Marypar - I can identify with your story also. For years I helped maintain my mother and brother (he died five years ago). They lived together in Mom’s home (brother was very dependent on her, had major illness and compounded all with his life choices till he lost the ability to recover). It was an emotionally exhausting struggle then when Mom had her first hip break, she was in hospital and nursing home for rehab therapy, my brother couldn’t take care of himself and be responsible (no surprise there, he abused all prescription medications and anything else he could acquire, legal or not). I fought all kind of feelings toward him but held on to a sorrowful love. All what happened is a story of its own. He life ended peacefully, asleep in his bed, tv going, no evidence of personal suffering, one night while Mom was still in the nursing home. Getting through all that followed was so very tough. I thank God for my husband and children, especially our oldest daughter who has been my wonderful helper. I have had many feelings of “I am not dealing with this right, its taking too much out of my life, it’s wrong and I have to find a better way”.
I came to realize many things through all this; my brother was
loving and gentle, intelligent and a great sense of humour. I know he prayed, went to “communal confession” and received the Holy Eucharist at Mass. I pray for him and know he prays for me!
My mother’s condition worsened until she could no longer be in her home even tho my daughter, myself, and Council on Aging maxed ourselves out trying. It has been one year since moving her into our home. This summer her other hip broke, back we went for the surgery/hospital, nursing home/rehab, her Alzheimer condition advanced compounded by repeated urinary tract infections. Right at this moment I feel I am okay with all of it, the love and caring her soul is full of has been given to me and its priceless. When I get tired and frustrated I will hold onto that but found I have to pray and talk to Our Lord or I am lost. Why would that surprise me? Duh!
Early Alzheimer dementia came on slowly, then it takes a leap and levels at that, then another leap. Mom is in what is called third stage now and I can still talk with her “in the moment” for the tasks of changing, bathroom, dressing, eating, pleasantries. She is chair/bed bound except for feeble trips into the bathroom that will probably be the next to go. One day at a time.
As you need to continue working maybe you could consider daycare for your Mom since she is in the early stages? Try Council on Aging for extra help - I know its hard to get the parents to accept outside help but you have to take a stand that this is the way its going to be!
conspicuous by their absence.His sudden death by heart attack was actually a relief to me, as I was at the end of my ability to deal with him.