Can't be the godmother?

[jessicaLee]

I live in NYC. I have attended mass at St. Patricks for over three years now. I am very low income and donate what I can but it is always only in cash. Recently my brother contacted me and asked me to be the godmother to his soon to be born daughter. He said that his church in ATL requires an eligibility certificate to ensure that I am a practicing catholic. Though I am, because I do not use the envelopes and only donate to the church in cash, the church has said that they cannot give me the cert. I am shocked. I’ve never needed to be verified as a member of the church and am afraid that after I’ve been a good catholic, the church is just going to shut me out and not allow me to be the godmother. I feel very betrayed and saddened by this development. Does anyone know of any other options?

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Does anyone know you, or at least recognize you attending Mass regularly? Usually the practice here isn’t based on envelops and donations, but on actually attending Mass regularly. What one does is get a letter of recommendation from their priest informing the other priest about whether or not the person is suitable and capable of fulfilling their duties as a godparent. Lord help us if it’s only based on giving money.

 

[DJK100]

I live in NYC. I have attended mass at St. Patricks for over three years now. I am very low income and donate what I can but it is always only in cash. Recently my brother contacted me and asked me to be the godmother to his soon to be born daughter. He said that his church in ATL requires an eligibility certificate to ensure that I am a practicing catholic. Though I am, because I do not use the envelopes and only donate to the church in cash, the church has said that they cannot give me the cert. I am shocked. I’ve never needed to be verified as a member of the church and am afraid that after I’ve been a good catholic, the church is just going to shut me out and not allow me to be the godmother. I feel very betrayed and saddened by this development. Does anyone know of any other options?

Hi JessicaLee,

First welcome to the forums.

Secondly, something doesn’t seem quite right with the response you are recieving. First, thing is schedual an appointment with your priest to explain the situation. He may have seen you and recognize you and therefor would be willing to give a cert letter. The fact that they are mailing you donation envelopes at least proves you are registered with the Parish. Do you volunteer with any ministries? Do you have any friends or any regulars that you see or see you at Masses. If you do introduce yourself to them and explain your situation. Ask them to vouch that they see you attend Mass regularly and are actively participating in the Church.

Donations ARE NOT what determines participation. Bottom line talk to your priest right now to have this misunderstanding clarified even if it means walking upto him after Mass on sunday with those people who can vouch for you.

Hope this works out for you.

 

[maryjk]

St Patrick’s is huge. They have 8 Masses on Sunday plus one on Saturday night. 5.5 million people visit the Cathedral each year. I am sure the only way to ensure that you are regularly attending is by looking to see if you use weekly envelopes.

The point is, you do not have to give money in the envelopes, simply placing them in the collection shows that you attended Mass.

Your best bet at this point is to find someone that can say they have seen you on a regular basis.

 

[jessicaLee]

St. Patrick’s is a huge church in one of the most populated cities in the US. I attend only with my boyfriend (on occasion) and don’t converse with any of the congregation. I was told that the only way to verify it is through the weekly donations to prove that I was actually there. If all I needed was another member of the congregation to say that I was there I would just have had my brother’s family do that for their church and I do not wish to be forced to lie to a priest.

 

[jessicaLee]

My apologies, I should have been more clear, perhaps I am ignorant but I did not realize that I needed to register with the church so i did not do so. I do not receive envelopes, that is why I only give cash donations. I could talk to one of the priests but it is unlikely that they will recognize me out of everyone that attends.

 

[maryjk]

The priest that is baptizing the child needs to know that the child’s Godparent is an active member of the Catholic Church.

If there isn’t anyone that can verify that you attend Mass regularly, what can they do???

 

[jessicaLee]

So as a catholic who can actually prove that I have received the sacraments, I cannot be trusted by my own church that I attend mass? I feel like I’ve put so much of my own faith into a religion that has none in me.

 

[Saggart]

As others have pointed out, St. Pat’s has a huge amount of attendees. Besides that, unlike the average parish church, it has no way of tracking its “parishioners” except by registration. As the cathedral–all Christians in the archdiocese are its parishioners.
The suggestion that you make an appointment and explain your predicament is an excellent one. You’re asking a priest to swear to another priest that you’re a practicing Catholic when he doesn’t have anything to base that statement on. Help him out by explaining that you’ve been asked to be your niece’s godmother, that you are a fully-initiated Catholic who regularly attends mass on Sunday and holy days at the Cathedral, but that you’ve never registered and only donate in cash. You’ll give him the chance to see your sincerity and truthfulness, and I’m sure he’ll help you.
God bless you.

