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I never even knew that such things were serious sins until about a year ago. The better part of 25 years had past, and my participation in such activities was well involved. Even in my married life I was afflicted with it, though I never considered it an affliction at the time. It was always in my mind “just a guy thing”, or “at least I’'m not buying prostitutes”.

Once I learned of the gravity of the sins and had to confess them, I guess thats what broke me from it. I did commit it …I think twice more, and dreaded the confession, but hell, you can’t take the Eucharist unless you confess that serious of a sin. So, I did and endured the embarassment of recieving, along with the prescribed pennance, some “helpful tips” to avoid such ocassions. Most are very much like, if not the exact ones that were mentioned in the above posts. I still find myself searching for ways to do such things and avoid it being “technically” a grave sin, but…well you know…now that I am aware of its gravity and I would be willfully engaging in it…damn…I just don’t want to have to confess it again.

My priest also suggested fasting to help cope with a overabundant libido and an amorous personality. I haven’t fasted for this particular affliction, but I believe that he is correct…it fasting would probably take my mind off of such things.

I’ll pray for you and that you find a reprieve from this. It seemed that a great deal of desire and temptation was removed when I decided to purge my life of pornography. Pardon the pun, but I do believe that pornography and masturbation go hand in hand. They are prepetetually linked, each one feeding off the other. They are the cause and effect of one another.

I’ll pr
 
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Xenon-135:
I never even knew that such things were serious sins until about a year ago. The better part of 25 years had past, and my participation in such activities was well involved. Even in my married life I was afflicted with it, though I never considered it an affliction at the time. It was always in my mind “just a guy thing”, or “at least I’'m not buying prostitutes”.

Once I learned of the gravity of the sins and had to confess them, I guess thats what broke me from it. I did commit it …I think twice more, and dreaded the confession, but hell, you can’t take the Eucharist unless you confess that serious of a sin. So, I did and endured the embarassment of recieving, along with the prescribed pennance, some “helpful tips” to avoid such ocassions. Most are very much like, if not the exact ones that were mentioned in the above posts. I still find myself searching for ways to do such things and avoid it being “technically” a grave sin, but…well you know…now that I am aware of its gravity and I would be willfully engaging in it…damn…I just don’t want to have to confess it again.

My priest also suggested fasting to help cope with a overabundant libido and an amorous personality. I haven’t fasted for this particular affliction, but I believe that he is correct…it fasting would probably take my mind off of such things.

I’ll pray for you and that you find a reprieve from this. It seemed that a great deal of desire and temptation was removed when I decided to purge my life of pornography. Pardon the pun, but I do believe that pornography and masturbation go hand in hand. They are prepetetually linked, each one feeding off the other. They are the cause and effect of one another.

I’ll pr
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Wow, I did not know that even someone married can suffer from that? After all, they are married. Thanks for your advice.
I must point out: In MY case, I do not look nor get near pornography. It has NOTHING to do with that. Actually, I consider porn disgusting filth. However, I lack custody of the eyes at times, and walkig down the street, especially at Summer my eyes are all over the place and the images stay in my mind. I am a 32(Young) year old guy, so maybe later on in life all will be better. Yes, I have a romantic/amorous personality so I too will begin to fast: great advice the Priest gave you, I think it can work for me too.
Many blessings.
 
Some people say even certain foods, vitamins etc, can aggravate the problem.
 
Try going to Steve Wood’s website:
www.dads.org
This site is good for resouces against the temptations for Masterbation, Pornography and Homosexuality.
I hope it will be a blessing for you!

P.S. I sent you a PM. More personal stuff in there.

go with God!
Edwin
 
Our sexuality is a gift from God, it is something that we all must go through. I have found that beating myself up over this issue has not helped, now I see it as the cross the I must bear, and I try to make the best of it. Go to confession as many times as needed, each time you go, you get closer and closer to Christ. And do not by all means feel discouraged to do so, if the priests show no mercy, find one that fullfills your needs. God Bless.
 
