Careful what you pray for

[arami86]

I asked God to show me if my fiance was right for me. I prayed so many times. Finally God answered my prayers and we broke up. But I miss terribly. I hurt everyday for him. Longing, wishing, hoping. Trying to keep myself together. It’s only been a month but he’s already dating someone else. I’ve closed all social forums I had to make sure I don’t come across more hurtful posts. I loved him so much. Wholeheartedly. He was my person. At least it felt like that. My happiness was seeing him smile. We were engaged but never got to the marriage part no matter how bad I wanted it. I should never have to beg for love. I know that we were not meant to be and God is saving me from him. I know God has something else prepared for me. But still, it’s only been a month and it kills me so much. I feel so broken. I can barely keep it together. I miss seeing him everyday. Hearing his voice. I miss my best friend. I’m incredibly lonely. The world seems to have gotten so much quieter without him. I cry alone. I live alone. I’m in pain alone. I keep praying to God desperately to heal me. But I don’t understand how the person who loved the most is also the person who hurts the most. I have everything to be happy. A good job, good friends, a huge family. But I miss him. I miss him so much. I loved him the way I thought I was supposed to. With everything I had. And now he’s gone. And I’m broken. So broken.

 

[Luvz2travel]

I asked God to show me if my fiance was right for me. I prayed so many times. Finally God answered my prayers and we broke up. But I miss terribly. I hurt everyday for him. Longing, wishing, hoping. Trying to keep myself together. It’s only been a month but he’s already dating someone else. I’ve closed all social forums I had to make sure I don’t come across more hurtful posts. I loved him so much. Wholeheartedly. He was my person. At least it felt like that. My happiness was seeing him smile. We were engaged but never got to the marriage part no matter how bad I wanted it. I should never have to beg for love. I know that we were not meant to be and God is saving me from him. I know God has something else prepared for me. But still, it’s only been a month and it kills me so much. I feel so broken. I can barely keep it together. I miss seeing him everyday. Hearing his voice. I miss my best friend. I’m incredibly lonely. The world seems to have gotten so much quieter without him. I cry alone. I live alone. I’m in pain alone. I keep praying to God desperately to heal me. But I don’t understand how the person who loved the most is also the person who hurts the most. I have everything to be happy. A good job, good friends, a huge family. But I miss him. I miss him so much. I loved him the way I thought I was supposed to. With everything I had. And now he’s gone. And I’m broken. So broken.

Are you sure it’s really him you miss or just the idea of him. Two things you said stand out.
“It’s been a month and he’s dating someone else” “I should never have to beg for love” The fact he’s already dating someone after only a month shows to me he really wasn’t that commited or he was more into not being alone then being with a real person. If he did make you beg for love then it wasn’t really love. I think you got saved here from a big mistake. It’s better to be alone than be used against somone elses need to not be alone or use someone for that purpose yourself. I found that guys that do that never treat you well and things don’t last. It’s better to know before you commit for life that something isn’t meant to be then go through divorce and live with even more pain. Nope I’ll take being alone over all that. It won’t kill you believe me I know I’ve been alone most of my life and I’m still here.

 

[SuperLuigi]

I asked God to show me if my fiance was right for me. I prayed so many times. Finally God answered my prayers and we broke up. But I miss terribly. I hurt everyday for him. Longing, wishing, hoping. Trying to keep myself together. It’s only been a month but he’s already dating someone else. I’ve closed all social forums I had to make sure I don’t come across more hurtful posts. I loved him so much. Wholeheartedly. He was my person. At least it felt like that. My happiness was seeing him smile. We were engaged but never got to the marriage part no matter how bad I wanted it. I should never have to beg for love. I know that we were not meant to be and God is saving me from him. I know God has something else prepared for me. But still, it’s only been a month and it kills me so much. I feel so broken. I can barely keep it together. I miss seeing him everyday. Hearing his voice. I miss my best friend. I’m incredibly lonely. The world seems to have gotten so much quieter without him. I cry alone. I live alone. I’m in pain alone. I keep praying to God desperately to heal me. But I don’t understand how the person who loved the most is also the person who hurts the most. I have everything to be happy. A good job, good friends, a huge family. But I miss him. I miss him so much. I loved him the way I thought I was supposed to. With everything I had. And now he’s gone. And I’m broken. So broken.