 

[1ke]

So as a catholic who can actually prove that I have received the sacraments, I cannot be trusted by my own church that I attend mass? I feel like I’ve put so much of my own faith into a religion that has none in me.

You need to speak to a priest, by appointment. Not after mass, and do not talk to the secretary. Speak only to the priest.

 

[edward_george]

You need to speak to a priest, by appointment. Not after mass, and do not talk to the secretary. Speak only to the priest.

I second this and add that you also need to be careful in this situation. Certainly it is frustrating, but it is not unsolvable, and comments about you feel like you’re putting too much faith in a religion that doesn’t put any faith in you, while understandable, seem to put it all out of proportion. Be patient, take a deep breath, and speak to the priest. I’m sure this can be resolved in a matter of minutes. Remember that priests and church staff are people too.

-ACEGC

 

[Corki]

So as a catholic who can actually prove that I have received the sacraments, I cannot be trusted by my own church that I attend mass? I feel like I’ve put so much of my own faith into a religion that has none in me.

Jessica,

I think you misunderstand what is being asked. You are going to be a sponsor in a parish that is not your own. The priest at your brother’s parish needs some kind of assurance that you are not just a Baptized Catholic but one who is actively practicing the faith in order to be a suitable godparent. The Catholic upbringing of this child is too important to just take anyone’s word for it.

1. Is Saint Patrick’s your actual geographic parish or just where you attend Mass? If it is not your geographic parish, you can try there first.
2. When is the Baptism? If the baby is not yet born, you may have some months yet. Ask in the office of St. Patricks what you can do to demonstrate you are actively practicing your faith. Even several weeks of faithful Mass attendance documented however they suggest (envelopes, bulletins, whatever) may be sufficient.
3. Ask the priest doing the Baptism if there is alternate documentation he can accept besides the statement from St. Patricks.

This is probably just a complication, not an insurmountable problem.

 

[Joannm]

Where I work we ask our potential godparents to get a signed statement from their parish priest. We found we needed to do this because we have found out that some parents lie to us about the godparents. It’s sad but true.

We put something in our bulletin every few months and at holiday times telling people how important it is to register with the parish. When they register at least we get all their sacramental information, so if they come in for a sponsor certificate we can honestly say they are fully initiated. For participation we can only prove it if they use their envelopes or are involved in the parish or well known by someone.

If a person is not registered or using envelopes we ask them to make an appointment with a priest who can at least determine based on the conversation if they are practicing, but even then some people lie about going to Mass.

 

[Saggart]

I second this and add that you also need to be careful in this situation. Certainly it is frustrating, but it is not unsolvable, and comments about you feel like you’re putting too much faith in a religion that doesn’t put any faith in you, while understandable, seem to put it all out of proportion. Be patient, take a deep breath, and speak to the priest. I’m sure this can be resolved in a matter of minutes. Remember that priests and church staff are people too.

-ACEGC

I “third” that. Remember that you’re dealing with the body of Christ on earth–who gives you, only because you approach and acknowledge in faith–the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus Christ. That’s a super-abundance of Faith in you, I suppose, although our participation in the church isn’t based on her faith in us, after all, but our own faith in Jesus Christ.
You’ve been asked to sponsor another human being into that body, and, unsurprisingly, you’ve been asked to prove the requirements of that office–that you are fully initiated Catholic who lives a life of faith which befits the role to be undertaken.
The priest in Atlanta has no way to know if you fulfill that last requirement. Sad to say, people don’t always tell the truth about those proposed as sponsors, so the priest in Atlanta has asked you to have your priest vouch for you.
It’s a serious responsibility you’ve been asked to take on, and those ordained to service of the church by celebrating the sacraments take that duty most seriously. They also take their word quite seriously, following the Lord’s admonition. You, for whatever reason, choose not to use envelopes–the use of which would give the priest the external evidence he needs to give his word in testimony about you.
You say that your nephew is not even born yet, so there’s an easy solution, use the envelope this Sunday, and continue using them. In a few weeks, ask for the testimony of good-standing–you won’t be asking a priest to give his word when he feels morally unable to and you will be able receive the certificate without further fuss or worry.
You’re a fortunate person to be able to attend the Lenten and Easter liturgies at St. Patrick, please offer a prayer for your fellow members of the Body of Christ when you do so.