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misericordie:
I wonder why some priests don’t even see lust, etc. as a sin???
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Code:
Well, I believe that if they recognize it within themselves, they are keen to recognize it somewhere else. There is no knowledge of God without knowledge of self. You cannot be aware of others if one is not aware of oneself.

As far as my speicritual director goes, I have no qualms (being a married woman) discussing the problems when they come up. I also believe that if one brings the problems into the Light, well, the devil will not have a chance to use it. Light being Jesus either in direction of in Confession.

Misericordie, when I see him in a couple of weeks (I usually go for direction about once a month or two, I will ask him for the title of the book he loaned me 4 years ago and it has to do with sexuality. The way the book was written (if my memory serves me well), the more passionate a person is in his/her sexuality, the potential for a better spiritual life exists. You integrate the both together to become a passionate lover of Jesus. (in a reverent way of course). I will get the title. It helped me to no end…it was refreshing to read such a book by a priest, no less. Our sexuality is a gift from God Himself, the book just channels this gift in the appropriate way to help us become the lovers that He has called us to be. (Song of songs…)

When I discussed my issue about being prayed over and going to bed with my bible, I was in Israel at the time. I prepared myself spiritually for months before going. The WHOLE trip was one cross after another. The Jewish tour leader took a fancy to me which made the girls very jealous, etc etc. With all of this, feelings came up that I have NEVER experienced so bad. But my husband was on the other side of the world. This guide’s room was beside mine. I clung to my bible with tears in my eyes…I did not understand why this was happening. The pain was so exquisite and it made the temptation so strong because of it. When I came back home, the same thing happened with the husband of my best girlfriend. And then I knew…it was truly the devil. His actions were a betrayal of our friendship but I realized that Jesus wants me for Himself and this has caused me great peace. I have not had any problems since. It was not my physical body whcih was the issue but my soul…and this became very clear. How can we say we are chaste if we are not tested in this virtue?

Anyway, I am just rambling …and I thank Jesus for these temptations and for His strength to overcome them. This is why I understand your trials…

Blessings,
Shoshana
 
Pray, pray, pray, pray, and pray some more. It is impossible to pray too much! Say the rosary everyday and pray for the Blessed Mother and St. Joseph to intercede for you. Say the “Jesus Prayer”:

“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” (I think there are many variations on this prayer)

Prayers like that are easy to remember and recite, and they can be very powerful in moments of temptation. If you have our Lord always on your mind, you will be much more likely to resist any temptation that comes your way.

As other people have said, confession and holy communion are extremely important, as well.

Also, keep in mind that this is a hell that many people have been through and have beaten (including myself). If you trust in God, will triumph, as well.
 
as a behavioral therapist, i think the best thing you can do is replace the behavior with something incompatible that does not allow you to participate in the sin.

for instance…if you make yourself accountable (to either yourself, a trusted friend, advisor or priest) that EVERY TIME you are tempted (and alone) you will run laps around the house (the apartment complex, the block, the culdesac, whatever), then you will obviously not be masturbating…you will be running laps and working off some of the sexual energy. exercise is a wonderful thing for those with an overactive libido 🙂

you might also choose to start picturing our Blessed Mother…or YOUR mother…every time you feel a lustful thought or image come into your mind. Our Lady isn’t about to abandon you in your time of need if you sincerely ask her to help. and i would think that picturing her, or your mother, might squash any desire rather effectively.

think of yourself as being on God’s time. he has, in his wisdom, created the male body as being capable of releasing this sexual energy nocturnally, as needed. give yourself up to God and surrender the need to control–and in the process, lust will stop controlling YOU.

also, try asphorisms (i think that’s what they’re called?) when you’re tempted, repeat (in a mantra) “Jesus, mercy.” or, “Jesus, temperance.” “Jesus, help.” “Jesus, grace to overcome.” etc. it can be whatever you want it to be or whatever you need.

i’ll be praying for you! this battle is one that is being waged for our Lord, and perhaps your future spouse. what a gift for her! 🙂
 
