You know there are cradle Catholics who don’t know they can’t marry a divorced person who hasn’t had his/her previous marriage declared nul. If you consulted a priest and he told you to go ahead and get married wouldn’t you assume he knew what he was talking about? Just the same way I, a cradle Catholic, thought the priest who advised us that ABC was OK if you felt it was necessary knew what he was talking about. Can we be held responsible for the bad advice we receive from the person who should be way more knowledgeable than we are?
This is the thing that begins to get quite complex. There are a number of different aspects to be considered.
Primarily in answer to your closing question - the answer is “no” we are not held responsible in such a case. The Priest is viewed as our shepherd and authority in these matters. If wrong teaching is presented, wrong guidance given, the sin is upon the teacher, not on the taught.
Of course this assumes, as you point out above, that one is acting entirely in good faith. That is, that one is not simply looking for a priest to tell them what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear. It also assumes that the priest is giving such advice, or making such allowance, as part of a larger effort at instruction and the formation of conscience.
Tied to this is the fact that the Church, while providing excellent teaching, simply cannot cover every nuance of every situation for every person everywhere in the the Church. Thus the teachings are the “norms” to which we are assent and to form our consciences. But at the same time the Church provides for the proper use of conscience stating that a person must not be forced to act contrary to his conscience.
Because of this allowance - a person can receive very unique and situationally specific advice from a priest that may not strictly conform to the norms of teaching.
Such could be the case of the priest you reference above. “If you feel it’s necessary” brings you and your conscience and your understandings into the discussion and decision. This can be much more beneficial to spiritual growth than simply telling you “NO” like a parent speaking to a child.
Now - having said this - there are two things to remember. If the priest simply tells you this without also giving you proper instruction in what the norms ARE and that you need to work toward rejecting ABC, that is, conforming your conscience to Church norms…then the priest is not acting appropriately for he is not helping you to properly form your conscience.
The other aspect is that - if the advice is properly given within the context of instruction and formation - the one receiving the advice needs to keep this
private. This is critical because such advice is, as stated above, very situationally specific. It is between the priest, you, your conscience, and God.
To share this with others - especially in a haphazard way - (“Well father so-and-so said it was OK”)…does a disservice…and make you culpable for improper teaching.
There are various permutations of these basic ideas - as I said, it can get quite complicated.
So - I am not making any judgement on the advice given by any particular priest or any particular piece of advice given.
The most important thing is that we act honestly, in good faith and conscience, and seek to continue growing spiritually.
Sorry if this has gotten off topic…I’ll shut up now…
Peace
James
. I don’t have much to add from what others have said, but I am very sorry that you are going through this. The priest who was advising you steered you wrong, and I understand your frustration.