Can't Join RCC...Now What?

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RosarysBaby

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Long story short. Years of trying. Been through RCIA. Working with Deacon. I’m even teaching a Bible class and my daughter is in choir.

There will be no annulment in order for me to join. I was given two choices: 1. Wait until my ex dies or 2. Leave me current husband (who the Church does not recognize as such), move out of my home, and split up our family with four children.

I’m so lost. My faith is filtered through a Catholic lens. Where will the kids and I go? Every denomination is a broken off piece of the Church without the deposit of faith and the Traditions and Sacraments. I can’t just go down to Local Church where Pastor Joe interprets Scripture how he “feels.”

Man, this is like I was wooed and fell head over heels for someone, got engaged, watched other people marry every Easter, and now I’ve been dumped with the wedding around the corner. I’m free to see other people now but they’re just not him.

I have no idea what I want from this thread. I guess I need some time to re-group. I think this will further separate my lapsed Catholic husband and his family from the Church. This is keeping my own family members (and stopping some in the process) from learning more about the Church. My oldest daughter is happy at her church and she is doing a mission trip to Africa over the summer before college. My younger daughter went through RCIC a while back but she, my older son, and my hubby will not go to a church I cannot join.

I’m so heartbroken and lost. 😦
 
I will pray for you that the trinity guides you on your religious journey.
 
RosarysBaby said:
Long story short. Years of trying. Been through RCIA. Working with Deacon. I’m even teaching a Bible class and my daughter is in choir.

There will be no annulment in order for me to join. I was given two choices: 1. Wait until my ex dies or 2. Leave me current husband (who the Church does not recognize as such), move out of my home, and split up our family with four children.

I’m so lost. My faith is filtered through a Catholic lens. Where will the kids and I go? Every denomination is a broken off piece of the Church without the deposit of faith and the Traditions and Sacraments. I can’t just go down to Local Church where Pastor Joe interprets Scripture how he “feels.”

Man, this is like I was wooed and fell head over heels for someone, got engaged, watched other people marry every Easter, and now I’ve been dumped with the wedding around the corner. I’m free to see other people now but they’re just not him.

I have no idea what I want from this thread. I guess I need some time to re-group. I think this will further separate my lapsed Catholic husband and his family from the Church. This is keeping my own family members (and stopping some in the process) from learning more about the Church. My oldest daughter is happy at her church and she is doing a mission trip to Africa over the summer before college. My younger daughter went through RCIC a while back but she, my older son, and my hubby will not go to a church I cannot join.

I’m so heartbroken and lost. 😦
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You haven’t said why you cannot attend RCIA or join the church. If your current civil marriage is not recognized by the church, you can live as brother and sister until you can get the proper dispensations. Your current husband should be willing to go through this process with you for your sake and out of love for you. He does not have to return to the church if he doesn’t want to. He can still go thru the process for your benefit. What exactly is the impediment to having your first marriage nullified? I think you just need to find a good and knowledgeable advocate to assist you in this process. I am praying for you.
 
Praying for you. I am surprised to hear that you were told you’d have to move away from your home and children though, from what little I have heard I thought it was possible to stay together for the sake of the children but to live as brother and sister. Which would of course be hard, but if either one of you truly is married to someone else, then it is hard to think of what else could be done.
 
I think maybe it is time to dig in your heals and seek out the marriage tribunal.
RosarysBaby said:
Long story short. Years of trying. Been through RCIA. Working with Deacon. I’m even teaching a Bible class and my daughter is in choir.

There will be no annulment in order for me to join. I was given two choices: 1. Wait until my ex dies or 2. Leave me current husband (who the Church does not recognize as such), move out of my home, and split up our family with four children.

I’m so lost. My faith is filtered through a Catholic lens. Where will the kids and I go? Every denomination is a broken off piece of the Church without the deposit of faith and the Traditions and Sacraments. I can’t just go down to Local Church where Pastor Joe interprets Scripture how he “feels.”

Man, this is like I was wooed and fell head over heels for someone, got engaged, watched other people marry every Easter, and now I’ve been dumped with the wedding around the corner. I’m free to see other people now but they’re just not him.