Psalm45:9:
Our sexuality is a gift from God, it is something that we all must go through. I have found that beating myself up over this issue has not helped, now I see it as the cross the I must bear, and I try to make the best of it. Go to confession as many times as needed, each time you go, you get closer and closer to Christ. And do not by all means feel discouraged to do so, if the priests show no mercy, find one that fullfills your needs. God Bless.
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Thank you so much for this post. As a woman who struggles with this also, gentleness is so very important. Beating myself up has never helped me either, and being gentle with myself and going to Confession are what really help me. I also believe our sexuality is a gift from God and my sexuality is not *bad. *It is a cross I must bear and the more I confess it the less inclined I am to sin it. Yet, even then, it is what I most slip at in my life! I am not obsessed, just merely normal and healthy,and this is an awkward area for me sometimes, especially in Confession. My priest never condemns me or judges me for it, either. He listens and offers guidance and his prayers. Thank God! If he was condemning I probably wouldn’t be able to confess it to him. But he is kind and Christlike. This has helped me immensely and I feel with each Confession I am getting further along in my healing.

God bless everyone!
 
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Princess_Abby:
as a behavioral therapist, i think the best thing you can do is replace the behavior with something incompatible that does not allow you to participate in the sin.

for instance…if you make yourself accountable (to either yourself, a trusted friend, advisor or priest) that EVERY TIME you are tempted (and alone) you will run laps around the house (the apartment complex, the block, the culdesac, whatever), then you will obviously not be masturbating…you will be running laps and working off some of the sexual energy. exercise is a wonderful thing for those with an overactive libido 🙂

you might also choose to start picturing our Blessed Mother…or YOUR mother…every time you feel a lustful thought or image come into your mind. Our Lady isn’t about to abandon you in your time of need if you sincerely ask her to help. and i would think that picturing her, or your mother, might squash any desire rather effectively.

think of yourself as being on God’s time. he has, in his wisdom, created the male body as being capable of releasing this sexual energy nocturnally, as needed. give yourself up to God and surrender the need to control–and in the process, lust will stop controlling YOU.

also, try asphorisms (i think that’s what they’re called?) when you’re tempted, repeat (in a mantra) “Jesus, mercy.” or, “Jesus, temperance.” “Jesus, help.” “Jesus, grace to overcome.” etc. it can be whatever you want it to be or whatever you need.

i’ll be praying for you! this battle is one that is being waged for our Lord, and perhaps your future spouse. what a gift for her! 🙂
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Thank you so much for your well taken advice. I am very grateful, and also I value your professional outlook on my problem. VERY GOOD INSIGHT. I notice too that I am so visually inclined, and then my eyes wander to the opposite sex(to some women), then the imagination starts going, then the body reacts, then, that sin later on in the day. My God, I wish I can calm this over active libido, very overactive, and that’s weird for a 32 age male as myself I would think??
 
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Shoshana:
Code:
Well, I believe that if they recognize it within themselves, they are keen to recognize it somewhere else. There is no knowledge of God without knowledge of self. You cannot be aware of others if one is not aware of oneself.

As far as my speicritual director goes, I have no qualms (being a married woman) discussing the problems when they come up. I also believe that if one brings the problems into the Light, well, the devil will not have a chance to use it. Light being Jesus either in direction of in Confession.

Misericordie, when I see him in a couple of weeks (I usually go for direction about once a month or two, I will ask him for the title of the book he loaned me 4 years ago and it has to do with sexuality. The way the book was written (if my memory serves me well), the more passionate a person is in his/her sexuality, the potential for a better spiritual life exists. You integrate the both together to become a passionate lover of Jesus. (in a reverent way of course). I will get the title. It helped me to no end…it was refreshing to read such a book by a priest, no less. Our sexuality is a gift from God Himself, the book just channels this gift in the appropriate way to help us become the lovers that He has called us to be. (Song of songs…)

