Can't stop crying upset please pray for me

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violetluvsjesus

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I signed up for Virtus training at my parish. They did a background check. They sent me a letter saying I can’t volunteer. I was arrested almost 20 years ago when I was a stripper for doing a lap dance and the charge is public lewdness. No one ever interviewed me or asked about the circumstances of the arrest, no one asked for character references. It was solely based on the background report. I was a single young mother trying to pay the bills. Granted it wasn’t moral but it doesn’t mean I would hurt anyone.

I’m very upset about the way the decision was made and the way I was treated. After that arrest I quit that job, raised my child in the church and became a Catholic officially years later through RCIA. My child is grown now and I was trying to get more involved in the church. I’ve been a single mom for so many years and never had time to volunteer before. I left a voice mail and emailed the safety office and said I was hurt by their decision and didn’t feel welcome at the church anymore. They never called me or emailed, instead they sent a second letter that said the decision was final. No one acknowledged my emotional pain or feelings. Both letters were cold and uncaring. Then a lady from my church called and said I wasn’t allowed to be a Eucharistic minister anymore (I had just gone to that training after the Virtus class) and am not allowed to volunteer. So I keep crying and am very upset. I’m not a sex offender. I’m a mother and would never hurt a child. I wasn’t treated like a human being with feelings or as a valuable member of the church. I’m not as upset about not being able to volunteer so much as being characterized as a threat and the way it was handled. The thought of going to mass makes me cry. I’m not sure I can ever go back. I’ll miss the Eucharist. And the church wonders why people leave. Please pray for me.
 
I am so sorry and have been praying for you. But, please go talk to your pastor to explain your feelings, how you were treated with unChristian charity and how you think this should have been handled. You should have in the very least been consulted. Sometimes very uncaring people in the church office do things which the pastor is not even aware of. But please dont stop going to Mass and participating in the body and blood of our Lord. Go to another parish if you can. You have truly turned your life around and given it over to Christ. Dont let the evil one get his way and turn you away from our Lord. That is exactly what he wants. You may not know any of us here on CA but we are part of the Church as well and we want you in our family and want to know our love for you. Dont let a cold hearted process affect your faith. Through the grace of God you have come too far to turn back now! God bless you. A big hug!
 
The decision came from the archdiocese not my parish, so it doesn’t matter which parish I would go to. I wrote the Bishop a letter but it probably won’t do any good. Thanks for your prayers and encouragement.
 
Many prayers for you. Your situation is a perfect example of why zero tolerance is laziness personified,
 
*Hail Mary, Full of Grace,
The Lord is With thee,
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and Blessed is the fruit of thu womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now,
and at the hour of Our Death.

Amen.*
 
robert_chacon said:
I am so sorry and have been praying for you. But, please go talk to your pastor to explain your feelings, how you were treated with unChristian charity and how you think this should have been handled. You should have in the very least been consulted. Sometimes very uncaring people in the church office do things which the pastor is not even aware of. But please dont stop going to Mass and participating in the body and blood of our Lord. Go to another parish if you can. You have truly turned your life around and given it over to Christ. Dont let the evil one get his way and turn you away from our Lord. That is exactly what he wants. You may not know any of us here on CA but we are part of the Church as well and we want you in our family and want to know our love for you. Dont let a cold hearted process affect your faith. Through the grace of God you have come too far to turn back now! God bless you. A big hug!
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Well said; so sorry to hear about your bad eperience.
Mary.
 
violetluvsjesus said:
The decision came from the archdiocese not my parish, so it doesn’t matter which parish I would go to. I wrote the Bishop a letter but it probably won’t do any good. Thanks for your prayers and encouragement.
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The archdiocese probably has an office dedicated to the Virtus training and certification.

You can contact them and ask to have a copy of the policy on volunteers with parishes, parish schools, etc. Your parish office may be able to give you this policy.

I’m sorry the matter has left you very upset and hurting. Your priest, while unable to change archdiocese policies, may be able to help you see why the strong policy is in place. He may also be able to address your specific case with the Diocese Virtus Office.

You will have a higher chance of possibly being allowed to volunteer if you have spoken with your pastor and he addresses your concerns at the archdiocese level.

He can also help you to heal from the pain you feel on being denied volunteering with your parish.

In some dioceses, if you do any volunteer or paid ministry with the parish/diocese - you need this certification. This includes music ministry, extraordinary Eucharistic minister, religious education, usher, etc.

I’m sorry this arrest from many years ago has caused problems today. Many times we don’t realize how our behavior one day affects us another day.

Do not let the inability to volunteer keep you from attending Mass and receiving the Sacraments.

Your priest can help you learn to accept the policy of the archdiocese under the direction of the Archbishop, while at the same time remaining a faithful Catholic.

May God give you a Peaceful heart, able to accept the policy and stay strong in your faith.
 
I don’t know what Virtus is, but I am so sorry for your pain. 😦 I will pray for you, that you would be consoled and that some good might come from this in the end.
 