I have no idea what I want from this thread. I guess I need some time to re-group. I think this will further separate my lapsed Catholic husband and his family from the Church. This is keeping my own family members (and stopping some in the process) from learning more about the Church. My oldest daughter is happy at her church and she is doing a mission trip to Africa over the summer before college. My younger daughter went through RCIC a while back but she, my older son, and my hubby will not go to a church I cannot join.

I’m so heartbroken and lost. 😦
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The only way there can be an actual impediment to your current legal spouse and you is if there already was an investigation conducted and it was determined that your first marriage was a valid Sacrament. In that case, you weren’t free to seek another marriage or even date when the two of you called it quits, I don’t know all the facts, but you need to seek counsel from the Tribunal.

Glenda
 
RosarysBaby said:
Long story short. Years of trying. Been through RCIA. Working with Deacon. I’m even teaching a Bible class and my daughter is in choir.

There will be no annulment in order for me to join. I was given two choices: 1. Wait until my ex dies or 2. Leave me current husband (who the Church does not recognize as such), move out of my home, and split up our family with four children.

I’m so lost. My faith is filtered through a Catholic lens. Where will the kids and I go? Every denomination is a broken off piece of the Church without the deposit of faith and the Traditions and Sacraments. I can’t just go down to Local Church where Pastor Joe interprets Scripture how he “feels.”

Man, this is like I was wooed and fell head over heels for someone, got engaged, watched other people marry every Easter, and now I’ve been dumped with the wedding around the corner. I’m free to see other people now but they’re just not him.

I have no idea what I want from this thread. I guess I need some time to re-group. I think this will further separate my lapsed Catholic husband and his family from the Church. This is keeping my own family members (and stopping some in the process) from learning more about the Church. My oldest daughter is happy at her church and she is doing a mission trip to Africa over the summer before college. My younger daughter went through RCIC a while back but she, my older son, and my hubby will not go to a church I cannot join.

I’m so heartbroken and lost. 😦
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Hello RosarysBaby,

I feel your pain and will pray for you. However, let me see if I can help you look at this another way.

Assuming that you cannot have your annulment appealed (ask about if you have not), there is no reason you cannot attend Mass, attend Bible studies, take your children to Church and be part of the parish. While you and your husband are currently ineligible from being able to receive Communion, you can still attend Mass.

Even cradle Catholics can put themselves in situations where they cut themselves off from the sacraments. Personally, I was married outside the Catholic Church. When I returned to the Faith, I learned that I could not receive Communion. I was upset, but not at Church, but at myself. I worked with the priest to learn what I could do. Each week, I came to Mass, sat in the 2nd row, and prayed to make a Spiritual Communion while others were receiving communion. I would also make it a point to come to Adoration as often as possible. Finally several months later, I fixed my situation and can now received Communion.

Now obviously, having a marriage recognized is easier than receiving an annulment. So as another example, my Great-Grandmother (a devout Catholic until she died) married my Great-Grandfather who was a divorced man, without an annulment. My Great-Grandmother was cut off from the sacraments, but worked with the priest. She moved into another bedroom and lived as “brother and sister.” I imagine she also went to confession whenever she has sex with my great-grandfather.

Now, I’m not sure how long my great-grandmother stayed away from the sacraments before moving into the other bedroom (it may have been years), but my point is that in time, even hopeless situations work themselves out. What is most important is to continue coming to Mass, making Spiritual Communion, go to Adoration, continue to seek guidance from your priest, pray for guidance, pray the Rosary, etc.

If you do these things, continue to have Faith, and remember that the Church is protecting your soul from possible sacrilege as an act of love; in the end, Christ will know you and things will work themselves out.

I hope this is a help. If you have questions or would like to “talk” more feel free to PM me.

God Bless
Come Holy Spirit,
Please guide our sister in Christ, who believes in the Truth taught by Church Christ built. Please help her find the strength to follow God’s will so she may one day join in the Body of Christ, through the Church Militant, Church Expectant or Church Triumphant.
I pray this in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace
The Lord is with Thee
Blessed are you among women and
Blessed is the Fruit of your Womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death
Amen

Oh my Jesus
Forgive us our sins
Save us from the fires of hell
Lead all souls to heaven
Especially those in most need of Thy Mercy.
Amen.
*
 
The Orthodox church recognizes the unfortunate necessity of divorce and allows up to three marriages. Do the Eastern Catholic Churches? They might’ve had to change their teachings when they became part of the Roman Communion, but if not perhaps they have the same eikonomic view that their church of origin does.

