudge was taken. You just have to ask and keep asking. God Bless.

You are in my prayers!

Nydia
 
What a truly perverse doctor. I would humbly suggest that you write the kindest letter to the hospital and gently inform them that Dr. Wassamattayou needs to apprise herself of the simple test RE: pre-eclampsia. That’s one issue that needs responsible resolution–accountability. Then I’d sidle up to a mirror, look myself in the eye, and ask myself, " Who is better at vengeance…Me or God?" Then, knowing God’s particular affection for moms, leave her case on His desk. You’re a mom, and were erased as regards your import when having your will ignored. That’s disturbing. Embrace the suffering, because it is raw contravention of your humanity. Then raise the best little doctor you can. Blessings!
 
File a complaint with the medical review board, find yourself a new doctor, get checked for PPD…the crying spells scream PPD…and then pray and go to confession and ask the Lord to forgive you as well
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women and
blessed is the Fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
 
Praying for your intentions….

Lord Jesus, You have said,
“Learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart.”
With confidence in Your loving heart
which offers rest to weary souls,
we come to You in this time of special need.
In Your unfailing love,
read the prayer that is written on our hearts,
and grant the grace that we ask of You,
in accordance with Your holy will.
In Your name we pray.
Amen.
 
So sorry MrsNoahMoorebeek!
One can only just imagine how you feel.
Knowing that you need to forgive this woman, you could stop focussing on what she did, and concentrate instead on praying for her to be more compassionate to her patients.
Remember that God allowed this thing to happen to you!
Maybe this quote might help a little.

“Nothing in our lives is due to chance but whatever happens contrary to our wills, be assured that it is in accordance with the will of God, with His Providence, with the order He has instituted, with the consent He has given and the laws He has established”
  • St. Augustine
 
Thank you all for your prayers. I’m still upset over the situation, but no longer furious. I did talk to my former ob-gyn, and she said that she once had a client that she sent home after the same symptoms (or rather the lack thereof for the most part) and she went into a seizure the next day. While I don’t believe that she should base all future decisions on that (not to mention, my husband had a very strong feeling that she was exaggerating), I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and am…***less ***upset over the matter. Thanks again everyone!!🙂
 
Praying that you pray for her and by doing so you are able to forgive her …
 
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