I am very sorry this happened to you. (((HUGS)))

Please do not let the insensivity of the people who conveyed this decision keep you away from our Lord and the food he provides for your soul through the Eucharist. The evil one wants you to stay away, and you will be giving in to him if you do.

You have done good things by cooperating with God’s grace and letting him turn your life around. Please do not let that be destroyed, and do not despair. Our Lord has great plans for you that are yet to be revealed.

Please discuss with your Pastor as others have recommended. In addition to being able to help you receive healing from our Lord, you may find there are other volunteer opportunities that do not require VIRTUS. God bless you.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace,
The Lord is With thee,
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and Blessed is the fruit of thu womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now,
and at the hour of Our Death.

Amen.
 
Perhaps you can volunteer without interaction, such as baking for fundraisers, making rosaries, typing etc.
Please do not hold this against the church they are not judging you.- Sadly,these days they are under a microscope, and they are protecting you from future false allegations that may arise if the wrong parties exploit this info.

Hail Mary,
Full of grace,
The Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou amoungst women,
And blessed is the fruit of Thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
Now and at the hour of death,
Amen
 
They should not condemn you for something you did twenty years ago, have repented of, and have left behind you in favor of God’s service. These are the kind of things that need to be eradicated from the Church, because they hurt us more than help us when misused.
 
Holy Michael the Archangel defend us in the day of battle.
Be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host,
by the Power of God,
thrust down to hell, satan and all the wicked spirits,
who wander through the world for the ruin of souls.
Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession and was left forsaken. Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you I come, before you I stand, a sorrowful sinner. Despise not my words, O Mother of the Word, but in your mercy, hear and answer me.
Amen
 
AnneTeresa said:
I don’t know what Virtus is, but I am so sorry for your pain. 😦 I will pray for you, that you would be consoled and that some good might come from this in the end.
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I think it’s this:

virtus.org/virtus/protecting_children.cfm
  • working with abused children.
O/P, although you were a mother yourself when the you were forced to make a choice to support yourself and your child, you were young yourself and you were being abused! You were a victim, and now you are a survivor, but you need to become a THRIVER. I ache for you. If I could, I would hold your hand and assist you in making an appointment face-to-face with the Bishop himself, gosh darn it. This is not right.

I know myself from personal happenstance that those who experience abuse are those who can best fight it. Please, do not take this lying down. You are better than this decision. You are not a statistic. You are a person. Perhaps you are being led in another particular direction in the Church and you don’t know why yet, but don’t let this get you down.

As a Catholic, you are trying to be the best darned Catholic you can be. Do not give that up. GOD is not the one who “rejected” you!

I am hurt and angry on your behalf. You are not alone. :mad:
 
AnneTeresa said:
I don’t know what Virtus is, but I am so sorry for your pain. 😦 I will pray for you, that you would be consoled and that some good might come from this in the end.
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It is a training system used mainly by the diocese to prepare and check the qualifications for potential volunteers in the diocese; i.e., teaching CCD classes, volunteering in Catholic schools, etc.
 
I just remembered something. When I went to VIRTUS training, the instructor said that you would not be able to be certified if you had any criminal record…even things people realize can be mistakes of youth such as drunk driving. I don’t know if the rules vary across the country, but you may be facing something like that. I am so sorry this wasn’t communicated to you in a better way as surely your pain could have been minimized if you had been told of this up front. Unfortunately, we are all imperfect representatives of God’s love at times.

As I said earlier, our Lord surely has other plans for you. I think your experiences would make you a great witness of what the Lord can do for someone who has fully given herself to him. Some paths may be blocked for you, but there are others that will surely be opened. Hang in there!

Hail Mary, Full of Grace,
The Lord is With thee,
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and Blessed is the fruit of thu womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now,
and at the hour of Our Death.

Amen.
 
Thank you so much for the kind words and your prayers… it’s hard feeling like I’m being rejected from the very church I love. And not being allowed to be a full participant because of a mistake I made so long ago. It doesn’t seem fair. Jesus loved Mary Magdalene, she was the first evangelist who ran to tell everyone she saw him rise. I feel I’m being outcast instead of embraced and loved by the very place that should be doing that. I feel like Virtus is a witch hunt. I don’t believe that they’re excluding me in order to protect me as one lady suggested. If you want to know what Virtus is then google this: Confused and Outraged by the Mandatory VIRTUS Training. The lady gives a good description of what the program is and what it entails. It’s required for any volunteer of the church from what I understand and that’s why I took the class and I wanted to be more informed on how to protect children. I never dreamed they would burn me at the stake 😦
 
I am praying for you. Our past should not be judged, only how we have overcome the past is what matters. (((HUGS))))
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†
 
Hail Mary, Full of Grace,
The Lord is With thee,
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and Blessed is the fruit of thu womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now,
and at the hour of Our Death.

Amen.
 
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