For what it’s worth, I felt the same way about someone a few years ago. I prayed about it and didn’t get the answer I wanted, but it was the right one nonetheless.

I think it would be a good idea for you to get out of the house and hang out with your friends and family.

Please come on here as much as you need, too. I’d like to think we’re got a supportive community!

 

[arami86]

For what it’s worth, I felt the same way about someone a few years ago. I prayed about it and didn’t get the answer I wanted, but it was the right one nonetheless.

I think it would be a good idea for you to get out of the house and hang out with your friends and family.

Please come on here as much as you need, too. I’d like to think we’re got a supportive community!

I have. I’ve tried praying every time he crosses my mind, I tried retail therapy, I tried going home as least as possible and just always having something to do with friends or family. But even in a room full of people I feel so alone. Like I don’t have my other half there. Like I’m missing something. I feel so fake all the time. Trying to put on a front like I’m doing ok. I was hanging out with a group of people and this one guy who my fiance was jealous of and I felt so guilty. My heart is still loyal to him. I just feel so lonely and fake. I wake up between 330 and 4am every night because I miss him by my side and I just lay there for hours. I"m so broken. It was 4 years that I gave him. How do I make this go away? Lately I’ve had more bad days than good ones. I don’t want to be broken anymore. I want to shake this feeling of emptiness and longing that I feel. My heart needs to stop missing him. How can I make it stop?

 

[pensmama87]

I have. I’ve tried praying every time he crosses my mind, I tried retail therapy, I tried going home as least as possible and just always having something to do with friends or family. But even in a room full of people I feel so alone. Like I don’t have my other half there. Like I’m missing something. I feel so fake all the time. Trying to put on a front like I’m doing ok. I was hanging out with a group of people and this one guy who my fiance was jealous of and I felt so guilty. My heart is still loyal to him. I just feel so lonely and fake. I wake up between 330 and 4am every night because I miss him by my side and I just lay there for hours. I"m so broken. It was 4 years that I gave him. How do I make this go away? Lately I’ve had more bad days than good ones. I don’t want to be broken anymore. I want to shake this feeling of emptiness and longing that I feel. My heart needs to stop missing him. How can I make it stop?

Four years of a relationship is a long time. It is completely OK that you are still grieving the loss of the relationship. Trying to cover it up with “retail therapy” or other behaviors like that do not work in the long term. Finding a strong and healthy support structure will work in the long term, but it takes time to build.

Take as good care of yourself as you can. Eat well, find ways to get enough sleep, exercise. Find a hobby you enjoy. Pray. Let God know that you are hurt and maybe even that you don’t understand why this is your path, but you’d like to understand.

Don’t beat yourself up for not feeling “normal.” Being single hasn’t been your normal, so of course it feels odd. Seek help from a counselor, if you like - they could help you develop healthy coping strategies instead of destructive ones.

God bless you.

 

[RichardG]

You should take the advice of Luvz2travel. That he is already dating another woman says enough for me also, meaning he wasn’t ready to ‘take the plunge’ after all with you.

In the meantime you should keep praying. Not ask for company, it is not good to think of wanting to get the loneliness out of you by wanting to fill it with someone else. First you need to get your things together, and being happy with where you are.

 

[robwar]

I asked God to show me if my fiance was right for me. I prayed so many times. Finally God answered my prayers and we broke up. But I miss terribly. I hurt everyday for him. Longing, wishing, hoping. Trying to keep myself together. It’s only been a month but he’s already dating someone else. I’ve closed all social forums I had to make sure I don’t come across more hurtful posts. I loved him so much. Wholeheartedly. He was my person. At least it felt like that. My happiness was seeing him smile. We were engaged but never got to the marriage part no matter how bad I wanted it. I should never have to beg for love. I know that we were not meant to be and God is saving me from him. I know God has something else prepared for me. But still, it’s only been a month and it kills me so much. I feel so broken. I can barely keep it together. I miss seeing him everyday. Hearing his voice. I miss my best friend. I’m incredibly lonely. The world seems to have gotten so much quieter without him. I cry alone. I live alone. I’m in pain alone. I keep praying to God desperately to heal me. But I don’t understand how the person who loved the most is also the person who hurts the most. I have everything to be happy. A good job, good friends, a huge family. But I miss him. I miss him so much. I loved him the way I thought I was supposed to. With everything I had. And now he’s gone. And I’m broken. So broken.

sorry about the lose and yes it is hard but it is much better and less painful now than to marry and then divorce. Retail therapy doesn’t work, why don’t you spend some time in adoration with God, don’t even have to pray or say anything. Likewise and help yourself get your mind off of your loss and woes volunteer at a nursing home or homeless shelter or somewhere where you can run into those with bigger losses and need help. When we start to help others, we get our mind off of ourselves and our woes. Likewise, you might want to explore and read books by those who have loss loved ones and how to grieve in a healthy way not this tailspin you are heading for.