 

[St_Francis]

I could spend days, weeks!, at St Patrickk’s Cathedral, if only I didn’t live 500 miles away! How wonderful that you can attend Mass there regularly

You have probably seen the evidence of lax passing-on of the Faith to younger generations. Now the Church is trying to help by requiring more evidence of serious Catholicism on the part of both parents and godparents for baptism. When I took my baptismal class for my baby, there was a couple there expecting their tenth child, who had taught the baptismal class in their previous parish but who were still required to take this class because it had been a certain number of years and their (new) diocese wanted to make sure everyone remained “up-to-date.” This is to protect the baptized child who will have God’s mark on his or her soul, and who needs Catholic intruction because he or she will be judged differently: to whom much has been given, much will be expected.

Talk with a priest to see what you can do so that he can grant you the certification. They usually really do want to help.

 

[NiceMimi]

Jessica, honey, the priests at St. Pat’s are pretty cool. Speak to a priest at the rectory, and all will be well. Trust me.

 

[jessicaLee]

Thank you for your suggestions, I will discuss it further with the priest this sunday. It is much appreciated and god bless.

 

[YADA]

St. Patrick’s is a huge church in one of the most populated cities in the US. I attend only with my boyfriend (on occasion) and don’t converse with any of the congregation. I was told that the only way to verify it is through the weekly donations to prove that I was actually there. If all I needed was another member of the congregation to say that I was there I would just have had my brother’s family do that for their church and I do not wish to be forced to lie to a priest.

So most people who have posted here assume you are a regular failthful Mass goer … and perhaps you are … but I am looking at what you have posted and see some [perhaps unintentional and even in accurate] expressions that would illlustrate a different perspective …

If you only attend - on occasion - with your boy friend -

1] What parish are you registered at? … and a life long Catholic would realize that people ‘register’ with their parish, attend Mass regularly unless they are attending Mass in another location for some reason - and they know that Mass attendance is required except for serious reasons - on every Sunday - Holy Day - not ‘on ocassion’

2] Where do you attend Mass regularly - you know - the not on occasion times - the other Sundays and Holy Days when you are not with your boy friend?

3] Is your boy friend registered at St Patrick’s?

Which basically gets down to this:

4] Do you attend Mass every Sunday and Holy Day? … or do you only attend "on Occassion? What does being an active practicing Catholic mean to you?

Which is the reason parishes probably see the need for some documentation … God parents are chosen to assist the parents in the religious up bringing of the child - and to take responisbilty for that catechesis should the parents fail to do so for a multitude of reasons …choosing a family member or a good friend because of their relationship or friendship to the family or pressure to select them for some “reason” regardless of their religious practices is not the proper basis upon which to make this selection … Just my :twocents: … and hopefully fodder for thought …

 

[etmom]

I have had 6 children baptised, the last two children just in the last 2 years. I have never been asked to provide documentation of church attendance for the Godparents, just documentation that at least 1 was a confirmed Catholic. My last child was baptised shortly after his birth at the hospital, and the Godparent issues wasn’t even asked about or on anyone’s mind until some time later.

The Church trusts me to form my child fully in the faith, but not to chose Godparents, carefully following the guidelines/rules that they give me? If I’m going to willingly violate the rules of choosing Godparents, seems highly likely I would also fall short on other aspects of raising them properly in the faith, such as mass attendance.

Two of my older children are Godparents for one of my younger children. They certainly weren’t independently registered at our parish, nor did they make financial contributions on their own, as members of our household.

 

[Phemie]

I’ve only run into this once in my parish, when a couple came to ask for such a letter and I had no idea who they were and neither did the priest. They may have been there every Sunday but our parish has so many transients, here one year and gone the next, that unless you really get involved you are just another body in a pew. I have to admit that after working in the office for 13 years there were still people who were only a name on an envelope to me. If their envelope was in the basket every week, I could assume that they were at Mass every week. And we are only a small parish – I can’t begin to imagine how anyone would be able to track who attends at St. Pat’s every week, unless they sat by the same people each time.

Our pastors have never required this type of certificate/letter from anyone to be a sponsor. In fact, they never ask for anything and even the former bishop told me personally that you have to take their word that they’ve been confirmed.