Can't get peace

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AretenZeton

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I am scrupulous, and haven’t received Communion for ten months. I suspect that my last valid Communion was more than a year ago, and for this reason I feel the need to go to confession as soon as possible as a prerequisite for fulfilling the law of the Church requiring yearly Communion. Every time the scheduled confessions come around there seems to be some obstacle in myself that prevents me from going. My spiritual life has been suffering for a long time, but it has really crashed in the last few days. Yesterday there was a scheduled confession time an hour before Mass at one of the parishes in town. I suspected it might be a priest to whom it would be probably imprudent for me to confess as a scrupulous person, and I didn’t go, because I had set out a plan for me to go this morning with a priest I trust. I felt that God might have wanted me to go anyway to this priest, and I have been impatient since then (and have had angry feelings, I really fear that I have hated God). I spent most of my time worrying, which really upsets me, because I just want to make a good examination of conscience and a good confession, but I can’t get over not having gone to confession yesterday at this one time.

I have heard that it is presumption for an unrepentant sinner to pray to God and the Blessed Virgin Mary, and as a result I have fallen off regular prayer, especially of the Rosary. I can’t imagine that this is good for me in this state, and I really need help.

Please pray for me.
 
Blessed Mother, please intercede for us.
Hold the sorrowful-
Mother and love the weary, abused, neglected
or forgotten among us-
Give your aid to all needing help or healing-
Assist those who are sick, in pain or suffering-
Be with those needing peace-
Console the lonely or brokenhearted-
Comfort the lost or hopeless-
Strengthen the fearful-
Guard the unborn-
Pray for those who are dying or who have died-
Soften those with hardened hearts-
Enlighten those who do not yet see truth-
Help us be brave enough to let our hurt and anger go-
Show us the way to do the right thing-
Protect those who are in danger, and
Guide us from every evil.
May all who keep your sacred commemoration
experience the might of your assistance.
Amen
 
Scruples are great temptation and can hinder your spiritual advancement even more than sins. Believe me, I understand you completely, because I was very scrupulous before and suffered very much because of it. I’ll try to give you some advice based on my experience.
  1. The greatest problem of the scrupulous is that they believe their scruples too much and they are stubborn. The medicine? St Alphonsus Liguori, patron saint of scrupulous persons, says: find a good, pious and learned confessor, be completely honest with him (even if he thinks your ideas are crazy) and obey in everything. Trust his reasoning more than yours concerning your scruples.
    What you wrote about your not praying rosary because you are unrepentant is a great temptation! Devil wants you to be scrupulous and not to pray the rosary… That way he can keep you away from God. St Louis de Montfort says: sinners SHOULD pray the rosary, even if they are not in the state of grace, if only they want to change their life and become repented. Mary will give them the grace to repent and be sincerely contrited if they pray. So, pray the rosary every day, if you can.
  2. About your not confessing and not going to communion. Maybe it would be good for you to confess always to the priest that understands you, maybe you can ask him what he thinks is better for you. I don’t think what you wrote about your “irregular confessions and communions” is true…it seems to me like classic scruples.
  3. Intention is what matters to God. Of course, we should try to understand what is good or bad, but if you despite trying to do the right thing make a mistake, it isn’t a grave sin! If you sin out of weekness, it also isn’t a mortal sin (because your consent isn’t entirely free). Mortal sin is this: if you want to do something, you are 100% sure it is something very unpleasing to God and you do it anyway (because you like that which you gain by that sin more than God) - that’s a Mortal sin.
  4. This is something my confessor told me (based on St Ignatius rules for discernment of spirits). How to discern spirits (when you are not certain if something comes from God or is a temptation, a scruple):
    When some thought comes from the Devil:
    1. It causes you distrubance, anxiety, bothers you.
    2. It comes as if from outside your soul, it attacks it.
    You should reject such thoughts as a temptation and pay no attention to it. You should believe it is God’s will for you to reject it, since if you even doubt that something is a devil’s temptation, you shouldn’t believe it. If it keeps coming anyway, you can mention it next time you see your confessor. If it goes away and you forget it… That’s great!
    When some thought that comes to you is God’s inspiration:
    1. it comes in a great peace, quietly, it touches your soul gently. It doesn’t force you to do anything.
    2. It comes from the deeepest interior of your soul.
    3. The inspiration is repeated a few times, and every time it comes, it comes as described above.
      If some thought or inspiration doesn’t come to you as described above, you are not morally bound to listen to it or to do according to what it suggests.
  5. I you are unsure whether something is a sin or not, or whether you sinned gravely or not… You must conclude that you are not gulity (St Alphonsus Liguori). Or if you know that something was a sin but you aren’t sure if it is a grave sin, you should conclude it is venial sin. If you aren’t sure if you can recieve communion or not, you should recieve it peacefully (St Alphonsus Liguori). If you aren’t sure whether something was a mortal sin, you are not obliged to confess these doubts, you are only bound to confess sins that you are certain were mortal (St Padre Pio). These are advice given to me by my confessor, I can also send you correct quotes by these saints. These advice are for scrupulous, because: if a person strives sincerely to live as God commands, it will be 100% certain that it sinned mortally, it will not doubt. If it doubts, it means her sin wasn’t mortal (St Alphonsus). When you start recieving communion, your scruples will more easily go away (that’s what St Alphonsus says). But maybe finding a good confessor will help you more than anything, you have to stop believing your scruples and find someone you can trust. Pray for the Intention of finding a good confessor. Have courage to be completely honest, even if you die of shame, and be obedient. That’s what helped me, and even though I suffered much and haven’t seen any meaning in that suffering, God has used it to lead me to a holy priest who has helped me so much to grow spiritually. I will pray for you.
If you have some questions, feel free to send me a private message.
 
