Catechumen! I Should Be Happy

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Hi,

Update: I survived the Rite of Acceptance!

I was nervous all last week. But thanks to my very supportive sponsor, I was able to take this big step - without tripping or fainting or backing out. Of course, I knew backing out was not an option. I know this is the correct path for me to be on. Happiness filled my soul all during Mass. And I related clearly to the reading from Revelations particularly:

"I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,

“Behold, God’s dwelling is with the human race.

He will dwell with them and they will be his people

and God himself will always be with them as their God.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes,"

Conversion is touching every aspect of my life. And I’m learning a lot as I face each new difficulty. On Saturday night Christ dried my tears and gave me peace. So I understood a little bit what this scripture meant.

The first time I spoke with our priest I told him I had not (at the time) made a firm decision as to which church to join - yesterday following Mass I said to him, “As you know - I’ve made a decision.” He smiled at that and then I told him I understood what he talked about the homily about God wiping away every tear.

But the tears have come back. And although I feel strengthened by Christ and unbroken, I am so very sad. I should be happy.

I spent some time yesterday afternoon with someone and it feels like I’m losing him (I do not know why except to say the spark is gone), I lost another friend recently - and in a sense I am losing a boatload of friends because most of the people I know and have associated with through all of my adult life are Mormons. Those that know about my conversion are trying to convert me back. God knows they will not succeed. I have chosen not to tell the others because it’s been so hard dealing with those I have told - and so what I am finding is that because my whole life is caught up in my conversion (and work, that’s the only other thing in my life), that I have nothing to talk with them about. One friend asked me last week if I was ok. I said I was. She knew better. But I can’t tell her I’m having trouble finding things to talk about with my (Mormon) friends because all they talk about is church, family (which I don’t have), and church related activities. Their lives are wrapped up in their church. I suppose at present, so is mine. But I can’t tell this woman I’m converting to Catholicism. She’d lose a gasket

So I am very lonely. This is all very difficult. I should be happy but I’m losing so much. I talked with a life-long friend (the only Catholic I’ve known nearly all my life) last night. They had 12 people go through the Rite of Acceptance in her parish in California yesterday! Anyway, she said I should be happy right now. I talked about this crazy relationship which is - I don’t know what it’s ever been - but we talked about my other friends too and the reaction I’ve received - she suggested over and over that I should talk to a priest. I only know one priest. What’s he going to think if I start talking and start crying? What about that homily?

My Catholic friend told me that God moves us in a straight paths with a lot of zig-zags along the way. The man I mentioned is a giant zig-zag. He inspired me to look at the Catholic Church. And he touched me to my very soul in other ways as well. I surprisingly allowed myself to become vulnerable to him and now it feels like my heart is wanting to shatter but Christ is holding it together for me.

I am just having so many difficult feelings at once I don’t know how to handle them.

What can be done to ease all of this hurt?

On a happy note, RCIA classes (no longer meetings) begin this week. I am looking forward to them.

Hope
 
T_Hope said:
So I am very lonely. This is all very difficult. I should be happy but I’m losing so much. I talked with a life-long friend (the only Catholic I’ve known nearly all my life) last night. They had 12 people go through the Rite of Acceptance in her parish in California yesterday! Anyway, she said I should be happy right now.
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I’m really sorry to hear of the suffering you are going through and I will pray for you.

But the paragraph above stood out to me and I felt I had to contradict it.

Emotions are never a good gauge of whether things are going all right. There is no “you should be happy.” Do not add guilt and/or worry about not feeling happy to all of the other sad emotions that you are (very reasonably) having.

If emotions were completely ruled by the intellect, we would never be unhappy at the death of a holy person. And you would be happy because the great gift of the fullness of the Faith is more important than any friendship that would be shattered by you following Christ. Also no Christian would ever be lonely, because God is with us–what more could we ask? And nobody would ever fall in love with anyone unsuitable. And nobody would get mad, even for an instant, over something that was an accident. And so on.

However, since we were all born after the Fall, that’s just not what happens. It is perfectly reasonable to be sad because you are lonely, and because people you have been friends with are turning out not to be friends anymore because you only had one thing in common with them. I don’t know, but it seems possible that it’s not just the loss of the friendships, and the uncertainty of the future of your personal relationships, but also that this may be showing you some things about the way your friendships were before that you never realized. This would mean that you have an uncertain future (who is your next set of friends going to be? How long will it be before you meet them?), and sad present, you also have a bit of disillusionment about your past (were these people friends of mine really, or were they just people I talked about church with?). No wonder you are sad!