When I discussed my issue about being prayed over and going to bed with my bible, I was in Israel at the time. I prepared myself spiritually for months before going. The WHOLE trip was one cross after another. The Jewish tour leader took a fancy to me which made the girls very jealous, etc etc. With all of this, feelings came up that I have NEVER experienced so bad. But my husband was on the other side of the world. This guide’s room was beside mine. I clung to my bible with tears in my eyes…I did not understand why this was happening. The pain was so exquisite and it made the temptation so strong because of it. When I came back home, the same thing happened with the husband of my best girlfriend. And then I knew…it was truly the devil. His actions were a betrayal of our friendship but I realized that Jesus wants me for Himself and this has caused me great peace. I have not had any problems since. It was not my physical body whcih was the issue but my soul…and this became very clear. How can we say we are chaste if we are not tested in this virtue?

Anyway, I am just rambling …and I thank Jesus for these temptations and for His strength to overcome them. This is why I understand your trials…

Blessings,
Shoshana
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Thanks Shoshana. Excellent advice. I would love to know the title of that book you mentioned, and the author.
Wow, yes it did seem that your temptations which you mention here (on your trip to Isreal etc.) were in fact from the devil. The three enemies of the soul are: (1) the World, (2) the flesh (3) the devil.
 
Friends. We cannot be to complacent either when it comes to masturbation. We should not try to be so charitable as to almost nullify its serious consequences. I found this on the net and think it is excellent advice.

**"Since this is obviously a difficult and delicate area of morality, let me begin with what the Catechism says: **

**2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.”[137] “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”[138] **

**To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability. **

**The Catechism is clear about the immorality of masturbation. The reason is obvious enough: Jesus teaches that the use of sex is for marriage. (And within marriage to express the total self-giving which is always open to procreation.) C. S. Lewis expresses Jesus’ teaching about sex as “outside of marriage, unmitigated abstinence.” He said that when he was a confirmed bachelor–he did not marry Joy till he was in his mid-fifties. Lewis readily conceded the great difficulty of this teaching. But it is not an impossible ideal. **

**Remember you are far from alone in the problem, although yoy may feel that way, perhaps beccause the act by its very nature creates a peculiar kind of loneliness. (It should not be ignored that fornication, adultery, homosexuality and even contraceptive sex in marriage can be little more than mutual masturbation, but that is whole other topic.) **

**While the Catechism notes that masturbation is “instrinsically and gravely disordered,” it adds an interesting paragraph about subjective moral responsibility. It notes different situations which might make the act less serious or even nullify moral culpability. Perhaps the confessor referred to above views it that way. The confessor-penitent relationship is an intimate one and I could only make some general comments. **

cont. next post
 
**First, we should be aware of the influences of the culture around us. It would be fairly safe to say that our culture considers masturbation to be neutral or even as a healthy outlet. Dear Abby is a pretty good reflection of our society’s values. She wrote a column endorsing masturbation as a recommended form of “safe sex.” A few ministers wrote letters agreeing with her position and she lauded them for their “courage.” For sure Dr. Joyce Elders was dismissed as Surgeon General after making flamboyant statements promoting masturbation. But she quickly received offers to appear on Oprah and other talk shows. She was lionized. Only a fuddy duddy would object to her “realism.” **

**It seems to me that masturbation, especially when it becomes chronic, is like that. It is a melancholy effort to satisfy oneself. And yet the only one who can do that is He who made us for Himself. Recognizing that truth does not mean a person will instantly give up masturbation. The man who realized it was not the girl who would ultimately make him happy continued to think about her. But the realization is the first step. **

**After acknowledging that masturbation has become a form of idolatry, something more needs to be done. I think the most practical advice was given by Bishop Fulton Sheen. He says what we should do is not so much directly confront immorality, but squeeze it out of our lives. That is, to fill our lives with things that are good so that the devil has little room. When I was a teenager, the most sensible priests would recommend things like taking up a hobby. Even something as innocuous as stamp collecting can create a space where bad thoughts are effectively kept at bay. Of course that is one of the important functions of work. I would not recommend falling into being a workaholic (altho I cannot say too much about that since it is one of the few vices I have never been attracted to). **

