Cant deal with "dark night of the soul"?

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hausofferni

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I can’t do this anymore. I just cant. I don’t know where else to turn, I’m going to talk to my priest tomorrow but for now, I can’t deal with this spritual darkness. I’ve read that God does this to us to help us get closer to him but I can’t. This pain is unbearable I don’t even know who God is anymore. Atleast in my past, I would sin but I would be happy, but now I’m just full of sadness and despair most of the time. Can someone help me understand? I’m at the point where I just want to give up, not even go to confession anymore and just attend mass. I don’t deserve to receive Our Lord if I don’t even feel anything anymore.
 
+JMJ+

I am really sorry to hear what you have been through. Forgive me for saying this, but if you have made plans of ending your life right now please get help right away, do not wait for tomorrow. But if not, then let me try to help you with these words so that you may last til tomorrow.

I myself feel that I had gone through years of being in spiritual dryness, grasping around, trying to know why I always fail to be good, why do I not know how to love God, why cannot I feel His presence in my life, when all these years I sought for Him in prayer, meditation of the Scriptures, the sacraments, etc.

I was able to pierce the darkness when I read Self-Esteem Without Selfishness: Increasing Our Capacity for Love by Fr. Michel Esparza. This is the most life-changing book I have ever read as it taught me how to receive God’s love and how to love Him in return. I highly recommend you buy and read that book. For now, let me share what I learned from it in the next posts. I will try to make my points in piecemeal posts so you can read them right away.

If you to be able to love someone in the most ideal way possible, then you must fulfill four requirements:

Ideal love is sacrificial, disinterested, respectful, and free… The first two qualities are linked to the truth, or genuineness, of the love; the last two, to its freedom…

One’s answers to the following four questions will help determine the quality of a couple’s relationship:

  1. *]How much are you willing to sacrifice yourself for the other’s happiness?
    *]Do you respect the other’s freedom, or do you manage things by imposing your own will?
    *]What is your real motivation in surrendering yourself?
    *]Do you surrender freely, or do you sense an internal pressure?

    The perfection of love, then, consists of two visible qualities—capacity for sacrifice and respect for freedom— and two invisible ones—rectitude [or purity] of intention and interior freedom. We could call this the “body and soul” of love.

    If you apply these to loving the Lord, then you will find interesting results.

    Continued next post
 
+JMJ+

Respect for God’s freedom is what I found personally to be the most important. I have to let God be God in my life! And most of the time that means I have to let Him be mysterious. I know God loves me, but He is beyond my understanding (Job 36:26), so why does He have to explain to me how he has to love me? Why should God answer every prayer that I make to the exact way I want Him to respond?

Thus, to respect God’s freedom, to promise to yourself and God to “Let go and let God be God” is to learn to trust in Him.

Continued next post
 
+JMJ+

Purity of intention of loving God is to know why we are supposed to love God, and to know that is to know why we were created: We were made to love and be loved by God. This gives me a surprisingly clear guide on what I should be doing in my life. And not only that, it assures me that whenever I try to love the Lord, He is always there to help me, for why would God thwart His own purpose in me?

The former two prepare me to love God and to receive His love. The next two allow me to actually do them.

Interior freedom, the ability to love God, does not come from me, but rather from receiving God’s love. “We love because God first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Apart from God’s love we can do nothing (John 15:5). Therefore whenever we love, as I mentioned before, God is already with us.

But why is it we sometimes fail when we try to do things for the sake of loving God? In light of all that I have pointed out, the only explanation for failures would be so that God can love us more.

Therefore, success is not the reason we do anything, but it is so that we give God the opportunities to love us, and in turn we love Him. When we succeed, it is because of God’s grace, and we thank Him. But when we fail, it is so God can give us more of His love, and thus we rejoice whatever the outcome.

And with this realization we find courage.

The person who is bound to God, who has this uninterrupted conversation, can dare to respond to these challenges, and no longer has fear. For the person who stands in God’s hands always falls into God’s hands. And so fear vanishes, and in its place is born the courage to respond to today’s world.

— Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger
 
+JMJ+

Finally, capacity for sacrifice. All of the previous discussions shows not only how we can love the Lord, but, more importantly, how deep His love for us is. What do you think is the reaction of somebody who loves so deeply and yet is rejected? Of course it would hurt. And yet God undergoes this rejection every minute by people who refuse His love. It is said that of all His wounds, Jesus’ wound to His Heart is the one still bleeding.