I pray that Our Lord Jesus Christ bring fill you with the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Blessed Mother, Seat of Wisdom…Pray for us!
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

For Help in Trials

Most holy apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered your beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused you to be forgotten by many. But the Church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for me who feels so hopeless. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege accorded to you of bringing visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, in particular (AretenZeton), and that I may bless God with you and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise you, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to you. Amen.

†

Prayer to Our Lady of Mental Peace

O Lady of Mental Peace,
Mother of Tranquility
and Mother of Hope,
look upon AretenZeton in this time
of weakness and unrest.

Teach her searching heart
to know that God’s Love
for her is unchanging and
unchangeable, and, that
true human love can only
begin and grow by touching
His Love.

Let your gentle Peace -
which this world cannot give
  • be always with her.
    And, help her to bring this
    same Peace into the lives
    of others.
Our Lady of Mental Peace,
  • Pray for us!
    Amen.
Jesus, Help Me!

In every need let me come to You with humble trust,
saying:
Jesus, help me!
In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations:
Jesus, help me!
In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials:
Jesus, help me!
In the failure of my plans and hopes, in disappointments,
troubles and sorrows:
Jesus, help me!
When others fail me, and Your Grace alone can assist me:
Jesus, help me!
When I throw myself on Your tender Love as Savior:
Jesus, help me!
When my heart is cast down by failure, at seeing no good
come from my efforts:
Jesus, help me!
When I feel impatient, and my cross irritates me:
Jesus, help me!
When I am ill, and my head and hands cannot work and
I am lonely:
Jesus, help me!

Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls and short-
comings of every kind:
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, help me and never forsake me!

Amen

†

Prayer Against Depression
………….By St Ignatius of Loyola

O Christ Jesus
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your Will through all things.

Amen.

†

Let Nothing Disturb You

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.

Patience,
Obtains all things,
Whoever has God
Lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.

Santa Teresa de Jesús
(Santa Teresa de Ávila)

Dear God, give me courage,
for perhaps I lack it more than anything else.

I need courage before men against their threats
and against their seductions.

I need courage to bear unkindness,
mockery, contradiction.

I need courage to fight against the devil,
against terrors and troubles, temptations,
attractions, darkness and false lights,
against tears, depression, and above all fear.

I need Your help, dear God.

Strengthen me with Your love and Your grace.

Console me with Your blessed Presence
and grant me the courage to persevere
until I am with You forever in heaven.

Amen.

†
 
Divine Mercy Chaplet

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried; He descended into hell; on the third day He rose again from the dead; He ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty; from there He will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
 
Please call a parish/monastery and make an appointment to have your confession heard ASAP. Praying for you and that you might experience the peace of Christ.
 
AretenZeton said:
I am scrupulous, and haven’t received Communion for ten months. I suspect that my last valid Communion was more than a year ago, and for this reason I feel the need to go to confession as soon as possible as a prerequisite for fulfilling the law of the Church requiring yearly Communion. Every time the scheduled confessions come around there seems to be some obstacle in myself that prevents me from going.
Click to expand...
Considering my situation is it morally ok for me just to make an appointment with my priest even though i may miss some of the scheduled confessions?
 
AretenZeton said:
Considering my situation is it morally ok for me just to make an appointment with my priest even though i may miss some of the scheduled confessions?
Click to expand...
Of course, and please do find a regular confessor, go to him monthly, and heed his advice.

But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
~ Isaiah 43:1

Our Father,
Who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name;
Thy kingdom come;
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.
 
