Can't pray the Rosary, but don't want to give up

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sugarmouse

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I’m a cradle Catholic, but my faith was ill-formed and almost non-existent up until my late teens when I first began to get into it. About three years ago for Lent, I learned how to pray the Rosary, and have prayed it every day since.

The problem is, I can’t stay focussed AT ALL with it. I used to struggle with intrusive thoughts, and although those are mostly under control now, my mind still wanders all over the place. I’ve yet to be formally diagnosed, but I have a lot of the symptoms for ADHD and/or (mild) Asperger syndrome.

I have tried everything. I’ve tried praying alone, with a group, with an audio accompaniment, in silence, listening to music, eyes closed, eyes open, sitting, standing, walking around, kneeling, looking at images, looking at a crucifix, looking at an image of Our Lady, reading scripture passages, praying with a specific intention in mind…you get the idea.

Sometimes, I’ll find something that seems to work, and I can focus a little better. But after a very short time, it’s no longer effective. For example, I prayed the Rosary with a video accompaniment, which had a different image for each Hail Mary (e.g. ten paintings of the Annunciation, etc). It worked wonderfully the first time, because the images were so beautiful. But as soon as the third time I watched the video, my mind was wandering again, because I’d gotten used to the images. The same thing happened with a scriptural Rosary - I was reading the same old words, and I couldn’t focus any more.

It’s gotten so bad that I spend no less than half of my time praying the Rosary thinking thoughts like, “I can’t do this”, “This isn’t working”, “Maybe I should just give up” and so on. The rest of the time, I’ll try to focus on the prayers or the mysteries, but it just doesn’t seem to be working. I’ll try to think on the mysteries, after a few seconds my mind will wander, a few Hail Marys later I’ll realise and tell myself that it’s not working, and then try to focus again, over and over.

I know the Rosary isn’t a compulsory prayer, but I don’t want to give up on it. At the same time, I don’t even enjoy praying it. And I know that we don’t pray for enjoyment, but it’s literally becoming a case of, “Well, I guess I’ll have to pray the Rosary right now”, I’m all tensed up and frustrated while I pray it, and it’s a sigh of relief when it’s over.

I don’t want to have to give up, because it’s such a meaningful and important devotion, but I’m not sure what else I can do. I WANT to be able to pray it. 🤷
 
I don’t know if this will be of any value to you. I hope it is.

I think the point of the Rosary is to say it. I don’t mean to be flippant in saying that, but I have long thought of it as something akin to the “mantras” employed by the Buddhists. We, in the West, value action, perhaps excessively. That extends to brain activity as well. We do not think it at all worthwhile to “think of nothing”. In saying the Rosary, yes, there are the mysteries and we should give them some thought. But clearing the mind is really the thing. It’s hard to banish thinking. We are self-distractors in addition to thinking we must always be thinking of something, particularly something purposeful.

That’s useful in much of life, but not in saying the Rosary. The older I get, the more I think a good part of the value of the Rosary is that the repetition is an aid in clearing the mind. But for we who think we have to think 100% of the time, we have to try, and we have to do it for a long time before we can train our minds to “shut up and listen”.

And when we have enabled ourselves to “listen”, then perhaps when we are suddenly “surprised” to find ourselves at a mystery, we can think about it more easily. We needn’t concentrate heavily. Being a little surprised is good enough. And, if we do it enough to do it well, perhaps now and then we will hear that whisper Moses talked about that wasn’t in the fire or the whirlwind. And now and then it may well be the Voice of God or of Mary.

Anyway, that’s my notion of it. I wish you well. You sound like a very earnest soul.
 
Oh, yes. Permit me to add something. In trying to “think of nothing”, it helps to disrupt a persistent thought with another, entirely irrelevant one, even a ridiculous one. Jumble them up. Destroy the logic and the progression. The only thing is, that’s also a good way to induce sleep. It’s almost like self-hypnosis.