However, it is totally OK to ask God to lift the sadness from you and to make His presence more strongly felt. And be assured that if He does not, it is not because He is not listening or doesn’t care, but because He knows more about what is good for you than you do, and he is allowing you to go through this period of suffering for some reason that is for your own good.

Also I have found that the Rosary is helpful when my emotions are getting the better of me–you may want to try praying it more often.

God bless you!

–Jen
 
Congratulations! And, take heart! The Lord is leading you along the path to eternal life in His Kingdom. What me must avoid at this point, and what naturally occurs to us, is to look back. Our lives are a journey, a process, in which we progress ever nearer our Lord. The lives of your friends are also a process, and so the Lord has placed you among them to lead them closer to Him. You have discovered the fulness of truth but, as with all of us, do not yet possess complete understanding. Have faith and the Lord will grant you understanding in His own time.

Jesus said that no one who puts hand to plow and looks back is worthy of the Father’s Kingdom. And, sad as it may seem, this remains absolutely true. What you might perceive as “losing” some of those around you is what the Lord can turn into a great blessing. Your inner joy upon discovering the completeness of God’s revelation will shine forth like a lamp on a lamp stand. Those who see this, and who know you, cannot help but ponder the very nature of your conversion.

God, Who created your heart, knows also what you are experiencing at all points in your life. He is with you and has provided you with your sponsor, your Priest, and us, your brothers and sisters, to encourage you on your way. Rest assured that the sign of the true faith is that which is difficult and time-consuming to join, and easy to leave. This is written of in John 6, the Bread of life discourse.

The sign of that which is not true is a faith which is easy to join and difficult to leave. You have received inspiration directly from God and have chosen wisely. You are now called to lead others to the fulness of redemption through our risen Lord Jesus Christ. God is blessing you on your journey.

Christ’s peace be with you.
 
Hi and Welcome!
Becoming a Catholic, to me, is a very joyful experience filled with mixed emotions.

I have been a Christian for 3 years and a Cathtolic for 2.

There is a kind of prayer to God that is tear filled. There are different types of prayer.

I am also one of those who is moved to tears often durng worship and even in bible study and in private prayer.

Everybody prays differently and many cradle Catholics respond differently as well.

In my experience, being Catholic also means penance, judgment, correction, contrition, the joy of being forgiven and loved. It is the total package. Sometimes it is hard to accept correction and purification, however, God gives us this opportunity to enjoy His mercy and love in many forms. It is merciful to correct and admonish the sinners and we are all sinners.

Unlike some other faiths, as Catholics we are blessed to be recognized and God helps us to carry our cross. He helps us carry the burden which may be otherwise too great for us. Jesus stumbled under the weight of His cross but He helps us carry ours because He knows what it is like and He loves us.

It is important to me to be purified as much as possible before I leave this life and if is means suffering a little more that’s fine. It just means to me that I will be that much closer to God when I go.

Be happy and trust in God no matter what happens in this world. There are many who suffer much more than I and I try to keep those people in mind when things become hard for me. There is always someone who suffers more.

God Bless and enjoy God’s goodness.👍
 
I will pray for you!!! My main exhortation is just to keep up with your prayer life, pray fervently!! Have they covered the Rosary yet? It’s my personal fav!
 
From another thread, he is a quote from one of the spiritual giants:

***"The Everlasting God has in His wisdom foreseen from eternity the cross He now presents to you as a gift from His inmost Heart.

This cross He now sends you He has considered with His all-knowing eyes, understood with His divine mind, tested with His wise justice, warmed with loving arms and weighed with His own Hands, to see that it be not one inch too large and not one once too heavy for you.

He has blessed it with His Holy Name, anointed it with His grace, perfumed it with His consolation, taken one last glance at you and your courage, and then sent it to you from heaven, a special greeting from God to you, an alms of the all-merciful love of God."

-St. Francis de Sales ***
 
I’d like to give you a big hug and also share some of my middle-aged woman motherly advice.

This is a change and a transition . . . and all changes and transitions have their bewildering moments . . . . moments when you’re 100 % sure and happy and other moments when you’re wondering what you got yourself into. This is no different.

