Catch 22 - what to do?

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ActusNonVerbum

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I am in a Catch 22 and I feel saddened that I am in this position. After a series of events I was told that I am living in mortal sin every day because of my marriage. I was told that I should not receive Communion. I have started the annulment process, which can take 12-18 months.

I was separated and divorced from my last wife after only 2 years of marriage. I remarried 7 years ago. I have a child that is sweet and wonderful.

From what I understand, I am committing adultery every time my wife and I strengthen our marital bond… However by that by logic there is no martial bond because I am committing adultery. And the only way that I can receive Communion is to live a temporary life of Chastity after I go to confession until the annulment happens.

I examine my conscience and I do not see how I am in a state of Mortal Danger I go to confession once a month.

After many years of waiting for my wife to convert she has started the process.

I am very truly sure that the ultimate outcome of the tribunal process will be an annulment of my former marriage. It did miss 50% of the elements that were required for it to be a valid marriage. And my current marriage will be convalidated.

To top it off we want to try to have one last child before she turned 42. If my logic is correct our obedience will remove that plan ☺️.

I am confused and sadden. Someone please shed some light on the appropriate way I can participate in the Eucharist and still keep a happy marriage. I am not stating that they are exclusive but the application of the Eucharist in my life would exclude marital bonding in my wife’s life and mine. If she is not OK with me living a chastised life then I need guidance on that also.
 
ActusNonVerbum said:
Someone please shed some light on the appropriate way I can participate in the Eucharist and still keep a happy marriage.
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Spiritually.

Think about it, you are in an awfully difficult situation that’s not really your fault, but there needs to be clarity Read Mark 10, especially Verse 9.

It would surely mean more to God that you refrained from the blessed Sacrament and longed for it rather than received it knowing you were going against the clear and fundamental teachings of Christ and His Church on marriage??
 
ActusNonVerbum said:
I am in a Catch 22 and I feel saddened that I am in this position. After a series of events I was told that I am living in mortal sin every day because of my marriage. I was told that I should not receive Communion. I have started the annulment process, which can take 12-18 months.

I
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a lot of key information is missing, the first item of which is “who told you this, in what context, and through what authority?” This counsel should come from a priest with whom you have shared the entire situation and your marital history and that of your spouse, and who will give you the pastoral care you need in correcting the situation, and on how to conduct yourself in the meantime.

Those details are not likely to lead to any helpful discussion here, so your pertinent questions, including the complete explanation of the Church teaching involved, which is your right to know, should come from your priest. Yes we can and probably will state the objective Church teaching, but nobody here is competent to tell you what to do in in your personal situation.

The objective answer is that a CAtholic currently in an invalid marriage may confess and receive holy communion if he and his spouse are willing to refrain from the marital embrace until such time as the marriage situation is resolved. If they are living as man and wife in the fullest sense, then the Catholic may not participate in the sacraments until that time. How this applies to you is a question for your priest. I hope he has told you it is not necessary for your wife to become Catholic in order to convalidate your wedding, but it is necessary to assure that you are both free to marry, and that any prior bond was in fact invalid. That is established through a due process canon law investigation commonly called “annulment”. I am not clear if you have already started this process, but if you have unanswered questions about it you have the right to get answers, so again, see your priest or the tribunal advocate assigned to you.

Please visit your priest today, and hopefully you will find as most people do that these situations are usually much easier to resolve than the appear at first glance. It still sounds like he has not given you all the information you need so keep asking questions.
 
That is why I posted here. I have been trying to get a meeting with a priest but they are oversubscribed.

I guess I have to be still and patient until he can contact me.

Thank you.
 
the next time you call, tell whoever answers the phone you need to speak to the priest about an urgent pastoral matter. The secretary does not need to know the details, only the urgency. Keep praying.
 
You can make an act of Spiritual Communion. Here is an example:

My Jesus, I believe that You are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
Code: 
I love You above all things, and I desire to receive You into my soul.

Since I cannot at this moment receive You sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart. I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You. Never permit me to be separated from You. Amen.
 