But do you know there is a way to alleviate His suffering? We can do this by using our own sufferings, in what is called “redemptive suffering”:

Our little crosses acquire an enormous dignity since they are transformed into the very cross of Christ. As long as we carry them, he need not. Light as our crosses may be compared with his, they do not therefore fail to participate in the unique, redemptive cross. If someone gave us a lignum crucis (relic of the Cross), even if it were only a tiny splinter, we would possess something of the highest value. Thus, every time the Lord asks a sacrifice of us or allows us to pass through a tribulation, he is inviting us to carry his cross. “Our Lord, with his arms outstretched, is continually begging for your love,” affirms St. Josemaría, contemplating the crucifix. These “alms” are not obligatory, but if we know Christ’s pain we can no longer remain indifferent. And if we truly love him, once we know that our crosses alleviate his suffering, our sorrow is turned to joy…

St. Faustina tells how one day the Lord said to her, “My daughter, I want to repose in your heart, because many souls have thrown me out of their hearts today. I have experienced sorrow unto death.”

Therefore even our sadness can give us joy if we offer them to the Lord! In learning to love God we learn how to rejoice always, no matter the circumstances.

Even your desolation can make you happy, hausofferni. Be at peace.
 
PSALM 42
1 For the leader. A maskil of the Korahites.
2 As the deer longs for streams of water,
so my soul longs for you, O God.
3 My soul thirsts for God, the living God.
When can I enter and see the face of God?
4 My tears have been my bread day and night,
as they ask me every day, “Where is your God?”
5 Those times I recall
as I pour out my soul,
When I would cross over to the shrine of the Mighty One,
to the house of God,
Amid loud cries of thanksgiving,
with the multitude keeping festival.
6 Why are you downcast, my soul;
why do you groan within me?
Wait for God, for I shall again praise him,
my savior and my God.
7 My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I remember you
From the land of the Jordan and Hermon,
from Mount Mizar,
8 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your torrents,
and all your waves and breakers
sweep over me.
9 By day may the LORD send his mercy,
and by night may his righteousness be with me!
I will pray to the God of my life,
10 I will say to God, my rock:
“Why do you forget me?
Why must I go about mourning
with the enemy oppressing me?”
11 It shatters my bones, when my adversaries reproach me,
when they say to me every day: “Where is your God?”
12** Why are you downcast, my soul,
why do you groan within me?
Wait for God, for I shall again praise him,
my savior and my God.**
 
hausofferni said:
I can’t do this anymore. I just cant. I don’t know where else to turn, I’m going to talk to my priest tomorrow but for now, I can’t deal with this spritual darkness. I’ve read that God does this to us to help us get closer to him but I can’t. This pain is unbearable I don’t even know who God is anymore. Atleast in my past, I would sin but I would be happy, but now I’m just full of sadness and despair most of the time. Can someone help me understand? I’m at the point where I just want to give up, not even go to confession anymore and just attend mass. I don’t deserve to receive Our Lord if I don’t even feel anything anymore.
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I believe you are on the precipice of a breakthrough.

I think my experience was similar.

When I came back to Christ, I was on fire for the faith and for Him. I wanted to shout to the world, He is Real! But eventually that fire subsided. I didn’t get it. I wanted that fire and I didn’t want it to go away, but it was leaving me and I felt a terrible emptiness and I began to move away again. Then our Lord spoke to me and said, are you leaving me so soon? They were not my words!:signofcross:

Well, of course, I was recharged by these words, but in a different way. Instead of being a wild fire, akin to a BBQ grill when you first light it, the fire was now subdued and matured, the flames were gone, but my “coals” were now glowing red and ready to cook on so to speak! The Lord had readied me and I was ready to take that next step with Him and to leave my sinfulness behind once and for all. I was done with my past, done with those sins and I was renewed. I realized that the flame had to subside and my faith had to mature in order to take the next step.

Give our Lord some space. Let Him talk to your soul. He wants to talk to us, but sometimes we are so busy praying, asking and petitioning, that He can’t get a word in edge wise!😃

This journey was not easy for me. I went through that dark night and it is real! You just want to give up. It’s easier to be a sinner, and more fun you think! But please press on, God is about to do wonderful things for you! Once you break through, you will be a new man, a renewed man! And it is wonderful!
 