But you really are trying to get your mind into an openness; almost a blank slate upon which even brief thoughts of the mysteries can be written. A brief, perhaps warming, surprise when you find that “Our Father” bead in your fingers and the mystery flashes through your mind, is good enough.

You sound like you’re creating noise for your mind, thinking it’s what you need to do. Time to quiet the noise. And maybe that thought “to give up” is a message to you. You can give up, and in a way you should. Just say the Rosary as it comes.
 
Maybe you could try breaking it up into 5 different prayer sessions, a decade each. Maybe the focus is hard to maintain for the whole rosary, but a shorter time may prove fruitful.
 
sugarmouse said:
I’m a cradle Catholic, but my faith was ill-formed and almost non-existent up until my late teens when I first began to get into it. About three years ago for Lent, I learned how to pray the Rosary, and have prayed it every day since.

The problem is, I can’t stay focussed AT ALL with it. I used to struggle with intrusive thoughts, and although those are mostly under control now, my mind still wanders all over the place. I’ve yet to be formally diagnosed, but I have a lot of the symptoms for ADHD and/or (mild) Asperger syndrome.

I have tried everything. I’ve tried praying alone, with a group, with an audio accompaniment, in silence, listening to music, eyes closed, eyes open, sitting, standing, walking around, kneeling, looking at images, looking at a crucifix, looking at an image of Our Lady, reading scripture passages, praying with a specific intention in mind…you get the idea.

Sometimes, I’ll find something that seems to work, and I can focus a little better. But after a very short time, it’s no longer effective. For example, I prayed the Rosary with a video accompaniment, which had a different image for each Hail Mary (e.g. ten paintings of the Annunciation, etc). It worked wonderfully the first time, because the images were so beautiful. But as soon as the third time I watched the video, my mind was wandering again, because I’d gotten used to the images. The same thing happened with a scriptural Rosary - I was reading the same old words, and I couldn’t focus any more.

It’s gotten so bad that I spend no less than half of my time praying the Rosary thinking thoughts like, “I can’t do this”, “This isn’t working”, “Maybe I should just give up” and so on. The rest of the time, I’ll try to focus on the prayers or the mysteries, but it just doesn’t seem to be working. I’ll try to think on the mysteries, after a few seconds my mind will wander, a few Hail Marys later I’ll realise and tell myself that it’s not working, and then try to focus again, over and over.

I know the Rosary isn’t a compulsory prayer, but I don’t want to give up on it. At the same time, I don’t even enjoy praying it. And I know that we don’t pray for enjoyment, but it’s literally becoming a case of, “Well, I guess I’ll have to pray the Rosary right now”, I’m all tensed up and frustrated while I pray it, and it’s a sigh of relief when it’s over.

I don’t want to have to give up, because it’s such a meaningful and important devotion, but I’m not sure what else I can do. I WANT to be able to pray it. 🤷
Click to expand...
All that matters is that you are trying, the Blessed Mother will make up for what you are lacking.🙂
 
I second breaking up the rosary into smaller segments during the day. A decade takes 3-5 minutes.

A habit I’ve gotten into lately is praying before each decade to avoid distraction. It helps! 🙂

The value of the rosary is in the effort involved and the intention. If you are sincerely doing your best with the prayers, even if that means being distracted at time (as everyone is!), then your rosary is tremendously valuable. Spiritual dryness and a feeling of lack of value in prayer often occurs at the point where the prayers are most valuable, so stick with it!
 
Breaking up your rosary into installments is a good suggestion. Two other things I found helpful–

If I found my mind wandering, I’d give that level of thought something to think about. So suppose I have five different levels of thought happening at the same time. I’d set one train of thought focusing hard on the meaning of the words I’m saying… “Hail Mary…” etc. Another train of thought might be focused on trying to form a picture of the different actions involved in the particular mystery at hand… ie, with “The Nativity”, I might think about traveling while 9 months pregnant, the turning away at the inn, the birth, the angels, the shepherds, and so on. Maybe put yourself into that mental picture. Another train of thought might be focused on a meditation for the mystery… ie, “the incarnation” in general. And so on, if you’re able to isolate different trains of thought and give them each jobs to do when they start to wander.

