M
mdleagedguy
Guest
Hi!
First of all, I want to say that I am happy to have a good job that supports my family. However, we have a lot of kids and I didn’t always make much money. As a result, we have no savings. I need to begin preparing for retirement, but every time I turn around there is one major expense after another that we could not have foreseen. We have been unable to save anything. I really need to increase my income. However, I have run into issues where I work.
To put it bluntly, management where I work looks down on large families. They recently offered a baby shower for a lesbian couple, but not for our last child. There have been snide comments about the number of children we have (8) made in front of and tolerated by management. Although I don’t discuss my religion at work, they have been able to deduce based on my family size that we are Catholic.
I have prior management experience. I was very successful as a manager. My employees loved me, and ten years later I run into them and they give me a hug or shake my hand and we catch up on things. We had a 40% increase in sales and doubled our profits during my tenure at my last company. I left because I had topped out and the economy put our expansion plans on hold indefinitely. I moved to a non-management job that paid more money with another company because I had a growing family and needed additional income. While at my new employer I completed an MBA. I received a 4.0 GPA. I always get stellar performance reviews. I was a rising star and was promoted early. That is, until it began to circulate how many kids we have. Now when introduced to clients or new employees the first thing co-workers and supervisors say is “Tell them how many kids you have!” Now I’m proud of my family, but it’s not a matter for people’s entertainment, and it’s unrelated to my job. When we had our last kid, I was shuffled without my knowledge or consent into a dead-end position while I was out on parental leave. It has no exposure to clients or decision makers in other divisions.
We have had three supervisor openings that I applied for. You would think that a person with an MBA and prior management experience would be a competitive candidate. Not so. In post-interview feedback I was told the first time that they weren’t sure I could get along with people who are different from me. What’s that supposed to mean? I get along with everyone. Co-workers like me and are always telling me that they think I would make a great supervisor. The second time a different manager also gave negative, personal feedback that sounded a lot like anti-Catholic stereotypes. It completely contradicted all of my performance reviews. Now with the most recent opening they promoted someone with no management experience, and I don’t think she even has a college degree. She’s a good employee, but she’s not a leader. I don’t even think she has a college degree. Again, no knock against her because she’s a nice person and capable at what she does. But she is really a follower. I have received notice that I didn’t get the job about a week before other people I know also applied received notice that they didn’t get it. I thought I brought my A-game to the interview.
I’m not sure what to do. I would jump ship to another company, however one of my kids has cancer. It’s incurable, but there is treatment to put it into remission. It will likely keep coming back for the rest of his life. He’s been treating for nine months now. We have an outstanding health plan. With a standard plan we would not be able to afford the co-pays. With the plan we have, we pay only a nominal amount for co-pays. I’m afraid to go to HR with my concerns. We recently had a scandal that forced out a several executives, including the head of HR. This was the third scandal in ten years. Our culture is dysfunctional, and there is a distinct lack of moral integrity among our upper managers. As they say, if you’re going to kill the king you had better succeed, and I know that I would be retaliated against if I said anything. I have been retaliated against twice already when I have brought problems (with solutions) to management. Now no one on my team ever says there is any sort of problem that needs to be addressed. You get punished if you do. To give you an idea of the lack of moral integrity, I know of multiple managers who ditched their spouses for a co-worker and still work there. Right now, in my dead-end position people leave me alone and I can pretty much do as I please. I’ve saved the company several million dollars. That never made it to my performance review because it embarrassed some people above me who had made mistakes.
I feel stuck there. I can’t afford a pay cut if I went elsewhere, and I can’t afford a different health plan because of my son’s cancer. I feel my talents are under-utilized. I don’t like the lack of integrity. I know now that I will never be promoted no matter what my background and performance is. None of my prior management experience means anything. My MBA doesn’t mean anything. My performance doesn’t mean anything. I would really like to begin saving for retirement. By the time all the kids are out of the house, I will have under ten years to save money. I may need to assist my son with cancer treatment if his illness flares up when he’s no longer under our health plan.
I know I should count my blessings, and trust God. And I do. But it just gnaws on me. Any advice on how to either find a way to advance my career or else accept with grace the situation I am in now? Is this God teaching me (again) about humility?