 

[losh14]

I’m sorry to see you in such heartache, dear sister. You are right to say that God has led you, and I hope you know that the Spirit of God will never lead you where the Strength of God cannot sustain you. It does hurt, and it will subside with time and as you unravel the ties that bound you to him, which is part of the end of every relationship.

Take heart, also, that every single relationship you will ever be in will end … except the one that matters most, the one whom you marry. It would be less painful to not have to go through relationships only to have them fail, but this is one important way in which we grow. It’s easy for me - a 30-something married 8 years - to say that I am thankful for learning from the hard breakups, and for the times my heart has been broken, because I see how much I’ve grown and how much that pain has made me ready for my wife. But I had no way of knowing it when was 19 or 22 or even 25 (when I was dating my wife and learning from my previous relationships how I should and should not be).

Take care to spend time with friends and family this Christmas and New Year’s, those are hard to go through without someone whom we’d spent previous holidays with. It may feel unbearable but you can and will survive it and you have many holidays to look forward to, whether with those you’re already close to or perhaps with a new beau.

On that, move at your own speed. I know it would hurt me if my ex started dating within a month of our breaking up. I’d tell myself (and probably be right) that she’s rebounding and going through the same pain, and I’d feel sorry to some extent for the guy because he’s got to deal with her giving him the same emotions I was feeling. But don’t take his newfound dating to mean that he didn’t care - don’t beat yourself up over something like that. Having a good relationship takes three things - finding the right person, being the right person, and having the right time. If any of those are missing, the relationship can’t work.

I’ll keep you in my prayers, and pray especially for unexpected joys this Christmas.

 

[ClearWater]

I’m sorry you are hurting. That’s no fun.

Well, there is one thing I noticed when you talked about him, that though you weren’t married, you were already living together, in a physical relationship. Now, did you realize that we women, when in a physical relationship, generally respond by producing oxytocin? It’s a hormone also produced when breastfeeding.

This hormone can give us the feeling of being “in love” and “happy” and promotes bonding.

If he has already moved on, and is dating someone else that quickly, he doesn’t seem too broken up. It is a blessing you didn’t stay in that relationship any longer. Would he have ever committed?

Many men feel they don’t have to commit, because they can get a sexual relationship, what they think is all the benefits to a marriage without any of the responsibilities. So, many never marry. Some see no incentive to ever commit, ever marry. When women tire of getting used and waiting, they often move on to the next, in a form of serial monogamy. You were in this relationship for 4 years. Well, be glad it wasn’t any longer!

I think your prayer got a good answer, but maybe it wasn’t the one you were looking for.

If you want to get married, he definitely doesn’t sound like he was the one. This is painful, but consider it a blessing in disguise, but it’s important not to lose the lesson. Next time, do NOT become sexually involved unless you are married.

 

[arami86]

I’m sorry to see you in such heartache, dear sister. You are right to say that God has led you, and I hope you know that the Spirit of God will never lead you where the Strength of God cannot sustain you. It does hurt, and it will subside with time and as you unravel the ties that bound you to him, which is part of the end of every relationship.

Take heart, also, that every single relationship you will ever be in will end … except the one that matters most, the one whom you marry. It would be less painful to not have to go through relationships only to have them fail, but this is one important way in which we grow. It’s easy for me - a 30-something married 8 years - to say that I am thankful for learning from the hard breakups, and for the times my heart has been broken, because I see how much I’ve grown and how much that pain has made me ready for my wife. But I had no way of knowing it when was 19 or 22 or even 25 (when I was dating my wife and learning from my previous relationships how I should and should not be).