I examine my conscience and I do not see how I am in a state of Mortal Danger I go to confession once a month.

That is why we have the magisterium .

We must inform our conscience , not have our conscience inform us . I think you are possibly thinking of conviction ?

I am so sorry you are in this fix . 😦 There are many others out there who are or have been here …Trust to the Lord with your plans for another child and obey the Church , you will be blessed for it .👍
Keep the intimacy in your marriage by spending time looking at eachother as you speak . Dont stop talking of your dreams together. Continue to do household projects together …
the hardest part I would suggest and the one you will NOT want to do … you might benefit from talking about what you would do if the annulment does not go through . :confused:😦 I know it hurts and I know you dont even want to go there . Having been there as the newly converting wife , the annulment process was agonizing . :eek: We could hardly look at what we would do if it was not granted . I am praying for you , keep your eyes on the prize lovey . many hugs to you . Debbie
 
You need the advice of a good, solid Priest. According to Google Maps you’re only 12 minutes away from an apostolate of the Fraternity of St. Peter (FSSP):

Saint Benedict’s Chapel
stbenedictschapel.org/
521 McCosh Drive
Chesapeake, Virginia 23320

757-382-0471 or (757-543-0561)
Fr. Nichols / Fr. Byrne

Give them a call immediately - they’ll be more than happy to help you with your dilemma! Plus they have daily Mass and confession there all in the traditional Catholic rites!
 
Thank you everyone for your responses.

I know now that I was ignorant of the situation from day zero. I think this ignorance was used to usher me to a place that I am now. Which in light of the situation has taught me a lot about the importance of the role of the Church in Marriage and what we have been commanded.

After doing research and most importantly praying I have realized that I am in a state of mortal sin. Canon Law is very clear and concise on this subject. There is not ambiguity on the meaning of the words that are spoke and written on this subject.

I have started the annulment process and I am gathering paper work. I must abstain from the physical Eucharist. I must abstain from Marital Relations. I must continue to participate in Mass and I need to live in the confessional( but, then again we all do☺).

Even considering that there is a high degree of probability there will be an Ex Post Facto decisions, the annulment of my previous marriage which will result in remove of adulty from my life and the eventual Sanctification of my current marriage, it is wrong for me to proceed with participation of the Eucharist with the assumption that both will be granted.

This is simply at the core of our Faith. Family and the protection of all components that makes us Family is the first and foremost mission of the Church.

It was hard for me to realize because the world has conditioned use to think of things in a contractual manner. I do however understand now the importance of the Covenantal bond of Family and the gravity of Divorce. These very things that are viewed by non-Catholic as “Legalistic” is the very thing that separates us from other Faiths.

The lack of understanding on the Sacramental aspect of Marriage in people will lead people to not understand other core aspects of our Faith. It is also hard to understand the Sanctity of Life if you do not understand the Sanctity of Marriage for they are one in the same.

Life cannot be created with out the combining of flesh (even in the test tube). Today the combination of flesh happens out of the Sacramental Bonds of Marriage. As a direct result there has been many children murdered.

I have known this for a long time, but the lack of the application of the knowledge I had illustrates the point: “ Knowing and not doing, is not really knowing”

Understanding that I must defend the Faith even from my own actions and is something that I must dedicate myself to and commit to our Lord Jesus Christ.

I told my wife the situation and explained that we will be blessed and in accordance with Gods Law if we abstain from relations. I explained to her that I am committed to her and Love Her and this is the very reason that we must abstain until we get the annulment and the Church recognizes our Marriage.

She agreed.

I will be meeting with my Parish Priest when he is back from being out of town.
 
ActusNonVerbum said:
T
I have started the annulment process and I am gathering paper work. I must abstain from the physical Eucharist. I must abstain from Marital Relations. I must continue to participate in Mass and I need to live in the confessional( but, then again we all do☺).
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I’m pretty sure that, after you have been to Confession, you will be able to physically receive the Eucharist, if you are abstaining from marital relations. Your priest will be able to tell you about this when you talk to him.