What I’m basically saying: Maybe you can get a dispensation for your second marriage in an Eastern Catholic Church because traditionally the East does not see remarriage after divorce as forbidden.
 
Rawb said:
The Orthodox church recognizes the unfortunate necessity of divorce and allows up to three marriages. Do the Eastern Catholic Churches? They might’ve had to change their teachings when they became part of the Roman Communion, but if not perhaps they have the same eikonomic view that their church of origin does.

What I’m basically saying: Maybe you can get a dispensation for your second marriage in an Eastern Catholic Church because traditionally the East does not see remarriage after divorce as forbidden.
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Currently the OP cannot even join the Latin Church. It is likely that her attempts to join an Eastern Church would meet with the same situation, if not merely suspicion about her reasons for not going Latin. At any rate, the Eastern Catholic Churches adhere to the Roman Catholic doctrine of the indissolubility of marriage, and the same process is observed for declarations of nullity. Otherwise, the ECCs might be full to bursting with people evading the Latin Church!

The OP has not mentioned why a third option of living as brother and sister is not on the table. It is certainly something that should be explored. It is not pastoral or compassionate to suggest the breakup of a stable marriage with young children. The OP should take heart in the plans for a Synod to convene in October in order to discuss the family and marriage issues. Perhaps a good solution is closer than she thinks.
 
I don’t have any advice to offer, I just wanted to let you know I’ll be praying for you. What a tough situation. I’ll pray to the two saints that are wonder workers at this sort of situation- St. Rita and St. Jude. If you haven’t made a novena to them yet, I’d encourage you to do so! They have never once failed me. God bless!

Oh glorious apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered thy beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused thee to be forgotten by many, but the Church honors and invokes thee universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for me who am so miserable; make use, I implore thee, of that particular privilege accorded thee of bringing visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, particularly on behalf of God’s handmaid, rosarysbaby. Please assist her in her time of need and bring it about so that she can join the Church and receive Our Lord in the sacraments.

I promise thee, O blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor thee as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to thee. Amen.

Holy Patroness of those in need, Saint Rita, you were humble, pure and patient. Your pleadings with your divine Spouse are irresistible, so please obtain for me from our risen Jesus the request I make of you: please help rosarysbaby with the difficult situation of her previous marriage and it’s impediment to her joining the true Church… Be kind to me for the greater glory of God, and I shall honor you and sing your praises forever. Glorious Saint Rita, you miraculously participated in the sorrowful passion of our Lord Jesus Christ. Obtain for me now the grace to suffer with resignation the troubles of this life, and protect me in all my needs. Amen.

St. Jude, pray for us!
St. Rita, pray for us!
 
RosarysBaby said:
Long story short. Years of trying. Been through RCIA. Working with Deacon. I’m even teaching a Bible class and my daughter is in choir.

There will be no annulment in order for me to join. I was given two choices: 1. Wait until my ex dies or 2. Leave me current husband (who the Church does not recognize as such), move out of my home, and split up our family with four children.

I’m so lost. My faith is filtered through a Catholic lens. Where will the kids and I go? Every denomination is a broken off piece of the Church without the deposit of faith and the Traditions and Sacraments. I can’t just go down to Local Church where Pastor Joe interprets Scripture how he “feels.”

Man, this is like I was wooed and fell head over heels for someone, got engaged, watched other people marry every Easter, and now I’ve been dumped with the wedding around the corner. I’m free to see other people now but they’re just not him.

I have no idea what I want from this thread. I guess I need some time to re-group. I think this will further separate my lapsed Catholic husband and his family from the Church. This is keeping my own family members (and stopping some in the process) from learning more about the Church. My oldest daughter is happy at her church and she is doing a mission trip to Africa over the summer before college. My younger daughter went through RCIC a while back but she, my older son, and my hubby will not go to a church I cannot join.

I’m so heartbroken and lost. 😦
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Praying for the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, strength & fortitude during this difficult time.
 