If I may I would like to suggest two books that helped me a lot.
One is Worshipping a Hidden God by Archbishop Luis Martinez.

The other is *Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence: the Secret to Peace and Happiness * by Rev. Fr. Jean Baptiste Saint-Jure, S.J. and St. Claude de la Colombiere, S.J.

When you are down like this you must understand how close the Lord is to you, because what else can misery attract but mercy?

Peace be with you. I have been there and I am sure there will be things that can bring me down again, all I can do is trust in the Lord for absolutely all. Peace be with us.

Hail Mary
full of grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary
Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners now
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
DaddyGirl said:
If you are feeling a long, drawn out depression that is unbearable…perhaps you should go talk to a qualified therapist?

.
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If the therapist understands what the spiritual “dark night of the soul” is spiritually then it is possible he/she can help.

There is an association of Catholic/Christian therapists who may have knowledge of this.
 
God does not give the dark night of the senses or dark night of the soul to a person who is unprepared.

OP, I think it unlikely that what you are experiencing is this spiritual trial. Rather, this is a crisis of faith, and it is time for you to open up your heart to a trusted priest and ask for guidance.
 
DaddyGirl said:
If you are feeling a long, drawn out depression that is unbearable…perhaps you should go talk to a qualified therapist?

.
Click to expand...
dshix said:
God does not give the dark night of the senses or dark night of the soul to a person who is unprepared.

OP, I think it unlikely that what you are experiencing is this spiritual trial. Rather, this is a crisis of faith, and it is time for you to open up your heart to a trusted priest and ask for guidance.
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Awfully quick to diagnose… It is really the job of a well-trained director.

OP - Find a savvy, old priest to talk to, the crustier the better.

I’ve also found the writings of John of the Cross and Francis de Sales to be lifelines for this sort of thing.

The goal is to maintain peace in all circumstances - NEVER let it be disturbed… It’s tough, but that is really the secret.
 
dshix said:
God does not give the dark night of the senses or dark night of the soul to a person who is unprepared.

OP, I think it unlikely that what you are experiencing is this spiritual trial. Rather, this is a crisis of faith, and it is time for you to open up your heart to a trusted priest and ask for guidance.
Click to expand...
This.

Many confuse crisis of faith with DNS. They aren’t the same thing, though the way they manifest themselves is similar, perhaps extremely so.

In either case, guidance is very important. I advise the OP and anyone experiencing acute spiritual difficulty to consult with his or her spiritual director, or a priest if (s)he doesn’t have an SD. To suffer such difficulty alone is tiring, frustrating, painful…and unnecessary.

God bless.
 
Things which have helped people in similar situations to what you describe:

A change of scenery; take a weekend in the woods if you can. Even better, visit a monastery or convent on a retreat or just for a weekend visit. If you can’t visit, call one or two; there is often a brother or sister, a prior, etc who will be happy to talk with you.

A temporary change in view; visit another parish, especially one which is quite different fromyours. Perhaps a Maronite, Eastern Catholic or other rite in full communion with the church. The idea is to gain a new perspective.

Pray a lot. Dedicate yourself to a daily rosary, read the Divine office, and read the gospels.

Above all, see your priest as you plan, and talk to your spiritual director. If you don’t have a spiritual director, seek one out.

I will pray for you. God bless.
 
DaddyGirl said:
Suggesting someone go speak to a doctor isn’t giving a diagnosis, it’s sending him to an expert who might be able to give one.

You are recommending he talk to a priest.
How different in advice is that to recommending he talk to a doctor?

He himself --and others --are quick to self-diagnose “dark night of the soul.” Well, what if it is *not *that?

His pain is “unbearable” and he’s “full of sadness and despair most of the time.”
A" crusty, savvy, old priest" might not be able help.

.
Click to expand...
You are correct that people can be clinically depressed. They would need compassionate, savvy doctors to help them out of that.

Many therapists and psychiatrists who are coming from a different framework reference than a believer, will not be able to help someone who is truly experiencing a “dark night of the soul”.
 
DaddyGirl said:
Suggesting someone go speak to a doctor isn’t giving a diagnosis, it’s sending him to an expert who might be able to give one.