However the details work out, this will be a difficult time for you. I have heard from others who have been through similar situations that, in the long run, they found it a great blessing.
 
ActusNonVerbum said:
Thank you everyone for your responses.

I know now that I was ignorant of the situation from day zero. I think this ignorance was used to usher me to a place that I am now. Which in light of the situation has taught me a lot about the importance of the role of the Church in Marriage and what we have been commanded.

After doing research and most importantly praying I have realized that I am in a state of mortal sin. Canon Law is very clear and concise on this subject. There is not ambiguity on the meaning of the words that are spoke and written on this subject.

I have started the annulment process and I am gathering paper work. I must abstain from the physical Eucharist. I must abstain from Marital Relations. I must continue to participate in Mass and I need to live in the confessional( but, then again we all do☺).

Even considering that there is a high degree of probability there will be an Ex Post Facto decisions, the annulment of my previous marriage which will result in remove of adulty from my life and the eventual Sanctification of my current marriage, it is wrong for me to proceed with participation of the Eucharist with the assumption that both will be granted.

This is simply at the core of our Faith. Family and the protection of all components that makes us Family is the first and foremost mission of the Church.

It was hard for me to realize because the world has conditioned use to think of things in a contractual manner. I do however understand now the importance of the Covenantal bond of Family and the gravity of Divorce. These very things that are viewed by non-Catholic as “Legalistic” is the very thing that separates us from other Faiths.

The lack of understanding on the Sacramental aspect of Marriage in people will lead people to not understand other core aspects of our Faith. It is also hard to understand the Sanctity of Life if you do not understand the Sanctity of Marriage for they are one in the same.

Life cannot be created with out the combining of flesh (even in the test tube). Today the combination of flesh happens out of the Sacramental Bonds of Marriage. As a direct result there has been many children murdered.

I have known this for a long time, but the lack of the application of the knowledge I had illustrates the point: “ Knowing and not doing, is not really knowing”

Understanding that I must defend the Faith even from my own actions and is something that I must dedicate myself to and commit to our Lord Jesus Christ.

I told my wife the situation and explained that we will be blessed and in accordance with Gods Law if we abstain from relations. I explained to her that I am committed to her and Love Her and this is the very reason that we must abstain until we get the annulment and the Church recognizes our Marriage.

She agreed.

I will be meeting with my Parish Priest when he is back from being out of town.
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What an awesome realization! I was grinning from ear to ear while reading this post. You are a shining example of a great Catholic. I can’t imagine how difficult this process has been for you and your wife, and to hear that you are going to take the right path, when so many others would just leave, is a true testament to your faith.

Thank you for sharing this with us. It has already strengthened me! I will pray for you daily!
 
damooster said:
What an awesome realization! I was grinning from ear to ear while reading this post. You are a shining example of a great Catholic. I can’t imagine how difficult this process has been for you and your wife, and to hear that you are going to take the right path, when so many others would just leave, is a true testament to your faith.

Thank you for sharing this with us. It has already strengthened me! I will pray for you daily!
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DITTO !! great news , great witness , will have lasting and far reaching results for our whole family !! yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
praying for you !👍
 
I will update the post with the progress of the situation when a status change has ocurred.

Pray for my wife and I.
 
you have our prayers and I am sure all the prayers of those who did not post as well ! What inspiration you have wrought ! 👍
 
We have a similar problem in our family. Remember, every time you and your loved one have relations, that is a mortal sin. Surly, abstaining until such time as you are united under God is a small price to pay for not risking hell. This will be difficult. You can offer up this suffering for God to give you graces to get through this. If you decide not to abstain, you can still attend Mass, you cannot however receive Communion. As I see it, you don’t need a priest to tell you this, you just need someone who knows this stuff. Please don’t keep asking and asking until you find a priest who will look the other way. That puts yours, your wife’s and that priest’s soul in jeopardy.

Annie
 
Annie39 said:
As I see it, you don’t need a priest to tell you this, you just need someone who knows this stuff. Please don’t keep asking and asking until you find a priest who will look the other way.
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He really doesn’t sound like the sort of person who would “priest-shop”. I don’t think this is an issue. And he should talk to a priest. There are a lot of factors to consider in this kind of situation and sometimes pastoral judgments need to made.
 