AretenZeton said:
I am scrupulous, and haven’t received Communion for ten months. I suspect that my last valid Communion was more than a year ago, and for this reason I feel the need to go to confession as soon as possible as a prerequisite for fulfilling the law of the Church requiring yearly Communion. Every time the scheduled confessions come around there seems to be some obstacle in myself that prevents me from going. My spiritual life has been suffering for a long time, but it has really crashed in the last few days. Yesterday there was a scheduled confession time an hour before Mass at one of the parishes in town. I suspected it might be a priest to whom it would be probably imprudent for me to confess as a scrupulous person, and I didn’t go, because I had set out a plan for me to go this morning with a priest I trust. I felt that God might have wanted me to go anyway to this priest, and I have been impatient since then (and have had angry feelings, I really fear that I have hated God). I spent most of my time worrying, which really upsets me, because I just want to make a good examination of conscience and a good confession, but I can’t get over not having gone to confession yesterday at this one time.

**I have heard that it is presumption for an unrepentant sinner to pray to God and the Blessed Virgin Mary, and as a result I have fallen off regular prayer, especially of the Rosary. I can’t imagine that this is good for me in this state, and I really need help.
**
Please pray for me.
Click to expand...
One can pray at any time. In fact, in my opinion, when we’re sinning or tempted, that’s when we need to pray most! That’s what can help turn things around, so I hope you’ll go back to praying the rosary.

Praying for your intentions.
 
When I posted originally, I did not have the intention of praying and was turned against prayer, but I asked you all for prayer, and did not have the intention of repentance. I am sorry for selfishly asking for prayer in this way. May God use everything for good.
 
You really need to seek the help of a good priest and possibly a mental health professional for these kinds of thoughts. This is not a healthy way to go about one’s life. Of course you can pray and ask for prayers even in a state of sin. That is when you should the most. As one of the prayers of the Mass says, our desire to thank God is itself a gift. Simply wanting to pray, even if we don’t feel like we’re putting anything into it or getting anything out of it, is prayer in itself.

Seriously though, you need to seek help from a good priest and potentially counseling as well. It’s only going to feed your condition to ask about it online, where the multitude of opinions can just cause further confusion. You remain in my prayers.

-Fr ACEGC
 
***Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death
Amen.

:crossrc:***
 
theklara9 said:
Scruples are great temptation and can hinder your spiritual advancement even more than sins. Believe me, I understand you completely, because I was very scrupulous before and suffered very much because of it. I’ll try to give you some advice based on my experience.
  1. The greatest problem of the scrupulous is that they believe their scruples too much and they are stubborn. The medicine? St Alphonsus Liguori, patron saint of scrupulous persons, says: find a good, pious and learned confessor, be completely honest with him (even if he thinks your ideas are crazy) and obey in everything. Trust his reasoning more than yours concerning your scruples.
    What you wrote about your not praying rosary because you are unrepentant is a great temptation! Devil wants you to be scrupulous and not to pray the rosary… That way he can keep you away from God. St Louis de Montfort says: sinners SHOULD pray the rosary, even if they are not in the state of grace, if only they want to change their life and become repented. Mary will give them the grace to repent and be sincerely contrited if they pray. So, pray the rosary every day, if you can.
  2. About your not confessing and not going to communion. Maybe it would be good for you to confess always to the priest that understands you, maybe you can ask him what he thinks is better for you. I don’t think what you wrote about your “irregular confessions and communions” is true…it seems to me like classic scruples.
  3. Intention is what matters to God. Of course, we should try to understand what is good or bad, but if you despite trying to do the right thing make a mistake, it isn’t a grave sin! If you sin out of weekness, it also isn’t a mortal sin (because your consent isn’t entirely free). Mortal sin is this: if you want to do something, you are 100% sure it is something very unpleasing to God and you do it anyway (because you like that which you gain by that sin more than God) - that’s a Mortal sin.
  4. This is something my confessor told me (based on St Ignatius rules for discernment of spirits). How to discern spirits (when you are not certain if something comes from God or is a temptation, a scruple):
    When some thought comes from the Devil:
    1. It causes you distrubance, anxiety, bothers you.
    2. It comes as if from outside your soul, it attacks it.
    You should reject such thoughts as a temptation and pay no attention to it. You should believe it is God’s will for you to reject it, since if you even doubt that something is a devil’s temptation, you shouldn’t believe it. If it keeps coming anyway, you can mention it next time you see your confessor. If it goes away and you forget it… That’s great!
    When some thought that comes to you is God’s inspiration:
    1. it comes in a great peace, quietly, it touches your soul gently. It doesn’t force you to do anything.
    2. It comes from the deeepest interior of your soul.
    3. The inspiration is repeated a few times, and every time it comes, it comes as described above.
      If some thought or inspiration doesn’t come to you as described above, you are not morally bound to listen to it or to do according to what it suggests.
  5. I you are unsure whether something is a sin or not, or whether you sinned gravely or not… You must conclude that you are not gulity (St Alphonsus Liguori). Or if you know that something was a sin but you aren’t sure if it is a grave sin, you should conclude it is venial sin. If you aren’t sure if you can recieve communion or not, you should recieve it peacefully (St Alphonsus Liguori). If you aren’t sure whether something was a mortal sin, you are not obliged to confess these doubts, you are only bound to confess sins that you are certain were mortal (St Padre Pio). These are advice given to me by my confessor, I can also send you correct quotes by these saints. These advice are for scrupulous, because: if a person strives sincerely to live as God commands, it will be 100% certain that it sinned mortally, it will not doubt. If it doubts, it means her sin wasn’t mortal (St Alphonsus). When you start recieving communion, your scruples will more easily go away (that’s what St Alphonsus says). But maybe finding a good confessor will help you more than anything, you have to stop believing your scruples and find someone you can trust. Pray for the Intention of finding a good confessor. Have courage to be completely honest, even if you die of shame, and be obedient. That’s what helped me, and even though I suffered much and haven’t seen any meaning in that suffering, God has used it to lead me to a holy priest who has helped me so much to grow spiritually. I will pray for you.
If you have some questions, feel free to send me a private message.
Click to expand...
Thank you so much for sharing this! I will try your suggestions. The OP’s issues are not necessarily my own, but i share enough
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