The other thing was to imagine myself lying on the bottom of a river, looking up at the surface. A gentle current is flowing over me. Boats pass by. My distracted thoughts are on the boats. I see them-- but I don’t try to capture them. I don’t try to get on them. I let the thought disappear with the current and keep on with my prayers.

Good luck. 🙂
 
Casilda said:
Maybe you could try breaking it up into 5 different prayer sessions, a decade each. Maybe the focus is hard to maintain for the whole rosary, but a shorter time may prove fruitful.
Click to expand...
👍 Agree with Casilda. Do a couple of decades in the morning and the rest at night.
 
I pray the Rosary every day – it’s special to me because my granddaughter sent it to me from Paris,Notre Dame De Paris – the first two decades I say with my first cup of coffee – then the 3rd and 4th decades I say when I’m walking to Church or to public transportation – the last decade I say before I turnout the light at night. I pray for my children, my grandchildren,my great-grandson and in thanksgiving for all that I have!
 
Start small. Do a decade a day.
By Friday you’ve prayed an entire rosary.
Start small. Just do it, and soon you will be adept at concentrating on the prayers.
 
I usually pray while in bed before sleeping. It helps to keep me more focused because sleep is the next step. I’m usually yawning while saying the rosary, then ask for forgiveness, then wonder if it offends God, etc… Off on that tangent.

It’s been hard to focus, lately. I still pray with the video so I can keep up, my mind wanders, so I focus on the shape of the beads, any imperfections in the chain, the pictures on the video, and keep on saying the rosary. I know we can’t always be perfect but I just keep on. I think this part is us learning discipline. (which I need a lot of).

Don’t give up…just accept the fact that distractions happen and you are trying…that is all that is expected of us, that we try. God knows our limited capacity for things, He knows we really want to be perfect for Him, and he knows we are putting forth effort to please Him.

You say you may have a medical issue, this would be a reason for distraction…just go with it and do your best. Don’t make it seem like a chore to recite the rosary, it’s not like we have to say it, it’s an added devotion that we can use to connect with God. Feel blessed that you care enough to add this devotion to your daily walk.

Some days it’s hard for me to pray, so I will use the rosary to get my prayers in. I may not ‘be there’ while saying the words, my focus goes off somewhere, yet when I get back, I’m still on the correct bead and saying the correct words so my subconscious is keeping up even tho’ my mind wanders.

I also use different rosaries, depending on my mood. That way they feel different in my hand and it’s something new that evening. Other times I use different videos and the difference in pace and photos helps to stay focused, usually. Other times nothing helps but I just go with it.

Like the other poster replied to break up the decades through-out the day…that may work for you and help you to focus better. Your concentration may be better short-term so 5 times a day may help you instead 1 time with all 5 decades to do.

Some nights I will burn incense, I have charcoal and resins and I use that before my rosary for something different. Other nights I will say a prayer, light a votive candle, and pray the rosary, sometimes looking over to focus on the flame (being the Light of Christ, Fire of the Holy Spirit, Flames of purification, etc…) then back to the screen to see the video pictures. I try to keep things new and different. It helps.

Keep trying different things until you find what helps you. Blessings on your journey.
 
I read once that Mary would like you say the Rosary badly than not say it at all. And to say only one decade than no decade at all.

Have you asked our Lady for help? You might try that, if you haven’t. Tell her how you want to do it well, but you aren’t, and ask her for her help.
 
On every bead I name a soul I have known in my life.
so I would start the first bead with,
“for the Holy Soul of my grandmother, Hail Mary …”
the second bead
“for the Holy Soul of my grandfather, Hail Mary …”
and so on through family, friends, workmates, old school teachers,
even just people from my old neighbourhood.
One bead = one soul

Some nights I pray for the health, safety and wellbeing
Or conversion of (a living person in need)
other nights I pray for the souls of the saints, listing one saint on each bead.
I have a printout of my family, friends etc. that I use mostly.
I say their name and I picture their face or their old house etc. as I say the Hail Mary.
You will be amazed at how some forgotten face from your past pops into your mind,
I think it is them calling on us to pray for them in particular.