If you moved to another city and took a new job, there would be time when you’d be thrilled and other times when you’d be scared out of your wits. Think of this as a similar situation, plus it carries the added extra “oomph” of being a spiritual transition as well. In a new city, you’d have to make new friends and you’d see new, strange things every day. Nothing would look familiar at first. Then, gradually, you would make new friends and see familiar surroundings and then eventually you’d start to feel comfortable in your new city, and living your new life. And a while after that, it will feel like home to you.
 
T_Hope said:
Hi,

Update: I survived the Rite of Acceptance!

I was nervous all last week. But thanks to my very supportive sponsor, I was able to take this big step - without tripping or fainting or backing out. Of course, I knew backing out was not an option. I know this is the correct path for me to be on. Happiness filled my soul all during Mass. And I related clearly to the reading from Revelations particularly:

"I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,

“Behold, God’s dwelling is with the human race.

He will dwell with them and they will be his people

and God himself will always be with them as their God.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes,"

Conversion is touching every aspect of my life. And I’m learning a lot as I face each new difficulty. On Saturday night Christ dried my tears and gave me peace. So I understood a little bit what this scripture meant.

The first time I spoke with our priest I told him I had not (at the time) made a firm decision as to which church to join - yesterday following Mass I said to him, “As you know - I’ve made a decision.” He smiled at that and then I told him I understood what he talked about the homily about God wiping away every tear.

But the tears have come back. And although I feel strengthened by Christ and unbroken, I am so very sad. I should be happy.

I spent some time yesterday afternoon with someone and it feels like I’m losing him (I do not know why except to say the spark is gone), I lost another friend recently - and in a sense I am losing a boatload of friends because most of the people I know and have associated with through all of my adult life are Mormons. Those that know about my conversion are trying to convert me back. God knows they will not succeed. I have chosen not to tell the others because it’s been so hard dealing with those I have told - and so what I am finding is that because my whole life is caught up in my conversion (and work, that’s the only other thing in my life), that I have nothing to talk with them about. One friend asked me last week if I was ok. I said I was. She knew better. But I can’t tell her I’m having trouble finding things to talk about with my (Mormon) friends because all they talk about is church, family (which I don’t have), and church related activities. Their lives are wrapped up in their church. I suppose at present, so is mine. But I can’t tell this woman I’m converting to Catholicism. She’d lose a gasket

So I am very lonely. This is all very difficult. I should be happy but I’m losing so much. I talked with a life-long friend (the only Catholic I’ve known nearly all my life) last night. They had 12 people go through the Rite of Acceptance in her parish in California yesterday! Anyway, she said I should be happy right now. I talked about this crazy relationship which is - I don’t know what it’s ever been - but we talked about my other friends too and the reaction I’ve received - she suggested over and over that I should talk to a priest. I only know one priest. What’s he going to think if I start talking and start crying? What about that homily?

My Catholic friend told me that God moves us in a straight paths with a lot of zig-zags along the way. The man I mentioned is a giant zig-zag. He inspired me to look at the Catholic Church. And he touched me to my very soul in other ways as well. I surprisingly allowed myself to become vulnerable to him and now it feels like my heart is wanting to shatter but Christ is holding it together for me.

I am just having so many difficult feelings at once I don’t know how to handle them.

What can be done to ease all of this hurt?

On a happy note, RCIA classes (no longer meetings) begin this week. I am looking forward to them.

Hope
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Yes, your relationships are going to change, and for a period of time, probably about six months, you are going to be completely alone, except for Jesus. Which means, Go to Adoration, every day if you can, and spend time with Jesus. He will walk you through this valley of loneliness.

When you come up out the other side of it, you will find that you have a whole new set of loving Catholic friends, and you will see the truth of Jesus’ promise - for your father, I will give you many fathers, and for your mother, I will give you many mothers, and as for brothers and sisters, you will not be able to count them all. 🙂
 
I hear you, Hope, and be sure that everyone in this forum is reaching out to you and to God for you. In situations where you must leave behind what you knew to seek your faith, this is commanded to us by Christ, even if it is one of the hardest things He tells us to do.

As others have said, praying the Rosary is a miracle-worker; it never fails to get you calm and meditative, which is indeed its purpose. As we pray, we invite God into our presence, and there is not one thing our Father cannot fix for us if we allow Him to work within us. Be assured that Jesus never ceases to knock, except when we let Him into our hearts. 🙂 You always have three Persons ready and raring to help, and also you cannot forget your guardian angel who is specially assigned to you and who helps protect you.