You are recommending he talk to a priest.
How different in advice is that to recommending he talk to a doctor?

He himself --and others --are quick to self-diagnose “dark night of the soul.” Well, what if it is *not *that?

His pain is “unbearable” and he’s “full of sadness and despair most of the time.”
A" crusty, savvy, old priest" might not be able help.

.
Click to expand...
My point is that it’s tough to give real advice on this (no matter what it is) over the internet in this format…
 
e_c said:
Awfully quick to diagnose… It is really the job of a well-trained director.

OP - Find a savvy, old priest to talk to, the crustier the better.

I’ve also found the writings of John of the Cross and Francis de Sales to be lifelines for this sort of thing.

The goal is to maintain peace in all circumstances - NEVER let it be disturbed… It’s tough, but that is really the secret.
Click to expand...
You mistook the meaning of my post.

I am not the one who is quick to diagnose, rather, it is the OP who is diagnosing too quickly in assuming that he is suffering the dark night of the soul. My statement was a fact: that the OP is suffering a crisis of faith (says he doesn’t
know who God is anymore", that he is “full of sadness and despair most of the time”, that he “just want to give up, not even go to confession anymore and just attend mass”).

The OP needs to take spiritual direction. That’s all he can do to resolve his spiritual problems.
 
hausofferni said:
I can’t do this anymore. I just cant. I don’t know where else to turn, I’m going to talk to my priest tomorrow but for now, I can’t deal with this spritual darkness. I’ve read that God does this to us to help us get closer to him but I can’t. This pain is unbearable I don’t even know who God is anymore. Atleast in my past, I would sin but I would be happy, but now I’m just full of sadness and despair most of the time. Can someone help me understand? I’m at the point where I just want to give up, not even go to confession anymore and just attend mass. I don’t deserve to receive Our Lord if I don’t even feel anything anymore.
Click to expand...
God does not give us anything that is beyond our capacity, so if it seems like it is too much,then maybe God is not the source.

God does allow us to suffer and we can grow closer to Him when we are united to HIm in His suffering. If the pain is unbearable, that means we are trying to push through it with our ego instead of God’s grace.

If you are at the point where you want to give up, and not go to confession any more or attend Mass, then it is likely you are experiencing an attack from Satan. This is what he wants to happen, to separate us from salvation.

You are right that you do not deserve to receive our Lord in Eucharist. None of us “deserve” His gift. We can boldly approach the throne of grace because He gave His life to redeem us from our sins. We are not made worthy by anything we feel, or don’t feel. It is a spiritual reality that sometimes contradicts feelings. Go to confession, go to Mass, and keep praying. Don’t let your feelings be in charge.
 
hausofferni said:
I can’t do this anymore. I just cant. I don’t know where else to turn, I’m going to talk to my priest tomorrow but for now, I can’t deal with this spritual darkness. I’ve read that God does this to us to help us get closer to him but I can’t. This pain is unbearable I don’t even know who God is anymore. Atleast in my past, I would sin but I would be happy, but now I’m just full of sadness and despair most of the time. Can someone help me understand? I’m at the point where I just want to give up, not even go to confession anymore and just attend mass. I don’t deserve to receive Our Lord if I don’t even feel anything anymore.
Click to expand...
The best you can do is do daily prayers and novenas. Like the Rosary, and Divine Mercy Chaplet. Novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Three Hail Mary’s Novena.

Offer up daily mass intentions for yourself and your loved ones. Little by little you will see hope.

Do this daily even at first you don’t realize it’s effect. With time, you’ll realize God will work miracles through your perseverance in prayer and asking him help in your situations.

Offer up your sufferings to God as a sacrifice. If you read Our Lady of Fatima, Lucia says, Our Lady says, every time you make a sacrifice, say “O Jesus, this is for love of you, for conversion of sinners, in reparation for the sins committed against the immaculate heart of Mary”.

Your sufferings can be offered up to God in union with Jesus’ most sorrowful passion and death on the cross as a sacrifice for salvation of souls.

Do much Spiritual Reading, of Lives of the Saints and Writings of the Saints. Try to imitate their lives. Study Catholicism. See how the saints lived their lives. This will give you strength and answer so many of your questions. And I believe your situations will improve.
 
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