First of all, I want to say that I am happy to have a good job that supports my family. However, we have a lot of kids and I didn’t always make much money. As a result, we have no savings. I need to begin preparing for retirement, but every time I turn around there is one major expense after another that we could not have foreseen. We have been unable to save anything. I really need to increase my income. However, I have run into issues where I work.
To put it bluntly, management where I work looks down on large families. They recently offered a baby shower for a lesbian couple, but not for our last child. There have been snide comments about the number of children we have (8) made in front of and tolerated by management. Although I don’t discuss my religion at work, they have been able to deduce based on my family size that we are Catholic.
I have prior management experience. I was very successful as a manager. My employees loved me, and ten years later I run into them and they give me a hug or shake my hand and we catch up on things. We had a 40% increase in sales and doubled our profits during my tenure at my last company. I left because I had topped out and the economy put our expansion plans on hold indefinitely. I moved to a non-management job that paid more money with another company because I had a growing family and needed additional income. While at my new employer I completed an MBA. I received a 4.0 GPA. I always get stellar performance reviews. I was a rising star and was promoted early. That is, until it began to circulate how many kids we have. Now when introduced to clients or new employees the first thing co-workers and supervisors say is “Tell them how many kids you have!” Now I’m proud of my family, but it’s not a matter for people’s entertainment, and it’s unrelated to my job. When we had our last kid, I was shuffled without my knowledge or consent into a dead-end position while I was out on parental leave. It has no exposure to clients or decision makers in other divisions.
We have had three supervisor openings that I applied for. You would think that a person with an MBA and prior management experience would be a competitive candidate. Not so. In post-interview feedback I was told the first time that they weren’t sure I could get along with people who are different from me. What’s that supposed to mean? I get along with everyone. Co-workers like me and are always telling me that they think I would make a great supervisor. The second time a different manager also gave negative, personal feedback that sounded a lot like anti-Catholic stereotypes. It completely contradicted all of my performance reviews. Now with the most recent opening they promoted someone with no management experience, and I don’t think she even has a college degree. She’s a good employee, but she’s not a leader. I don’t even think she has a college degree. Again, no knock against her because she’s a nice person and capable at what she does. But she is really a follower. I have received notice that I didn’t get the job about a week before other people I know also applied received notice that they didn’t get it. I thought I brought my A-game to the interview.
I’m not sure what to do. I would jump ship to another company, however one of my kids has cancer. It’s incurable, but there is treatment to put it into remission. It will likely keep coming back for the rest of his life. He’s been treating for nine months now. We have an outstanding health plan. With a standard plan we would not be able to afford the co-pays. With the plan we have, we pay only a nominal amount for co-pays. I’m afraid to go to HR with my concerns. We recently had a scandal that forced out a several executives, including the head of HR. This was the third scandal in ten years. Our culture is dysfunctional, and there is a distinct lack of moral integrity among our upper managers. As they say, if you’re going to kill the king you had better succeed, and I know that I would be retaliated against if I said anything. I have been retaliated against twice already when I have brought problems (with solutions) to management. Now no one on my team ever says there is any sort of problem that needs to be addressed. You get punished if you do. To give you an idea of the lack of moral integrity, I know of multiple managers who ditched their spouses for a co-worker and still work there. Right now, in my dead-end position people leave me alone and I can pretty much do as I please. I’ve saved the company several million dollars. That never made it to my performance review because it embarrassed some people above me who had made mistakes.
I feel stuck there. I can’t afford a pay cut if I went elsewhere, and I can’t afford a different health plan because of my son’s cancer. I feel my talents are under-utilized. I don’t like the lack of integrity. I know now that I will never be promoted no matter what my background and performance is. None of my prior management experience means anything. My MBA doesn’t mean anything. My performance doesn’t mean anything. I would really like to begin saving for retirement. By the time all the kids are out of the house, I will have under ten years to save money. I may need to assist my son with cancer treatment if his illness flares up when he’s no longer under our health plan.
I know I should count my blessings, and trust God. And I do. But it just gnaws on me. Any advice on how to either find a way to advance my career or else accept with grace the situation I am in now? Is this God teaching me (again) about humility?