I decided to pray like this because I had a wandering mind as well.
This has stopped it from wandering (for the most part)

Try it, write down a list or even start with the notices in the paper,
or from your mass news sheet.
I even mention people I have communicated with on this site.
It helps me, I hope it helps you as well.
:tiphat:
 
the Rosary is perhaps the most holy prayer litany of our faith

Mary begged that we pray the Rosary at Fatima

and know that your good intention to even start the the Rosary makes Mary happy
 
Oh, did someone jump all over me one time-here in this forum-when I too, advised someone that praying the Rosary was akin to a mantra. I hope that that person does not do that to you. It still stings

Anyway, we all get distracted when in prayers. After a while it becomes a second nature to pray the Rosary. I really don’t have good advise for you other than the Rosary is not for everyone. It is not an obligation, but a private devotional. Perhaps alternate from the Rosary to some other prayer that you like. Sometimes we get burn-out and need to just take a rest for perhaps a short while, then go back refreshed. You could even pray a novena -sort of a break-for your intentions or for someone else. I think it is commendable that you prayed the Rosary every day for three years. Hang in there for TBVM. She likes you.👍
 
Purgatory_Pete said:
On every bead I name a soul I have known in my life.
so I would start the first bead with,
“for the Holy Soul of my grandmother, Hail Mary …”
the second bead
“for the Holy Soul of my grandfather, Hail Mary …”
and so on through family, friends, workmates, old school teachers,
even just people from my old neighbourhood.
One bead = one soul
Click to expand...
I do this as well. It makes me feel as though I’m doing something to help the holy souls in Purgatory, or people who are living, when I name a bead for them and think of them as I say the Rosary (whilst continuing to meditate on the Mysteries themselves).
 
AKDee said:
I do this as well. It makes me feel as though I’m doing something to help the holy souls in Purgatory, or people who are living, when I name a bead for them and think of them as I say the Rosary (whilst continuing to meditate on the Mysteries themselves).
Click to expand...
I also pray the final bead each night for the health, guidance and intentions of
our Holy Father Pope Francis.
 
I probably shouldn’t add anything to what I said before, but here goes.

I very, very frequently think of an analogous situation in my own life or that of someone else with each mystery. For example, the first Sorrowful Mystery, I think of some time when I was under extreme stress worrying about something, and I think about Jesus and His stress.

Also, it happens that I have learned to say the Hail Mary in French and also in Gaelic. If I find my mind wandering, I will sometimes switch to one or the other of those languages because I have to concentrate at least a little in order to do it, and I sort of “savor” the words and their meaning as I do. Clears the mind of other things. Easy to learn the Hail Mary in some other language.

I tried to pay attention to “method” last night as my wife and I said our Rosary, and I noticed something I had not thought of. I sometimes switch back and forth from thinking about the mystery to the prayer itself. The latter is so very easy to do because the Hail Mary is so very direct in what it’s about.

Made me think. I guess there are different ways of saying the Rosary, and I’m not sure we are always consistent in it. But I do think that “openness of mind” is a very desirable thing.
 
Perhaps do a decade at a time.

Just one …then later at some point another.

You do not have to “picture” the mystery or anything like that…and even for a person without your struggles it is normal that ones mind can wonder…
 
“Distractions are one of the more common difficulties in prayer. They are absolutely normal and should neither surprise nor sadden us. When we realize that we have become distracted from our prayer and our thoughts are wandering, rather than getting discouraged or angry, we should simply, peacefully and gently bring our minds back to God.”

~ Fr. Jacques Philippe

Time for God, p.96

frjacquesphilippe.com/theme/difficulties-prayer

(and perhaps your expecting too much from your praying the rosary…you do not need to picture something etc…even those without your difficulties do not do such and get distracted…I know my own praying of the rosary can be quite distracted…)
 
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