Take care to spend time with friends and family this Christmas and New Year’s, those are hard to go through without someone whom we’d spent previous holidays with. It may feel unbearable but you can and will survive it and you have many holidays to look forward to, whether with those you’re already close to or perhaps with a new beau.

On that, move at your own speed. I know it would hurt me if my ex started dating within a month of our breaking up. I’d tell myself (and probably be right) that she’s rebounding and going through the same pain, and I’d feel sorry to some extent for the guy because he’s got to deal with her giving him the same emotions I was feeling. But don’t take his newfound dating to mean that he didn’t care - don’t beat yourself up over something like that. Having a good relationship takes three things - finding the right person, being the right person, and having the right time. If any of those are missing, the relationship can’t work.

I’ll keep you in my prayers, and pray especially for unexpected joys this Christmas.

Thank you for your kind words. The only thing that goes through my mind is “does he miss me? does he ever think of me? does he see me in everything like I see him in everything? does he miss the life we had together? does he regret it?” all questions I can’t answer and will never learn an answer to. We are too far apart. I’ve lost all trust after seeing how quickly he can move on. I know it will never be again. But I wish I would have meant more to him than what he is showing me.

 

[arami86]

I’m sorry you are hurting. That’s no fun.

Well, there is one thing I noticed when you talked about him, that though you weren’t married, you were already living together, in a physical relationship. Now, did you realize that we women, when in a physical relationship, generally respond by producing oxytocin? It’s a hormone also produced when breastfeeding.

This hormone can give us the feeling of being “in love” and “happy” and promotes bonding.

If he has already moved on, and is dating someone else that quickly, he doesn’t seem too broken up. It is a blessing you didn’t stay in that relationship any longer. Would he have ever committed?

Many men feel they don’t have to commit, because they can get a sexual relationship, what they think is all the benefits to a marriage without any of the responsibilities. So, many never marry. Some see no incentive to ever commit, ever marry. When women tire of getting used and waiting, they often move on to the next, in a form of serial monogamy. You were in this relationship for 4 years. Well, be glad it wasn’t any longer!

I think your prayer got a good answer, but maybe it wasn’t the one you were looking for.

If you want to get married, he definitely doesn’t sound like he was the one. This is painful, but consider it a blessing in disguise, but it’s important not to lose the lesson. Next time, do NOT become sexually involved unless you are married.

I fell head over heels in love with him. He was my first and only and it happened only after he proposed. At the time I thought it would be only a few months until we married. We were in a long distance relationship for some time so moving in together was the fastest way of being together. He was really important to me. But I could see things I didn’t like in him which is why I prayed to God so much. But I loved him the way I thought I was supposed to. I was willing to work on all our problems because I couldn’t imagine being without him. No problem seemed too big to let go of what we had together. Obviously for him it wasn’t the same. As soon as he got a chance and I was completely stressed about other things, he left. He couldn’t just stand by me. All I needed to be stronger was for him to tell me it would be ok. That he was on my side and he’d always be there. After that, I could take on the world. But he couldn’t even give me that. I’m so lonely and broken. I miss my best friend. I loved him.

 

[TheLastWord]

Best prayer i know is for God’s will to be done.

 

[Caroline723]

Thank you for your kind words. The only thing that goes through my mind is “does he miss me? does he ever think of me? does he see me in everything like I see him in everything? does he miss the life we had together? does he regret it?” all questions I can’t answer and will never learn an answer to. We are too far apart. I’ve lost all trust after seeing how quickly he can move on. I know it will never be again. But I wish I would have meant more to him than what he is showing me.

I’ve been here before. It seems so unfair that you are suffering and he is enjoying a new relationship. You wonder if the problem was you, and if he is a different person with her. No, he isn’t a different person. And he didn’t have an epiphany in the 30 days between the end of one relationship and the beginning of another. It doesn’t make him a prize just because he snagged a new girl. Remind yourself of the reality of being with him day after day. Bottom line, you weren’t happy with him. Marriage would not have solved that.

You have to just take it day by day and remind yourself when you feel low that God is with you and that no matter what course your life takes, that your focus on heaven remains the same. Try to avoid the temptation to look him up. When you start to wonder how his new relationship is, try to distract yourself. Give your anxieties and loneliness to God. And be hopeful! Dream about the type of relationship you do want, the type of man you do want to be with. And when the time comes when you start to feel attractions to new guys (and it will come), be discriminating.