Prayers of intercession, as I believe have been mentioned before, also give us just more supporters and advocates in our struggles.

In short, you have an army who is chomping at the bit to help; all you have to do is say the word. 👍
 
Thanks to all of you for posting. I appreciate your prayers and being able to find comfort from your insights, some of which are new to me.

The Rosary especially brings me comfort. I also went to Mass on Monday evening and received answer to prayer.

I just can’t seem to hold onto those feelings of peace that come -

Anyway, today I am feeling how really small I truly am. Not unimportant or un-useful, but small. Lacking understanding. Lacking the inner resources to offer what other people need, particularly the one man I mentioned. I feel empty.

But I wanted to say thanks for your support. I am looking forward to a better day. It will come.

Hope
 
Dear Hope,

I will keep you in my prayers. You are going through a huge spiritual transformation that also brings life transformation and I think it is totally “normal” to be feeling the emotions you have right now. I suggest spending time in Adoration if a Church near you has it. Spending time with Jesus, present in the Eucharist, always makes me feel so less alone because it is a physical reminder that Jesus is right here with me. It is very powerful. If you have the opportunity, it might also be helpful to try to attend daily Mass in the morning before work. Volunteering might be another way to have a new activity that is not associated with work or with your Mormon friends.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
Maria1212 said:
Dear Hope,

I will keep you in my prayers. You are going through a huge spiritual transformation that also brings life transformation and I think it is totally “normal” to be feeling the emotions you have right now. I suggest spending time in Adoration if a Church near you has it. Spending time with Jesus, present in the Eucharist, always makes me feel so less alone because it is a physical reminder that Jesus is right here with me. It is very powerful. If you have the opportunity, it might also be helpful to try to attend daily Mass in the morning before work. Volunteering might be another way to have a new activity that is not associated with work or with your Mormon friends.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
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Thank you, Maria. This evening is our first RCIA “class” so I am planning to go early and spend time in Adoration before Mass. I may remain in the cathedral and just read or pray between Mass and RCIA.

I’m beginning to understand the reason for the length of the RCIA process. I don’t think it’s just about “book learning” what the Catholic Church teaches. It seems to be more about this transformation of my life that you and others have written about. It is like there is so much wrong (not necessarily bad, just wrong) stuff in me (ideas, perspectives, etc.) that needs to be cleared out and I need to be scrubbed clean to make room for the right stuff. This morning I am willing to allow that to begin happening. And I am praying for patience and for Christ’s strength to help me through because it is apparent this won’t be without a fair bit of hurting. I’ve always liked my (middle) name, Hope. Today I am so grateful my parents gave it to me. It’s like a little innate courage to help me on my journey.

Hope
 
Hi Hope,

Welcome home! I was just initiated into Catholic church this Easter Vigil. I’m a shy girl, especially in front of a lot of unfamiliar people. But thank God that I finally could went through the Rite of Election and the three scrutinies. On Easter Vigil, I’m the only person baptized in our local chapel. I feel very nervous but I know that Jesus is with me and I should not be afraid. Peace and joy filled my heart after the sacraments. However, I’m aware that RCIA and initial sacraments are just end of beginning, there’s a long way for us to go in the future and we should persevere with our Faith forever and ever.
 
sophie_rz said:
Hi Hope,

Welcome home! I was just initiated into Catholic church this Easter Vigil. I’m a shy girl, especially in front of a lot of unfamiliar people. But thank God that I finally could went through the Rite of Election and the three scrutinies. On Easter Vigil, I’m the only person baptized in our local chapel. I feel very nervous but I know that Jesus is with me and I should not be afraid. Peace and joy filled my heart after the sacraments. However, I’m aware that RCIA and initial sacraments are just end of beginning, there’s a long way for us to go in the future and we should persevere with our Faith forever and ever.
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Welcome home both to you and (soon) to T_Hope. Know that you are part of the largest family on earth, and that you will be among brothers and sister on every continent. You may attend mass in basically every nation on earth. Amen!
 
