Can't seem to stop sinning

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Hi. I don’t want to gross anyone out, so please don’t read if you think you might be. I feel bad asking for prayers about this since there are so many more serious issues that need prayer right now, and so many people whose problems are not of their own making, but I’ve got myself into a really bad cycle of bulimia somehow and I’ve been trying to stop for over two years now but I’m just falling further into this sin every day. It’s just disgusting - I know that there are thousands and thousands of people starving to death each day while I eat good food only to throw it back up. It’s horrible, selfish, gluttonous, greedy not to mention really gross. I can’t believe this is the person I’ve become. Three years ago I never would have imagined I’d be doing this, but I can’t seem to stop. I hate it so much. I hate throwing up, I hate that it’s hurting my teeth, I hate that my throat is always sore, I hate how guilty I always feel, how ashamed I am of who I’ve become, I hate having to hide the way I live from all my friends, my sister, my parents, I hate how I can waste so much knowing how other people are starving, I hate what that says about me. I’m such a spoiled stupid immature girl and I know it. My life would be perfect if it weren’t for me screwing it up, but I can’t seem to stop it! I don’t even enjoy eating anymore, but I do it anyway. Every day I say that I’ll stop, I’m not going to do this anymore, and then as soon as I have to face food, I lose control, and eat too much until I feel disgusting and fat and end up throwing up again. Once, twice, today it was three times. Every day it’s the same. I swear I won’t do it anymore and then I fail bitterly again, crashing and burning. I’m sure the devil is getting a huge kick out of me. Every time I fall I can feel him throwing it in my face. I say I love God, but why can’t I live the way I know He wants me to? I went to Eucharistic Adoration tonight and read Psalm 139, which I was assigned as a penance the confession before last. It’s so beautiful, talking about how we are wonderfully made by God. But every time I look in the mirror I’m filled with such disgust and hatred for the ugly person staring back at me, and I know that must hurt God, because I know that he made me and designed me to look the way I do. I know I’m wrong to feel this way, but I just hate myself so much, and I wish I could at least find a better, less sinful and wasteful and shameful way of dealing with how I feel about myself. Please pray for me, that I’ll be able to stop this sinful habit, and also pray for the people who are literally dying for the good food I throw away each day. Thanks
 
Heavenly Father, please tell your dear daughter how much You love her and that You would wish her to share her difficulty with people who can help, as hiding things prevents those who love us from helping us. Please help her to learn to see herself as beautiful, instead of ugly, as self disgust only makes us ill emotionally and even physically.
In the name of Your son, I ask You to help her to honesty and wisdom and correction of her self-image.

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come. Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread
Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.
 
Don’t ever feel like you have to apologize for needing God’s help or our prayers. That’s what we’re here for - to sustain each other. You can’t count on our prayer suppport - and don’t hesitate to ask anytime you feel the need. Take care, and God bless.
 
Definitely praying for you!

Jesus loves you! Focus on that! It has helped me overcome so very much.
 
KiwiBird87 said:
Hi. I don’t want to gross anyone out, so please don’t read if you think you might be. I feel bad asking for prayers about this since there are so many more serious issues that need prayer right now, and so many people whose problems are not of their own making, but I’ve got myself into a really bad cycle of bulimia somehow and I’ve been trying to stop for over two years now but I’m just falling further into this sin every day. It’s just disgusting - I know that there are thousands and thousands of people starving to death each day while I eat good food only to throw it back up. It’s horrible, selfish, gluttonous, greedy not to mention really gross. I can’t believe this is the person I’ve become. Three years ago I never would have imagined I’d be doing this, but I can’t seem to stop. I hate it so much. I hate throwing up, I hate that it’s hurting my teeth, I hate that my throat is always sore, I hate how guilty I always feel, how ashamed I am of who I’ve become, I hate having to hide the way I live from all my friends, my sister, my parents, I hate how I can waste so much knowing how other people are starving, I hate what that says about me. I’m such a spoiled stupid immature girl and I know it. My life would be perfect if it weren’t for me screwing it up, but I can’t seem to stop it! I don’t even enjoy eating anymore, but I do it anyway. Every day I say that I’ll stop, I’m not going to do this anymore, and then as soon as I have to face food, I lose control, and eat too much until I feel disgusting and fat and end up throwing up again. Once, twice, today it was three times. Every day it’s the same. I swear I won’t do it anymore and then I fail bitterly again, crashing and burning. I’m sure the devil is getting a huge kick out of me. Every time I fall I can feel him throwing it in my face. I say I love God, but why can’t I live the way I know He wants me to? I went to Eucharistic Adoration tonight and read Psalm 139, which I was assigned as a penance the confession before last. It’s so beautiful, talking about how we are wonderfully made by God. But every time I look in the mirror I’m filled with such disgust and hatred for the ugly person staring back at me, and I know that must hurt God, because I know that he made me and designed me to look the way I do. I know I’m wrong to feel this way, but I just hate myself so much, and I wish I could at least find a better, less sinful and wasteful and shameful way of dealing with how I feel about myself. Please pray for me, that I’ll be able to stop this sinful habit, and also pray for the people who are literally dying for the good food I throw away each day. Thanks
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KiwiBird, sweetheart. Firstly :hug3:

Secondly, you are almost certainly NOT gluttonous, spoiled, selfish or immature. None of the above. You are probably not even sinning in any way.

What you are is in fact in the grip of an illness, bulimia nervosa. It’s every bit as real as a broken leg or diabetes, and it’s an illness which plenty of young men and women suffer from, usually as a reaction to different stressful things that are going on in their life.

If anything it happens because the sufferer is TOO selflLESS and UNspoiled to take out their stresses on others (which we inferior schlubs tend to do, even if it’s only the cat 😃 ) and instead keep everything bottled up inside where it takes its toll on themselves alone.

The behaviour of someone who has this illness - the overeating and throwing up - is almost guaranteed to be venial sin at the very most. It’s a learned, habitual, almost if not actually addictive behaviour, and these things hugely lessens its gravity for you as a sin - likely to point where it isn’t a sin at all for you.

The first step to finding a solution is to seek medical treatment for it from someone who specialises in bulimia. Talk to your doctor ASAP, who can refer you to the right person or place. Then, if you feel the need, talk to your priest as well. If he knows anything about such illnesses he’ll tell you almost the same as I have.

God bless, keep praying. I’m praying for you.
 
I Will Keep You In My Prayers. God Will Help You To Overcome This. Have
Grandma Glor
 
Praying for you, I agree with Lily, not sure if this is really sinful behavior, probably more of an illness. Doesn’t sound like something you do for pleasure, ect…I am pretty sure this is something you would quit doing in a heartbeat if you could…

Definitely hope you find help… and will keep you and your disorder in my prayers…

Take Care…
 
Praying that you visit your family doctor to get the medical help that you need.
 
I will be praying for you!!! I know all too well the shame, guilt, feelings of complete worthlessness that accompanies this illness. I also know that everyone, us at CAF and your family, can tell you a million times that you are not ugly, stupid, selfish, horrible, etc… and you’ll still believe what that voice in your head is telling you. But I still will tell you again, that you are NOT ugly, stupid, selfish, horrible…

I am currently recovering from an eating disorder. I switched back and forth from anorexia and bulimia for 5 years in my teens. I relapsed a little over a year ago, to the point of passing out on at least a weekly basis. Even though I was hospitalized for medical stabilzation this past May (I was released on my birthday), I still refused to go to treatment. I had completely lost control at that point and didn’t think that I could recover again. When I was hospitalized, I called a priest to hear my confession. I was worried about my behavior being a horrible sin, but, to paraphrase, the priest told me that the sin is not in the illness itself (or if it is, like Lily said, it’s venial). The really big sin is to not seek help to stop the behavior. And it is possible to recover and live a joyful and peaceful life. June of '08 was the last time I purged.

I hope you are seeing a counselor at this time… if not, I hope you will see one. Make sure to ask if they have experience in treating eating disorder. One who is experienced in eating disorders should also set you appointments with a doctor and a nutritionist. Also, I would recommend that you still confess the eating disorder, as confession will give you graces that will help you overcome this.

Also, St. Dymphna is the patroness of those with mental illnesses. I have found asking for her intercession has been a HUGE help for me in overcoming this, and other behaviors.

If you would like to talk further, feel free to PM me.

May God bless and keep you,
Ericka
 
All I can say is that I will be praying for you to overcome these obsticals. Pray the last prayer often that I am going to post as it helps me alot.

Our Father, who art in Heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen

*Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee. *
*Blessed art thou amongst women *
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus
*Holy Mary, Mother of God *
*pray for us sinners now *
*and at the hour of our death. *
Amen.

August Queen of the Heavens, heavenly sovereign of the Angels, Thou who from the beginning received from God the power and the mission to crush the head of Satan, we humbly beseech Thee to send Your holy Legions, so that under Thy command and through Thy power, they may pursue the demons and combat them everywhere, suppress their boldness, and drive them back into the abyss. Who is like God? O good and tender Mother, Thou will always be our love and hope! O Divine Mother, send Thy Holy Angels to defend me and to drive far away from me the cruel enemy. Holy Angels and Archangels, defend us, guard us. Amen.
 
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