Praying for a solution for your problem.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace
The Lord is with Thee
Blessed are you among women and
Blessed is the Fruit of your Womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death
Amen
 
Hail Mary, Full of Grace
The Lord is with Thee
Blessed are you among women and
Blessed is the Fruit of your Womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death
Amen
 
RosarysBaby said:
Long story short. Years of trying. Been through RCIA. Working with Deacon. I’m even teaching a Bible class and my daughter is in choir.

There will be no annulment in order for me to join. I was given two choices: 1. Wait until my ex dies or 2. Leave me current husband (who the Church does not recognize as such), move out of my home, and split up our family with four children.

I’m so lost. My faith is filtered through a Catholic lens. Where will the kids and I go? Every denomination is a broken off piece of the Church without the deposit of faith and the Traditions and Sacraments. I can’t just go down to Local Church where Pastor Joe interprets Scripture how he “feels.”

Man, this is like I was wooed and fell head over heels for someone, got engaged, watched other people marry every Easter, and now I’ve been dumped with the wedding around the corner. I’m free to see other people now but they’re just not him.

I have no idea what I want from this thread. I guess I need some time to re-group. I think this will further separate my lapsed Catholic husband and his family from the Church. This is keeping my own family members (and stopping some in the process) from learning more about the Church. My oldest daughter is happy at her church and she is doing a mission trip to Africa over the summer before college. My younger daughter went through RCIC a while back but she, my older son, and my hubby will not go to a church I cannot join.

I’m so heartbroken and lost. 😦
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Are you sure the annullment process is completed? In looking at past posts, it seems that just two months ago, your process was still in the investigative stage. Even once there is a determination, there’s an automatic review by a second tribunal. Before you despair that this door is closed, I recommend circling back to your advocate and reviewing your options.
 
“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”

This is no mere saying - it is God speaking.

How much are you willing to bear for Christ?

If you acknowledge the Church for what she is, Christ will enable you to enter in full communion in due time. But you must persist until the end. You must never give up.

I do not know who gave you those two options. This is what I personally recommend:

1. Write a letter personally to the Bishop. Explain the situation. Explain your longing to enter the Church and your feeling abandoned. Ask him to help you and your family as the shepherd appointed “to preside in place of God” over you. Mail one copy and bring another copy personally to the diocesan Chancery (the Bishop’s administrative office). Pursue this until he or someone on his behalf answers.

2. If the reply is negative, ask to schedule an appointment to speak to him in person. You have a right to see him: he is ruler but also servant.

3. If even after all this is done the bishop’s reply is negative, there is only one last thing you can do as far as I know: appeal to the Holy Father. Write a formal appeal to the Holy Father, explaining in detail all that happened, explaining exactly what you want from him, and ask him to have mercy on you and your family, as Christ’s own vicar. The Vicar of Christ has universal and immediate authority over the Church. These appeals are the last step, and they never go unheard.

I do not know anything about Canon Law. I am only hoping they would allow you at least Baptism, at the price of a harsh discipline that however does not involve tearing apart your family.
 
glendab said:
I think maybe it is time to dig in your heals and seek out the marriage tribunal.

The only way there can be an actual impediment to your current legal spouse and you is if there already was an investigation conducted and it was determined that your first marriage was a valid Sacrament. In that case, you weren’t free to seek another marriage or even date when the two of you called it quits, I don’t know all the facts, but you need to seek counsel from the Tribunal.

Glenda
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She may be right, though I must say, I have seen the Catholic reference “marriage book” describing what is recognized and what isn’t, and it is the size of an oxford dictionary.

Things like this usually end up before a Bishop, who can override certain decisions. [That is not to say he will though] Yes seek counsel from the tribunal.
 
Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.
Amen
 
No matter the difficulties, If you are Baptised, no one can take your adoption as an adopted daughter of God, no one. You are a daughter of God. Like the prodigal son, prodigal but still a son. Jesus knows your heart and desire. Never cease from remaining true to Him, we don’t call Him Saviour for nothing, and He is full of mercy and forgiveness. You received good advice,from other posters, but the ultimate mover of situations is God, keep turning to Him and like other posters I’ll pray He resolves your dilemma. He doesn’t desire the children to be neglected or separated from a family environment. Keep them close to the Faith and love. Trust Jesus no matter what and I can say things will be settled, but your faith in Him will be tried, that happens to all of us. God keep you, and maintain your peace and sanity.
 
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