The loss of those who used to be your friends is a natural cause for a period of grieving. When someone close to us dies and we have confidence they are probably in heaven, something which should make us happy, we still miss them and go through a period of grieving. That applies to almost any normal person who suffers a loss, whether it be a relationship that is lost or a past life style that was comfortable, maybe even a drastic change in our ordinary daily schedule, a schedule that perhaps was as comfortable as an old shoe. It is normal to swing back and forth for awhile when change overtakes us. I am an old timer and I still grieve the loss of my youthful strength and agility despite the fact that I still have many friends of all ages and receive lots of appreciation for my learning and wisdom which ordinarily reaches its maximum with aging. I will say a prayer for you this evening. I am joyful that you have found the Faith and Church that Jesus gave us. 🙂
 
Happy Friday!!

RCIA was AMAZING! Our instructor is inspiring. He gave us an overview of scripture last night. I’ve studied the Old Testament before, in fact, at BYU, but what I learned last night was new to me - we talked about the authorship of scripture and reasons for some of the writings in their original historical settings - both religious and I’d say political too. Born into a Jewish family but raised without religious training, I was most interested in what I was hearing. And it clarified some of the misconceptions I had been “taught” during my years as a Mormon. Mormons believe they have more in comming with the Jewish people than any other religion - really? LOL One of the first things I noticed during the first Mass I attended was how FAMILIAR it was to me. I suppose that could be talked about someplace else - another thread maybe.

Anyway, I left our cathedral happy last night and not just because of the experiences I had at church, but also because I was still awake at the end of a long day - healthy enough to attend RCIA.

See, just before Christmas, while swimming, my body gave out - and I dismissed it. That whole story is a long one, but last night I recognized the significant effort God went to in order that I would finally get to a doctor. Took three tries - (I suppose I was a bit stubborn about going to the doctor). Some few months after starting thyroid medication, I had to return to the doctor for a second blood test to see how it was working (good, btw), and that was just a week after I had come upon the Stations of the Cross as an introduction to the Catholic faith - SO on my way back from the doctor’s office I stopped in at the Cathedral just because it was down the street in the right direction that I was walking and I wanted to see the stations. I had no idea then what God had planned for me. But that visit was so moving that I decided to attend Mass the following Sunday.

I don’t know when I would have wandered into the Cathedral if I hadn’t been to the doctor’s office.

I realized last night that a lot of things have happened for a reason in my life, particularly in the last year in answer to prayer. So why should I be the least bit worried about losing friends? Or even about the possibility of losing someone I want to be with? God has a plan for me. I asked Him for help. And He answered. I need to learn to recognize His voice and follow (maybe He won’t have to tell me three times to do something the next time … ).

I feel only gratitude today. I hope the feeling will linger. I wish I could tell that dear man I love about last night. But it is time to let him decide if he wants me in his life. I have to wait and be patient. And while I wait, I have so much to learn. And new friends to discover!

:yup:

It’s good to be home!

Hope
 
sophie_rz said:
Hi Hope,

Welcome home! I was just initiated into Catholic church this Easter Vigil. I’m a shy girl, especially in front of a lot of unfamiliar people. But thank God that I finally could went through the Rite of Election and the three scrutinies. On Easter Vigil, I’m the only person baptized in our local chapel. I feel very nervous but I know that Jesus is with me and I should not be afraid. Peace and joy filled my heart after the sacraments. However, I’m aware that RCIA and initial sacraments are just end of beginning, there’s a long way for us to go in the future and we should persevere with our Faith forever and ever.
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Welcome Home, Sophie!!

Wow, you were the only one baptized at the Easter Vigil? I’m sure my knees would have given out. I had a tough time standing strong through the Rite of Acceptance, but it was made easier because there were 10 other people there with me.

I do suppose you are correct, that this is just the beginning of the beginning and next year will only be the end of the beginning.

May the Lord help us both on our journey!

Hope
 
Praise God that you have a solid RCIA instructor! As to the series of events that lead to your attending mass, the Lord certainly does arrange things for you. All He is waiting for is your “yes”. Here is an inspiring thread involving someone else of Jewish blood also called to mass:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?p=5122348#post5122348

God’s ways are so far above our ways as the heavens are above the earth. Amen!
 
T_Hope said:
On a happy note, RCIA classes (no longer meetings) begin this week. I am looking forward to them.

Hope
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Congratulations on your starting RCIA. Many of us, even cradle Catholics have lost friends (and family) because of our loyalty to God and his Church. Take courage and God will assist you.
 
Dear Hope,

I know it is very scary but please do not worry. If the man in your life is the one God wants you to be with, the guy will come through and he will be with you and will love you as you are, for all that you are. If he is not the one for you, please know it is because God has something even more special planned for you.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
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