Can't Deal With My Mom

[discernmentinpr]

I am 19 years old. I cannot deal with my mother anymore. It is so EXTREMELY hard to talk to her about anything in my life, because there is always one little thing I did wrong. I cannot talk to her about work, or school, because I “get too involved.” She never wants to discuss anything controversial (politics, religion) even in A POLITE WAY (I would never want to do it in an impolite way). She doesn’t want anything out of life but to sit at home and do nothing. She doesn’t have any desire to learn anything, and she makes fun of me for wanting to learn, having big dreams, as “I don’t enjoy the little things.” That is false.

What to do?

 

[pianistclare]

Smile. Be kind. Try to envision what you will be like when you have children.
Parents have often experience disappointment or trials in their lives that they not want to burden you with. She may tend to a bit of negativity, but she has much more life experience.
Try to be joyful, obedient, and respectful. As you mature, she will see you more as adult, and less as a “child” that needs correction.
Most of all PRAY for her. Ask the Lord to grant her peace of mind, and tenderness of heart.
Try your best to display that towards her, instead of your anguished “I can’t deal with her anymore”.
I understand your frustration.
Kindness is always the most effective approach to difficult people. Maybe a prayer or two with Saints that were often misunderstood, like St. Bernadette.
God bless you,
pianist

 

[lifesoldier]

The only possibly sinful thinngs here are mocking you and ignorance toward Catholic faith (and maybe politics if she really doesn’t care future of society and state at all). Everything else is just different personallity. If she doesn’t want to learn about art, history and these things, she doesn’t have to. There is nothing wrong with that. Try to tolerate all her actions that aren’t sinful and be gentle.Hope this helps!
SORRY FOR BAD ENGLISH!

 

[Bonnie]

Pray for her. It’s possible that she may be depressed, which can be expressed in anger toward others.

However, not wanting to talk politics is not something I find odd. I hate to talk politics with anyone. It is simply not an enjoyable activity.

 

[DarkLight]

• If you’re going to college or in college, see if you can stay in a dorm rather than at home. It is much easier to be kind with more distance between you and the people who irritate you.
• Get involved with other people your age, and find people who you like to talk to about the things you enjoy talking about.
• Learn to make small talk. I believe I heard somewhere that the good Lord invented the weather to provide a topic of conversation. Basically, find a few light conversation topics that are safe with her and stick to them.

 

[Anglewannabe]

It must hurt horribly to not be able to have a conversation with your own mother when you live in the same house. I am sorry this is the way it is. Unfortunately, sometimes trying has the opposite effect. Sometimes it is best to just accept the situation as it is no matter how hard it is

 

[Eliza10]

It must hurt horribly to not be able to have a conversation with your own mother when you live in the same house. I am sorry this is the way it is. Unfortunately, sometimes trying has the opposite effect. Sometimes it is best to just accept the situation as it is no matter how hard it is

That’s probably the bottom line of it, discernment(name removed by moderator)r. If you can get there (to acceptance) sooner, it will be all the better for you! I tried for years and hoped for years to have a “real” conversation with my mother, even long after I moved out and started my own life. The long answer to why you might not *ever *be able to have that hoped-for relationship with you Mom could be personality type conflicts. If you are interested in knowing more, I have just been discussing it with spectorlitt in this thread. A lot of times this type of problem is personality type, IMO. Other times there has been some psychological damage, and that’s why all your efforts are fruitless. In either case, there is not much you can do about making harmonious close relations when you just don’t have the substance for that. You can only hope for and work for positive, polite, respectful relations.

Some people are just blessed with psychologically healthy parents and/or parents with whom they get along with deeply and happily, naturally. But the good thing is we all have a perfect Father, and a perfect Mother, in Heaven, who are here for us now, on earth. One Divine Creator parent, one created human parent (Just like Jesus!) and they are perfect. So when our worldly parents fall short - and you can remind yourself that some earthly parents are way worse than yours! - you can rely on your *perfect ones.
*

 

[Allegra]

As I see it, you have two options. The first is to keep your relationship with your mother very superficial. Talk about the weather. Sit next to her and watch a TV show. Plan short visits like a quick lunch at a restaurant that brings a lot of food. And simply acknowledge that you love your mother, but you don’t have anything to discuss. This is the simplest option and it’s the one that most of the world takes in your situation. The second choice is to actively attempt to be interested in the things that she wants to discuss. Ask her questions about what she does, what she wants to do, what she saw on TV, what she read on the computer, and make an effort to form a relationship based on those things.

 

[pianistclare]

As I see it, you have two options. The first is to keep your relationship with your mother very superficial. Talk about the weather. Sit next to her and watch a TV show. Plan short visits like a quick lunch at a restaurant that brings a lot of food. And simply acknowledge that you love your mother, but you don’t have anything to discuss. This is the simplest option and it’s the one that most of the world takes in your situation. The second choice is to actively attempt to be interested in the things that she wants to discuss. Ask her questions about what she does, what she wants to do, what she saw on TV, what she read on the computer, and make an effort to form a relationship based on those things.

This is good advice. I still can’t help but feel that 19 yrs. old, his perspective may change dramatically in a few years. But if she’s depressed, all the advice for “handling it” will indeed serve him well. And may help her a great deal. Praying that their relationship gets better.