Annie39 said:
We have a similar problem in our family. Remember, every time you and your loved one have relations, that is a mortal sin. Surly, abstaining until such time as you are united under God is a small price to pay for not risking hell. This will be difficult. You can offer up this suffering for God to give you graces to get through this. If you decide not to abstain, you can still attend Mass, you cannot however receive Communion. As I see it, you don’t need a priest to tell you this, you just need someone who knows this stuff. Please don’t keep asking and asking until you find a priest who will look the other way. That puts yours, your wife’s and that priest’s soul in jeopardy.

Annie
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I say this with love and I appreciate your concern.

The concept of Priest-Shopping implies that one can barter and bend GOD to meet your needs. To indulge that concept for a second the purpose of finding a Priest that will absolve you is so you can, as implied, be absolved. The only way that can occur is if there is a valid confession. Reference The Catechism (1430).

Based on the concept and twisted logic of “Priest-Shopping” one could never receive a valid absolution. The Priest is the instrument of GOD; Thus GOD and the individual “shopping” are the ones who have to agree that a valid confession took place not the Priest. The concept of Priest shopping is contrary in spirit to Catechism (1441)
I reject that concept of Priest Shopping all together.
 
ActusNonVerbum said:
I will update the post with the progress of the situation when a status change has ocurred.

Pray for my wife and I.
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After talking with the Priest and performing additional research here are my findings on the subject of the participation of the Sacrament of Eucharist after absolution from adultery. This is purely in reference to my situation, which unfolded at the start of this thread which in brief is: Having relations with my Civilly Married Wife, an not having an annulment from a previous marriage, is adultery.

I believe my findings are correct, but several days ago I thought I was not living in sin too. So take this with a grain of salt, and validate for yourself. Mark 10 did a wondrous job of providing revelation.

Just to be clear adultery is the most critical and mortally wounding aspect of this whole thread. If one abstains from relations one is no longer committing adultery by that specific act.

After one has confessed the mortal sin of adultery and the confession is true and valid according to Cannon Law then one is free to participate in the Eucharist after the Penance has be fulfilled.

The Catechism states (1422):“Those who approach the sacrament of Penance obtain a pardon from God’s Mercy for the offense committed against him, and are, at the same time, reconciled with the Church which they have wounded by their sins and which by charity, by example, and by prayer labors for their conversion.”

However there is a very critical aspect of this that needs to be clearly examined.

If the intent is to go to confession before Mass every week so you can participate in the Eucharist and the intent is to have relations knowing that one can go to confession then it is possible that one never leaves the state of mortal sin because the intent is to commit adultery again.

The reasoning is that a person can still remain in a state of mortal sin after a Confession takes place because a confession was not valid. Thus the person should abstain from the Eucharist.

The Catechism (1430): “Jesus’ call to conversion and penance, like that of the prophets before him, does not aim first at the outward works, “sack-cloth and ashes,” fasting and mortification, but at the conversion of the heart, interior conversion. With out this such penance remain sterile and false…”

If after an examination of conscience one feels that one still should not participate in the Eucharist one should consult a Priest to get further discernment of their specific situation.

The ability for me to participate in the Eucharist with a clear conscience is to remain out of a state of adultery and to remain faithful to GOD.

I know we are less than a week into this, but the very cool aspect of all this is I will have a chance to court my “girlfriend” again. It is actually kind of exciting.

In order to not have to keep my Civil wife my “Girlfriend” there has to be action to make this situation whole. Just because the sin has been forgiven my wife and I for that matter do not want to stay in the current state that we are in.

The Catechism specifically talks about this(1459): “ …. Absolution takes away sin, but it does not remedy all the disorders sin has caused. … the sinner must still recover his full spiritual health by doing something more to make amends…”

My Civil Wife and I are requesting the annulment and offering up our newly found chastity to HIM.

Will update this thread on the next status change.

Keep us in your Prayers.
 
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