**But even work and sound activities like friendship, reading, hobbies, etc., are not enough to keep away all sexual thoughts. They in fact can come unexpectedly and lead to the temptation of masturbation. And as the Catechism notes, it can be a very ingrained habit. I would only say to not despair. Ultimately it depends on God’s intervention or grace. One of my favorite chapters in The Great Divorce is about the young man with the lizard on his shoulder. The lizard constantly whispers in his ear and it seems like life would be empty without the creature. But finally he allows the angel to kill it. But when it dies, it turns into a mighty horse which carries him into heaven. Do not give up on confession and prayer, even it is rather half-hearted like Augustine, “Lord, give me chastity, but not yet.” That prayer will also be answered as it was so dramatically for St. Augustine. **

**God bless, **Fr. Phil Bloom"

Stay real folks and challenge masturbation for what it actually is. Notice I say "CHALLENGE IT"

God Bless,
Fergal
 
I TOTALLY agree with the NEW CATECHISM. I need everyone’s prayers to have more custody of the eyes, and avoid all lust. can all of you PLEASE pray for this, and that I may find work too so I won’t be idle? Thanks.

Mary, Queen of Purity, pray for us.
 
I drank too much and too often. Finally I just opened my heart to God and asked Him to please free me from this. No human logic, no human wrapping and reasoning, just please free me from this. I haven’t had a drink in almost a year - nor do I intend to.

Glory Be to Jesus Christ! The world is under a new order now - the order of Jesus Christ! The bonds of sin are broken by the sacrifice of the cross! The cross and resurrection means there is hope for us all!
 
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Greg_McPherran:
I drank too much and too often. Finally I just opened my heart to God and asked Him to please free me from this. No human logic, no human wrapping and reasoning, just please free me from this. I haven’t had a drink in almost a year - nor do I intend to.

Glory Be to Jesus Christ! The world is under a new order now - the order of Jesus Christ! The bonds of sin are broken by the sacrifice of the cross! The cross and resurrection means there is hope for us all!
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This is great, congratulations.
 
Thanks everyone for your advice.

Anymore thoughts/suggestions here??? Thanks
 
Pray a mystery of the Rosary every day. If there is a time in your day when you are tempted, usually alonetime, pray the Rosary instead. Our Lady will intercede for you for your purity. I believe this because I have experienced it.

peace
 
Also understand yourself. Our sexual drives may come from a subconscious anxiety to reproduce. Perhaps it is time for you to marry and start a family. It sounds like your family would be very fruitful so find a wife that would like many children. Meantime, enjoy chastity because you will never be truly happy until your mind masters your body. Physical drives relate to the nervous system and pleasure of the nerve cells. Nerve cell stimulation apart from God’s purposes is not intellectual and is nothing to base your eternal life on and in fact can jeapodize your eternal life.

“The sins of the flesh is death” - St. Paul

This warning from Paul is not a threat but a gift so that we don’t play games with sexual sin. Paul eliminates all doubt for us.

Not to say that this is easy and I understand as we all have weakness, but make no mistake you will be happier when you overcome this. Be at peace with yourself and don’t let temptation be more than a gentle wave that you observe peacefully with no self-condemnation - your mind will go back and forth and that’s all part of the struggle. However, I don’t consider the struggle a sin - in fact the struggle can make saints perhaps?

Greg
 
i don’t agree with beating yourself up as much as you are, i don’t think it’s as bad as some would think to… well, i won’t say it since no one talks about it. (i have a poll on another thread about frequency of masterbation and 5 people out of 98 have answered it…)

BUT,
one practical way is to adobt a strict vegetarian diet and/or vegan diet, eliminating all saturated fats and artificial hormones from meat.
vegans often suffer diminished sex drives. it also cuts your risk of cancer, heart disease and a host of other diet related illnesses… something to think about… it will decrease your sex drive.
 
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