For Help in Trials

Most holy apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered your beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused you to be forgotten by many. But the Church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for me who feels so hopeless. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege accorded to you of bringing visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, in particular (AretenZeton), and that I may bless God with you and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise you, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to you. Amen.

†

Prayer to Our Lady of Mental Peace

O Lady of Mental Peace,
Mother of Tranquility
and Mother of Hope,
look upon AretenZeton in this time
of weakness and unrest.

Teach her searching heart
to know that God’s Love
for her is unchanging and
unchangeable, and, that
true human love can only
begin and grow by touching
His Love.

Let your gentle Peace -
which this world cannot give
  • be always with her.
    And, help her to bring this
    same Peace into the lives
    of others.
Our Lady of Mental Peace,
  • Pray for us!
    Amen.
Jesus, Help Me!

In every need let me come to You with humble trust,
saying:
Jesus, help me!
In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations:
Jesus, help me!
In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials:
Jesus, help me!
In the failure of my plans and hopes, in disappointments,
troubles and sorrows:
Jesus, help me!
When others fail me, and Your Grace alone can assist me:
Jesus, help me!
When I throw myself on Your tender Love as Savior:
Jesus, help me!
When my heart is cast down by failure, at seeing no good
come from my efforts:
Jesus, help me!
When I feel impatient, and my cross irritates me:
Jesus, help me!
When I am ill, and my head and hands cannot work and
I am lonely:
Jesus, help me!

Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls and short-
comings of every kind:
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, help me and never forsake me!

Amen

†

Prayer Against Depression
………….By St Ignatius of Loyola

O Christ Jesus
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your Will through all things.

Amen.

†

Let Nothing Disturb You

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.

Patience,
Obtains all things,
Whoever has God
Lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.

Santa Teresa de Jesús
(Santa Teresa de Ávila)

Dear God, give me courage,
for perhaps I lack it more than anything else.

I need courage before men against their threats
and against their seductions.

I need courage to bear unkindness,
mockery, contradiction.

I need courage to fight against the devil,
against terrors and troubles, temptations,
attractions, darkness and false lights,
against tears, depression, and above all fear.

I need Your help, dear God.

Strengthen me with Your love and Your grace.

Console me with Your blessed Presence
and grant me the courage to persevere
until I am with You forever in heaven.

Amen.

†
 
dantasticguy said:
Thank you so much for sharing this! I will try your suggestions. The OP’s issues are not necessarily my own, but i share enough
Click to expand...
I’m glad if I helped. 🙂
Still, if anyone is troubled with scruples, the best solution is to find a spiritual director. He will give the best advice to a person according to the state of his soul. Because the advice I’ve written in number 6 is actually advice for spiritual directors (how they should direct people dealing with scruples). And since many other factors are important to consider when giving such advice (state of the soul, kind of scruples and excesiveness of scruples,…), it is most advisable to find a good spiritual director/confessor, and not to govern oneself only by these principles. You can even ask him if it is alright for you to follow this advice.

And about advice number 5, it is most reliably applied to those who have been living a good christian life for a while. It may be harder for new converts to discern spirits.
 
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